Married Yogini Tried to Seduce Me?
Easywider
Posts: 434 Member
Now as a 23 year old guy, you try to tell your friends about your issue and they hardly think of this as a problem...but for me this has proven to be quite the socking/memorable experience. I'll do my best to summarize the key points of this story without being too long winded.
I'm a Yoga newcomer...I began my practice off of the recommendation from a friend who knew a Yogini that owned and operated a clean, local studio. After the first class I was a believer. The teacher, for integrity's sake I'll call her 'Heather', was a beautiful woman in her early 30's and immediately took notice to me. My friend and I stayed after where I formally met the woman and we chit-chatted for awhile before departing. She expressed interest in whether I'd be coming back or not and I obliged since I enjoyed it so much...but my friend had some respiratory complications that prompted him to drop out. Although I was one of very few males...I didn't mind going by myself, my intentions were pure...I was truly benefiting and I really started to feel like this place was my sanctuary for interpersonal development. Anyway, after each session I admittedly lingered around after class to get to everyone because I really loved the friendly, loving, vibe everyone put off...It was very nourishing to just be in the company of such positive people. However as people began to file out it would usually come down to Heather and I privately talking for an extra hour before I would leave to get home and prepare for work the following morning. Our conversations were interesting...deep..meaningful...and engaging. We shared life stories and bounced complex idea's against each other about any and everything under the sun. Finally, I thought...Someone who can connect and challenge me on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual way. Throughout our chat sessions she had never made mention to her husband...all these major life accomplishments and plights and he wasn't so much of an honorable mention. It was only until I backhandedly inquired did I find out she was married (no ring) and that wasn't until the 6th consecutive week of class. Not a big deal, she was my teacher...not a love interest. Although she was beautiful, charming, and had all these great qualities...I just used that as motivation towards someone I'd aspire to be.
Now previous to this I had never thought much into her subtle 'come ons'...She would complement my muscularity...my physical attractiveness...how much of a 'catch' I am, or how she couldn't believe I was single...and when other women would talk with me she would jut in and answer their questions FOR me... In class she spent just a few extra seconds correcting me and at one point...tendering massaging some sort of oil into my back during corpse pose. Again...I was so naive....She's a proactive professional who's merely stroking the ego of her clients to promote a happy and loyal customer base, I thought...No big deal.
Well this leads to my last class at that studio, which was earlier this week. After class we had gotten lost in conversation but this time things got out of hand and I found myself still talking away with her privately until 1:30AM. Right after this time her husband burst through the door and was visibly upset with the scenario he had stumbled upon. Waves of guilt began to pour over me as I witnessed a face that I had known all too painfully well. "Didn't you get my text?!" He said as he snatched her phone from the couch looking through it "And I thought you told me he left!" I remain shocked and ashamed while she sits calmly staying nothing. Finally he turns to me with a heartbroken look..."Why are you still here?....I'm her husband....at home with her kids....and it's one in the morning and you're here?....This is completely inappropriate bro." I wanted to melt into the floorboards and die...I gathered myself and looked at him with sincere empathy and said "You're absolutely right....I...I am SO sorry...I never meant to....I never.." and realizing I could no longer choke out the words I snatched my mat and cowered my head as I ran out of there.
After I get home I take a cold shower to reflect on the drama that's unfolded...Much to my surprise when I check my phone...I have an e-mail from Heather. (I never gave her my email). Inside she basically apologizes for her husband noting how insecure and controlling he is..and then just continues on with out conversation like it was no big deal. I sleep for an hour before having to zombie my way through work...I finally type a formal response that said...Your husband was absolutely right in this situation, I'm so sorry to be the cause of any turmoil/stress on his behalf, and for the benefit of everyone I'm no longer going to attend classes or keep in contact...thanks for everything you're the best. I thought that was going to be the end of it but she replies with a response that expressed how she wishes he could talk to me in person to explain everything and how she really wants me in the class..they'll always be a place for me...yadda yadda...but at this point I was confident that my continued attendance would only continue to cause animosity/conflict...So I didn't reply and I left it at that.
Do you think I did the right thing?
Is this by any means...typical?
Am I over reacting?
I apologize for typing such a novel but the details were essential to understand the story as I know it.
Thank you,
I'm a Yoga newcomer...I began my practice off of the recommendation from a friend who knew a Yogini that owned and operated a clean, local studio. After the first class I was a believer. The teacher, for integrity's sake I'll call her 'Heather', was a beautiful woman in her early 30's and immediately took notice to me. My friend and I stayed after where I formally met the woman and we chit-chatted for awhile before departing. She expressed interest in whether I'd be coming back or not and I obliged since I enjoyed it so much...but my friend had some respiratory complications that prompted him to drop out. Although I was one of very few males...I didn't mind going by myself, my intentions were pure...I was truly benefiting and I really started to feel like this place was my sanctuary for interpersonal development. Anyway, after each session I admittedly lingered around after class to get to everyone because I really loved the friendly, loving, vibe everyone put off...It was very nourishing to just be in the company of such positive people. However as people began to file out it would usually come down to Heather and I privately talking for an extra hour before I would leave to get home and prepare for work the following morning. Our conversations were interesting...deep..meaningful...and engaging. We shared life stories and bounced complex idea's against each other about any and everything under the sun. Finally, I thought...Someone who can connect and challenge me on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual way. Throughout our chat sessions she had never made mention to her husband...all these major life accomplishments and plights and he wasn't so much of an honorable mention. It was only until I backhandedly inquired did I find out she was married (no ring) and that wasn't until the 6th consecutive week of class. Not a big deal, she was my teacher...not a love interest. Although she was beautiful, charming, and had all these great qualities...I just used that as motivation towards someone I'd aspire to be.
Now previous to this I had never thought much into her subtle 'come ons'...She would complement my muscularity...my physical attractiveness...how much of a 'catch' I am, or how she couldn't believe I was single...and when other women would talk with me she would jut in and answer their questions FOR me... In class she spent just a few extra seconds correcting me and at one point...tendering massaging some sort of oil into my back during corpse pose. Again...I was so naive....She's a proactive professional who's merely stroking the ego of her clients to promote a happy and loyal customer base, I thought...No big deal.
Well this leads to my last class at that studio, which was earlier this week. After class we had gotten lost in conversation but this time things got out of hand and I found myself still talking away with her privately until 1:30AM. Right after this time her husband burst through the door and was visibly upset with the scenario he had stumbled upon. Waves of guilt began to pour over me as I witnessed a face that I had known all too painfully well. "Didn't you get my text?!" He said as he snatched her phone from the couch looking through it "And I thought you told me he left!" I remain shocked and ashamed while she sits calmly staying nothing. Finally he turns to me with a heartbroken look..."Why are you still here?....I'm her husband....at home with her kids....and it's one in the morning and you're here?....This is completely inappropriate bro." I wanted to melt into the floorboards and die...I gathered myself and looked at him with sincere empathy and said "You're absolutely right....I...I am SO sorry...I never meant to....I never.." and realizing I could no longer choke out the words I snatched my mat and cowered my head as I ran out of there.
After I get home I take a cold shower to reflect on the drama that's unfolded...Much to my surprise when I check my phone...I have an e-mail from Heather. (I never gave her my email). Inside she basically apologizes for her husband noting how insecure and controlling he is..and then just continues on with out conversation like it was no big deal. I sleep for an hour before having to zombie my way through work...I finally type a formal response that said...Your husband was absolutely right in this situation, I'm so sorry to be the cause of any turmoil/stress on his behalf, and for the benefit of everyone I'm no longer going to attend classes or keep in contact...thanks for everything you're the best. I thought that was going to be the end of it but she replies with a response that expressed how she wishes he could talk to me in person to explain everything and how she really wants me in the class..they'll always be a place for me...yadda yadda...but at this point I was confident that my continued attendance would only continue to cause animosity/conflict...So I didn't reply and I left it at that.
Do you think I did the right thing?
Is this by any means...typical?
Am I over reacting?
I apologize for typing such a novel but the details were essential to understand the story as I know it.
Thank you,
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Replies
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Yes, you absolutely did the right thing and if I were you, I wouldn't go back to that yoga studio and cut off all contact with this married woman. I'm not a yogi expert, but I have read that it is very taboo for yoga instructors to get involved with their students. Now stop losing sleep over it and move on. You seem like a sweet guy that got taken advantage of. You learned a valuable lesson that you can keep with you for the rest of your life - do not socialize too much with married women
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Hi - I am a male yoga student and have experienced the warmth aned friendship of the yoga community you describe in your post. Hoewever there are necessary boundaries between teacher and student and, if your story is true to how things developed, it would appear that this has become an unhealthy student-teacher relationship.
My advice to you is - move on. there will be another teacher out there who you can progress with.0 -
Absolutely. You did the right thing.0
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Three different unbiased sources confirming that I made the right decision is enough validation for me.
Although I am deeply saddened to have lost such an inspirational friend...I realize that by abstaining from contact I attribute towards the benefit of a sanctity much larger than myself.
Thank you all,0 -
Wishing you all the best0
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i am sorry that you got taken advantage of in this way. You did absolutely the right thing.0
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I will say you did the right thing by walking away when you did, and cutting off further contact. I would say you did the wrong thing by spending so much time with her after class and allowing things to get so personal. Now at first if you didn't realize she had a husband, that's understandable. At the point you discovered she had a husband though, the right thing to do would have been to step away at that time. Even though you enjoyed the conversations and the connection, it was a breach of professionalism on her part to allow things to progress to an intimate level, even if no physical boundaries were crossed. She was not a true friend if she couldn't be honest with you from the beginning, by the way.
That said, you seem like a genuine guy and truly distressed at causing the husband any fear or pain of any sort. I think you handled your response to her email very respectfully, and believe you have done the best you could do in avoiding any sort of awkwardness in the future.
I hope you are able to find a new studio that offers you all of the love and acceptance you had grown used to!0 -
I'm so immature, I giggled at your title. But then I read your post and I think you went about it in a very mature manner. No, this is not typical, in yoga or otherwise and you're not over-reacting.
I think as a professional, your teacher acted very inappropriately. As a married woman, she needs to grow up and deal with whatever issues her marriage is undergoing. As a "friend", she shouldn't have put you in a weird, uncomfortable position. If a married male teacher was excessively flirting with me, in or outside of class and even if I found him very attractive, I'd lose my respect for him.
You did right thing:) Good luck & hope you continue to be inspired!0 -
seems to me you enjoyed all the attention and you were either reading into it or wanted to wait and see if something romantic would happen. Either way, it takes two to tango and you obviously lingered there allot longer than you need to once you found out she was married - you obviously are upset. Should have just moved on right away since you claim that it upset you to find that out.
And to gripe about what happened publicly. I hope you don't ever bother with another yoga class where you focus on building a relationship with the instructor. It's never about the instructor. Move on and have good relationships, healthy relationships.
Shame on her if she was a tease, but shame on you for publicly sharing your crush. Never even think of dating your yoga instructor. Instructors are off limits.0 -
You are a true gentlemen and I admire your courageous self to separate from the relationship. I know it is hard. As a social worker, I have observed numerous times when my colleagues were involved in a relationship with their clients by starting with exchanging giflts and meeting them out to dinner. As a professional, I don't think anyone should date their clients, patients, etc. In my opinion, if the other person is truly committed to a new relationship and ready to move on from their previous relationship than I think is great to start a new relationship with a GREEN light. From my previous relatioship experience, my ex spouse was gambling, unable to maintain a job and living his own life. I started dating before filing for divorce but I also made a decision to move out of the trailer and start a new life. I am so HAPPPY I moved on and 9 years later married to well-established gentlemen who is the love of my life, I truely treausre every minute.
My suggestion to you is try another yoga area and move on with your life. Don't let this situation keep you from practicing what you love. I am certain that there is the beautiful, slender and sweet lady waiting for you. Keep up the great muscular body and keep your head straight. A true gentlemen are few to find!!
Best regards,
Rosie :flowerforyou:0
