It's definitely girl #1 (the one I've already slept with, the one who is away now until January). I was out with girl #2 tonight and I had a very nice time, but I'm just not feeling it. She's younger, objectively more beautiful, and incredibly nice. But there's just no spark. I'm almost sure she thinks I'm gay now, as we've been out 4-5 times, and I've yet to try anything...

In any case, now I have another problem, and I need your help!

Girl #2 invited me over to her place for New Year's Eve. I said yes (literally 30 minutes ago, when we said goodnight). We're supposed to be at her apartment for dinner, probably going to stay there for the evening. Even though I accepted, I need to get out of this, and also tell her we should stop seeing each other. I know myself, if I'm at her place I'm definitely going to do something I'll later really, really regret... So how should I do this? Thoughts?

Thanks!

--P

First of all congrats on picking one (BTW I should have put money on it) Second text message is your friend. Do it tonight don't wait til Monday. Like a bandaid pull it off quick

agreed. if you've pretty much decided on 1 lady that isnt the one inviting you over then my advice is to cancel the date with #2.

it sounds like #2 has some other activities planed and if i were her there's no way i'd want to be an obligated date.... on new year's eve...especially if i had planned out to break out the good candles and lingerie... only to find out the guy was going to dump me anyway ... and he told me that on a NYE date.... awkward :laugh: just call her (or text her, no poofing) and tell her that you're going to dedicate you time with someone else and happy new year. i think most women would rather know that 3 days before NYE and not on NYE when she's all ready for a make out session at midnight


and congrats!!:drinker:

I'm sorry, but you accepted the date and it's only three days away. To ditch out and ruin her New Years is no good, P. Take the date like a man and end things later.

sorry dog, but this is turr'ble advice. when guys do stuff like this women make all kinds of posts about why are guys a*holes :laugh: you might as well tell him to just bring woman #1 as his date to woman #2's place. that's honestly the only way this could be worse

I'm sorry, but you accepted the date and it's only three days away. To ditch out and ruin her New Years is no good, P. Take the date like a man and end things later.

sorry dog, but this is turr'ble advice. when guys do stuff like this women make all kinds of posts about why are guys a*holes :laugh: you might as well tell him to just bring woman #1 as his date to woman #2's place. that's honestly the only way this could be worse

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Agreeed!! Christine what are you thinking??? Why would you want a guy to carry out a date when he has no interest in you?? :noway:

I agree that you should tell her now that you aren't interested and you can't make the date. It will give her time to buy some ice cream and wine instead.

I'm sorry, but you accepted the date and it's only three days away. To ditch out and ruin her New Years is no good, P. Take the date like a man and end things later.

sorry dog, but this is turr'ble advice. when guys do stuff like this women make all kinds of posts about why are guys a*holes :laugh: you might as well tell him to just bring woman #1 as his date to woman #2's place. that's honestly the only way this could be worse

Agreeed!! Christine what are you thinking??? Why would you want a guy to carry out a date when he has no interest in you?? :noway:

I just think its terribly rude to break plans you've made with someone, especially on New Years Eve! How would you feel if you had these awesome plans and then he texted you to say, "well I'm really not into you so I'm going to cancel." It's three days til the New Year!

I think that it's far better to break off the New Years plans and let her enjoy it (or commiserate) with her friends. If he keeps the date, he's showing her that he's really interested in her. Especially considering it's NYE. Cancelling the date is better than leading her on and getting her hopes up. She has plenty of time to make other plans.

Yes, cancel ASAP! Spending New Year's Eve with someone, in dating context, will make them assume you want to spent much more time with them in the future. She'll end up with friends or family and will be fine. NYE is really less and less exciting the older you get anyway.

I just think its terribly rude to break plans you've made with someone, especially on New Years Eve! How would you feel if you had these awesome plans and then he texted you to say, "well I'm really not into you so I'm going to cancel." It's three days til the New Year!

so you're saying you'd rather go through all the plans of making the dinner for him, picking out the wine, picking out the right outfit mentally thinking you're going to seduce him, then having him show up on NYE and either feeling obligated to go along with that seduction (even though he's going to dump you afterwards) OR having to go through the embarrassment of you starting to seduce him, and in the middle him being like "wait i can't do this. i was going to break up with you because there's someone else i like better. so please put your boobs away"?

:laugh: girl, that's all kinds of crazy . most women wouldn't want to be humiliated like that

It's the fact that he made a commitment. Why did he say yes if he didn't want to go?
I honor my commmitments even if I don't want to do them.

Right or wrong, he probably said yes because he was caught off guard and wasn't ready to make the break then and there when she asked him to make the plans.

It's the fact that he made a commitment. Why did he say yes if he didn't want to go?
I honor my commmitments even if I don't want to do them.

Right or wrong, he probably said yes because he was caught off guard and wasn't ready to make the break then and there when she asked him to make the plans.

This, more or less.

I hadn't yet worked my feelings through when I agreed to meet her on New Year's Eve. We had actually discussed it the day before, it was just a quick confirmation before we said goodnight. It wasn't until after I got home soon afterwards that I realized it just didn't make sense, there's just no spark. And going over to her apartment will almost certainly mean a romantic evening.

In any case, I've canceled the date. I sent a text earlier today and later spoke to her briefly. I told her I've decided to spend New Year's Eve with the kids. And I'd be in touch next week. I'll tell her then that I like her a lot, but there's just no romantic spark.

I suppose I could have told her that today, but it just seemed strange to break it off so suddenly, especially after we've been out 3 times in the past 5 days, having a very nice time on each date. I need to put a buffer in there of a few days...

--P

How did she take it?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that although there are a lot of similarities... that you already know which one is most likely to go long term and which you'd rather be with. Sadly those both probably are conflicts. At this stage you really can't get to know them better without risking more than you're willing to. I'd pick the one that seems longer term and just cut the other off. Odds are if you are juggling two girls, each of those two girls has several guys vying for their attention. Best to devote your efforts and hope you beat the others.