Women...would this be a deal breaker?
vice350z
Posts: 1,066 Member
Was seeing a woman for about a month...she bought me a drink at a bar, she took my number and we started texting...we went out on about 5 dates...most we did was make out by date 3 but never any sex.
On the 5th date she's over and we're talking about horror movies/halloween and I mention I'm a Jason Voorhees fan and show her my costume on my computer. As I'm clicking next to go through my Jason pics a pic of my ex wife topless pops up and then another pic of teh ex wife in a bra pops up...i close the window down immediately.
She ends up saying "wow, i wish i got a warning about that" but never asked who that was. i just said its old pics. Me and the wife divorced in 2004....i'm a picture saver and don't delete any pics so they're still in my picture folder on my computer....she then says something about something else, i ask what and she says "just trying to change the subject here"
Next day she was just different, not as many texts anymore and after a couple days we just stopped talking..no more text or phone calls. I didn't care enough to try to kiss *kitten* so I just let it go.
Would this be something that would have turned you off? I knew she wasn't "the one" so its not really a big deal but just wonder if that turned her off and lose interest.
My friends actually tried telling me that she also may have gotten bored because I didn't try to have sex with her by 5 dates.
On the 5th date she's over and we're talking about horror movies/halloween and I mention I'm a Jason Voorhees fan and show her my costume on my computer. As I'm clicking next to go through my Jason pics a pic of my ex wife topless pops up and then another pic of teh ex wife in a bra pops up...i close the window down immediately.
She ends up saying "wow, i wish i got a warning about that" but never asked who that was. i just said its old pics. Me and the wife divorced in 2004....i'm a picture saver and don't delete any pics so they're still in my picture folder on my computer....she then says something about something else, i ask what and she says "just trying to change the subject here"
Next day she was just different, not as many texts anymore and after a couple days we just stopped talking..no more text or phone calls. I didn't care enough to try to kiss *kitten* so I just let it go.
Would this be something that would have turned you off? I knew she wasn't "the one" so its not really a big deal but just wonder if that turned her off and lose interest.
My friends actually tried telling me that she also may have gotten bored because I didn't try to have sex with her by 5 dates.
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Absolutely. While as a woman I realize that you have a past (we all do), hanging on to pictures like that would mean to me your a pervert or you're still hung up on your ex or it's another girl your also seeing.
Just my opinion, but it would absolutely turn me off0 -
Absolutely. While as a woman I realize that you have a past (we all do), hanging on to pictures like that would mean to me your a pervert or you're still hung up on your ex or it's another girl your also seeing.
Just my opinion, but it would absolutely turn me off
interesting. Thanks for your opinion on the matter.
I'm not hung up on my ex-wife...i just still have pics/video of all my ex's...i don't think there's some rule that you have to trash them once you break up and I don't think I'm a pervert cuz I still have them. Its not like i look at them daily..lol. Like i said, i just don't trash any photos...i still have photos from the late 90's on my PC. Just can't trash them.
I guess looking from her point of view...I'd end up thinking who was that and why does he have those...and how new are those?0 -
I guess looking from her point of view...I'd end up thinking who was that and why does he have those...and how new are those?
That's exactly it. As a woman, the first thing that goes through my mind is when were those taken. And let's be real here, both men and women have lied about lesser things. So you could tell me, those are from a long time ago, but in the back of my head the red flags have gone up and I'm out the door.0 -
I guess looking from her point of view...I'd end up thinking who was that and why does he have those...and how new are those?
That's exactly it. As a woman, the first thing that goes through my mind is when were those taken. And let's be real here, both men and women have lied about lesser things. So you could tell me, those are from a long time ago, but in the back of my head the red flags have gone up and I'm out the door.
Yeah that totally makes sense. Live and learn for next time I guess.0 -
Yeah, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Many red flags, not saying any are true but these are what would go through my mind:
1. Is he still hung up on her? Issues with closure? If not, why hold on to the pics.
2. Is he just after me for a *kitten*? If a man collects pics or doesn't delete them, I couldn't see him as commitment material.
3. Will some other woman see my pics sometime down the road? No explanation needed on that one.
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.0 -
I would be less than impressed too. The female spidey sense would be tingling....big time.
It could definitely be a deal breaker. With the right person I would want to laugh it off...but I would be some combination of jealous/suspicious/uneasy/annoyed..0 -
Yeah, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Many red flags, not saying any are true but these are what would go through my mind:
1. Is he still hung up on her? Issues with closure? If not, why hold on to the pics.
2. Is he just after me for a *kitten*? If a man collects pics or doesn't delete them, I couldn't see him as commitment material.
3. Will some other woman see my pics sometime down the road? No explanation needed on that one.
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
Wow never thought of all that. To myself I consider it no big deal still having them.. Nothing to do with being hung up on them but no amount of trying to explain that to someone would probably work.0 -
Yes...you put those in a very secret little folder...or find a woman who is very open sexually.0
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Wow never thought of all that. To myself I consider it no big deal still having them.. Nothing to do with being hung up on them but no amount of trying to explain that to someone would probably work.
Turn the tables, if a girl had pictures of an ex showing his money maker, would you honestly not care?0 -
Yeah, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Many red flags, not saying any are true but these are what would go through my mind:
1. Is he still hung up on her? Issues with closure? If not, why hold on to the pics.
2. Is he just after me for a *kitten*? If a man collects pics or doesn't delete them, I couldn't see him as commitment material.
3. Will some other woman see my pics sometime down the road? No explanation needed on that one.
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
Wow never thought of all that. To myself I consider it no big deal still having them.. Nothing to do with being hung up on them but no amount of trying to explain that to someone would probably work.
Well, that's just my personal thoughts.... given my past, I have to look for those kind of red flags, though. Other women may say otherwise.
But, it's my .02 and why we're all here for each other.
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Yes...you put those in a very secret little folder...or find a woman who is very open sexually.
Or not fly through pics with the "next" button. Eh, no reason to hide them. It's never come up in convos with any gfs if we had old pics of gf/bf.0 -
Yeah, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Many red flags, not saying any are true but these are what would go through my mind:
1. Is he still hung up on her? Issues with closure? If not, why hold on to the pics.
2. Is he just after me for a *kitten*? If a man collects pics or doesn't delete them, I couldn't see him as commitment material.
3. Will some other woman see my pics sometime down the road? No explanation needed on that one.
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
Wow never thought of all that. To myself I consider it no big deal still having them.. Nothing to do with being hung up on them but no amount of trying to explain that to someone would probably work.
Well, that's just my personal thoughts.... given my past, I have to look for those kind of red flags, though. Other women may say otherwise.
But, it's my .02 and why we're all here for each other.
I totally understand every point you made. I'd probably think the same if it was the other way around. I woulda asked about the pic though instead of not asking anything like she did.0 -
Wow never thought of all that. To myself I consider it no big deal still having them.. Nothing to do with being hung up on them but no amount of trying to explain that to someone would probably work.
Turn the tables, if a girl had pictures of an ex showing his money maker, would you honestly not care?
BRINGO... i'd wonder what the F that was all about.0 -
I totally understand every point you made. I'd probably think the same if it was the other way around. I woulda asked about the pic though instead of not asking anything like she did.
Absolutely!! Being an adult, she should have addressed it with you. If not at that moment, then later that day or the next (she may have been a little shocked and not sure what to say). But, we've had several discussions on here about "poofing" (where people just disappear). Seems to be much more common than an adult conversation now.
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Why is this flagged? Haha
Yes, it would be weird to see he still has the pics on a computer. When my sister and her bf broke up she kept some photos in a scrapbook but deleted their together pics off Facebook etc. Delete the pics now so it doesn't happen again. It's one thing to have normal photos but with all the free porn online you don't need old pics of her topless am I right?0 -
I could see forgetting to delete the picture, especially if you're maybe not very tech-savvy. But being aware that the picture is there & not taking it down is another thing. I would be very uncomfortable if I saw that kind of photo on a guy's computer. I think it's only natural. And you even said that you'd wonder wtf was going on.
But I do agree that if it made her really uncomfortable, she should have asked a few follow-up questions... That's a no-brainer.0 -
personally i would have asked.
i had a male friend that was showing me pics of some trails he had ridden and a couple nudes of girls popped up in his pics.
i point blank asked him what it was all about, LOL.
i'm not going to judge someone for nudes. but i will ask. especially if it looks like THEY took it. i dated a guy for a couple months that had some semi risky pics of another girl on his phone, i just asked him if he would delete them if i asked...... he said he would. i never asked him to. maybe i should have, but i never did.0 -
This is an interesting topic and i tend to agree with all the ladies above.
from another angle, I'm wondering if you knew an ex had compromising pics of you, would you ask them to delete them or shred them or give you the originals?0 -
This is an interesting topic and i tend to agree with all the ladies above.
from another angle, I'm wondering if you knew an ex had compromising pics of you, would you ask them to delete them or shred them or give you the originals?
If my ex'es still have pics/videos of me...i don't care. My one ex told me how she got a new phone and was copying the pictures from her old phone to new phone as her new BF was behind her watching...scrolling through the pictures, my junk appeard on screen..lol. She said he wasn't too thrilled to see that.
I would imaging most couples keep some pics/videos of ex's0 -
1. I don't do naked pictures (topless whatever) so I can't vouch for that.
2. Eh it's your past she's your ex, I sure in the hell am not going to judge you if you have them. Now if it's your screensaver different story.
I've been to houses where guys or women still have a "family" picture up on the wall that includes the ex. You know what. You payed alot of money for those photos. In time they will be replaced with photos of just you and your kids for example but. I guess it's not that big of a deal to me.
I personally don't have any photos out of my ex, but if we get the picture box in the basement out, yes they are in there.
My kids question me enough and they are 6 and 7, I don't need an adult who knows better giving me the 5th degree.0 -
I guess it depends if she had a better rack than I do. :-)
Honestly having/taking the pictures is no big deal, but I would be concerned that you hold on to them for so long. I wouldn't want pictures of me to not be under lock and key, so the casualness of it would bother me I guess.0 -
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Dude, in the future, put them in a 'secret folder". We don't want to see that sort of thing. We know it happens and we know everyone has a past, but we aren't real wild about having to experience it first hand.
I don't think I'd run (this happened to me at 25 (I found physical pics of an ex-girlfriend) and we were together for 2 years). But I would wonder why they were mixed in with the other like it's no big deal...0 -
I guess it depends if she had a better rack than I do. :-)
Honestly having/taking the pictures is no big deal, but I would be concerned that you hold on to them for so long. I wouldn't want pictures of me to not be under lock and key, so the casualness of it would bother me I guess.
Its not that i'm "holding on to them"....i just don't want to trash any of the pics. Why? I don't know...i don't talk to any of the ex gfs anymore. Like I mentioned...I just can't seem to throw away pics of ANYTHING...doesn't matter if its naked ex gf/wife or not.0 -
Dude, in the future, put them in a 'secret folder". We don't want to see that sort of thing. We know it happens and we know everyone has a past, but we aren't real wild about having to experience it first hand.
I don't think I'd run (this happened to me at 25 (I found physical pics of an ex-girlfriend) and we were together for 2 years). But I would wonder why they were mixed in with the other like it's no big deal...
I'm 40..she was 31 but weeks into it she was slowly starting to annoy me anyway...its probably best that this happened lol.
I happen to use a search app that went alphabetically instead of going to my JASON folder..so that was the problem right there.0 -
inorite?0 -
Yes...you put those in a very secret little folder...or find a woman who is very open sexually.
Very good advice!
EDIT: Turning the tables, if I saw a woman who was holding onto dong pics from a ex bf, I think there's a pretty good chance I would leave, especially if it was the early stages.0 -
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
While you are quite attractive, I'm sorry to say all men think of other women, even when in a wonderful, committed, monogamous relationship. So don't take it personally.
It's unrealistic to think your man will only be thinking of you. It's not typically the ex he's fantasizing about, however, if that makes you feel better. It's typically the neighbor, the co-worker, the flight attendant, the supermodel, the TV anchorwoman, your child's Spanish teacher, etc., etc., etc. It's a long list, I'll just stop there.
--P0 -
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
While you are quite attractive, I'm sorry to say all men think of other women, even when in a wonderful, committed, monogamous relationship. So don't take it personally.
It's unrealistic to think your man will only be thinking of you. It's not typically the ex he's fantasizing about, however, if that makes you feel better. It's typically the neighbor, the co-worker, the flight attendant, the supermodel, the TV anchorwoman, your child's Spanish teacher, etc., etc., etc. It's a long list, I'll just stop there.
--P
Oh we know we aren't the only one they are thinking about but we also don't want to think about it. So when we see pictures of another naked woman we have to face reality.0 -
4. How often does he get off on pics of his exes? If I'm in a relationship, I want to be the only woman he's thinking of.
While you are quite attractive, I'm sorry to say all men think of other women, even when in a wonderful, committed, monogamous relationship. So don't take it personally.
It's unrealistic to think your man will only be thinking of you. It's not typically the ex he's fantasizing about, however, if that makes you feel better. It's typically the neighbor, the co-worker, the flight attendant, the supermodel, the TV anchorwoman, your child's Spanish teacher, etc., etc., etc. It's a long list, I'll just stop there.
--P
Thank you Patrick. I know it's unrealistic to expect him not to think of other women. I do know men fantasize about other women, as we women fantasize about other men. BUT, I do not want to see the reality of what he's thinking about, because now I'm sizing it up against me.0
