HEEEEELP MEEEEE! (PLZ. READ - PLEASE!!!) D':
xsaribarix
Posts: 26 Member
OK - I don't know where to start so let me just begin:
This binge eating habit/tendency, whatever or mine is just getting worse and worse. Today I ate a whole container of cookies, I swear to God, for no reason. I wasn't even hungry, I wasn't even craving necessairly, I was just eating to f^cking EAT. Just to f^cking hold sominething in my mouth and CHEW.
Maybe I was bored. Or stressed. or sad. Or lonely. Whatever. But I do this. Every. Single. F^cking day. Now I am up to a size 18/20 and I'm only 4'9'' tall and I forgot my credit card when I went to Lane Bryant today so they're holding the stuff in the "fat" sizes for me until 11/3 or until I can come back with my card before then, I'm wondering if I should cancel the order so I don't have "incentive" to keep gaining weight and just live with tight clothes so I can "learn my lesson" and not binge?
But here's the thing: I binge, and binge, and binge, and binge - and when I'm not bingeing, I'm overstuffing myself past the point of fullness at meals, or I'm grazing throughout the day, not necessarily qualifying as a full-on binge but still with disastrous effects, and I'm putting things in my mouth as I prepare meals, standing up and eating, etc., all mindless ating behaviors that conspire to make me this "big" size I now, unfortunately, am. When I joined MFP I was a size 12, maybe 14. Now I am an 18/20. Totally not the desired effect of why I joined, lol.
I've been in Overeaters Anonymous since early August, and before that off and on since October 2001. I've been through the 12 steps with a sponsor, but we had since had a falling out and as a result my recovery from binge eating has suffered tremendously.
I currently do not have a new sponsor but I do attend a face-to-face OA meeting at least once a week. However, this has still not helped me with my recovery.
Any advice on how not to die of binge eating befoe I'm 40? I'm 30, and my uncle died of binge eating disorder at 53 at 350 lbs. in 2006. Everyone in my family now compares me to him and doesn't want me to die at 40, but I fear I can't avoid this! HELP me avoid it please! HEEEELP!!! D':
This binge eating habit/tendency, whatever or mine is just getting worse and worse. Today I ate a whole container of cookies, I swear to God, for no reason. I wasn't even hungry, I wasn't even craving necessairly, I was just eating to f^cking EAT. Just to f^cking hold sominething in my mouth and CHEW.
Maybe I was bored. Or stressed. or sad. Or lonely. Whatever. But I do this. Every. Single. F^cking day. Now I am up to a size 18/20 and I'm only 4'9'' tall and I forgot my credit card when I went to Lane Bryant today so they're holding the stuff in the "fat" sizes for me until 11/3 or until I can come back with my card before then, I'm wondering if I should cancel the order so I don't have "incentive" to keep gaining weight and just live with tight clothes so I can "learn my lesson" and not binge?
But here's the thing: I binge, and binge, and binge, and binge - and when I'm not bingeing, I'm overstuffing myself past the point of fullness at meals, or I'm grazing throughout the day, not necessarily qualifying as a full-on binge but still with disastrous effects, and I'm putting things in my mouth as I prepare meals, standing up and eating, etc., all mindless ating behaviors that conspire to make me this "big" size I now, unfortunately, am. When I joined MFP I was a size 12, maybe 14. Now I am an 18/20. Totally not the desired effect of why I joined, lol.
I've been in Overeaters Anonymous since early August, and before that off and on since October 2001. I've been through the 12 steps with a sponsor, but we had since had a falling out and as a result my recovery from binge eating has suffered tremendously.
I currently do not have a new sponsor but I do attend a face-to-face OA meeting at least once a week. However, this has still not helped me with my recovery.
Any advice on how not to die of binge eating befoe I'm 40? I'm 30, and my uncle died of binge eating disorder at 53 at 350 lbs. in 2006. Everyone in my family now compares me to him and doesn't want me to die at 40, but I fear I can't avoid this! HELP me avoid it please! HEEEELP!!! D':
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Replies
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Hi there, I have been where you are and I know how hellish it feels, sending virtual hugs and warm wishes and to say you are NOT alone with this. That is why we are in OA.
Beacuse we are 'powerless over food' and that 'only a Power greater than oirselves can restore us to sanity'. That has been my experience. And having a sponsor who understands and a good meeting and just working the steps every day. I found that I needed to have a clear food plan and a clear plan as to what my abstinence is. So for me that is no sugar stuff, no high fat/sugar/whiteflour and moderate portions of other foods and to stick to my calorie allowance per day on MFP. I also go for a 3 meals a day, nothing in between plan.Once I had taken out the foods that caused me the most stress ie the ones I binged on the cravings lessened and my bingeing went away. I still have my mind to contend with but that is where the steps and the support comes in.
PS I find the Serenity Prayer helps a lot!0 -
What I have to say may be very hard and it may not feel very supportive, but it is based on my 10 years of experience with OA. I noticed that you said you were working the program with a sponsor but then went back to binging after you had a problem with your sponsor. To me, this sounds like a person who used the sponsor as a higher power (probably without realizing it)--once the sponsor was gone, there was no one to rely on. Since people are not perfect, it is not wise to put sponsors on these pedestals. Find your real higher power, find the source of true power. From your description, it seems that you have step 1 down because you are able to admit that you are powerless and your life is unmanagable. In step 2, we work on finding a higher power that works for us, a higher power that can and will restore us to sanity.
You have done a very courageous thing in reaching out to others who can understand. Hoorah you!! Keep going to meetings, keep in contact with groups like this who know what you are going through, keep working the steps (alone if you have to until you find a sponsor), actively look for another sponsor, and work work work. You can do this! The most beautiful thing is that you only need to be willing to do this today. It sounds like you can do the work today.
Yea!! (cheerleading)0 -
It sounds like you need to use your support system, or build one. Do you call people from your home meeting, or other meetings? The steps are the foundation of our recovery, but the tools are important as well. They are suggestions for what to do when you don't know what to do. You can call, write, read, go to a meeting, listen to a speaker online, be of service...the urge to eat passes with less damage when we use the tools.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your old sponsor. Sounds like it was not a healthy relationship for you anyway. Find a new sponsor and begin again, that's all. I've had 3 or 4 sponsors in 8 years. It took a while to find the right fit, and frankly I have a recovery partner that I turn to more than to my sponsor now, because that's what works for me.
Keep coming back, you can recover!0
