I like the idea of finding a partner first, then building a domesticity around them rather than having elements of a domesticity first and slotting a partner into that paradigm.

I suppose if I were in your age bracket I would feel that way too. Let me re-phrase that... I do feel that way... but where I'm at it's kinda odd for a grown man in my age bracket to not have his own place. If he were only here temporarily (like military) or perhaps recovering from a divorce or maybe even a temporary condition brought on by tough economic times I could understand. I suppose I could also understand living in an apartment while amassing wealth or if his job caused him to travel as much as mine.

My friends who are older and about to marry are both going to rent or sell their houses and are looking for a new one together. Starting that life together- not him moving into her house or she moving into his- seems to be the best way to approach it.

I like the idea of finding a partner first, then building a domesticity around them rather than having elements of a domesticity first and slotting a partner into that paradigm.

I suppose if I were in your age bracket I would feel that way too. Let me re-phrase that... I do feel that way... but where I'm at it's kinda odd for a grown man in my age bracket to not have his own place.

My friends who are older and about to marry are both going to rent or sell their houses and are looking for a new one together. Starting that life together- not him moving into her house or she moving into his- seems to be the best way to approach it.

Thank you for seeing things from my perspective. Having your own house is a big deal. It takes a lot of work. I know I am not ready for that responsibility right now.

I would agree that starting a life together in a new place is the best approach. However, given the current housing market, that may not be feasible and I think it has the potential to be a big source of a stress for a relationship. Many relationships that have cratered have gone that way at least partially because of real estate issues.

Not all the time would a long term relationship move into the house that someone owns. I know in my case I would sell or rent it out in a heart beat as I hate where I live. I know this isn't the case with a lot of people that own their house but it also shouldn't be something that stops you.

It can be a source of stress. I like the idea of unencumbered lifestyle of renters. You go year to year. The downside to that is the potential rent increases when the lease comes up. But leasing does make it easier to handle relationship changes as an unmarried person.

I (stupidly) bought a house when I was stationed in OKC. I was unable to sell it before my PCS to Mississippi (but we were able to sell my ex's, go figure). Right now I'm renting it out. I will probably keep renting it out for another few years until I can afford to pay mortgage + rent without being super duper broke, then I will try to sell it. Until then, I foresee myself either renting a house with roommates or living in a small apartment by myself.

It is a constant source of stress, though. It has some foundation problems, and I'm waiting for the call from my property manager to tell me I have to shell out $5k to fix it. Because I don't have $5k... :sad:

Oh if only I'd not been retarded with my money for the last four to five years.

The good news is for my future husband, if I ever have one again, is I refuse to get married and/or share finances until I have my debts paid and my finances in order. Blegh. :sick:

It could easily be a case where I would have no say in the development of a household.

Or you could see it as a great place with a special woman that you can share your life with, paying a lot less in rent?

When I was with my LTex we both owned a property (we were both 30yrs). After a while, he moved in with me and we rented his place out. It worked great ! Both financially and practically.

I dont think you should view these things as negatives, try and have an open mind DM, you could be turning down the love of your life cos she owns a condo! :flowerforyou:

It depends on the situation. I know some people who met through craigslist or through friend who were in need of a roommate. I also know a situation where they use to date but are now friends. I dont like that situation, especially when one of them are still in love with the other person. I wouldn't date anyone in that situation.

J

So do you have feelings for her or does she have feelings for you?

I think there's a soft spot for each of us, however I don't think either of us foresee dating each other.

Now I'm not saying room mates shouldn't romp in the place they live, I was more meaning that you have to be more respectful in your actions because someone else does live there... For me its just an uncomfortable situation, maybe I'm weird but hearing my friend get nailed would unnerve me a bit. And that goes for either gender.

f you bring home a girl and she gets --- because your roommate is hot then maybe she's not a good fit anyway. That's the type of girl that gets mad if you notice another woman's bosom chute. It's gonna happen, don't set yourself up for failure by picking someone that insecure.

Actually, the more and more I think about this question....the more I feel a guy would lose points in my book if he were roomating with a hot girl, especially if she were an old friend. It would be one thing if you were both in town on a temporary job or a specialized job (like the military with few women, crazy schedules and unique job demands that civilians don't always understand). He can't find a guy to room with? He has to lust over his hot old friend every day?

Maybe I'm just jaded by the guys at work....and I would still give a guy an initial chance... especially in case I think the roommate is hot, but he doesn't find her attractive. But if he comes home every day to this "hot babe" that he finds sexy/attractive, then unless there's some good explanation then, no, I probably wouldn't continue dating him.

f you bring home a girl and she gets --- because your roommate is hot then maybe she's not a good fit anyway. That's the type of girl that gets mad if you notice another woman's bosom chute. It's gonna happen, don't set yourself up for failure by picking someone that insecure.

Actually, the more and more I think about this question....the more I feel a guy would lose points in my book if he were roomating with a hot girl, especially if she were an old friend. It would be one thing if you were both in town on a temporary job or a specialized job (like the military with few women, crazy schedules and unique job demands that civilians don't always understand). He can't find a guy to room with? He has to lust over his hot old friend every day?

There's an awful lot of presumption there. That 1) He lusts over his roommate and 2) He's only living with her because he's lusting over her.

My roommate and I are both good looking people and we tell each other that all the time. I've also known this guy for seven years and our relationship has never been anything but platonic. This is someone that I've gotten into crazy drunk parties with more than almost anyone else in my life and we still haven't had any sexual tension.

Could he find a male roommate, or could I find a female roommate? Sure... but why? We function together fine, we trust each other and support each other in times of need (one time I was short rent and one time he needed a break on utilities and it wasn't a big deal because we know we're gonna make it up), and we have a blast living together. Should we just dismiss all that because our genitalia are different?

Atyas, The problem I have with your situation is that in your post it seems like you like this girl, but for whatever reason it hasn't happened. I'm also getting the vibe that you wouldn't be super opposed if she did come out of the bathroom naked and said "let's *kitten*". I could be completely off base here, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but be completely honest with yourself - don't put yourself in a situation like that with a girl that you have feelings for, or that has feelings like that for you. Things could get messy.

My roommate has a regular girlfriend and most of the time I don't hear them get down and dirty, but when I do I just turn up the TV, or play some music, or put in headphones. It doesn't last long or often enough for it to be a problem and our bedrooms do share a wall.

Atyas, The problem I have with your situation is that in your post it seems like you like this girl, but for whatever reason it hasn't happened.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. His post doesn't read like someone who looks good but has no interest in (which is how you write about your roommate). His post reads to me like he would be hoping one day she would come to like him *that way.*

I wouldn't date a guy like that. When he's home, rather than thinking of relationship with *me* he'd be distracted by possible relationship with *her* even if it's never gonna happen. I can't compete with fantasy, and wouldn't waste my time trying.

I understand that exactly, but I wouldn't make that assumption simply by learning he has a female roommate, or even meeting her and seeing that she is hot.

Heck, I'm the type of gal that sees another good looking lady then leans in and goes "Dude. She is FINE."

But if he makes the impression that he'd rather be with her that's where I'd draw the line.

However that is completely different than judging someone simply because they have a hot female roommate, which is my point all along.