Why did you poof?
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I still maintain that it is not too much to ask for some honesty, clarity and respect.
I guess that's the major difference. I don't think it's dishonest, unclear or disrespectful.
Like you said, different strokes for different folks. Perception is a big deal.0 -
I wonder if this intense connection you feel is scaring off potential suitors the same way it would scare me off? Not saying you’re wrong – you just need to find someone else who is as emotionally connected as you are (which greatly thins your dating pool).
Intense connection? Attachment? As I haven't laid it all out there and you don't know me.. I can see what you might assume by what I have written. I am very warm, open and enjoy connecting.. but I don't actually invest emotionally for quite a long time. I'm sure my enthusiasm for getting to know people might scare off men who don't also operate similarly. But I'm not interested in them generally anyway.
All I am saying is that if I've had 2-3 lengthy dates and/or engaged in the type and length of conversation I usually get to by this point (as I only really "date" people I am confident I may connect with) - I personally think it is rude to not acknowledge the end and/or closure of that. It is just good manners in my opinion.
I'm not crushed if things end prior or at this time as I don't consider myself to be "uber-attached" at that point. But even simply as a personal exercise in bravery and doing the right thing - FOR ME - I think it is important to acknowledge and articulate the end of the situation.
But this is just me. There seems to be a real shortage of truly open individuals (men and women), who aren't scared to jump in and see what happens. Everyone seems to be carrying around so much baggage and fear. Life is too short and I'm not going to be something I'm not- thin dating pool or not.0 -
I try to not poof - but if I do, it is early on when the attachment is minimal.
I will say I had a guy poof on me after a year of being together. That was HORRID - I was heartbroken for what seemed like forever. It was hard because there was no closure on my end.0 -
I have only poofed on 1 guy. Honestly it wa less poofing and more not responding to his texts. He would go weekes without texting and then go text crazy. ANd he was very whinny and sexually preoccupied. And for me to say all he thought about was sex then you know Im not exagerrating..
However my sister got poofed on dirty stlye.
THis guy she had been back and forth with dating and who took her to a wedding (guys dont do this unless your serious about a girl- it confuses them). They had sex a couple of times and then he poofed. And I mean he snuck out of the house while she was sleeping and poofed. He stopped calling , stopped texting and everything. She texted him a couple of time to see if he wanted to hang and he was always busy ... Heres the problem he is the 2nd guy shes ever been with. Needless to say to her all of menkind sucks right now0 -
I poof because it's harder to actually tell someone I'm not interested. It's much easier just to walk away0
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2-3 dates and/or a couple weeks of texting would require some attempt at closure for me. Then again, I don't move slow. Oh well!
This is me too. I don't do "slow"0 -
That's rude, guys. Like get some balls and tell her the girl you don't see a future with her.
I agree. What am I gonna do, cry? If for some insane reason I did, you wouldn't see it. So why not be honorable and just be honest?
I had been poofed on twice, once when dating a guy for about 5 months (I mean, always seeing each other night after night), and then the very next guy poofed after seeing each other for four months. :noway:0 -
That's rude, guys. Like get some balls and tell her the girl you don't see a future with her.
I agree. What am I gonna do, cry? If for some insane reason I did, you wouldn't see it. So why not be honorable and just be honest?
I had been poofed on twice, once when dating a guy for about 5 months (I mean, always seeing each other night after night), and then the very next guy poofed after seeing each other for four months. :noway:
I think we all agree that for any substantial amount of time poofing is awful. The debate is more at the level of not having met yet to 1-3 dates.0 -
That's rude, guys. Like get some balls and tell her the girl you don't see a future with her.
I agree. What am I gonna do, cry? If for some insane reason I did, you wouldn't see it. So why not be honorable and just be honest?
I had been poofed on twice, once when dating a guy for about 5 months (I mean, always seeing each other night after night), and then the very next guy poofed after seeing each other for four months. :noway:
I think we all agree that for any substantial amount of time poofing is awful. The debate is more at the level of not having met yet to 1-3 dates.
I agree. But I still think common courtesy should be used.
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That's rude, guys. Like get some balls and tell her the girl you don't see a future with her.
I agree. What am I gonna do, cry? If for some insane reason I did, you wouldn't see it. So why not be honorable and just be honest?
I had been poofed on twice, once when dating a guy for about 5 months (I mean, always seeing each other night after night), and then the very next guy poofed after seeing each other for four months. :noway:
I think we all agree that for any substantial amount of time poofing is awful. The debate is more at the level of not having met yet to 1-3 dates.
I agree. But I still think common courtesy should be used.
That's the thing, not everyone considers it common courtesy. Common courtesy is not farting in a crowded elevator. By doing such a thing you are inflicting yourself on another person and that's rude. Disappearing from the life of a stranger? That's like having to explain to the person that I run past every day that I'm going to be taking a different route from now on so they'll never see my again.0 -
It sucks to be poofed on. But would you rather hear the reason why the person poofed even if it hurts, or would you rather wonder? Do you really want to hear "well, to be honest I don't find you that attractive" or "I dont see us having a future together." are those comments helpful ? Can you help the person in their next dating interactions? Most likely not, as whatever the reason you're poofing is based on your own feelings and not theirs.0
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I proofed because the guy kept sending me censored naughty pics and talking about sex even though I told him to slow his roll. I also proofed on a couple guys I was sorta talking with after bf and I became exclusive, but I never met any of them. Hmm.0
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Condom broke.0
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I proofed because the guy kept sending me censored naughty pics and talking about sex even though I told him to slow his roll. I also proofed on a couple guys I was sorta talking with after bf and I became exclusive, but I never met any of them. Hmm.
I agree, If a girl dared to censor any sext messages she sent me, it would be lights out. That's what you're getting at, right?
On a side note, can we not use the term "poof"? Really, it sounds like something else.0 -
Do you really want to hear "well, to be honest I don't find you that attractive" or "I dont see us having a future together." are those comments helpful ? Can you help the person in their next dating interactions? Most likely not, as whatever the reason you're poofing is based on your own feelings and not theirs.
It depends on your personality. I asked a guy the other day why he blocked me on Match (the first guy to ever block me).
Most guys I don’t go out with again do not ask me why. When they do, I tell them honestly.
I don’t ask most guys who aren’t interested ANYMORE because I know it’s usually the sex before commitment (marriage) thing. BUT I used to ask all the time.
And that’s how I discovered that waiting for sex was a turn off
That’s how I discovered that having only ever been with one man (my ex) was a turn off
That’s how I discovered that some guys like me but don’t want to bring a black girl home to momma
That’s how I discovered I can sometimes be “too good” for a guy (good at my career, in great shape, active in the community, good with money- turns men off b/c they feel like they can’t measure up)
That’s how I discovered that a lot of men think I’m really pretty but they can’t get over my size in person
That’s how I discovered I stress about dumb stuff and over-analyze things. Guess what? That’s a turn off. And now I try to stay calm when I feel myself getting anxious about a guy.
So *NOW* when a man is not interested after a month or two of getting to know him, I don’t take it so personal. It’s just life. It’s usually one of those things I wrote above. I still get hurt by someone who doesn’t want to see me again after a year or two of hanging out, but the short term guys don’t bother me anymore since the main reasons they aren’t interested are part of who I am that I either can’t or won’t change.
But most people DON’T want to know. They want to pretend that they’re awesome for everyone. I don’t need to be awesome for EVERY guy. I only need to be awesome for ONE guy. And if I never find him, then it’s ok… I’m still awesome. But if I'm sending out signals that aren't in line with who I really am, I want to know about it.0 -
I usually poof when I decide to get serious with someone else. Sad, but true.0
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I have had it happen numerous times and never once have I gotten an explanation.
This goes back long before the word Internet was ever thought of but in the cyber age too.
I also have to confess to doing it,was the end of a several year relationship where I was the other guy with a married woman in the 90s.
The guilt and hopelessness of the situation finally got to me and I walked away.
It caused a great deal of hurt and several months later at her request I met to talk it out.
That was uncomfortable but for what I could tell was well received.
I did it because in my mind it was right given the treatment I had received from other ladies and how that hurt.
Still would like to know the whys of a couple but know that will never happen...so goes life.0 -
I kind of sort of in a way poofed with the most recent guy I was talking to. He was initiating less and less, so I felt he had lost interest. I, in a round about way, tried to give him an out to just tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore, but he didn't take it. So I decided to try a more subtle approach by not responding to ONE text he sent one night. My mindset is that if he was still interested, he would attempt to reach me at least one more time before giving up. After all, the one text he did send was after 9 at night. For all he knows, I could have been sleeping. That was the last I heard from him, and I predict I won't hear from him ever again. So I guess technically, we both poofed on each other. But I must admit, I'm rather proud I got to do the poofing first this time.0
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I don't do the 'poof' thing, because I think it's kind of rude.
I've had it happen to me too many times, and seriously, a quick 'I don't think we should see each other' will NOT kill anyone.
It's about basic common courtesy.
Poofing sucks.0 -
I usually don't poof on someone. The only time I think I had a gal angry at me for poofing, it really surprised me. I quit trying to talk to her because she made up excuses for not being able to go do somethng and didn't provide an alternative date that would work. She also shortened her answers to texts and in real-life conversations. It was clear to me that she wasn't interested so I "took the hint." It turns out that she wasn't trying to give me a hint. Oops.0
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Beacause I had a generous helping of baked beans and cabbage at dinner?
I swear that F looks like a T and it's mocking me, making the thread title say Why did you poot?0 -
Any reason someone gives you for it not working out is not the sort of thing you can improve on. What's the point of asking "why?" and needing an answer if they're just going to tell you a reason they don't think it's working. It's not like a job evaluation, it's not something to do better next time. It is what it is.
The way I see it, if you're sitting around wondering "why oh why did Morgan poof, how will I ever get closure, how will I ever know" then you just need to accept that the person wasn't compatible with you for whatever reason, and that whatever reason isn't important because it's most likely something you aren't going to budge on (like no sex before marriage, that's a good one). It's not a matter of self betterment. It just IS.
So you're getting bent out of shape about how rude someone was for not bothering to give you an exit interview then your biggest problem isn't that some incompatible stranger left your life, it's that you care so much over something so very insignificant. There are so many perfectly valid things to get upset about in life, I really don't believe this is one of them mostly because absolutely nothing will come of it. We can ***** up and down all day about how much we hate it and it's not going to change a thing. A poofer is a poofer.0 -
Beacause I had a generous helping of baked beans and cabbage at dinner?
I swear that F looks like a T and it's mocking me, making the thread title say Why did you poot?
that's some serious pooting.0
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