Pictures.. even when I know that some of then may be photoshopped

One of the first exercises my doctor did with me when I started counselling for my eating disorder over 20 years ago was to review the "Thinspiration" (this word didn't exist back then) shots to help me to recognize the digital editing and airbrushing. Another thing to remember is that it is the job of models/actors/celebrities to stay fit/look fit, and they have all day every day to do so, along with personal trainers to help them stay on track. Thinspo is completely unrealistic and will only serve to make you feel depressed; you cannot attain what celebrities do or what photoshop has done to an image.

Instead of looking at photos, why not exercise, go for a walk, or research healthy recipes with which you believe you may be comfortable eating?

I look at the videos.. On youtube.. I know its terrible... But some of them are just so pretty. I've not been thin or remotly healthy since about age 13. Then I started BPing and I gained and gained and gained... And now I get so sick of myself... I keep telling myself that i am getting better.. But I am still struggling.. Today is my birhtday and my parents are making a big "birthday dinner" for me and my friends and family, cake and everything.. And I am so nervous.. I just know Im going to B and I already feel sick about it...

Do your parents not know about your struggle? Have you thought about discussing just how difficult it is for you to have cake and other such foods around the house? They may think differently about the foods that constitute your birthday dinner if they knew how much anguish it causes you.

I don't live with my parents... I was just going over there for the birthday celebration. I did better than expected though... And my sister made the cake really late in the evening so i didn't eat any until the next day when I split a piece with my roommate.

Although when I did live with them i had no choice in the foods bought. I got my messed up way of thinking from them. They always pushed us to eat everything on out plates... And it wasn't until I moved out and started fending for myself that i even remotely began to try to live healthy.

As far as anyone knows, i have gone overboard with food in the past and now i'm loosing because i am doing it right...

My parents were the same and didn't start to smarten up about their own eating habits until long after I left the house. Even now, however, if I choose to have a birthday dinner at their place, then I also choose the food. It's extremely difficult for me to go to my parents for a meal and not to purge, even to this day, regardless of the meal.

ugh - guilty!! When I start wanting to have more inspraition I find that I start looking at thinspo. I like both the videos and the photos. I prefer real girl thinspo over celebrity (as they are airbrushed anyway). I will say I do not like the wicked skinny girls, I find it gross (good thing right??). Sometimes I think it's no big deal to look at this stuff, because it helps to inspire me. BUT it can become a slippery slope.