Bottle moms... how do you deal...
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VelociMama
Posts: 3,119 Member
with boob nazis? Y'know those women who give you the stink eye as soon as you mention using formula or say something nasty to you about it?
I'm getting really tired of being "educated" by the vehement-breastfeeding crowd about how formula feeding will make my child dumb, fat, and sick all the time (none of which is true, btw), and I never know what to say in rebuttal to get them to stop and simply respect my decision as I respect theirs.
All humor aside, it is really offensive to me how many women have been so rude about this topic in my real life. The instructor for the birthing class last night was extremely rude to me about formula feeding, and singled me and my husband out in front of the class for it. It was embarrassing and hurtful, and I just froze. I had no idea what to say to her though my husband had a few not-so-nice words about it. I just never know what to say to these women who feel like they have to say something to me about it.
So, what do you ladies do?
I'm getting really tired of being "educated" by the vehement-breastfeeding crowd about how formula feeding will make my child dumb, fat, and sick all the time (none of which is true, btw), and I never know what to say in rebuttal to get them to stop and simply respect my decision as I respect theirs.
All humor aside, it is really offensive to me how many women have been so rude about this topic in my real life. The instructor for the birthing class last night was extremely rude to me about formula feeding, and singled me and my husband out in front of the class for it. It was embarrassing and hurtful, and I just froze. I had no idea what to say to her though my husband had a few not-so-nice words about it. I just never know what to say to these women who feel like they have to say something to me about it.
So, what do you ladies do?
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Stick to your guns! This is my third kid and my life is in a different place, so we'll see if I proceed differently, but with my first two, I traveled for work, so pumping while traveling via air 2 or 3 weeks per month was a nightmare. I found that if I had opinions on the matter and started out by saying that everyone has a right to their own opinion, I didn't get nearly as much pushback. I didn't breastfeed either of my children. I did pump and bottle feed both of them to a certain point (3 1/2 months and 2 months respectively). I weened the first one and I dried up the second time. Both of my boys are healthy. Is it cheaper to breastfeed, heck yes, but honestly I never wanted to be one of those parents that had their kid constantly attached to their boob. Is it my right to not breastfeed my child? Absolutely! I treat the topic kind of like I treat politics and religion. I feel very strongly about the subjects, I just don't preach my choice to people and try not to get too worked up when others criticize my choices. I know, easier said than done. Hang in there! I promise not everyone is a boob nazi and remember first and foremost, this is your child to raise as you choose, not how someone else would you like to you choose!0
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with boob nazis? Y'know those women who give you the stink eye as soon as you mention using formula or say something nasty to you about it?
I'm getting really tired of being "educated" by the vehement-breastfeeding crowd about how formula feeding will make my child dumb, fat, and sick all the time (none of which is true, btw), and I never know what to say in rebuttal to get them to stop and simply respect my decision as I respect theirs.
All humor aside, it is really offensive to me how many women have been so rude about this topic in my real life. The instructor for the birthing class last night was extremely rude to me about formula feeding, and singled me and my husband out in front of the class for it. It was embarrassing and hurtful, and I just froze. I had no idea what to say to her though my husband had a few not-so-nice words about it. I just never know what to say to these women who feel like they have to say something to me about it.
So, what do you ladies do?
I wouldn't dignify their comments with an answer, but if you must, ask them to see their medical degrees. It shut people up when I told them that my pediatrician father was supportive of my decision to formula-feed.
Also, how do anyone know there's not breastmilk in that bottle?
As far as the instructor, she was totally out of line. I would honestly talk to her supervisor about it. It doesn't matter why you are or are not breastfeeding.
As for me, like I said, I had my dad supporting my formula use, and our pediatrician was supportive as well. My OB didn't care one way or the other, and my sister and SIL helped me through the guilt because I didn't have enough supply to nurse. Even the lactation consultant, although very pushy about the "dangers" of formula, was like, "You have to make your own decision, and every drop of breastmilk your son gets is good, so just do what you can do." I think she understood that my sanity was in question.
My BIL, who's also a pediatrician, was a bit judgmental until his own wife had a baby 9 months later, and she had issues with supply. At that point I think it kicked in that sometimes we try and can't do it (though I'm sure if I had some "legitimate" reason not to breastfeed he would have been supportive), so formula is a totally fine substitute.
On the upside, my dad was actually more comfortable with my using formula over nursing for a few reasons:
1. We knew exactly how much my son was eating.
2. We knew he was getting enough DHA.
3. We knew he was getting enough iron.
Even more than DHA, my dad has been on my case since day 1 about iron. I guess he was at a continuing education conference in 2010, and there was a big to-do about the links between lack of iron in a baby/toddler's diet and autism, ADD, and ADHD. Iron is also good for brain development, among other things, but people often pay attention to DHA and sort of let iron go by the wayside. He recommends to new moms who are exclusively breastfeeding/pumping to give iron supplements to their babies, and once my son was eating solids, my dad was big on promoting baby cereals, which are iron fortified. I think one serving of baby rice cereal or baby oatmeal had 45% of their RDV of iron.
It's amazing the things you learn when someone is on your *kitten* 24/7 about raising a healthy baby!
Edited for grammar0 -
Stick to your guns! This is my third kid and my life is in a different place, so we'll see if I proceed differently, but with my first two, I traveled for work, so pumping while traveling via air 2 or 3 weeks per month was a nightmare. I found that if I had opinions on the matter and started out by saying that everyone has a right to their own opinion, I didn't get nearly as much pushback. I didn't breastfeed either of my children. I did pump and bottle feed both of them to a certain point (3 1/2 months and 2 months respectively). I weened the first one and I dried up the second time. Both of my boys are healthy. Is it cheaper to breastfeed, heck yes, but honestly I never wanted to be one of those parents that had their kid constantly attached to their boob. Is it my right to not breastfeed my child? Absolutely! I treat the topic kind of like I treat politics and religion. I feel very strongly about the subjects, I just don't preach my choice to people and try not to get too worked up when others criticize my choices. I know, easier said than done. Hang in there! I promise not everyone is a boob nazi and remember first and foremost, this is your child to raise as you choose, not how someone else would you like to you choose!
Totally with you here - I treat it like politics and religion! I recently met someone with a son about a week older than my son, and she mentioned (in a totally non-haughty way) that she exclusively breastfed him for an entire year. I was like, "Good for you!" I meant it, too! That *kitten* is hard!!!
But yeah, I knew formula ended up the best option. I eventually believed what was told to me, which was that he'd be ok on formula. He was really no more likely to get sick, etc., than if he had nothing but breastmilk. The only downside is the cost, but I just went with it and figured it out. It's not THAT expensive if you are prepared for it.0 -
Thank you to you both for your kind words.
I was actually in tears last night during my class which made my husband get very mean with the instructor trying to defend me. (I really love that man).
She just made me feel like I was going to be a horrible mother because I wasn't up for exclusively breastfeeding 24/7.0 -
Those boob nazis are ridiculous.
You should never have to defend the way you feed your child, and no woman (or mother!) should ever judge another woman for the choices she makes.
I don't think you can get through to the boob nazis, if you encounter one, you just have to take it all with a grain of salt. Kind of like dealing with your mother-in-law (or is that just me?...)
A simple "we thought about it and this s the best choice for our family" should do the trick, and if it doesn't, I would tell the boob nazi that you aren't looking to have a formula/breast milk debate right now.
No need to justify what you do!!!
(Beyotches)0 -
My mom wasn't able to breastfeed me - she didn't even try with my older sisters and then by the time she wanted to with me, her milk never came in. And guess what? I'm healthy, intelligent, and am a functional member of society
I'm sorry you've gotten so much judgment - breastfeeding is something many women feel very strongly about, and even competitive about. It's like a badge of honor to produce x ounces during a feeding. Just know that your decision is PERSONAL and nobody else really gets a say on what you think is best for you and your baby. I would absolutely report that instructor's behavior to her supervisor - we have enough hormones and ups and downs already during pregnancy that we certainly don't need a professional putting us down because it's not what she believes in.
Hang in there!!0 -
I can't stand that some people just cannot breast feed and it is no reflection what so ever on your parenting skills. I was unable to breast feed my son due to medication I was on and he is a perfectly healthy child. He is 5'1" at 9 years old and has straight A's in school so his brain function is good and he is obviously growing. I am trying to breast feed this time around but I am not producing enough on my own so I have to supplement with formula. My mother did not breast feed me or my sisters and we turned out fine do not let these self righteous women make you feel bad it is none of their business why you choose to breast feed or not to breast feed it isn't for everybody that is why they have formula. It really irritates me when people act like that. Yes breast milk is probably better because its natural but it will not hurt your child to formula feed plus you will have an easier time because you can get help with feedings instead of the baby having to rely on you and only you in the beginning. I breast fed exclusively for almost a week before my pediatrician sent me to a lactation consultant. I didn't sleep because she wanted to feed every 2 hours she had me pump and we found out I was only producing .5oz which was not enough for her so I have to supplement which now my mother can feed her, my father and my husband and I can get a little more sleep. No one should make you feel bad or guilty and know that you are not alone and you are not less of a woman because of it. 0
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Liz, I am so sorry you have had to go through this. No mother (or anyone at all, let alone an instructor) should EVER judge another because of choices we make. You have to do what you feel is right and doable for YOU. I'm blown away by a professional doing that. I was lucky in that our birth class instructor was our doula, and our hospital pushed all the things we feel strongly about. I can't imagine having to deal with it being the other way around. My heart goes out to you. Be strong and do whatever you feel strongly about. It's your baby and you are that baby's best mother ever.
At risk of sounding like a boob nazi, I will very respectfully, non judgey, put it out there that I'm not sure formula is the second choice right after not being able to breastfeed. Just my own opinion. There are milk banks, donor milk, etc. Maybe that's not your cup of tea either, you've probably looked into it all. I know and love that about you, how much research you do. Whatever way you do it, your baby just needs to be fed.
There aren't only 'boob' nazis. There's this group of people, who under the guise of calling themselves attachment parents, judge more than probably any other group I've seen so far. Some of them, not all of them. But, some seem to say you're a bad parent if you don't exclusively breastfeed, co sleep, wear your baby, and so on. What a bunch of crap! It's all about meeting a baby's needs, whatever works for us as parents. There is no right or wrong way.
Less guilt, more love. Period.0 -
You should never have to defend the way you feed your child, and no woman (or mother!) should ever judge another woman for the choices she makes.
No need to justify what you do!!!
(Beyotches)
Pepper, I really should have read what you wrote, my bad. You said it almost the same! Yay great minds... 0 -
You ladies are fantastic!
Thank you so much for not being judgmental whackos.
to you all.
I guess I'm just tired of all the judgement about parenting in general. I heard from someone else about her sister judging her for using a pacifier too.
What the heck is up with it? As long as our children are loved, fed, and cared for, why do these women feel like degrading other women because their choices aren't the same? It's absolutely absurd to me and reeks of a complete lack of perspective and an inflated sense of self-righteousness.
@Mewlingstork: Thank you hon! I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?0 -
What the heck is up with it? As long as our children are loved, fed, and cared for, why do these women feel like degrading other women because their choices aren't the same? It's absolutely absurd to me and reeks of a complete lack of perspective and an inflated sense of self-righteousness.
@Mewlingstork: Thank you hon! I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
They must not have jobs and their kids probably run wild and crazy, even keeping their kids on them. Just kidding.
Post on a Facebook page I follow about getting pictures with Santa, kids screaming. It was a joke, as in funny? But someone commented they will not be doing this with their kids, because there's no trauma in their house. I told them to stop judging. I couldn't help myself. Is that judgmental of me??
I wholeheartedly agree with your comment about kids being fed, cared for, and loved. Yes. Exactly.0 -
What the heck is up with it? As long as our children are loved, fed, and cared for, why do these women feel like degrading other women because their choices aren't the same? It's absolutely absurd to me and reeks of a complete lack of perspective and an inflated sense of self-righteousness.
@Mewlingstork: Thank you hon! I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
They must not have jobs and their kids probably run wild and crazy, even keeping their kids on them. Just kidding.
Post on a Facebook page I follow about getting pictures with Santa, kids screaming. It was a joke, as in funny? But someone commented they will not be doing this with their kids, because there's no trauma in their house. I told them to stop judging. I couldn't help myself. Is that judgmental of me??
I wholeheartedly agree with your comment about kids being fed, cared for, and loved. Yes. Exactly.
I think some of these women must be bat**** crazy in real life.0 -
Let's none of us hang out with them. We'll find cool moms that are cool.
Although, probably the only way to get through to anyone is the whole kill em with kindness thing. Don't judge the judging.0 -
Let's none of us hang out with them. We'll find cool moms that are cool.
Although, probably the only way to get through to anyone is the whole kill em with kindness thing. Don't judge the judging.
Very true. Though, I have been thinking of practicing my "stink eye" face in the mirror until I get it down to a fine art so I can deliver to people who piss me off...0 -
Yes! Practice your stink eye! I've always wanted a good one as well. Maybe I'll join you.0
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I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
A very good friend of mine is this type...she does have a job and works crazy long hours. Actually, her husband is the stay at home dad (who does freelance work from home).
Her daughter is almost 3 and still breast-feeding, and I think they only stopped co-sleeping last year.
Any time that she is not at work, she spends with her daughter. At three, they have never had anyone other than their parents babysit her, and even that is rare because both sets of parents live out-of-state.
I support what they've got going on, but it's just not for me. The last time I saw her she told me she feels isolated, and like she isn't pursuing any of her own interests outside of work and her baby. I didn't know what to say, because that is what I have felt for the last couple of years, and why I wouldn't want to embrace all these aspects of attachment parenting myself. However, for the sake of our friendship, I said nothing. I think if these things are really starting to drive her crazy, she'll figure it out...even though i really want to be like, "Girl, let some stuff go. Delegate that **** to a babysitter and go out on a date with your husband...or take a spa day..or something." I don't know. Embracing every aspect of attachment parenting just seems so stressful.0 -
I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
A very good friend of mine is this type...she does have a job and works crazy long hours. Actually, her husband is the stay at home dad (who does freelance work from home).
Her daughter is almost 3 and still breast-feeding, and I think they only stopped co-sleeping last year.
Any time that she is not at work, she spends with her daughter. At three, they have never had anyone other than their parents babysit her, and even that is rare because both sets of parents live out-of-state.
I support what they've got going on, but it's just not for me. The last time I saw her she told me she feels isolated, and like she isn't pursuing any of her own interests outside of work and her baby. I didn't know what to say, because that is what I have felt for the last couple of years, and why I wouldn't want to embrace all these aspects of attachment parenting myself. However, for the sake of our friendship, I said nothing. I think if these things are really starting to drive her crazy, she'll figure it out...even though i really want to be like, "Girl, let some stuff go. Delegate that **** to a babysitter and go out on a date with your husband...or take a spa day..or something." I don't know. Embracing every aspect of attachment parenting just seems so stressful.
I, erroneously, assumed that someone who is attachment parenting would be there 24/7 and would have to work from home or something. I didn't think it applied to people like your friend who do babysitting/daycare, but then again, I have never encountered someone doing that.
It seems like a rather exhausting way to parent to me also.0 -
I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
A very good friend of mine is this type...she does have a job and works crazy long hours. Actually, her husband is the stay at home dad (who does freelance work from home).
Her daughter is almost 3 and still breast-feeding, and I think they only stopped co-sleeping last year.
Any time that she is not at work, she spends with her daughter. At three, they have never had anyone other than their parents babysit her, and even that is rare because both sets of parents live out-of-state.
I support what they've got going on, but it's just not for me. The last time I saw her she told me she feels isolated, and like she isn't pursuing any of her own interests outside of work and her baby. I didn't know what to say, because that is what I have felt for the last couple of years, and why I wouldn't want to embrace all these aspects of attachment parenting myself. However, for the sake of our friendship, I said nothing. I think if these things are really starting to drive her crazy, she'll figure it out...even though i really want to be like, "Girl, let some stuff go. Delegate that **** to a babysitter and go out on a date with your husband...or take a spa day..or something." I don't know. Embracing every aspect of attachment parenting just seems so stressful.
I, erroneously, assumed that someone who is attachment parenting would be there 24/7 and would have to work from home or something. I didn't think it applied to people like your friend who do babysitting/daycare, but then again, I have never encountered someone doing that.
It seems like a rather exhausting way to parent to me also.
Oops. Sorry, if I wasn't clear. They don't do babysitting or daycare. Dad works from home, so he watches baby girl when mama is at work. The only time anyone else has ever watched their daughter is the few times a year one of the sets of grandparents visit.0 -
I've not come across the attachment parent types yet, but I'll try not to be so surprised when I do run across one in the future. Do these women not have a job or other things to do in life? How do they keep their kids on them 24/7 like that for years?
A very good friend of mine is this type...she does have a job and works crazy long hours. Actually, her husband is the stay at home dad (who does freelance work from home).
Her daughter is almost 3 and still breast-feeding, and I think they only stopped co-sleeping last year.
Any time that she is not at work, she spends with her daughter. At three, they have never had anyone other than their parents babysit her, and even that is rare because both sets of parents live out-of-state.
I support what they've got going on, but it's just not for me. The last time I saw her she told me she feels isolated, and like she isn't pursuing any of her own interests outside of work and her baby. I didn't know what to say, because that is what I have felt for the last couple of years, and why I wouldn't want to embrace all these aspects of attachment parenting myself. However, for the sake of our friendship, I said nothing. I think if these things are really starting to drive her crazy, she'll figure it out...even though i really want to be like, "Girl, let some stuff go. Delegate that **** to a babysitter and go out on a date with your husband...or take a spa day..or something." I don't know. Embracing every aspect of attachment parenting just seems so stressful.
I, erroneously, assumed that someone who is attachment parenting would be there 24/7 and would have to work from home or something. I didn't think it applied to people like your friend who do babysitting/daycare, but then again, I have never encountered someone doing that.
It seems like a rather exhausting way to parent to me also.
Oops. Sorry, if I wasn't clear. They don't do babysitting or daycare. Dad works from home, so he watches baby girl when mama is at work. The only time anyone else has ever watched their daughter is the few times a year one of the sets of grandparents visit.
Wow, I must be Mother of the Year, then. Our office is open, but it's only me and my husband. Our staff is either out or sick. Since it's pretty much dead, I dropped our son off at preschool and went to Target. In about an hour, my husband and I are going to lunch and then are considering catching a movie. I typically pick my son up around 4:30, and I'm paying for his school whether he goes there or not (and he's far from the only child there today, I asked!), so... I am taking advantage!0
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