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Do You Want a 20 Year Marriage?

DMZ_1
DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
in Social Groups
How do you stay married for 20 years? Get married in Vegas when drunk & carry on with your life as if it didn't happen. Seems to have worked for Janeane Garofalo.

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/janeane-garofalo-unwittingly-married-20-years-011530697--abc-news-celebrities.html
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Replies

  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    I didn`t read the article but if I everdo get married I want it to be for life.
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
    I like my marriage like I like my mortgage.. 15 years and full of tax incentives.

    Any longer, than I'd lose interest (no pun intended).
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    Hah! That is funny. (in reference to the article).

    As far as the question goes, to me I wouldn't mind actually trying to be married for life.

    (I say this ironically as I am divorced)

    I am not sure however if, with this current society, that being married for so long is even possible.

    People before seemed to put much emphasis on staying together and working things out.

    People today seem to treat marriage like buying a car, drive it for a while and get a new one.

    I don't know really, I am more traditional in the sense that ultimately I would like to settle with just one person.

    However, again I am not sure that is possible anymore. (of course, not anytime soon either)
  • lniffa
    lniffa Posts: 675 Member
    I read that and thought to myself how the HECK you didn't know you were married!! Things really don't surprise me anymore though.

    I have never been married, but was with someone for 14 years and hoped it would have been for life, but cheating (on his part), broke that up.

    I would hope the next time that I fall in love it would last for the rest of our lives, but you can never predict the future.
  • sunnymel126
    sunnymel126 Posts: 359 Member
    I didn`t read the article but if I everdo get married I want it to be for life.

    This...

    edit: a happy marriage at that... wishful thinking right?
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
    Oh my! Probably the longest marriage in hollywood!

    I always had the intention that I would be married forever. IF .. lol .. I ever got into a relationship long term again, I would hope that it would be forever. I don't know that I would marry again..I'm not sure I could. I seem to have a fear of being trapped in a horrible situation again. Maybe if I met "the love of my life" .. ha.
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
    One of my goals :) but not right now...
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    LOL....I guess that was one way to stay married.

    My first marriage ended after 10 years. There were many issues. We went to counseling, but in the end there were things he wasn't willing to give up for the sake of family.

    I do want to marry again, but it will be a much more slow and deliberate decision. I won't be so blind in believing that "feeling" that love will conquer all. I do believe that two people can be happily married. It just takes a lot of hard work and compromise. There won't be a divorce the second time around.


    **Edited because my grammar is horrible when I haven't had coffee.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    I've been married once for 5 yrs. I dont honestly know that I want to get married again period. I really would prefer to just live together. Its much easier that way. However if the man I am with really wants to get married then I would have to think about it
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    Next one is going to be Common Law. :bigsmile:

    You know where the government steps in and says you're getting off too easy by not having to pay "married" taxes and get dinged the hell out of for being "married" by a little piece of paper.

    But it's going to be for life, I don't want to screw around with dating when I get to that age. (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE ON HERE!)
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    I would want life.

    I have parents still together going on 37 years, and a large extended family with similar great marriages.

    I'm old fashioned in someways and I do think it takes 2 people to be like minded to make it til death do you part..this as we all know isn't so common today. I'd be happy to work on a marriage with someone if I found someone who believed it could work.
    Sadly I don't think men want it that much these days. But really if you get married with out the intention being life why bother?
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    My first time was 14 years. I always wanted to make it to 50 years. Now that I'm 44 and not married I'm thinking that probably won't happen. I plan on living long but first of all not sure I'll get married again and second of all if I do who knows when it might be.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Why would you go into a marriage and not want it for life?
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I can't even bother to date right now so I can't even speak on marriage. What I do know is that if I do get married it's got to be something that I'm willing to dedicate to and work on, because otherwise I wouldn't feel strongly enough to bother.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.

    Then why even get married? Don't you get married because you want forever?

    I'd love to be one of those couples married for fifty years.
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
    my marriage was 10 years. we were together 15.
    i would do 20 if it was a GOOD marriage.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Next month my parents will celebrate their 56th wedding anniversary!! Talk about having an ideal that I will most likely never be able to live up to myself...
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    My parents just celebrated their 40th, they went though some tough times especially around 15 year ago but they worked through it and are stronger for it.
    My grandparents celebrated 70 years together prior to my grandmother passing away at 92
    My other grandparents were together 45 years before my grandfather passed away at 70. My grandfather divorced his first wife after WWII.

    These are the people I look up to for my marriage ideals not hollywood couples.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.

    Then why even get married? Don't you get married because you want forever?

    I'd love to be one of those couples married for fifty years.

    I'd love to be married forever. I am realistic enough to provide an out if it isn't working and to recognize that people often take those closest to them for granted. By adding renewal clauses, you make it less costly to leave if you are neglected or if you grow in different directions. It also makes it less likely to take each other for granted or for people to pretend they are something they are not because there are contingencies put in place to make it less costly to leave. If anything, I'd expect this arrangement to make marriages more solid as both parties would know if they don't work on making the other happy, the marriage will end on a date certain.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
    I love this idea man!!! Make it like lease, with a buyout option at the end...you can keep it if you want, if you feel it just doesn't suit you needs trade it back in a pick a new one ;) lol
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
    I love this idea man!!! Make it like lease, with a buyout option at the end...you can keep it if you want, if you feel it just doesn't suit you needs trade it back in a pick a new one ;) lol
    If that's the case I'm going back to school to be a therapist......I would be rollin in the dough!!!!!!

    Me: So why did you come in today?
    Client: He traded me in for a new, younger model...:sad:

    Cha-ching!!!!!!:smokin:
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
    I love this idea man!!! Make it like lease, with a buyout option at the end...you can keep it if you want, if you feel it just doesn't suit you needs trade it back in a pick a new one ;) lol
    If that's the case I'm going back to school to be a therapist......I would be rollin in the dough!!!!!!

    Me: So why did you come in today?
    Client: He traded me in for a new, younger model...:sad:

    Cha-ching!!!!!!:smokin:

    why so sexist? more likely She traded me in for a luxury model.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
    I love this idea man!!! Make it like lease, with a buyout option at the end...you can keep it if you want, if you feel it just doesn't suit you needs trade it back in a pick a new one ;) lol
    If that's the case I'm going back to school to be a therapist......I would be rollin in the dough!!!!!!

    Me: So why did you come in today?
    Client: He traded me in for a new, younger model...:sad:

    Cha-ching!!!!!!:smokin:

    why so sexist? more likely She traded me in for a luxury model.
    No no no not sexist, but that was the first thing that came to mind.... (taking a 40 year old and trading for two 20 yr olds, lol, I know I'm not the only one who's heard that joke.) :tongue:
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.
    I love this idea man!!! Make it like lease, with a buyout option at the end...you can keep it if you want, if you feel it just doesn't suit you needs trade it back in a pick a new one ;) lol
    If that's the case I'm going back to school to be a therapist......I would be rollin in the dough!!!!!!

    Me: So why did you come in today?
    Client: He traded me in for a new, younger model...:sad:

    Cha-ching!!!!!!:smokin:

    why so sexist? more likely She traded me in for a luxury model.
    No no no not sexist, but that was the first thing that came to mind.... (taking a 40 year old and trading for two 20 yr olds, lol, I know I'm not the only one who's heard that joke.) :tongue:
    Who knows, maybe she'll trade me in for a compact, better gas mileage sure, but no where near the power ;) lol
  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
    Didn't read the article(sorry) , but the number of people here that are not interested or apathetic sort if surprises me; not sure why.

    Unfortunately, I do want to get married again (forever) and am doing nothing right now to make that happen. I realize it's just a piece of paper or even less romantically- a contract, but having been in a live in relationship that wasn't official and having been in one that was (though my marriage was just on paper-no wedding) it really felt different somehow. A lot.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.

    Then why even get married? Don't you get married because you want forever?

    I'd love to be one of those couples married for fifty years.

    I'd love to be married forever. I am realistic enough to provide an out if it isn't working and to recognize that people often take those closest to them for granted. By adding renewal clauses, you make it less costly to leave if you are neglected or if you grow in different directions. It also makes it less likely to take each other for granted or for people to pretend they are something they are not because there are contingencies put in place to make it less costly to leave. If anything, I'd expect this arrangement to make marriages more solid as both parties would know if they don't work on making the other happy, the marriage will end on a date certain.

    But why then 3-5 years as you stated? I agree that there should be provisions in place if they are wanted, but why put a time limit on it as you wrote?
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.

    Then why even get married? Don't you get married because you want forever?

    I'd love to be one of those couples married for fifty years.

    I'd love to be married forever. I am realistic enough to provide an out if it isn't working and to recognize that people often take those closest to them for granted. By adding renewal clauses, you make it less costly to leave if you are neglected or if you grow in different directions. It also makes it less likely to take each other for granted or for people to pretend they are something they are not because there are contingencies put in place to make it less costly to leave. If anything, I'd expect this arrangement to make marriages more solid as both parties would know if they don't work on making the other happy, the marriage will end on a date certain.

    But why then 3-5 years as you stated? I agree that there should be provisions in place if they are wanted, but why put a time limit on it as you wrote?

    I mentioned a renewal clause.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I think the incentives would be better if you treated marriage like most contracts. Make it for 3 to 5 years. Have terms for the dissolution at the end of that period and provide a clause that both sides have a renewal option they can exercise. It is much less likely that either party would take the other for granted if they really valued the relationship, neither party could really feel that trapped in a bad marriage, etc.

    Then why even get married? Don't you get married because you want forever?

    I'd love to be one of those couples married for fifty years.

    I'd love to be married forever. I am realistic enough to provide an out if it isn't working and to recognize that people often take those closest to them for granted. By adding renewal clauses, you make it less costly to leave if you are neglected or if you grow in different directions. It also makes it less likely to take each other for granted or for people to pretend they are something they are not because there are contingencies put in place to make it less costly to leave. If anything, I'd expect this arrangement to make marriages more solid as both parties would know if they don't work on making the other happy, the marriage will end on a date certain.

    But why then 3-5 years as you stated? I agree that there should be provisions in place if they are wanted, but why put a time limit on it as you wrote?

    I mentioned a renewal clause.

    Ah okay gotcha.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Twenty years wouldn't be long enough, with the right person. Mind you, my grandparents made it to nearly sixty years, and were blissfully in love even at the end, and my parents only split after 30-odd years and are still friendly, so my models are more successful in this regard than the average.

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