If she can't come...
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"maybe in the past you couldn't, but I'm the best so I can make it happen." But seriously, I can't even get me there reliably, so the odds for guys are just much lower.
The friend that I mentioned before that had issues always ran into this too. Guys seem to take it as a challenge that clearly everyone else she had sex with was inferior to their amazing two pump skillz. They used it constantly, as though she hadn't heard it before. It became an eyeroller of a response between the two of us hahahaha0 -
So I think it's all about finding that thing and training your body and helping your partner.
Exactly!
Orgasm is very mental for a lot of people. If you're not in the right setting or feeling good or stressed, it might not happen. Nevertheless, it also is a very unique experience...and everyone has their own way of getting to climax!0 -
I'd say see have her check what outside (stress, comfort level) and inside issues (if there was something physically causing it) may arise to create the inability to get all the way.
I've seen some suggestions, and I'm not sure how well Kegels improves things for women (I know how it does it for me...but haven't had an opportunity to test how well it works for a SO).0 -
I've seen some suggestions, and I'm not sure how well Kegels improves things for women (I know how it does it for me...but haven't had an opportunity to test how well it works for a SO).
Helps. A. Lot.
Even if you don't have problems when you start.0 -
If she doesn't like sex (and want it to end after 30min) then that's another issue, and I wouldn't want to stay with her.
Really?? Sex lasts longer than 10 minutes??
hahaha LMAO!! Until recently I didn't think so either....0 -
Do ladies project their insecurities or issues on the guy and resent that he can finish when they can`t?
Wow... just wow.0 -
I know I didn`t say it right but get the impression that ladies attach a thousand times more stuff to sex then a guy does and having an orgasm often seems to be one of them.
Most of the women I've talked to don't care about the orgasm. they care more about all the stuff that goes along with it and the effect it has on their partner.0 -
sex for women is VERY different than sex for men. women often need more time in the beginning phases to get to the orgasmic phase. you can google phases of sex or phases or orgasm.
we had classes on this in nursing school. there was even entire semester class dedicated to sex at my college. it was all about how things WORKED..... anatomically speaking ;-)
if she can cum by herself, she needs to get comfy and SHOW him how she does it. after she masturbates and he watches a couple times then she needs to let him do what she showed him. and be patient. there has to be trust. if she is not mentally in a good spot or doesn't trust him, it will be much harder.
LOADS of women cannot cum from sex. i mean the percentage is CRAZY high. it's even higher if the guy doesn't do any kind of foreplay. some women don't need foreplay and cumming is not an issue, but honestly they are more rare...... female parts need time and attention. and usually there needs to be clitoral stimulation at the same time as intercourse. or switch it up and let him give her oral.
sometimes hormones are off..... and that makes things difficult!!! there are a million reasons she can't orgasm during sex. really, a million.0 -
ranges from 30 seconds to 2 hours to not at all!
Maybe I just haven't had a good enough partner...2 hours?? I would have put a stop to things after an hour and just got to my favorite part... the spooning. Lol!
Unless, of course, the 2 hours isn't just "the act" but also all the accompanying fun...?0 -
i don't really care if i cum from the act of sex. i mean, it's nice. and i will often help myself along to make sure it happens, but if i don't i will either ask him for help ( oral or help me *kitten*). if he's already fallen asleep or heads to the shower or whatever, then i just take care of myself :-) i always cum, it's just not always WITH the other person or because of what THEY are doing ;-) and no, i have zero resentment for a guy that can finish if i can't.0
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For women who have trouble, a great book is Women's Orgasm.
The Dr takes you through all the major possible causes, including physical (trauma, poor muscle tone etc), mental (emotional trauma, bad relationship, etc), over-stimulation (too reliant on "toys"), hormonal, genetic... all kinds of things.
Then he outlines a plan for how you can overcome each of these things and learn to experience orgasm with a partner.0 -
TMI alert... squeamish may want to skip this one... but here’s a question I’ve been dying to ask the guys
I have a friend who is similar to the girl grum84 mentioned below (quoted from the "What women do" thread). She enjoys the closeness but often can't finish. She's tried telling the guy what to do better and it all feels good but she just never gets there. The good feelings disappear and there’s just “nothing.” I don’t quite understand this, but I asked her how she handles it. She said if she can’t get there after about half an hour she just fakes one. Her man has no idea that she usually doesn’t make it. I told her I would tell him and she was horrified. She insisted that you never tell a man such a thing because it ruins it for him.
Guys.. what’s the solution? If it was your woman and the problem (like I suspect for my friend) has nothing to do with you but more likely her inner construct or previous bodily trauma, what would YOU prefer she do?
My ex told me if that was me he’d want me to fake it.Now along those lines, I have been with one girl who admitted to me early on that she had problems coming to orgasm (no idea if it was physical or mental). I didn't really let it affect me and just tried that much harder to make sure I did everything I could for it to happen. About half the time it did, the other half she would end up just telling me to stop, as it wasn't going to. Of course that usually just led to both of us feeling bad and going to bed, as I couldn't and she couldn't.
Guess I should chime in as well since I have been there. When she stated early on that she had issues with reaching orgasm part of the time, as I stated, I took it kind of as a personal challenge to myself. I am confident in my abilities, know my way around down there, and so how could it not result in something good? It was about a half and half thing, and really never figured out any patterns. Most of the time oral worked, other times fingers, and rarely penetration. Some days all of the above and other days nothing I could do would get her there.
I could tell that she enjoyed all the foreplay, but at a point I think she kind of shut down after it had been a while with no results. I even started bringing in a bottle of water to help hydrate during sessions. She had said that it was like she could get to the top of the mountain, but just couldn't go over the cliff. And then all of a sudden after all the building, the sensation would just be gone. And once it was gone, it was gone.
I am the giving type, so I will be honest I was kind of saddened when she couldn't come. It wasn't anything that led to us breaking up, but it was definitely a first for me. Never had experienced that before or after so far. I agree with a lot of the comments that communication is key. The women need to be very direct, and I would imagine most 'respectable men' would be willing to take the directions and give it their best.0 -
faking it?? that just ruins it... im sorry but i would want to know. so i could try harder or do something different. the ladies i have been with get off multiple times before actual sex. more fore play..sheesh.. possible this person might need to ask a doc or something... she might need to do some self gratification and just have her partner watch and see what she does... maybe she really isnt in to this guy??.. could just be her anatomy and nothing can be done.
in any case..as i said i would want to know.. so i can learn to do it right... that would be more fun and pleasurable than a wam bam thankyou mam.0 -
I consider foreplay a part of sex. I feel like, based on the responses in this forum, is that not usually part of sex? Foreplay is great and (ME PERSONALLY NOT OTHER PEOPLE) I don't need it all the time, but doesn't it at least play a part in the entirety of "sex" as a thing?0
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ranges from 30 seconds to 2 hours to not at all!
Maybe I just haven't had a good enough partner...2 hours?? I would have put a stop to things after an hour and just got to my favorite part... the spooning. Lol!
Unless, of course, the 2 hours isn't just "the act" but also all the accompanying fun...?
Yes, sorry, 2 hours of 'fun' :bigsmile: (And I don't time it, I was just kinda guessing.....lol)0 -
I consider foreplay a part of sex. I feel like, based on the responses in this forum, is that not usually part of sex? Foreplay is great and (ME PERSONALLY NOT OTHER PEOPLE) I don't need it all the time, but doesn't it at least play a part in the entirety of "sex" as a thing?
Yeah, absolutely!! An orgasm starts with a tease, a touch, a kiss................0 -
She had said that it was like she could get to the top of the mountain, but just couldn't go over the cliff. And then all of a sudden after all the building, the sensation would just be gone. And once it was gone, it was gone.
I can relate to this. Sometimes it just won't happen no matter what you do, but yes, you are on the brink!
I am the giving type, so I will be honest I was kind of saddened when she couldn't come. It wasn't anything that led to us breaking up, but it was definitely a first for me. Never had experienced that before or after so far. I agree with a lot of the comments that communication is key. The women need to be very direct, and I would imagine most 'respectable men' would be willing to take the directions and give it their best.
I think men should realise that it's not their fault. Sometimes, with some women, it just wont happen. Dont take it personally, its a natural phenomenon that even women dont understand!! :noway:
I didnt say stop trying tho!! :bigsmile:0 -
it should be! not all women need it all of the time, but most women need it MOST of the time.
it's anatomically proven that a women's climax takes TIME, it builds up and then has a peak. we don't then crash like men do, which is why we can orgasm more than once in a shorter amount of time. but, it needs to build to that point first.
often when you get to the top and then can't, it's because something changed. the speed, movement, attention, something mental even....... its annoying. ive had it happen. when this happens, i take things into my own hands and usually have him help.I consider foreplay a part of sex. I feel like, based on the responses in this forum, is that not usually part of sex? Foreplay is great and (ME PERSONALLY NOT OTHER PEOPLE) I don't need it all the time, but doesn't it at least play a part in the entirety of "sex" as a thing?0 -
I think men should realize that it's not their fault. Sometimes, with some women, it just wont happen. Don't take it personally, its a natural phenomenon that even women don't understand!! :noway:
I didn't say stop trying tho!! :bigsmile:
Definitely not going to stop trying :bigsmile: I am a big fan of all that foreplay.0 -
I have a friend who is similar to the girl grum84 mentioned below (quoted from the "What women do" thread). She enjoys the closeness but often can't finish. She's tried telling the guy what to do better and it all feels good but she just never gets there. The good feelings disappear and there’s just “nothing.”
She had said that it was like she could get to the top of the mountain, but just couldn't go over the cliff. And then all of a sudden after all the building, the sensation would just be gone. And once it was gone, it was gone.
Wow… so my friend was accurately describing it… just a sudden stop to all the sensation. Thanks for sharing this.0 -
If so can it be understood that guys simply do not attach the same aura to orgasm that many women do?
No idea what that means ?? I dont see sex as a means to an end!! I see it as a connection between two people. But, from what I've been reading from the women here, I'm alone with that one. Orgasms are great, but intimacy is better - for me :blushing:
It totally agree with this... although I guess since I am a difficult one I should
. I can have an orgasm on my own but I can't have intimacy. 0 -
It's always been a disclaimer for me. I couldn't AT ALL until last November... And I wasn't about to fake it lol. Just 'cause I couldn't get there didn't mean I wasn't enjoying myself. And after a little bit I started being satisfied knowing that my partner was satisfied. I don't know if that sounds ridiculous...
THEN I learned that it was super normal, and eventually I got myself there. Now if I have a prospective partner, I will gladly tell them what it is going to take. And I will, as Kit says, "get mine".
I need a PM on exactly how to get there! :blushing:0 -
I'm so sorry if I made anyone feel bad in the last post. I certainly didn't mean to do that. :flowerforyou:
I have a few thoughts and think they may become a bit jumbled here, so please stick with me. As I stated in the previous post, I'll always make sure to "get mine". That is now. However, that is only in the last few years. And, I have several possible theories on this.
1. I separated from my husband 4 1/2 years ago. At that point I realized that I needed to live for me, not someone else. My ex was very selfish in all aspects of life, the bedroom was no exception. I mentally shut down with him when we were in the act for many reasons. It took me meeting someone that had patience and devotion to me (and my body) to realize just how enjoyable it could be. I learned what it took to turn me on, what I liked, what I didn't. And, found that it was a lot easier than I thought once my inhibitions were dropped. After that experience, there was no turning back. I realized that if a man was selfish in the bedroom, that was a pretty good indicator of other areas of his life. Which is why a selfish man in the bedroom is a dealbreaker for me.
2. We've all heard that women hit their sexual peaks later in life then men. I believe this has to do with maturity. When we're in our 20s we are so worried about how we look nude that we don't enjoy the act. As we grow older, we realize that it's not about that. It's about two people enjoying each other. Our inhibitions drop and it's much easier to "get ours".
Just a few thoughts...0 -
We've all heard that women hit their sexual peaks later in life then men.
This is an ongoing joke with my previous trysts about how I am doomed.0 -
i think, as we get older, we start asking for what we know we want and like.
i know i'm much more vocal about what i want and making sure i get it!!!!! i have no qualms about showing him either.
i think some of this comes from feeling safe and free to experiment and try new things. often during marriages things become stagnant. or the husband won't think of the wife in "that way." wives end up being treated like fragile flowers instead of sexual beings........0 -
We've all heard that women hit their sexual peaks later in life then men.
This is an ongoing joke with my previous trysts about how I am doomed.
Doomed? No way, you'll just be porn star material as you get older.
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Honestly When I first started having sex I had this problem. After investing in a few toys for "me "time I learned to relax and appreciate what was going on. I honestly feel she may be uncomfortable about it. However faking is not ok and if her guy ever finds out it may just chrush him or ruin there relationship0
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We've all heard that women hit their sexual peaks later in life then men.
This is an ongoing joke with my previous trysts about how I am doomed.
Doomed? No way, you'll just be porn star material as you get older.
I'm porn star material NOW! That's the problem! Hahaha0 -
We've all heard that women hit their sexual peaks later in life then men.
This is an ongoing joke with my previous trysts about how I am doomed.
Doomed? No way, you'll just be porn star material as you get older.
I'm porn star material NOW! That's the problem! Hahaha
Big market for more mature porn stars, and going from reading many of your previous posts...sounds like it might be a good fit to keep you satisfied.0 -
It's always been a disclaimer for me. I couldn't AT ALL until last November... And I wasn't about to fake it lol. Just 'cause I couldn't get there didn't mean I wasn't enjoying myself. And after a little bit I started being satisfied knowing that my partner was satisfied. I don't know if that sounds ridiculous...
THEN I learned that it was super normal, and eventually I got myself there. Now if I have a prospective partner, I will gladly tell them what it is going to take. And I will, as Kit says, "get mine".
I need a PM on exactly how to get there! :blushing:
Just in case this got lost in the jumble of posts at the same time... this book has roadmaps on how to get there for both women who never have at all or for women who can on their own but can't with a partner.For women who have trouble, a great book is Women's Orgasm.
The Dr takes you through all the major possible causes, including physical (trauma, poor muscle tone etc), mental (emotional trauma, bad relationship, etc), over-stimulation (too reliant on "toys"), hormonal, genetic... all kinds of things.
Then he outlines a plan for how you can overcome each of these things and learn to experience orgasm with a partner.0
This discussion has been closed.