New to OA - help requested
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Posts: 67
Hello...I have attended 3 OA meetings and have been reading some of their literature to get familiar with their program. I was very excited to find this group on MFP - I find myself having questions but no where to turn (I do not have a sponsor yet....don't want to just latch on to the first person that says hello!).
I have been using MFP to track calories for a few months with decent success...well that is up until 3 weeks ago when everything went to pot - again. It was this repeat of downward emotions - helplessness - frustration - that pushed me to attend an OA meeting. I do not know if it will be "the answer" but I do know that if I do not try, then I will never know.
I have long felt that my spiritual self is severly lacking in substance....but I cannot define my Higher Power. This bothers me - I cannot reconcile that part of OA within myself. I suspect a majority of people define their HP as God (in whatever form, religion, etc that may be). I cannot do that. Does anyone struggle with this? How did you come to terms with it? I know the decision is ultimately up to me, but I need to have this discussion with people that have been there - or find themselves in similar shoes.
Appreciate any insight you can offer
I have been using MFP to track calories for a few months with decent success...well that is up until 3 weeks ago when everything went to pot - again. It was this repeat of downward emotions - helplessness - frustration - that pushed me to attend an OA meeting. I do not know if it will be "the answer" but I do know that if I do not try, then I will never know.
I have long felt that my spiritual self is severly lacking in substance....but I cannot define my Higher Power. This bothers me - I cannot reconcile that part of OA within myself. I suspect a majority of people define their HP as God (in whatever form, religion, etc that may be). I cannot do that. Does anyone struggle with this? How did you come to terms with it? I know the decision is ultimately up to me, but I need to have this discussion with people that have been there - or find themselves in similar shoes.
Appreciate any insight you can offer
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Replies
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I am no expert, and I struggle too. Most days, I see the best in others, or even in myself, as some sort of soul/spirit/highest self. That, to me, is the closest I come to knowing, feeling or understanding some sort of god. I'm mesmorized by processes like the butterfly's chrysalis, or the polliwog's metamorphosis, and I think there's got to be something to it, though I don't know what. I hope it's some sort of God, perhaps one that is loving, gentle, in all of us, and when we're at our best, somehow my soul or spirit might connect with yours, even if for a moment. I hope...
But most days... and most moments in them, I struggle for a connection.
I don't know if we need to define it, and I'm open to hearing what others think to. For me, surrendering to an unknown sense of HP or god is still real surrender. It's still hard. It's still something I do repeatedly because I keep trying to take back control, and catch myself, and surrender once more, until next time.
I guess I would wonder what you "can't do". You can't call it God, you can surrender to an unknown... you can't wrap yourself around it to understand? Depending on what you can't do... you just might be able to surrender that too.
And I'm happy to talk about this stuff anytime. I get pretty hung up here too... wish the god stuff was easier for me.
Good luck!0 -
Hello...I have attended 3 OA meetings and have been reading some of their literature to get familiar with their program. I was very excited to find this group on MFP - I find myself having questions but no where to turn (I do not have a sponsor yet....don't want to just latch on to the first person that says hello!).
I have been using MFP to track calories for a few months with decent success...well that is up until 3 weeks ago when everything went to pot - again. It was this repeat of downward emotions - helplessness - frustration - that pushed me to attend an OA meeting. I do not know if it will be "the answer" but I do know that if I do not try, then I will never know.
I have long felt that my spiritual self is severly lacking in substance....but I cannot define my Higher Power. This bothers me - I cannot reconcile that part of OA within myself. I suspect a majority of people define their HP as God (in whatever form, religion, etc that may be). I cannot do that. Does anyone struggle with this? How did you come to terms with it? I know the decision is ultimately up to me, but I need to have this discussion with people that have been there - or find themselves in similar shoes.
Appreciate any insight you can offer
Hi,
Welcome home to OA! It is OK if you can't define your higher power yet. We need only admit that there is some power other than ourselves that can help restore us to sanity (in the food area as well as the rest of our lives). I have a friend who connected with some local mountains as her higher power. There is also someone in my home meeting who has struggled quite a bit with this , in order for you to be successful in the program.
For me, the struggle was different -- I already believed in a Higher Power, just didn't trust that HP to control my life. So I had to revamp my concept of God away from the punishing God I had grown up with and towards a loving & supportive HP that lifts me up and gives me strength.
I hope this helps. Remember you don't have to figure it all out now ... or ever. More will be revealed to you in time. Just keep coming back!0 -
Hi I am glad you are here
My defnition of my HP has changed over the ( nearly) a year I've been in OA. I accepted that there was a power greater than myself and the chapter on 'To the Agnostic' in the AA Big Book helped me a lot too. I know people who believe in the power of OA or their group as a power greater than themselves. That made sense to me too. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts etc. Now I have daily contact with the God of my understanding through writing, prayer, meditation, and intuition and through other people. I try to recognise the spirit in all of us.
But honestly it doesn't seem to matter what form your HP takes. Some people try just 'acting as if'. I do know that daily quiet time, prayer and using the tools of the OA programme are necessary to my recovery.
Welcome home, welcome to Overeaters Anonymous. :flowerforyou:0 -
Thank you everyone....appreciate your time and thoughts. I felt like a fraud moving forward without having this basic concept under my belt...but your words of encouragement have told me it is ok to not know now....and that my definition may change over time.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!0 -
I'm also struggling with this concept myself. I haven't been to a meeting yet because I've just recently admitted that I had a legitimate eating problem this weekend. I've downloaded the OA manual and the workbook, which so far seems promising. I'm trying not to look forward at the steps so I can experience them one at a time and really try this for what it's worth...but I keep getting hung up on the idea of a higher power. I rejected religion long ago, and within the past few years, god as well. I still feel there is a meaning to life and it's what you make of it. I don't feel any less a whole person because of a lack of beliefs.
I digress... Maybe I should just skip this section altogether. I feel like it's a wall in my recovery. Maybe it's my addictive self making yet another reason as to why I can't recover successfully.
Regardless, I found this: http://www.sossobriety.org/12steps.htm
If you scroll down a bit to the twelve steps translated by agnostics, this was helpful for me to put this in terms I could accept.0 -
I believe I have heard it said "in the rooms" that the only step that you need to get perfectly is : Step One-We admitted we are powerless over _____ and that our lives have become unmanageable. Also..the AA book called Came to Believe and Abstinence have helped me..Welcome Home!0
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"Progress Not Perfection". I'm struggling with this too.0
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I really appreciate this thread. As was mentioned before, the chapter We Agnostics in the Big Book addresses this issue nicely. Also steps 2 and 3 in the AA 12&12 address it in ways that help me. I came into the program with a strong connection to God, but guess what? I am still a compulsive overeater and bulimic, my life was still unmanageable, I still needed to be restored to sanity and physical health.
The main point I want to make is that this is not a moral issue. Eating disorders are NOT a moral issue. THAT was one of my MAJOR roadblocks when I came into OA 8 years ago.
Also, belief in a higher power, or lack of it is not a moral issue.
I would encourage you to find a sponsor, make a food plan, start working the steps. If you find that your sponsor or food plan is not working for you, change it. Also not a moral issue
There is no getting it right or wrong. It's all progress, not perfection.
There is a group on FB that is closed where there are people like us who come to share and learn. You are welcome to join us if you'd like. http://www.facebook.com/groups/overeaterssupport/0
