Argh, some people...
pa_jorg
Posts: 4,404 Member
So I volunteer at a local farm some weekends (hey, free veggies and I love gardening). Anyway, while I was there today, there was a new volunteer and we were chatting a bit, mostly about recipes. Then she started talking about her teenage daughters (ok, fine) and finally asked if my kids were in the local school district. I politely told her I didn't have any kids. She then got this really snotty voice and told me it must be nice to live a simper lifestyle... WTF!? How the hell does she know my story!? This is not the case, but what if I couldn't have any for medical reasons or had several miscarriages...anything is a possibility. Why do people like that have to be so rude sometimes? It just infuriated me today. Ok, rant over, thanks for listening...
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Just tell her it is sad to think there are children out there living with parents who view them as a complication to life.0
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Hey PJ-always good to be doing something you love!
Perhaps you could have said something cryptic like "Things are not always as they seem." I understand the point you are making though. It can be difficult to think up these things on the fly.0 -
Its funny just yesterday I had a patient comment to me something similar..I was saying I was glad it was Friday but Mondays aren't too bad because I like my job and I'd get bored at home all the time..she said you must not have kids..I said you're right I am not so lucky yet. She then goes on about how its not really lucky and she wishes her daughter lived farther away, so she wouldn't have to take care of her 7 yo grand daughter all the time. It was weird my coworker is also single and no kids and we both want them so it was just an odd thing...for someone to tell us NOT to want kids. Some people are odd...0
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Thanks all. Yeah, it just felt overly judgmental and since I don't know her, I was totally caught off guard and speechless really. It's one thing to ask if someone has kids, it's another to make an assumption and then be rude about it. And maybe it is a sensitive topic for me since I'd like kids (and I'm not getting any younger :ohwell:) but is that really anyone's business?
Kerry- Can't believe someone would say that about their grandchildren, that's sad.0 -
Wow. Just wow. I've been asked about it myself. I haven't gotten any remarks but I do notice looks. Puzzled and confused, As if they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me,0
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Some people are so caught up in their own BS that they fail to engage their brain before they speak!
Silly cow!! :grumble:0 -
I too have had people say that to me as well. I just do not think the brain mouth filter is installed. So many people would love to have children and to have those who were blessed by them to consider them a burden.
:grumble: :grumble: :grumble:0 -
Am I the only one who doesn't see anything wrong with what she said?
It is nice to have a simpler lifestyle (and I believe children certainly make life more complicated, thus not having children is simpler).
Children also are certainly worth the extra complexity, and can make your life nice too in their own way.
This lady speaks the truth (unless I've missed something), yet here we are bashing her.
My answer would have been: "Sure, but having children is worth the complexity don't you think?
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I remember someone telling me once that I wasn't a real mother until I had two kids. Wtf?! Because the one child I did have raised himself?0
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Am I the only one who doesn't see anything wrong with what she said?
It is nice to have a simpler lifestyle (and I believe children certainly make life more complicated, thus not having children is simpler).
Children also are certainly worth the extra complexity, and can make your life nice too in their own way.
This lady speaks the truth (unless I've missed something), yet here we are bashing her.
My answer would have been: "Sure, but having children is worth the complexity don't you think? "
I get your point, but it's the judgment factor that gets under my skin. How does this woman know how simple or difficult my life is based on one factor? Children are not the only thing in life that can make ones life complicated.0 -
I remember someone telling me once that I wasn't a real mother until I had two kids. Wtf?! Because the one child I did have raised himself?
That's ridiculous, I'm sorry someone said to you.0 -
Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group0
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Am I the only one who doesn't see anything wrong with what she said?
It is nice to have a simpler lifestyle (and I believe children certainly make life more complicated, thus not having children is simpler).
Children also are certainly worth the extra complexity, and can make your life nice too in their own way.
This lady speaks the truth (unless I've missed something), yet here we are bashing her.
My answer would have been: "Sure, but having children is worth the complexity don't you think? "
I get your point, but it's the judgment factor that gets under my skin. How does this woman know how simple or difficult my life is based on one factor? Children are not the only thing in life that can make ones life complicated.
Is there a chance you misread her tone? I know that happens with me a lot, if I don't focus on making my voice "appropriate" people have gone and think I dislike them when really I was just being offhanded. I would hold off on assuming a negative because it's always best to not take offense where none is meant. What she said is true, and she might have just been trying to be joking or friendly.
Though it does remind me of my brief time in Utah when I was 18, and people were SHOCKED that I wasn't married and making babies yet. I couldn't tell them I was a heathen because most of these conversations happened while at work. I just shrugged and said I wasn't into marriage and babies yet.Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group
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oooh I feel your pain!
It's like the4 parents and teachers who get on me about having an only child and how selfish I must be and what a bad parent I am. Never mind the fact that I've lost 4 babies- the last one at 5 months. I used to be polite about it, but now I seriously go into my “I’ve lost 4 babies” spiel and really guilt trip them when they say stuff like that to me. Grrrr.
People need to stop being so critical just to make themselves feel better about their crummy lives.0 -
I got asked recently "do you have any kids?" I said "no, I'm only 22, but I want them when I'm older." She responded, "I had my daughter at twenty." That was awkward.
If you guys like laughing at stupid stuff parents do, check out STFU parents blog. Hysterical! Might make a lot of the single childless people laugh!0 -
Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group
:noway:
and you are? The forum police?
If you dont like the subject matter of the thread just hop, skip and jump on by! It's quite easy, just take your interfering fingers off the keyboard and go and do something more interesting with your life..............
Jeeez!0 -
oooh I feel your pain!
It's like the4 parents and teachers who get on me about having an only child and how selfish I must be and what a bad parent I am. Never mind the fact that I've lost 4 babies- the last one at 5 months. I used to be polite about it, but now I seriously go into my “I’ve lost 4 babies” spiel and really guilt trip them when they say stuff like that to me. Grrrr.
People need to stop being so critical just to make themselves feel better about their crummy lives.
I'm sorry to hear this JJ :flowerforyou:
I have no idea how people can be so meddling or so cruel
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oooh I feel your pain!
It's like the4 parents and teachers who get on me about having an only child and how selfish I must be and what a bad parent I am. Never mind the fact that I've lost 4 babies- the last one at 5 months. I used to be polite about it, but now I seriously go into my “I’ve lost 4 babies” spiel and really guilt trip them when they say stuff like that to me. Grrrr.
People need to stop being so critical just to make themselves feel better about their crummy lives.
JJ, I'm sorry to hear both that you had those losses and that you've had to deal with rude comments. :flowerforyou:0 -
Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group
Actually, I thought this was a group about issues related to singles, which can include much more than just dating.0 -
Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group
I would say that this is related to single life and this is what Single Peeps is about, topics related to being an unmarried person.
Someone made assumptions that PJ had kids and when it was revealed that she was not a parent, there were assumptions made about her lifestyle.
I see this topic as a common experience for an unmarried person, and even more hurtful if the person is fully single (not seeing anyone).0 -
Did you talk about guys or dating? I fail to see what this has to do with this group
Actually, I thought this was a group about issues related to singles, which can include much more than just dating.
I agree 110%! There's fitness, health, hobbies, etc. etc. It's all related!0 -
So I volunteer at a local farm some weekends (hey, free veggies and I love gardening). Anyway, while I was there today, there was a new volunteer and we were chatting a bit, mostly about recipes. Then she started talking about her teenage daughters (ok, fine) and finally asked if my kids were in the local school district. I politely told her I didn't have any kids. She then got this really snotty voice and told me it must be nice to live a simper lifestyle... WTF!? How the hell does she know my story!? This is not the case, but what if I couldn't have any for medical reasons or had several miscarriages...anything is a possibility. Why do people like that have to be so rude sometimes? It just infuriated me today. Ok, rant over, thanks for listening...
From what you wrote, I don't see anything wrong with what that woman said to you. She's correct, a life without kids is certainly simpler than a life with kids. The same could be said for pets, a large house, etc.
A lot would boil down to her tone of voice and how she said the "must be nice to life a simpler lifestyle". I don't see why anyone would respond in a snotty or malicious tone of voice unless they were provoked to do so. Maybe something you said really rubbed her the wrong way?0 -
Maybe she was jealous? I would have replied back with a little edge in my voice...but basically over-agreeing with her and talking up the virtues of a childless existence..of which there are many!!0
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I joke with my close friends about who do I call to give my kids back?? It's a joke and I would NEVER say something like that to someone I didn't know. Too many people have trouble getting pregnant and/or losing them that the subject rarely is comical. People need to think before they speak. Friday morning we had a fundraiser selling doughnuts and coffee. One guy said to everyone leaving "take a doughnut home to your wife"......I yelled at him saying he can't assume everyone is married.0
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People are so cruel and they don't even realize it. I have had the same comments made, and I had a miscarriage, as well as trying for numerous years, and going through ALOT of heartached, etc to try to get that baby that never happened. I also have a friend who lost a baby within moments of his birth--again, comments are made with out thinking.0
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People are so cruel and they don't even realize it. I have had the same comments made, and I had a miscarriage, as well as trying for numerous years, and going through ALOT of heartached, etc to try to get that baby that never happened. I also have a friend who lost a baby within moments of his birth--again, comments are made with out thinking.
Moe, I am so sorry to hear about your losses. :flowerforyou:0 -
People are so cruel and they don't even realize it. I have had the same comments made, and I had a miscarriage, as well as trying for numerous years, and going through ALOT of heartached, etc to try to get that baby that never happened. I also have a friend who lost a baby within moments of his birth--again, comments are made with out thinking.
I am sorry, I found out really young that I couldn't have kids and now I am 37 yrs old and get called selfish. I even heard it from my sis-in-law when she didn't know I could not have kids and I said to her don't judge anyone because you have no clue their reasons. It's really hard on dating as a single woman, because most men around my age want kids.0 -
People are so cruel and they don't even realize it. I have had the same comments made, and I had a miscarriage, as well as trying for numerous years, and going through ALOT of heartached, etc to try to get that baby that never happened. I also have a friend who lost a baby within moments of his birth--again, comments are made with out thinking.
I am sorry, I found out really young that I couldn't have kids and now I am 37 yrs old and get called selfish. I even heard it from my sis-in-law when she didn't know I could not have kids and I said to her don't judge anyone because you have no clue their reasons. It's really hard on dating as a single woman, because most men around my age want kids.
Lisa, I'm sorry to hear your story too and to know how it's impacted so much of your life. :flowerforyou:0 -
So I volunteer at a local farm some weekends (hey, free veggies and I love gardening). Anyway, while I was there today, there was a new volunteer and we were chatting a bit, mostly about recipes. Then she started talking about her teenage daughters (ok, fine) and finally asked if my kids were in the local school district. I politely told her I didn't have any kids. She then got this really snotty voice and told me it must be nice to live a simper lifestyle... WTF!? How the hell does she know my story!? This is not the case, but what if I couldn't have any for medical reasons or had several miscarriages...anything is a possibility. Why do people like that have to be so rude sometimes? It just infuriated me today. Ok, rant over, thanks for listening...
I wouldn't worry about it. If she got snotty about you not having kids, then it is probably some form of jealousy which looks bad on her part.
If it is her just being rude, then she is simply a rude person and isn't worth your time either.
People blow my mind everyday on how rude they can be.0 -
PJ, I don't think she was saying or assuming your life is simple, I just think she meant not having kids is a bit easier than having kids. She does have a point.0
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