Good morning Jason. Imagine my delight upon waking up in pain and stiffness this morning and finding a new friend request in MFP inbox! Wow. And I thought I was going to spend the morning alone and in pain. What a delightful surprise and lift to my spirit to see that somebody wrote to me and said they were thinking of me. WOW... what a lovely gift and I thank you!

I read your post with keen interest. In fact I found myself nodding long and making sounds like "humph" and "hummmmm" which are indications that I'm letting in "essence" of what you had to say. I'm so happy you let yourself feel free to write your questions and "ramblings" as you called them so we can understand you and then you would feel a connection. Well, I suppose you felt free until the end when you apolojized for speaking your truth.... which of course, isn't necessary at all.

I could talk with you about all that you have brought up for hours and maybe even days because I wake up in pain and limitation in my life every day for 20 years or more. i used to think I was the exception to the "rule" when I'm learning more and more that I am more like everybody else. HUH? (I could see you scratching your head).

What I mean is, I've learned that EVERYBODY has some kind of limitation in their life. Everybody has a desire or a dream or a wish to do, be or try something that they want but are limited in some way. It could be they are limited by intelligence, finances, geography, dexterity, flexibility, strength, courage, stamina, physical ability, fear or some other limiting factor.in their lives. The limits can be self imposed or imposed outside themselves.

The other thing I've learned is that everybody who is currently abled bodied are in reality, "TAB's". Temporarily Able Bodied.... because in time, they are going to lose some function whether its organ related, limb related, joint related, teeth related, hearing, eyes.... you name it...... they are temporarily enjoying all the abilities of their bodies but they too will learn, as we have, that they're bodies will limit them in some way or another somewhere down the road.

On another note and then I'll stop.........
You wonder if this is an ego hit........ I certainly have grappled with that myself. My pain took away my career, finances, aspirations for a dream in my career, relationships, self identify.... you betcha it was a hit! I have gone thru and sometimes can sometimes still slip into the stages of grief that comes with losing something or somebody we love. You ask "how do we make this not suck?". Well... therein lies the new challenge..... its a wonderful place to be when you think about it. Its an opportunity to accept what we can't change and figure out how to change what we can. In my case, I have found that my spirit or essence or soul is really the heart of who I am and who you (meaning any person) are. My measuring stick of success used to be based mostly in the physical realm. How much work can I get done in one hour. How far can I swim in 40 mins. Work to get that A. Work for that promotion. Work to demonstrate some kind of physical manifestation of what a good person I am. All of the grades I gave myself were based on the physical realm and not the spiritual realm.

I think my body is as much a part of me as my spirit or essence. That small voice inside that feels connected to others or lonely. The one that causes me to feel compassion, acceptance, joy, love and all the things you cannot touch but make your world complete. I didn't know this or value this until I couldn't "perform".

Anyway, you ask about giving up running and what purpose it served and how to replace it. I'm thinking about my own life and giving up my long distance swimming, and walking, and biking and my career. What I replaced it with is valuing and measuring the part of me that is not physical. To do this I've read books like "How to be Sick" and joined groups like "Chronic Pain Anonymous" and joined facebook pages specific to folks living with pain and trying to make it as positive as possible. I try to stay in the moment and accept that I can not make plans and accept that. I got some clinical books on how to live with pain, what is pain, and a workbook on discovering all the areas in my life I have had to grieve and still sometimes do. I've learned that I can still "work out" but my "new normal" is doing a DVD "Easy Yoga for Easing Pain" or something like that. I have learned to treat my body like the injured and hurting "child" it is and instead of hate it, show it compassion and caring and reassure it that I accept its pain and limitations and will do everything in my power to care for it. Thats what brought me to MFP.

Writing this has been so helpful for me this morning! Thank you so much for listening. Keep on keeping on! xoxoxo

I figure I know my body best. I don't think anybody can tell me what I should do to care for myself in terms of pain. I take in all the available information and then decide for myself what is best. I think you know your own body and so that means you know best too.

Good luck!

I have learned to treat my body like the injured and hurting "child" it is and instead of hate it, show it compassion and caring and reassure it that I accept its pain and limitations and will do everything in my power to care for it.

I really like this. For my whole life I have not listened to my body and treated myself well. I took up drinking and smoking as escape at end of day when pain is at it's worse. Those are my habits to kick right now.
Re: walking. I find that as much as I love walking, after about 15 minutes I get such terrible midback pain and feel like my bones are breaking.