Binge Confessions
swinginchandra
Posts: 418 Member
Hopefully no one really has to ever use this thread, but I'll start it off with the binge that inspired this group:
It started off with dinner on friday night -- bread from the bread basket at dinner, and a huge froyo for dessert... about a 2.5k day, really not that bad, considering I biked ~60 miles that day... but for some reason, it started the mental spiral.
Saturday, starts off good. Eggs for breakfast, ~40 mile bike ride, some healthy jamba juice... then stopped by windmill farms to collect dinner, and ended up eating all the cheese samples, plus buying more cheese and meat for dinner... still only about 2.5k at the end of the day... but less and less mental control.
It's funny, both of these days, I recognized my dangerous mental state, and was proud I didn't go further than I did... I went to bed instead of walking to the grocery store to buy ****... I didn't bake. But somehow, I didn't pull myself out of it.
Sunday is where the real binge started... cappuccino and a muffin on my bike ride, had to wait a really long time for my friend, so ordered some fruit and yogurt cause I was bored... ended up at another coffee shop where I couldn't get any good food, so got a pumpkin latte and a biscotti... got home, and made eggs and veggies with as much cheese as possible... and ate a plate of lemon bars. Then started baking yam bars... made half a recipe, knowing I was going to eat all of them. Which I did. Topped it off with some chocolate and cereal before bed, mainly because I was wandering around trying to find anything else I could eat. I probably only hit 3k calories, but stil... The bike ride was only 30ish miles sunday, so maybe 700 kcal burned...
Funny thing, is Sunday's binge started off with me thinking I needed to eat more on a regular basis... that I *cant* lose weight as quickly as I want, and still bike 300 miles per week, with 3 days a week of lifting heavy in the gym too. So I had this idea for a *new* diet plan that started monday, and suddenly all bets were off.
I can't do this anymore. I'm scared to death I'll gain back the weight I lost. I got down to about 142 last year, and now I'm back up to 160. I even hit a high point of 167 after a binge! Bloating, I know... but still. yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.
It started off with dinner on friday night -- bread from the bread basket at dinner, and a huge froyo for dessert... about a 2.5k day, really not that bad, considering I biked ~60 miles that day... but for some reason, it started the mental spiral.
Saturday, starts off good. Eggs for breakfast, ~40 mile bike ride, some healthy jamba juice... then stopped by windmill farms to collect dinner, and ended up eating all the cheese samples, plus buying more cheese and meat for dinner... still only about 2.5k at the end of the day... but less and less mental control.
It's funny, both of these days, I recognized my dangerous mental state, and was proud I didn't go further than I did... I went to bed instead of walking to the grocery store to buy ****... I didn't bake. But somehow, I didn't pull myself out of it.
Sunday is where the real binge started... cappuccino and a muffin on my bike ride, had to wait a really long time for my friend, so ordered some fruit and yogurt cause I was bored... ended up at another coffee shop where I couldn't get any good food, so got a pumpkin latte and a biscotti... got home, and made eggs and veggies with as much cheese as possible... and ate a plate of lemon bars. Then started baking yam bars... made half a recipe, knowing I was going to eat all of them. Which I did. Topped it off with some chocolate and cereal before bed, mainly because I was wandering around trying to find anything else I could eat. I probably only hit 3k calories, but stil... The bike ride was only 30ish miles sunday, so maybe 700 kcal burned...
Funny thing, is Sunday's binge started off with me thinking I needed to eat more on a regular basis... that I *cant* lose weight as quickly as I want, and still bike 300 miles per week, with 3 days a week of lifting heavy in the gym too. So I had this idea for a *new* diet plan that started monday, and suddenly all bets were off.
I can't do this anymore. I'm scared to death I'll gain back the weight I lost. I got down to about 142 last year, and now I'm back up to 160. I even hit a high point of 167 after a binge! Bloating, I know... but still. yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.
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Replies
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I can certainly relate:
My 'spiral' started Friday night. I did well all day, did my exercise and then Friday night I had popcorn and icecream. Since then I have not exercised and It has been a 'free for all' (as someone else mentioned) Yesterday I logged my calories, which I don't normally do when I'm not doing the right thing, and I got up to 3000
. I'm feeling awful, tired, bloated, moody and depressed. There is NOTHING good about eating this way!!!!
I'm doing ok so far today so hopefully I'm back on track.......0 -
I havehad years of binging. I would sit and eat a bag of chips and a whole thing of dip like it was nothing. Then I would look for more. Eat a whole pkg of oreos. I have discovered that food is my addiction Im trying to develope a healthier relationship with food. Very glad you started this! 0
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I have been on a "free for all" type of eating since Oct 5th (my birthday weekend). At ate half a birthday cake and a whole thing of ice cream all by myself and it was all downhill from there. 2 large bags of popcorn at the movie theater, graham crackers and frosting tubs, cheez-it boxes.....lots and lots of junk. I feel like no one around me really understands binging and how I feel it can be so controlling.
Good news is that I haven't binged since Sunday (alright it is only Tuesday, but still).
We can all do this0 -
Ugh, my husband got home after being gone for 28 days on the oil platform and we went out and had a big Texas bbq dinner then I topped it off with 2cups of oreo ice cream at 2am. Must work on eating better!0
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oh no!! Shake it off, and get back on track today!!! I don't know about you guys, but the day after a binge, I walk aroudn repeating to myself, "the first day is the hardest"... It seems to help.
I'm curious, those of you that have already lost alot of weight, did you binge before the weightloss process? I don't think that I did, atleast to this extent. Or, maybe, my whole life was a binge... lol0 -
I started to binge when I found out that my (now ex) husband was having an affair. During the whole ordeal of putting together what he was doing and that mess and then filing for divorce and going through with it, I ate to make myself feel better. I don't recall before that time being a binge eater. I mean I have always struggled with my weight and didn't make good food choices, but I do not remember stuffing myself to the point of where I felt sick. All of that happened a little over 4 years ago and I have been binging ever since. Hence I gained 75 pounds.0
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thinking of you guys and having to post a tally *totally* helped me last night!! There was a whole freaking pile of cookies my roomate baked, and I had to stay up until 2am doing hw!! I only ate two though!!0
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So today I was going to congratulate myself for doing good by having a little ice cream as a treat! I got caught up watching Glee and before I knew it, I had eaten 850 calories worth of ice cream!!! I havent binged in three weeks and I havent even wanted too. Not sure why I did that!!! Only went over by 101 for the day. Decided I had enough ice cream that dinner wasnt needed!! Tomorrow is a new day so I am not going to freak out about this too bad!!0
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I did exercise extra to bring it back to exactly 1200 net calories today0
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so not a binge!!! You totally regained control of your day!!! Way to go!!0
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Thanks lol! For sure was disappointed with myself though! But man that ice cream was yummy!!!0
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Its been almost 2 months since my last binge but t boy did I feel like it yesterday. Family and school stress makes me want to shovel down food esp chocolate! My last binge consisted of pizza and half of a chocolate sheet cake! I started out making cake for my child's bday...and just got consumed on how much I missed eating cake and how long it had been. So I had a taste....over and over! I literally made myself sick and then felt like a complete failure b/c I couldn't stay in control. How pathetic right.....? I don't want sweets to be the enemy, however its seems to have a all or nothing hold on me. I haven't made cake in two months, but I am slowly integrating my chocolate fix into my calorie budget so I don't feel deprived. It has helped with the cravings and the need to binge. My sweet binges was what was keeping me from losing weight. I take it day by day and try not to worry about tomorrow. Stress is such a big factor in my life. I've accepted that chocolate will always be apart of my life....just in healthy amounts. I stressed more about giving up the things I loved to eat then anything else. It will always be a problem for me....but I am learning to redirect the cravings with other things and walking away from the cookies and eating them for the right reasons.0
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Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that about how stressed you are! I totally feel you, recently I've been so down, all I've wanted was a beer and a whole bar of chocolate. Glad to hear you've avoided a binge for two months, that's awesome! You can do it! Although I'm trying to totally avoid sugar for a week or two, and see how it effects my weight, I usually budget about 100 kcal's per day for chocolate. Baking kills me too. It's so hard for me to bake and not eat it all... baking usually = binge for me, so I just try not to do it. And when I get stressed from exams, I just want to bake!!
I'm planning on having a beer or two saturday night... So I'm going to have to be very careful not to binge. Hard for me to control when drinking...0 -
I totally spent the whole weekend binging. It all started with Fritos and French onion dip on Friday night....followed by 2 bags of popcorn and ice cream on Saturday with ice cream for breakfast and an entire small pizza on Sunday. I have no control over myself. I went 2 solid weeks without a binge and then totally blew it. But I am back on track today.
I just need to figure out a way to control myself on the weekends.0 -
I hear you! Weekends are my weak spot too. Especially since monday is such a nice clean day to "start over". We can defeat the weekend binge together!!!0
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I have a mini confession -- I ate like 5 mini halloween chocolates this morning. I kept thinking, I'll record this, I'm not binging, I'll eat accordingly. I think I was a little out of control though. I'm going to make sure it doesn't ruin my day. I'll log it, make sure I get a really good workout in later, and I'll eat really healthy for the rest of the day. Yup, not letting it ruin my eating.0
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blargh -- not sure if I should count yesterday as a binge or not... I did recover from the morning, ate a light lunch, burned off ~800 calories, all the morning's travesties... But then I ate another butt-load of chocolate when I got home... Going over by quite a bit, I'm pretty sure. Back on track this morning. I even woke up in the middle of the night going "why did I do that". Too much sugar! I think my eating works best when I avoid sugar completely.0
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Halloween is always a disaster for me when it comes to binging. I even waited 3 days before halloween before I bought candy to resist the temptation. But when all 3 boys came home with a truckload of candy from trick or treating I felt so left out....so I ate a few twizzlers. My binge candy is chocolate...so I thought I was doing good. But then i went to bake a cake and it was all over....I blew it. And the bad part of it was...it wasn't even my favorite cake (chocolate). How pathetic! I felt the need to do it. I'm sure its stress from school and tests coming up. But I found myself eating it just to eat it. I gave my husband the rest of the chocolate to take to work and hope I can clean my slate
I put the kids candy out of sight. Grrrrr....one day at a time. I'm still not strong enough, but am slowly getting better. Thanksgiving.....I hope I'm ready when it comes!:noway: 0 -
Hey! You didn't finish the cake!! I consider that a major win!!
Ugh, thanksgiving and christmas.... haven't quite decided how I feel about those yet...0 -
Binged on over 1000 calories straight after my workout Just a little background, I am in recovery of an eating disorder and haven't starved myself or purged in weeks so binging really gets me down. How have you guys battled it? 0
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not particularly successfully... I thought this group was helping, but I still ended up eating a buttload of pie saturday.... Grrr! 0
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Writing out your feelings is supposed to help, it'll at least get the stress off your shoulders. Every day isn't supposed to perfect, we'll have binges every now and then but we must remember to get back on track and not let that get to us xx0
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Binged on over 1000 calories straight after my workout Just a little background, I am in recovery of an eating disorder and haven't starved myself or purged in weeks so binging really gets me down. How have you guys battled it?
I have also had an ED that started 10 years ago, and even though I'm over the worst of it, it's still a constant battle, and will be a lifelong one for most. They say once and addict always and addict, and I think that also applies to food addiction. Try not to see a binge as a failure, just as a setback. Also try to find out what sparked the urge to binge, maybe a certain event, emotion, or the result of a too-restrictive diet, and try to tackle that problem first. For me, it's usually because there is something going on in my life that I can't handle emotionally, and I find that exercise is a great solution because it really gives me mental balance and focus.
Binge cycles are awful and it's so hard to stop them, but not impossible.0 -
In response to the person who asked if we had binges before we dieted:
I have been having binges as long as I can remember. I used to sneak food as a child, or even steal money or break into houses for food. My earliest recorded binges were around 3 or 4. That's kind of why I think it's just a brain thing. I also started dieting very, very early as my mom put me on one (pre-puberty) and have dieted and had binges ever since. I'm 39 now, so it's pretty darn ingrained in me at this point. However, it became much more prominent in high school and college.
However, in many cases, specifically bulimia, there is a quite a bit of research that would suggest that dieting precedes binge behavior. Meaning the restriction cycle set off the binge cycle. I feel like it sort of gets hard-wired into your brain then to restrict then binge.
Myself, my diet IS working on not having binges, rather trying to eat normally rather than restricting. I feel that most of my weight gain is from binges, not poor food choices in my "regular" (mindful) eating. One thing I would suggest is reading some books about bulimia and/or binge eating disorder and deciding for yourself whether dieting is counter-productive FOR YOU (what I think and what you think don't have to be the same). There are lots of models: addiction, brain mis-wiring (for lack of better terminology), and those that say you binge to deal with other issues in your life. It's just interesting to read all the different takes on things.0 -
I find myself as well going down the binge downward spiral when i restrict myself to the point of not ever allowing myself to have "IT". I have been practicing slowly allowing trigger foods back into my daily life but in moderation. Its been slow, but it has been working. There are still some foods I will never bring into my home or buy b/c of my binges....but I don't go without. I make substitutions...usually healthier ones. Still getting what I want but in a mindful manner. I used to binge at least once a week. Now I binge once a month if that. Logging to me helps as well. This week I have had great success at throwing a bday party and not eating the rest of the cake! Little baby steps yes...but celebrate it. You will get stronger along the way. I also use exercise as an outlet when I'm stressed instead of going into the frig. I'm slowly replacing the urge with other behaviors I enjoy. Less regret that way and my weight loss goal becomes closer and closer.:drinker:0
