The fight between eating and not?
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firstsip
Posts: 8,399 Member
So, I've dealt with anorexia since I was 12 (I'm now 23), which resulted in me being admitted to a psychiatric ward when I was 15, and a long recovery over the next years. I've been "recovered" for a few years now, but due to hormonal issues (I don't have a thyroid and my adrenals failed), I've gained quite a bit of weight.
So here I am on this site, where, over the last few months I've found myself going right back into the "well I can be below my calories" and "well if I run these extra miles, I'll be completely negative calorie today," mindsets.
Does anyone find themselves falling back into bad habits on this site, or just in trying to diet "healthily"?
My fiance doesn't quite understand, even though he knows my history.
I turn to this forum because this weekend involved me having a mini-break down because I was hungry, knew I should eat, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
Thoughts? Advice?
So here I am on this site, where, over the last few months I've found myself going right back into the "well I can be below my calories" and "well if I run these extra miles, I'll be completely negative calorie today," mindsets.
Does anyone find themselves falling back into bad habits on this site, or just in trying to diet "healthily"?
My fiance doesn't quite understand, even though he knows my history.
I turn to this forum because this weekend involved me having a mini-break down because I was hungry, knew I should eat, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
Thoughts? Advice?
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The same thing happens to me. I'll go through a few days of hitting my daily calorie goals including exercise, and then one day I'll wake up and contemplate fasting for the day...or eating as little as possible and over-exercising. I don't know how to get out of those habits, so I'm sorry I'm not much help, but you are definitely not alone
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Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. I've slipped between restricting and bingeing for years, so i use this site to both make sure that i don't eat too much or too little..I guess it's made me more accountable for my actions either way; too little is as bad as too much. I totally know what you mean about the getting hungry and being too scared to eat though - which is why I never let myself get very hungry anymore, somehow ironically it's my main trigger to restrict.
I think when that happens you just need to remove yourself from the situation, don't force yourself to eat, but try to figure out why exactly you're feeling like that - i know i have these moments when there's other stuff going on, and it's always easier to cast everything onto food than actually deal with life. Remember all the years you've put into getting your life back, recovery is difficult and precious and not worth sacrificing over anything. x0 -
I'm right there with you. I've kind of always struggled with wanting to be thin. I've never really been obese until about 2-3 years ago. I got to the point where I just wouldn't eat and taking diuretics, etc. and got down below where I should've weighed and ended up in the hosp, psyche ward, went to a eating disorder clinic and had to log all foods eaten, had to be something from each food group. Well since then, I've gained all that weight back plus more to where now I'm in the obese category. I keep going back and forth of wanting to not eat even when I'm hungry and sometimes 4get to eat especially if I'm not hungry. I want to cut out all carbs but sometimes that's impossible. I cannot seem to get all my calories in that I need to and I don't know how else to do that because it looks like if I get all those calories in, then I won't lose any weight but will gain even more weight. Then I get at a standstill where I'll lose a few lbs but then can't seem to lose any more. I'm so aggravated!0
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Yes I have time and time again, and I've left the site over the last few months alot but always came back because I couldn't deal with I guess not being in control, because that's what it is, we feel we need to be in control. I have now decided to stop logging my food for at least a few weeks, it'll give me time to see what's really important in life. People have said this to me and I have refused to take their advice in the past but I am going to take their advice now, and I think maybe you should consider it too, stop focusing on the number on the scale, it doesn't determine who you are as a person. Focus on your health, you're such a beautiful person and you're stronger than this, keep fighting, look ahead xxxSo, I've dealt with anorexia since I was 12 (I'm now 23), which resulted in me being admitted to a psychiatric ward when I was 15, and a long recovery over the next years. I've been "recovered" for a few years now, but due to hormonal issues (I don't have a thyroid and my adrenals failed), I've gained quite a bit of weight.
So here I am on this site, where, over the last few months I've found myself going right back into the "well I can be below my calories" and "well if I run these extra miles, I'll be completely negative calorie today," mindsets.
Does anyone find themselves falling back into bad habits on this site, or just in trying to diet "healthily"?
My fiance doesn't quite understand, even though he knows my history.
I turn to this forum because this weekend involved me having a mini-break down because I was hungry, knew I should eat, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
Thoughts? Advice?0
