Would you be hurt if your SO thought others looked better?
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
Was talking with a coworker about how his woman will be the one that thinks he's the hottest man in the room. I didn't tell him, but this guy wasn't exactly "good looking," and I was hoping to plant a seed that would help him in the future, so I told him how many of my friends (and myself included) often fall for a man on more than just looks. That even if a man's looks are average his personality can really light our fire.
Then I went to Zumba, where most of the women are south American and their waists are smaller than one of my thighs (lol) and I wondered how I'd feel if BB walked in the room. These latinas aren't your American skinny no shape woman. They're tiny with big boobs and a nice amount of hip.
There's a part of me that would feel intimidated (would he be thinking how hot they were compared to me), but I would hope his love for me would cancel out any hots he was feeling for them. So I wouldn't let it bother me. Just like I hope he wouldn't let it bother him that I'm surrounded out here by TONS of special forces eye candy. Yeah, these guys have the muscles and tats and that tough guy attitude, but while they're fun to look at they, uh, "do" nothing for me.
Thinking back to the convo with my coworker, I wonder... would most people be offended if their SO acknowledged that someone else looks better? Do you find my mindset mature or am I, perhaps, exposing more of my "jerky" side...?
Then I went to Zumba, where most of the women are south American and their waists are smaller than one of my thighs (lol) and I wondered how I'd feel if BB walked in the room. These latinas aren't your American skinny no shape woman. They're tiny with big boobs and a nice amount of hip.
There's a part of me that would feel intimidated (would he be thinking how hot they were compared to me), but I would hope his love for me would cancel out any hots he was feeling for them. So I wouldn't let it bother me. Just like I hope he wouldn't let it bother him that I'm surrounded out here by TONS of special forces eye candy. Yeah, these guys have the muscles and tats and that tough guy attitude, but while they're fun to look at they, uh, "do" nothing for me.
Thinking back to the convo with my coworker, I wonder... would most people be offended if their SO acknowledged that someone else looks better? Do you find my mindset mature or am I, perhaps, exposing more of my "jerky" side...?
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Thinking back to the convo with my coworker, I wonder... would most people be offended if their SO acknowledged that someone else looks better? Do you find my mindset mature or am I, perhaps, exposing more of my "jerky" side...?
i wouldnt be offended because physical beauty is pretty much subjective, so there will always be someone prettier and someone less pretty. maybe i would be more worried if the main reason a guy was with me was because of my looks (which will never ever happen :laugh: ), but i've never dated anyone that shallow. those guys tend to prune themselves very quickly
as for the mindset question, i find it easier to be self confident rather than continually compare and contrast myself with other people.
also i like how you're helping your coworker
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To me, there is always gonna be someone hotter than you. I think it's okay to acknowledge it, like I said, but no one needs to harp on it. It becomes a problem if the BF/GF is always staring at other people or making comments about others' hotness.
I would be offended if my guy said, "that girl is hotter than you," even if it's true and even if that is what I was thinking too. It just doesn't need to be said.0 -
As long as he thought I was the most beautiful girl (because to me beauty is so much more than hot looks) I could care less who he thinks is hot or hotter. Of course, don't tell me that the hot girl who walked in is hotter than me! But as I've gotten older I have accepted there are hotter, younger, smarter, etc women than me but nobody else is me. That's what I want my SO to see in me.0
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You guys think about this?
EDIT: Listen, this posts reeks of unnecessary insecurity.
Do your man a favor and stop entertaining these thoughts.0 -
There are people hotter than me. And I am hotter than a lot of people. S'long as I get the goods at the end of the day we're solid.0
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You guys think about this?
EDIT: Listen, this posts reeks of unnecessary insecurity.
Do your man a favor and stop entertaining these thoughts.
Did you... even read the post?0 -
You guys think about this?
EDIT: Listen, this posts reeks of unnecessary insecurity.
Do your man a favor and stop entertaining these thoughts.
Did you... even read the post?
Yeah really.0 -
You guys think about this?
EDIT: Listen, this posts reeks of unnecessary insecurity.
Do your man a favor and stop entertaining these thoughts.
Did you... even read the post?
Yeah really.
Ack checkmate.
Fair enough, reread and i retract my statement.0 -
This is pretty much it.To me, there is always gonna be someone hotter than you. I think it's okay to acknowledge it, like I said, but no one needs to harp on it. It becomes a problem if the BF/GF is always staring at other people or making comments about others' hotness.
As a man, though, you need to keep your eyes open to find the newer model when the current one is falling apart.
Joking aside and slightly off topic, I'm wondering if relationships can only go one way after a while: getting "used to" the partner, feeling less "raw attraction" for the partner, losing that feeling of discovery and conquest - trading all of this of course for a deeper knowledge of the partner.
All of this sounds a bit boring if you're not aspiring for a quiet, planned, predictable life (although arguably this life would present its own challenges too, but probably on a different scale).0 -
I always figure that men will look, I just better be the one they come home to.
The reality is there are many attractive people in the world and humans like beauty..it catches our eye, men and women both.
We can't stop that nor should we have to. But look don't touch!
I certainly hope that if I ever end up with a partner that he will think I'm hot...but I would consider him delusional if he thought I was the hottest woman on earth. But I would hope my combination of looks and personality would be what keeps him coming back to me. And vice versa.0 -
I would not care if a lady thought someone looked better then me,probably half the male population does.
If she desired them more then me for whatever reasons then that would be an issue.0 -
I tend to be the one when I am with a guy that will point out and go "OMG her boobs are awesome". I know I am not the best looking person in the room usually but I am confident in myself that I have no issue with it usually. As long as the guy I am with isn't acting out on it any an unusual way then I wouldn't have an issue with it.0
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My exhusband would openly check out girls when I was with him. It really made a dent in my self esteem. The young guy I was dating always made a point of saying that he had no interest in even looking at other girls, that his friends would check out the girls that came into work and he would just shake his head, which made me feel really good .. but then I felt like he was acknowledging that I suck, but he didn't care .. lol.
I just think that people need to be aware of your partners feelings and just be nice. There are so many games and crap that goes on that it gets old.
Answering that question .. yes I would be hurt, but I would also know in my head that there are other people that look way better than I. There is nothing that can be done about it and you can't spend your life worrying about it.0 -
I openly acknowledge the bueaty of both sexes. I have and will continue to point out hot chicks to my man and to my man friends. I have no insecurities when it comes to that. I know Im not the hottest girl in the room but I'm probably the most confident, fun one. I will also check out a hot guy Im in a relationship not blind... For the women it bothers by your man some dark sun glasses and tell him to look without moving his head lol0
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I wouldn't be. As Carl said, there's plenty of good looking, more in shape, fitter guys than me. It's just nature.0
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To me, there is always gonna be someone hotter than you. I think it's okay to acknowledge it, like I said, but no one needs to harp on it. It becomes a problem if the BF/GF is always staring at other people or making comments about others' hotness.
I would be offended if my guy said, "that girl is hotter than you," even if it's true and even if that is what I was thinking too. It just doesn't need to be said.
^^^ Agreed. While I may not be the hottest girl in the room, I am me. Nobody else has the same personality and looks that makes me, me.0 -
It's a competitive world out there.. so yes, there are going to be many, many better looking women out there. Most of the time, guys will look at an attractive women for a few seconds, think about it for another couple of seconds, and then completely forget out her. As long as he doesn't act on it, then I don't see any harm.
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.0 -
It's a competitive world out there.. so yes, there are going to be many, many better looking women out there. Most of the time, guys will look at an attractive women for a few seconds, think about it for another couple of seconds, and then completely forget out her. As long as he doesn't act on it, then I don't see any harm.
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Would you be so sanguine about your female partner looking at and thinking about a hotter guy while she's with you?0 -
It's a competitive world out there.. so yes, there are going to be many, many better looking women out there. Most of the time, guys will look at an attractive women for a few seconds, think about it for another couple of seconds, and then completely forget out her. As long as he doesn't act on it, then I don't see any harm.
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Would you be so sanguine about your female partner looking at and thinking about a hotter guy while she's with you?
Absolutely.
I know there are many better looking men out there than me, so I have no problem with a women doing some window shopping. It's just human nature.
I have a very cavalier attitude when it comes to stuff like this.0 -
It's a competitive world out there.. so yes, there are going to be many, many better looking women out there. Most of the time, guys will look at an attractive women for a few seconds, think about it for another couple of seconds, and then completely forget out her. As long as he doesn't act on it, then I don't see any harm.
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Would you be so sanguine about your female partner looking at and thinking about a hotter guy while she's with you?
Absolutely.
I know there are many better looking men out there than me, so I have no problem with a women doing some window shopping. It's just human nature.
I have a very cavalier attitude when it comes to stuff like this.
Fair enough. I'm with the majority on this. Feel free to admire discreetly, then remember all the other reasons you love me, and turn away. But for heavens' sake, don't make a regular thing of commenting on how 'hot' other women are in front of me. I wouldn't do it to you about other men, so extend me the same courtesy.0 -
It's a competitive world out there.. so yes, there are going to be many, many better looking women out there. Most of the time, guys will look at an attractive women for a few seconds, think about it for another couple of seconds, and then completely forget out her. As long as he doesn't act on it, then I don't see any harm.
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Would you be so sanguine about your female partner looking at and thinking about a hotter guy while she's with you?
Absolutely.
I know there are many better looking men out there than me, so I have no problem with a women doing some window shopping. It's just human nature.
I have a very cavalier attitude when it comes to stuff like this.
Fair enough. I'm with the majority on this. Feel free to admire discreetly, then remember all the other reasons you love me, and turn away. But for heavens' sake, don't make a regular thing of commenting on how 'hot' other women are in front of me. I wouldn't do it to you about other men, so extend me the same courtesy.
I definitely wouldn't make comments to a girlfriend if I saw a pretty girl at the gym.
"Hey honey.. look at dat *kitten* on that 19 year old!"
"Hey dear.. I can't stop staring at that petite Spanish woman's butt!"
I don't have a death wish :laugh:0 -
To me, there is always gonna be someone hotter than you. I think it's okay to acknowledge it, like I said, but no one needs to harp on it. It becomes a problem if the BF/GF is always staring at other people or making comments about others' hotness.
I would be offended if my guy said, "that girl is hotter than you," even if it's true and even if that is what I was thinking too. It just doesn't need to be said.
I agree. As long as he doesn't SAY it, then it's fine.. It's only natural.
If my guy wants to be with me, he will be with me. If he doesn't then he is free to leave and seek companionship elsewhere.0 -
I definitely wouldn't make comments to a girlfriend if I saw a pretty girl at the gym.
"Hey honey.. look at dat *kitten* on that 19 year old!"
"Hey dear.. I can't stop staring at that petite Spanish woman's butt!"
I don't have a death wish :laugh:
Wise move! :laugh:0 -
You guys think about this?
EDIT: Listen, this posts reeks of unnecessary insecurity.
Do your man a favor and stop entertaining these thoughts.
I have to say I like this.... I'd love to live by this....and I hope/assume that it will just take time for my brain to shut the "insecurity aka you've been hurt before" sabotage button off.
I'm gonna say that *I* dont think about this...but it creeps into my mind as much as I don't want it to, uninvited, it succeeds, hence time will be where I find the above said button. :bigsmile:
I am the kind of woman though that will, point out in front of a man that another woman's *kitten* or other part is exceptionally good looking....said via these words: "Dayum...."
Then I have to explain that yes I look at women too, no I'm not bi, and it's ok to look. "It doesnt matter where you work your appetite up, as long as you eat at home" :laugh:0 -
When you really love someone, they really are the most attractive hottest person in the world to you though. Like I can see a drop dead gorgeous man and say to myself, that's a drop dead gorgeous man! But then I see the person Im in love with and Im like........ wait what was I saying?0
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When you really love someone, they really are the most attractive hottest person in the world to you though. Like I can see a drop dead gorgeous man and say to myself, that's a drop dead gorgeous man! But then I see the person Im in love with and Im like........ wait what was I saying?
Yes, Yoovie nailed it. For me, I can think someone is hot, but so much more attraction comes from that connection you have with a partner (when you are with the RIGHT partner). Also, NOT being insecure usually ups your attractiveness level as well, so not being all insecure when around people you may "think" are more attractive is usually a good thing as well.0 -
I feel that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, etc. When my boyfriend and I are out in public we comment on people, tell each other we think they are hot or if we'd do them, but we both know there is no one in the world better than each other.0
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When you really love someone, they really are the most attractive hottest person in the world to you though. Like I can see a drop dead gorgeous man and say to myself, that's a drop dead gorgeous man! But then I see the person Im in love with and Im like........ wait what was I saying?
Most of the time when I see a gorgeous man I suspect he's an arrogant jerk. And since it's personality more than looks I don’t really care too much unless he proves me wrong by displaying a great personality.0 -
And put it in perspective.. would one of those 20 year old Spanish women w/ fake boobs and a killer butt be interested in your man in the first place? If not.. then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
This bothers me for a couple reasons... first of all, I didn't say anything about 20 year olds. Most of these women are in their late 30s/early 40s. Secondly, I didn't say I was worried about him being around them. I know I'm not the best looker in the world, but I do pretty well for myself, even at a size 16 180 lbs. And the final reason this bothers me: it almost implies that I and/or my boyfriend are not that great anyway, so who cares if you’re around hotter people cuz no one wants either of you anyway.
Life is about more than just a hot body. I see hot guys all the time, but they don't turn me on like the man who loves me.0 -
mature
Of course, I am going to notice other attractive people. So will he. BUT when I am in love, when I am totally "into" a man, it doesn't matter about all the other eye candy, because, to me, he is the most gorgeous man on the face of the planet. Does that mean that somehow physically he transformed into a greek god over the course of our dating relationship? Ummm, no. It just means that I'm so inclined to him that I don't pay attention to anyone else...
Clear as mud?0
