I know you are frustrated, and I know its not easy. We want the weight gone and we want it gone NOW!!! But think in the long term. What is the point of starving yourself for the next 6 months to drop everything, only to gain it all back the second you eat a bit more?..
Your friend.. the one who looks skinny and eats potato skins... stop comparing yourself to her.. You have no idea what she does in her day to be able to do that. She might work out like a fiend (which still isnt good)..she might count her calories and is able to work things in like that to eat.. she might be a binge/purger.. she maybe eats nothing all day so she can eat those friend things at night. She may also have the worst heart, liver and stomach conditions because of her crappy eating. Believe me, you do not want that!. You are not her. Remember that!

Second, I took a look through your diary. You seriously need to stop eating out so much, stop eating the processed foods. Almost every day over the past few weeks your sodium levels are 1000+mg OVER your daily target. That alone is a reaons nothing can show on the scale.. your hanging on to sooo much water because of the salt.. If you are serious about wanting to make the changes to get healthy and lose the weight, you HAVE to change your eating habits. 3500+ mg of salt or more in a day is not going to do anything for you. Stop with the eating out. Concentrate on learning how to cook properly for yourself and eating more in the house.. Itshard at first, but once you get into it, eating at home is not a lot of work and sooooo much better for you. Unless your diet doesnt clean up, there is going to be very little you will be able to do. Losing weight is 80% your diet. You need to commit to changing it and then sticking to that for at least a month or 6 weeks in order to see any kind of change. Concentrate on protein and keeping the "bad" carbs low. Drink your water. Stay away from salt.

Once your diet is in control, then you can work on the exercise. Kep doing whatever you are doing though. It can help relieve your stress levels and give you an "out" to yourself. But right now, I think you need to worry about your eating and getting that under control.


I know its hard, and we are all here to help you out, give suggestions and such. Its not easy, especially if you have never done it before. But it does get easier, I promise.

Have you considered getting your BMR tested professionally? Have you had your thyroid tested? Are you on any medications?


Sometimes the hardest thing about this way of life, is figuring out where the starting point is. You know you dont want to give up and eat next to nothing again, so now is finding the right spot for you to eat right and lose the weight. And it is very possible you are still not eating enough.. I would also agree with jumping to moderate level and giving it another 4 weeks to see what happens. Get back to normal eating again and getting the salt out of you... then you will have a better idea of where your "real" number is right now. Have you taken a diet break recently and ate at TDEE? (I know, last thing you want to do..:)) But I would consider it as well..

Work on your macros. lowering the carbs.. maybe try eliminating them for a week and see what happens there.. you might find you have an intolerance to gluten...

I know how frustrating it is. I know if I were you, Id be in no better shape mentally over gaining as much as you did.. but know that we WILL help you find the answer..Start with your doctor and ask to have your thyroid and bloodwork done.. then have your BMR tested.. that will at least let you know if you are eating enough or too much..

Hugs

I just had a quick look at your diary too, and apart from the other poster's comment about a ridiculous amount of processed food, I am wondering where the veggies and fruits are?

You are way under on fibre for the days I checked out...so, the sodium = water retention and the lack of fibre = um, irregular bowel movements so there's a double whammy right there.

And, I'm sorry, but I don't understand why transitioning to a new job means letting go of eating well. Moving house? I get that, after all you don't want the house full of fresh stuff when you are about to move. But changing jobs? Don't get that.

I'm not giving up, I just don't know where to go next. I'm driving myself NUTS ... along with the people around me, lol.

Right now, my BMR is around 1850, TDEE around 2500, eating around 2050 (light activity level - I workout 3 days a week or so, heavy lifting, some cardio) and I'm going over carbs, under protein, ballparking fats either direction. I weigh 235 on a good day, as high as 243 on a bad day. I started EM2WL at 213... I just want to get back to that AT LEAST.

I've hit my macros on the head for quite a while with no success, so I've been trying to focus just on calories for a bit. This past week I came in way under on calories a few days ... and my fat jeans are SUPER SUPER SUPER tight today!! I used to not even be able to wear them out in public because they were so big!! As far as water, I drink TONS and pee a LOT. I did a reset a while back, but only gained. Then I gained when I cut. I can't reset again; I can't take the gain any more. I need to lose or I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm uncomfortable in my own body and truly hate myself right now.

I'm just not really sure what to do now. I've gotten SOOOOO much advice, I've taken it, I've tried it, I've only gained weight and inches. I'm so lost.

...i think you are taking in too many calories right now. not great advice, i know. and i know you've checked all the calculators, etc... but your body in individual and separate from those. i personally, would drop to 1500-1600 and see how it goes for a few weeks.

I agree with some of the previous posters...try to cut down on the carbs/starches/sugars. Recently, I have been trying a "wheat free" diet (more for digestive issues) and its *AMAZING* how many foods you "can't" have...but at the same time it forces you to eat more protein and veggies...

Try it for a couple of weeks...tell yourself you're "allergic to wheat" and see how many other options are out there...that might get the scale moving in the right direction...

Try to add more protein such as Greek yogurt, protein shakes, nuts, and lean meats...also more veggies, eggs and fruit...

Sorry that you are going through a hard time. I can relate to the "compare/despair" feeling you get in the presence of your junkfood eating thin friend... that is the sort of thing that has bugged me since childhood... I'm a little better now (easier because I actually hit my goal), but that thinking is there and I have to battle it sometimes. It's important not to give up, I'm not feeling well, was getting back into exercising after an injury and spent a week sick and I realized how fragile that my self esteem can be if I base it on my latest workout, weight or diet. It's hard... but those things are not who you are.. Who you are is the person who is in there no matter what your body is doing, and the one who can try, and who preservers... I don't know, I do the compare thing- but it's like anything in life, some things are just easier for some people... but it is also true that you don't know what is behind their circumstance. I have gotten to know some of the girls who I envied in High School (I'm 43), and I am finding out that a lot of them had issues I didn't now about, one for example, who always had a great figure struggles with an eating disorder to this day. My best friend has the same issues, and people that don't know that say all sorts of jealous things to her, but they have no idea how much she struggles with it. You wouldn't want that... it consumes people. Then there are just those with the gift of DNA, who are tiny body types and have fast metabolism...

What is interesting to me, is when I follow fitness blogs, and I see all these people with amazing physiques... they are not the folks that this comes easily to, they are the people who had to make a turn around, made amazing transformations and want to share what they learned with others. Myfitnesspal is full of great people, and also there are some on Facebook public pages that you can follow. They will share their ups and downs with you and you can message them, they will tell you how they coped.

I lost about 43-46 lbs... I started losing weight, needed help with an arthritic condition so I had to get help from a trainer... this also helped a lot with the weight thing... but if someone from the outside just looked at me now, they would not know all the time, effort, MONEY (yeah it sucks but I am not a high income person, training is expensive... but there's a reason why getting fit is easier for wealthy celebrities... they get trainers to help them, and this helps a LOT...) What I'm saying is, do not compare your situation to people who might have other variables in their lives that make it an un-level playing field... It's not fair to you.

Basically how I dropped my weight (aside from good training) was calories in vs. calories out. It can all be measured. Be honest when you do your calculations on Myfitnesspal to establish your daily caloric intake goal... and realize to lose, you have to burn a good amount more than you take in... on maintenance I learned this is very difficult... I am always going over and may have to try and lose again... But that's because I was more precise before: measure your food, weigh it... you'd be surprised... if you don't do this you might be taking in a lot more calories than you think.

Someone said to get your eating right and then start exercising. I couldn't disagree more. You can start both at the same time, in fact exercise will make you want to eat correctly- you are making an investment. Also, you might want to start exercising before you make too drastic a calorie cut... get in a routine and keep reducing until you are at the right level for weight loss. What helps as far as exercise, is cardio. The dreaded cardio. If you cannot do intense cardio... can you walk? I discovered I like running outdoors... which makes cardio a lot easier for me. Running is about 100 calories a mile, and you do not have to go fast. But there is so much else you can do.... you will burn several hundred calories more a day, have more energy, and it will rev up your metabolism.

I can't see your info, do not know what your situation is as far as being able to exercise or not, but it really helps. I was dreading the gym, procrastinated every time I had to go there and I HAD to do it for my PT for my back... it took a while to get into it. I HATED the treadmill... you find what you can deal with and you might even find something you enjoy that makes you feel good. Maybe something you can do with friends or in a class... Hope this is only temporary for you. If you wish to friend me you may. Be well.

I can relate to your struggles with "thin friend". But she may not always be gifted with such a high metabolism - she may start to pile the weight on as she gets older and not know or practice the healthy habits you do, so not know how to get rid of it if her metabolism does change one day.

I can only tell you what's worked for me really, which is basically following this 80-90% (which leaves the odd day where I can have a treat, eat out, whatever).

Following the EM2WL numbers system - I used a site called Calorie Line though rather than Scooby; the numbers recommended on Calorie Line are slightly simpler I think, and marginally less than Scooby.
No grains
Limited sugar (including fruit; I do eat it but limited to one or two portions a day)
Carbs: limited to 100-150g per day, most of my carbs come from sweet potatoes, veg, natural yoghurt, and the odd potato or banana.
No alcohol
Fats, particularly the unsaturated variety, at every meal. No low fat stuff - get full fat things. It's counter intuitive, yes, but you will be full longer.
No processed food - cooking from scratch
Ditch the vegetable oils - use coconut oil, butter, ghee to cook, salads use hemp, flax or olive oil

It's pretty much the Primal Blueprint really, look up Mark's Daily Apple if you're interested. I don't particularly like to follow "systems" or be a devotee of any diet guru, but this works well for me, and I use the diet to control Crohns disease as well as keeping my weight stable - I lost initially, but am now at maintenance, but find it actually quite hard to eat up to calorie level if I follow the diet properly. If I go back on to standard diet food I tend to either overeat or have uncomfortable digestive symptoms. The high fat intake seems to reduce inflammation.

I am a very stubborn "apple shape", all my weight goes on round the middle, and this is the only thing that shifted it and keeps it off.

And you have the 80-90% adherence rule so you have got wiggle room to have a pizza with your mates as well once in a while.

Leigh, I hate seeing another down post from you. You have been working hard for a long time. I agree with Raynn and others. It really isn't just how much you eat, but what. I didn't see any scale movement until I moved my protein up but also lowered my carbs. Sugar and carbs were all OVER my diet. To make my calorie goal I was shoveling greek yogurt in my head...quite a bit of sugar in dairy but I wasn't paying attention. Pita chips here...protein bars there....sugar...carbs....sugar....carbs.....and not GOOD carbs. Now, my calorie goal isn't typical for this group but take a check on my diet. I eat a lot of food and OFTEN...but my cals aren't high because they are whole foods for the most part. Lots of veggies, nuts, lean proteins. Now your friend who ate the skins...doesn't eat like that all the time I bet. I work out HARD. I pay attention to what I eat 95% of the time. But if we go to our favorite restaurant? I get biscuits, wings, chicken and waffles, and split red velvet cake with my kids. If you saw me you'd think....dang, that ***** can eat a lot. No....the rest of the week was really watched....but I enjoyed my meal with my family. :-) Up protein....carbs 100-150g and see if that makes a difference...and watch sugar too. This is what broke my 2 1/2 year plateau. Good luck!!!