Need Advice ASAP
alerica1
Posts: 310 Member
So, I joined this Cupid website last week. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys but this one has made me weak in the knees. The problem is I sometimes can't see the forrest for the trees. For the last 2 nights we have instant messaged for a minimum of 2 hours at a time. He's been divorced since 2006, has 2 daughters that he has custody of....he owns his own business, seems to be well-balanced. He says all the right things. I've even re-read our instant messages and still can't see anything that scares me. Please tell me what I should be looking for????
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Replies
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Here is my profile http://www.okcupid.com/profile.....my user name is ckj09160
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Why are you looking to find things that scare you?0
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Its my MO....I've been hurt and lied to and cheated on and beat on that I always figure there's something wrong. He seems to good to be true.0
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Until you meet in person don`t take either to an extreme.
You have to see if the real life person matches the one you are falling for in your mind.
That is when you weigh his character/behavior/personality against your ideals.0 -
You should be looking for a way to relax and enjoy yourself instead of a way to sabotage something that could be very good.0
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Before you get all caught up in the "text message relationship". Meet him. See if there's chemistry. Then over analyze.0
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No one is "TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE". Trust me. It's just finding the one you can stand. Everyone has things...0
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Only you know what you want, but you should meet this guy in person first in a safe, public place as is usually protocol with online dating.0
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Don't look for the bad, and believe in the good, until you are proven wrong.
But, that said, don't get too invested in the "online relationship".....meet him and then go from there0 -
If you go looking for bad qualities or a reason to not develop anything further with him..you will definitely find it, or create in in your own mind. He isn't going to be perfect and you will come across something you don't like at some point. When you do, you can ask yourself if it is a deal breaker or not.. and give some consious thought and evaluation to it. The same will go for him about you.
Have fun.. just make sure you take it slow and while I personally think it is fine to get swept up in everything - make sure you can emotionally handle the potential of it it working or not working out. Don't give your heart away too soon.. until you really know what kind of man he is.0 -
Dont get excited just yet. Meet in person!!0
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Until you meet in person don`t take either to an extreme.
You have to see if the real life person matches the one you are falling for in your mind.
That is when you weigh his character/behavior/personality against your ideals.
You said it Carl :flowerforyou:
Never, ever, EVER fall for a person online. I know it's easy to do and I've done it myself, but trust me, its all a waste of time if you dont have that spark/gel/chemistry in person! And, unfortunately, people can be very different IRL than they are online, both physically, emotionally and mentally!! :noway:
Oh! And if something seems to good to be true, it probably is!!
My advice is to meet ASAP and take it from there :flowerforyou:0 -
You're all right....I am a hopeless romantic and its easy for me to get wrapped up in someone that makes themself out to be something they aren't. My problem is I'm honest to a fault.....what you see is what you get.0
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Meet him ASAP.0
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Before you get all caught up in the "text message relationship". Meet him. See if there's chemistry. Then over analyze.
True dat.
And don't LOOK for reasons to back off. That will end every relationship you strive to have.0 -
Nobody is perfect (yes, even me haha). You have to understand that you barely know him and he probably has many faults. Just have fun getting to know him quit worrying so much.0
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That all sounds pretty good to me. I think to many women, a man who has custody of his two children might be a negative, so he's not perfect for everyone. The guy I'm dating tomorrow seems to say all the right things too. It doesn't mean he's feeding me lines or particularly smooth - it just means where have very similar values and ideals on a great many things. Could that be what you are also seeing?So, I joined this Cupid website last week. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys but this one has made me weak in the knees. The problem is I sometimes can't see the forrest for the trees. For the last 2 nights we have instant messaged for a minimum of 2 hours at a time. He's been divorced since 2006, has 2 daughters that he has custody of....he owns his own business, seems to be well-balanced. He says all the right things. I've even re-read our instant messages and still can't see anything that scares me. Please tell me what I should be looking for????
I also agree about meeting ASAP and not getting too caught up in the virtual romance. That is too much of your own fantasy filling in the blanks on his personality and presence, and the longer it goes on, the more you might build up to a big disappointment when you finally meet.0 -
That all sounds pretty good to me. I think to many women, a man who has custody of his two children might be a negative, so he's not perfect for everyone. The guy I'm dating tomorrow seems to say all the right things too. It doesn't mean he's feeding me lines or particularly smooth - it just means where have very similar values and ideals on a great many things. Could that be what you are also seeing?So, I joined this Cupid website last week. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys but this one has made me weak in the knees. The problem is I sometimes can't see the forrest for the trees. For the last 2 nights we have instant messaged for a minimum of 2 hours at a time. He's been divorced since 2006, has 2 daughters that he has custody of....he owns his own business, seems to be well-balanced. He says all the right things. I've even re-read our instant messages and still can't see anything that scares me. Please tell me what I should be looking for????
I also agree about meeting ASAP and not getting too caught up in the virtual romance. That is too much of your own fantasy filling in the blanks on his personality and presence, and the longer it goes on, the more you might build up to a big disappointment when you finally meet.
Or refuse to accept the real life person is completely different then the fantasy one and make a huge mistake in pursuing something.0 -
So, I joined this Cupid website last week. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys but this one has made me weak in the knees. The problem is I sometimes can't see the forrest for the trees. For the last 2 nights we have instant messaged for a minimum of 2 hours at a time. He's been divorced since 2006, has 2 daughters that he has custody of....he owns his own business, seems to be well-balanced. He says all the right things. I've even re-read our instant messages and still can't see anything that scares me. Please tell me what I should be looking for????
Just meet him for a drink after work and see if there is any real chemistry. It gets really awkward if you text and talk for hours and then you meet in person and there's zero chemistry and a bunch of long, awkward silences.
He could also look different in person than he does in his pictures. Luckily, most women I've met online have looked very similar to their pictures, but I've heard horror stories.0 -
HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!0
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HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!
Well, at least you found out before you wasted too much time. No reason to give up.0 -
HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!
I yie yie..0 -
Hush with that,use it as a lesson to not swoon over things until you meet a person and they prove it by actions it is deserved.HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!
Yes one can get jaded after bad experiences but you keep your head and you learn.
So no more giving up,you will be better and wiser for this.0 -
Today, I'm grateful that I'm "just" an administrative assistant in a law office.0
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HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!
How did you learn that?0 -
I'm sorry you met someone with bad intentions. There are A LOT of them on there. The second date I went on from POF was either married or living with someone. He wouldn't admit which but tried telling me it was him who should feel bad for his choices, not me, so what's the harm in continuing to see each other... UGH?! WTF? Short of my two week break, I've only been online about 10 weeks total. I haven't really met many people worth talking to on ANY site. I'm not done trying but every day it gets harder to look at the emails from weirdos.
The best thing you can do is RESEARCH your dates. Sounds stalkerish, but if I hadn't done that a month into talking to the guy I mentioned, I would have started to get more emotionally involved. He's the only one I've talked to that I both felt attracted to and could hold a conversation. Hard combination to find, but I've got to hope they're out there. In the mean time, if you want sites to use, let me know by PM... it's scary how much you can find out for FREE :bigsmile:0 -
When I "finally" got his REAL name I was able to find out that every single thing he told me was untrue. He made the mistake of telling me the score of the high school football game he was at last night and that was all it took. I was even able to find a youtube video of him being interviewed about the business he is part owner of.....and he looks absolutely nothing like his profile pic.0
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What a creep! At least you found out before getting emotionally invested.HE'S "F"ING MARRIED!!!!! YES, I'M YELLING THIS! I GIVE UP!!!
Don't give up. Why would you ever let the actions of a slimy jerk dictate how you live your life? That's what you would be doing by giving up. Letting this poor excuse for a man have control over you finding happiness with a good man. That's just not right. Don't you dare do that!0 -
When I "finally" got his REAL name I was able to find out that every single thing he told me was untrue. He made the mistake of telling me the score of the high school football game he was at last night and that was all it took. I was even able to find a youtube video of him being interviewed about the business he is part owner of.....and he looks absolutely nothing like his profile pic.
Dont feel bad, most of us have had similar experiences online. That's why most of us said dont get carried away until you meet :flowerforyou:
It's a crying shame that people need to behave this way, but that's the online beast at its worst. You do get some decent people too!! At least you found out this soon. Well done !! :bigsmile:0 -
People are creeps and can misrepresent themselves online and in real life.0
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