Struggling and lost
wattssal000
Posts: 62 Member
I keep trying but it is so hard 
Sometimes it seems like I am making a little bit of progress either metally or with food and other times it seems like there is just no hope at all.
I have been having a bad couple of days with food. Eating and eating, caring and not caring at the same time. I even called in sick to work because I didn't want to have another day of tears at work. My eating and depression are connected, either I eat and get depressed or I get depressed and then I eat.
I think this couple of days with bad eating were a result of making efforts to prevent a binge but still failing. I was getting stressed and knew I wanted to eat. I tried to make some tea and enjoy it at work with the taste, smell and warming of my hands but that didn't work. After my break I still wanted to eat so I made air popped pop corn to fill me up with few calories but after I ate that I just kept going I tried two things to stop or prevent a binge but I still wasn't able to and I felt despare I guess.
Today I decided to get back on the wagon and eat better, try again to prevent any binging feelings and then we get an email that they are going to order pizza hut for us at work because we have been working short staffed. I almost started crying. It just seems that I cannot get away from food no matter how hard I try. I want to eat the pizza because I never get it, it is free and it will just be there wating for me and I want to be a normal person that can enjoy a reward. I have decided not to have any of the pizza becasue I will feel bad about it. I know logically that I can have one peice but there is the fear that by having that one peice I will either eat more at work or it will turn into me feeling like I have lost control and eating more tonight when I get home.
I am completely frustrated that I cannot handle life normally. That I am having anxiety over having pizza available at work and that it almost puts me into tears and depression. I am trying to go to therapy and I need to go back to the nutritionist. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to just eat the same thing every day so I don't have to think about it anymore. I know I am going to restrict for the next few days if I can just because that is all I know.
Just lost
Sometimes it seems like I am making a little bit of progress either metally or with food and other times it seems like there is just no hope at all.I have been having a bad couple of days with food. Eating and eating, caring and not caring at the same time. I even called in sick to work because I didn't want to have another day of tears at work. My eating and depression are connected, either I eat and get depressed or I get depressed and then I eat.
I think this couple of days with bad eating were a result of making efforts to prevent a binge but still failing. I was getting stressed and knew I wanted to eat. I tried to make some tea and enjoy it at work with the taste, smell and warming of my hands but that didn't work. After my break I still wanted to eat so I made air popped pop corn to fill me up with few calories but after I ate that I just kept going
I tried two things to stop or prevent a binge but I still wasn't able to and I felt despare I guess.Today I decided to get back on the wagon and eat better, try again to prevent any binging feelings and then we get an email that they are going to order pizza hut for us at work because we have been working short staffed. I almost started crying. It just seems that I cannot get away from food no matter how hard I try. I want to eat the pizza because I never get it, it is free and it will just be there wating for me and I want to be a normal person that can enjoy a reward. I have decided not to have any of the pizza becasue I will feel bad about it. I know logically that I can have one peice but there is the fear that by having that one peice I will either eat more at work or it will turn into me feeling like I have lost control and eating more tonight when I get home.
I am completely frustrated that I cannot handle life normally. That I am having anxiety over having pizza available at work and that it almost puts me into tears and depression. I am trying to go to therapy and I need to go back to the nutritionist. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to just eat the same thing every day so I don't have to think about it anymore. I know I am going to restrict for the next few days if I can just because that is all I know.
Just lost
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Replies
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Hi!
I'm Isa. I'm just like you. But I'm learning to look at food without any fear or anger. Food is not bad for us. We can eat all the food. What helped me to go back on track was to remember that the good food will ever be there so I can keep the pleasure for every day but in control.
The first days were very difficult. I bought all I love and eat all!!!
What a bad feeling after that. And worse on the next monday morning!!!!
But I kept doing that and miracle! After few bad days, my binge habit failed!!!! I was able to eat 2 cookies and wait normally to the dinner. I'm able to look at food, even pizza and so on and think about when it will be a pleasure to eat.
Sometimes I'm going backward and I know that it's a long way because I'm like this since 11 yo but I'm sure I can change my relation to food and I'm sure you can too!!!!
You deserve it!
I've refused external help because I know that it's between me and me. But don't hesitate to ask some. There is ALWAYS a way to improve your life.
Feel free to ad me girl!
Keep faith!
Isa xx0 -
Make sure to have some accountability!! I feel the same way at times.... I feel I've done better with thoughts or diet, and then the next day I'm sabotaging myself! Grr.
Don't wait to be motivated, motivation doesn't always last.... determination is sticking to it even once the motivation left. Feelings can change easy, and my mind always once to convince me "it's just one day....have one cheat day..." then that ends up a huge binge and no exercise all weekend!
Google coping mechanisms, find replacements to eating stress away. Food is always my number 1 escape from problems... I am changing that slowly! Taking a shower/bath, going outside, watching a movie...or a book/podcast, music....help. Mind distractions.
Mind over matter!
Don't ban certain foods. I had pizza for lunch because it was free and offered to people after a comunity class I was taking. I got a thin crust slice of meat lovers... i think it was meat lovers. which can be high calorie but I'd been there for hours so my calories were low anyways!
Pizza hut has nutritional info, and if you make good choices theyre not too bad on calories.
Be nice to yourself.... don't say anything you wouldn't say to a friend. I'm trying to get myself together too because I've messed up a lot this week with binges.
I'm always here if you need someone to message, ~added.0
