Hurting

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lauries3
lauries3 Posts: 68 Member
My bestfriend and I crossed the line and made our relationship something that neither one of us could handle. Now I am alone with no bestfriend and all I want to do is eat but I am not hungry. I am hurting, I miss and love this man dearly and I continually sabotage everything that I touch. I am so sick and tired of being this ugly fat simpy woman who is falling. I am scared that once I eat, I wont be able to stop and I can't afford to do that.
I have been off my medicine for 2 months and don't want to go back on. I am so tired of living off anti-depressants and being depressed as well. I want to change but I live in this very circular vacuum.

Replies

  • rubyfran
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    Firstly well done for getting to a place where you don't need medicine (That's my dream goal!!)

    I really feel for you as you took the chance and unfortunately it didn't quite work out but how about you try and use that pain as fuel to work on the things you really want - maybe go out for a long walk or join a (free) exercise group to meet new people.
  • Helenabc
    Helenabc Posts: 39 Member
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    My only advice is to take it one day at a time. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Focus on what you need to do (work, family) and then find simple things to do that give you peace or pleasure. Go for a work, read a book, watch a movie, help a friend or neighbour. Keep busy. Also have you tried yoga or meditation. They can be a good ways to stop your mind going over the past and future and give you some peace. Forgive yourself we all make mistakes. Then look after yourself one day at a time. Take care!
  • Themuseinme
    Themuseinme Posts: 224 Member
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    You are a wonderful , kind, strong and beautiful woman !!!
    You will get through this on the side of victory.
    Refuse to let this get you off track all your other goals. Fitness, school etc.
    Youve lost weight and will have started some great new habits.

    Like the lady said above-distract yourself via reading, walking and other FUN activities, Plus prayer of course.
    Add affirmations they work real miracles for me. meaning saying things to yourself as if they are already true with conviction, Say them several times a day, and especially say them right before you drift into sleep......make up your own, one example - ' I am Healthy Happy Fit, Trim and Victorius." or "I only eat when I am hungry"

    Also get youtself some Bstress tabs B100 (has 100 mg of all the bvitamins) take 1 2x a day. till you feel better. anti depressants and stress wipes them out of our body, as does alcohol. birth control pills etc, besides 1200 and less calories do not provide all a person needs.

    Give this guy some time and perhaps u two can be friends again.just not right now.
  • lauries3
    lauries3 Posts: 68 Member
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    You all are so wonderful and I will listen and apply the advice that you have given me. One day at a time is the way that I will have to go to get through this all.
    And as far as he is concerned he is emotionally unavailable and that was the problem, he always has to be in control of his feelings. He says that he doesn't want feelings to controll him. So, I am human and a woman and we feel. Haha. So in the long run it will be better for me to be alone.
  • veletsheets222
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    Been to a workshop for the past 2 days and what i've learnt is everybody that has succeeded has failed. take some time breath, think on how u can move forward. U have succeed thus for 1. u lost some weight 2. u have been off ur meds. don't throw away ur accomplishments now. keep thinking of the positives.
  • carlee1212
    carlee1212 Posts: 33 Member
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    It may sound so silly but I think that how you look at yourself will make a huge amount of difference. For a while I had horrible self esteem (it didn't have anything to do with my weight.) I used to tell myself I was lazy, stupid, ugly, a loser, and many other mean things. People must have thought that I had a 100 pound forehead because I was looking at the ground all of the time. I was told to change my inner dialogue. Saying things to myself like " I can't." or "I am so....( Insert negative comment)..." were not ok. I had to remind myself daily about every good thing about me, even if it felt like the goods things were small. Eventually it became a habit and now my self esteem is great and it causes things like losing weight to not seem as tiring as they would have been while I was putting myself down. You are beautiful. I saw your picture. And simple people don't see that they are simple. And you are trying to lose the weight, so give yourself some credit.
  • mamaward64
    mamaward64 Posts: 143 Member
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    You have quite a good group of buds here. Stay strong, you are beautiful and worth your journey.
  • pseel42
    pseel42 Posts: 82 Member
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    First of all, you are not fat or ugly!!! You are a survivor and you will get through this.

    I wish I could say something that will help, but I don't have any friends so I can't relate to what you are going through. All I can do is let you know that if you need someone to listen to you, I am here.

    Good luck to you!!