what does abstinence mean to you?
rlinz123
Posts: 30
Hello, I am completely new to OA (I attended my first meeting last night but I do plan to continue to attend meetings). I am still learning the terminology and traditions and steps of OA. I was stuck last night by the use of the term "abstinence." I think abstinence probably means different things to different people, and I am trying to come up with my own definition for me.
I think for me abstinence will mean:
1. no bingeing
2. no sneaking food
3. eating healthfully and mindfully
That being said, I'm wondering if abstinence can evolve over time. Eventually, I would like to give up soda and sugar, but I am not ready for that yet. I can't completely change my habits overnight, and I know this about myself.
If anyone has any advice or is willing to share his/her definition of "abstinence," I'd appreciate it! Thank you.
I think for me abstinence will mean:
1. no bingeing
2. no sneaking food
3. eating healthfully and mindfully
That being said, I'm wondering if abstinence can evolve over time. Eventually, I would like to give up soda and sugar, but I am not ready for that yet. I can't completely change my habits overnight, and I know this about myself.
If anyone has any advice or is willing to share his/her definition of "abstinence," I'd appreciate it! Thank you.
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All the things you mentioned PLUS for me, eating under my calorie plan. Then there's some things that I have added into my "abstinence" routine - Did I exercise? I really think for me, total abstinence means under or on my cals, and doing exercise. Then I feel totally abstinent. Those cals mean a lot to me, a lot to my body. Also of course, no binging, no overeating. I haven't been for a few weeks.0
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Thanks. Exercise is also really important to me, so I might try to incorporate it into my own definition of abstinence as well.0
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YW
I'm here for you (((hugs)))
EDIT: Exercise also means just SIMPLE things: Did I walk to the store or ride my bike to the store? It doesn't have to mean anything big like - did I run today? I like running at home to videos (see my profile) but I haven't been doing that lately.
What I have been doing for exercise is walking or riding my bike to the grocery store, I have paniers, and I'm blessed to have a DH (dear husband) who has been enjoying walking with me or riding to the store to do exercise too. 0 -
Welcome to OA :-)
As you said, abstinence will be different for everyone. I've found it hard to define, I started out with simply 'no bingeing', then I kept adding things to that and the list became longer and longer, at one point it looked something like: no bingeing, 3 meals a day and a snack, then 3 meals a day and no snack, then no sugar, no sugar and no flour, no eating after 8pm, etc... I was listening to OA podcasts and heard OAs talk who had 20 years or more of back to back abstinence and I wanted to be just as perfect as them.
It felt very restrictive and I was desperate to get my food 'under control'. I've since let go of that and I'm trying to have a more natural relationship with food (sorry if this sounds vague). Right now my abstinence means not bingeing, that's it, and MFP is one of the tools that helps me. Progress, not perfection.0 -
Thanks Jane and Devrid. Devrid, that is really helpful, when I heard the leader of our meeting talking about several years of abstinence -- and for him that meant no sugar, no wheat, 3 "clean" meals a day, it sounded really strict. I know that I can't just jump right into that from past experiences. I also want to have what you describe as a "natural' relationship with food (for me that means not obsessing about my weight, food, etc.).
Jane, that is great that your husband is supportive. What is paniers??? My wife is very supportive of my attempts to eat healthier and get more exercise. We have two small children and I work full time, so I find that the easiest time for me to workout is very early in the morning. It's HARD, but I'm trying to get up very early for two bootcamp classes plus a "fit walk" class each week. Occasionally I can get to the gym for a quick workout during my lunch break as well.0 -
This is a GREAT topic. Thanks for posting it. I have been in OA for 10 years (I celebrate my 10th OA birthday on Oct 17th) and one of the greatest changes I have seen is the addition of an action plan as a tool.
I personally think of abstinence as being free from food obsession or, if I have a day where the obsession is active, eat in a way that God would be happy with.
For my action plan, I think to myself, "What do I have to do to remain abstinent?" Because this disease involves spiritual, emotional, and physical parts, I make sure that my action plan includes something for all three.0 -
My abstinence is not throwing up.
My food plan is 3 meals per day with 2 optional snacks. I am trying to not go under 300 calories less than MFP recommends.
I have been in program for 7 years. This is what is working for me today
Once in a while, if I see I am having a problem with a particular food or ingredient, I give it up for 30 days and reevaluate. So far I have not permanently given up any foods.
Thanks for the topic!0 -
Hi,
I have been abstinent in OA for a little over three years. I see a difference between abstinence, a food plan, and a plan of action.
My abstinence is no sugary stuff (cookies, candy, cakes, etc.) and no peanut butter. My abstinence is black & white. I don't change my abstinence without talking to my sponsor.
My food plan is lots of fruits and veggies; keeping white flower to a minimum; eating legumes, nuts & seeds; whole grains; no junk food; and keeping track of my food. My food plan has evolved over time to be healthier and healthier. There is plenty of room for imperfection and change in my food plan.
My action plan includes regular exercise, calling my food in to my sponsor on a daily basis, attending meetings, sponsoring others, reading my OA literature & doing my spiritual reading each day, etc.
Hope this helps!0 -
Thanks Jane and Devrid. Devrid, that is really helpful, when I heard the leader of our meeting talking about several years of abstinence -- and for him that meant no sugar, no wheat, 3 "clean" meals a day, it sounded really strict. I know that I can't just jump right into that from past experiences. I also want to have what you describe as a "natural' relationship with food (for me that means not obsessing about my weight, food, etc.).
Jane, that is great that your husband is supportive. What is paniers??? My wife is very supportive of my attempts to eat healthier and get more exercise. We have two small children and I work full time, so I find that the easiest time for me to workout is very early in the morning. It's HARD, but I'm trying to get up very early for two bootcamp classes plus a "fit walk" class each week. Occasionally I can get to the gym for a quick workout during my lunch break as well.
Bike Panniers
http://www.amazon.com/Avenir-Metro-Panniers-Cubic-Inch-Capacity/dp/B00165Q90I/ref=sr_1_3?s=cycling&ie=UTF8&qid=1349675776&sr=1-30 -
Ah, cool. Thanks.0
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Thank you everyone for sharing! This is all really useful and interesting information. I'm glad to see that abstinence is personal for each individual and C3SueBee, your explanation of the difference between abstinence, a food plan, and an action plan is also really useful.0
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Hi,
I have been abstinent in OA for a little over three years. I see a difference between abstinence, a food plan, and a plan of action.
My abstinence is no sugary stuff (cookies, candy, cakes, etc.) and no peanut butter. My abstinence is black & white. I don't change my abstinence without talking to my sponsor.
My food plan is lots of fruits and veggies; keeping white flower to a minimum; eating legumes, nuts & seeds; whole grains; no junk food; and keeping track of my food. My food plan has evolved over time to be healthier and healthier. There is plenty of room for imperfection and change in my food plan.
My action plan includes regular exercise, calling my food in to my sponsor on a daily basis, attending meetings, sponsoring others, reading my OA literature & doing my spiritual reading each day, etc.
Hope this helps!
I can't express how helpful this post was! Thank you.0 -
Well I have only been abstinent for 1 week and as one of the previous forum members stated it is black and white for me too. I do the 3 meals per day, I log into myfitnesspal, I exercise by walking 4 times a week. I have to get a sponsor at my meeting tonight so I am sure there will be some extra to add on to this - oh yes and no fast food or junk food for me. So far so good 0
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My definition of abstinence is; abstaining from eating beyond my satisfaction level and into discomfort and regret. I've binged 'mostly on chips' but on anything from carrots to healthy meats. For me it's about the out of control, uncounscious aspect of the eating that I am most concerned about.0
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My definition of abstinence is; abstaining from eating beyond my satisfaction level and into discomfort and regret.
I REALLY like this. May I adopt it?0 -
It's so helpful hearing how others define abstinence!
My definition is no seconds (which precludes binging) and only eat foods that have some redeeming nutritional value.
I was abstinent for 9 months (May 2011 through Jan 2012) but have been struggling with it off and on since. On the plus side, thanks to OA, my binges have been at most days rather than years.0 -
My definition of abstinence is; abstaining from eating beyond my satisfaction level and into discomfort and regret.
I REALLY like this. May I adopt it?
Absolutely if you feel the same way .0 -
*incredibly* helpful post! Thank you for bringing this up.
As a very, very, very new newbie... my abstinence is still extremely black and white. I don't feel strong enough yet to allow any kind of wiggle room. No trigger foods. Nothing but water to drink. Eat one serving size. Only one. Log every bite. 3 days exercise, 1 day rest, repeat.
Seems kind of fanatical when I see it all in print like that. But I am binge-free since 9/10/12... so fanatical must be working for me. 0 -
Seems kind of fanatical when I see it all in print like that. But I am binge-free since 9/10/12... so fanatical must be working for me.
You won't find any judgment here! I should say "from me", sometimes some responses can be a bit judgmental:(. However, I think we need to find what works for us. It would be lovely if we all had a natural relationship with food, our hunger and our bodies. But, if I had that, I wouldn't be in this mess, or need this group. My understanding of abstinence and my relationship with food continues to evolve. I'm also sure there are times, usually when I see my calorie count too high, that I feel I "fell off the wagon." At times I still wish for an easier method of "sobriety". It sounds like you're finding something that is working for you. I'd say go with it,at least for a time, and see how it works for you.0 -
This is such a great topic! While I haven't yet sat down to "outline" a specific plan, I can tell when I'm off the mark. There is a tough process that sneaks over me ... there is an internal conversation that happens that leads me down the dark road. It's the voice that says "take that bite".
What does abstinence mean to me? Freedom. Peace. Release of obsession.
Abstinence is a very good thing worth surrendering for ...
:flowerforyou:0 -
i have the guidelines of my abstinence posted on my profile page under:
"my food plan / what works for me"0 -
i believe OA is a growth process and abstinence/food plans can be figured out by having a discussion with your doctor or sponsor.
abstinence is very personal and some things i have learned are: being too restrictive will make you feel deprived and depressed. that being said three meals is not a free pass to eat all kinds of junk.
honesty plays a huge role. besides to begin we must admit there is a problem right? so stuffing our faces and calling that abstinence is a bad move.
my abstinence is my MFP calorie goal and no binging. that is all i can handle right now. i did the program and had three years of abstinence and a HUGE weight loss only to give it up because I was becoming so resentful of the abstinence plan i set upon myself. I was way tooo restrictive and crashed and burned.
it's been a few years but i know OA works and i am coming back to it with a fresh perspective. four days so far.... hopefully my days will turn into weeks, months, years.0 -
Abstinence is so very hard for me. So many things call my name. products containing salt, chocolate, donuts (flour and sugar). But I am making progress. I can now go shopping and bypass the bakery and not buy the donuts, and that Is huge for me. It seems that every time I stop eating a certain item, like chocolate, I find a new one that I didn't know I even had.
Abstinence to me, letting go of what we love, or having it in very small amounts, once in a while. One thing I have been abstaining from is exercise lately. I do have a gym membership but haven't used it much. I do need to get back into the gym plus I have workout video's and yoga video's at home. I need to get back to yoga every morning.0 -
I agree that abstinence is different for everybody because we need food to live. It's like picking up a white chip everyday. We need to learn to eat in moderation. That's like telling an alcoholic that alcohol is a legitimate food group so they MUST drink in moderation to survive. Huh?! :noway: I honestly don't have a definition for "abstinence" at this time.0
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That's right... progress, not perfection. The day I have perfect "abstinence" is the day I'm cured. Not going to happen.0
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I STRUGGLED WITH DEFINING ABSTINENCE FOR A VERY LONG TIME. EVENTUALLY I REALIZED THAT FOR ME IT IS A MOVING TARGET. AS MY NEEDS CHANGE I HAVE TO RE DEFINE THE SPECIFICS; HOWEVER, THE SHORT DEFINITION IS MEETING THE GOALS I NEED TO ACHIEVE AND MAINTAIN GOOD HEALTH.
RIGHT NOW THIS MEANS:
-AVOID FOODS THAT TRIGGER MY URGE TO BINGE AND/ OR MAKE ME ILL
-NEVER EAT WHAT I DON'T LIKE JUST TO KEEP EATING
-MEET MY GOALS FOR PROTEIN, FAT AND CARBOHYDRATE INTAKE
-STOP EATING BEFORE I FEEL FULL; NO MORE EATING TILL IT HURTS
-NEVER PLAN CALORIE CONTROLLED BINGES SO I MAY KEEP EATING WITHOUT WEIGHT GAIN
-AVERAGE WITHIN MY CALORIE RANGE EACH WEEK
IT TOOK YEARS FOR ME TO FIGURE THIS OUT. SOMEHOW I THOUGHT THERE WAS A ONE SIZE FITS ALL DEFINITION SIMILAR TO HOW COMPULSIVE OVEREATING IS DEFINED. THANKFULLY, FORUMS LIKE THIS ONE HAVE TAUGHT ME THAT GIVEN OUR REASONS FOR NEEDING OA VARY WIDELY, SO MUST OUR DEFINITIONS OF ABSTINENCE.
THE HARD OF HEARING MAY SPEAK LOUD... I'M HARD OF SEEING SO I TYPE LOUD. ;-)0
