Are kids an excuse?
Replies
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TL;DR
LOL Me too! Just read my friends post <<<< lazy
Reddit user?0 -
Well I've lived in south fl all my life all my friends and most of my family are here.It helps alot.
That does make a difference. Soon after the birth of a child, my cousin and his wife moved to be near my uncle and aunt, who are providing a lot of free child care. That free child care and some other support is quite possibly keeping the marriage intact.
Also Jen, if you've been there your entire life, why are you not a Dolphins fan? The Dolphins haven't been good for years, so they maybe haven't given you a reason to like them. In South FL, the Heat and Marlins have won championships more recently.0 -
Well I've lived in south fl all my life all my friends and most of my family are here.It helps alot.
That does make a difference. Soon after the birth of a child, my cousin and his wife moved to be near my uncle and aunt, who are providing a lot of free child care. That free child care and some other support is quite possibly keeping the marriage intact.
Also Jen, if you've been there your entire life, why are you not a Dolphins fan? The Dolphins haven't been good for years, so they maybe haven't given you a reason to like them. In South FL, the Heat and Marlins have won championships more recently.
My mom is from new york... Considor it in utero brain washing lol..... I've been a jets fan since before I could remember and that includes crappy years like this one lol0 -
Well I've lived in south fl all my life all my friends and most of my family are here.It helps alot.
That does make a difference. Soon after the birth of a child, my cousin and his wife moved to be near my uncle and aunt, who are providing a lot of free child care. That free child care and some other support is quite possibly keeping the marriage intact.
Also Jen, if you've been there your entire life, why are you not a Dolphins fan? The Dolphins haven't been good for years, so they maybe haven't given you a reason to like them. In South FL, the Heat and Marlins have won championships more recently.
My mom is from new york... Considor it in utero brain washing lol..... I've been a jets fan since before I could remember and that includes crappy years like this one lol
Too bad that your mom did not like the NY Giants for football. The Giants have won more championships than the Jets.
Hey, Miami hosts the Super Bowl once in a while. That may make up for bad Dolphins football.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
So sometimes I think they can be used as an excuse, at least based on some of my past experiences (this is just one of them, but they all came out pretty much the same) Just my two cents worth0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
So sometimes I think they can be used as an excuse, at least based on some of my past experiences (this is just one of them, but they all came out pretty much the same) Just my two cents worth
Hmmm yeah. Doesn't sound like he was making much of an effort for you. Kid time is fine so long as a big effort is made when the opportunities DO arise.
Not a keeper. :frown:0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
So sometimes I think they can be used as an excuse, at least based on some of my past experiences (this is just one of them, but they all came out pretty much the same) Just my two cents worth
Some people just can't win.
Spend not enough time with you kids? Deadbeat.
Spend too much time with your kids? You're babying them..
I don't get your post. The kid was put first before you, you don't want to be put first, but you're upset because you weren't put first?
ETA:
I spent a lot of my childhood being left at home alone, while my mom was out on dates with losers. Maybe that is were my bitterness comes from...0 -
I was thinking this morning that I see all these profiles from women about how their kids are there number 1 priority. It sounds great and I can see it for younger children but I also recall being a kid myself. My parents would take me and my brother to this practice or that one and would attend alomst all of the games. However, once we reached a certain age of around 12 or so, we got dropped off at practice and they left. Most of the parents were the same way. It was fairly common for a car pool situation where most parents weren't there after practice either. One or two dad's would stick around and semi-coach and a few more would show up for the last 20-30 minutes of practice and do the "that's my boy" variation of the measuring stick game. I rarely recall seeing a mom at or after a practice.
I realize that having a car pool system and leaving the kids to practice gives time for other things like making meals, cleaning, shopping etc. but once we reached about the same age, my brother and I had to do a lot of cleaning ourselves (or we got yelled at about it and it stayed dirty in a test of wills.) and cooked things like frozen pizzas and burgers.
So a couple of possibilities: Have things changed that much? Did my friends and I have lousy neglectful parents? Are the kids an excuse? Are these women using the kids to fulfill something that is missing as a result of their divorce? other possibilities?
I don't get what the two have to with each other. Your kids are likely to remain your number one priority whether or not you leave them at a game or stay and watch. I think most parents will feel this way about their kids across the generaltions. Women put it in their profile because they are worried guys will start demanding they see them at times they don't think they can make it, or will ask to meet the kids before she's ready etc. It doesn't mean they are not prpared to compomise over things they judge as less important.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
So sometimes I think they can be used as an excuse, at least based on some of my past experiences (this is just one of them, but they all came out pretty much the same) Just my two cents worth
Some people just can't win.
Spend not enough time with you kids? Deadbeat.
Spend too much time with your kids? You're babying them..
I don't get your post. The kid was put first before you, you don't want to be put first, but you're upset because you weren't put first?
ETA:
I spent a lot of my childhood being left at home alone, while my mom was out on dates with losers. Maybe that is were my bitterness comes from...
I was made to feel as if I didnt fit in his life at all. I never once asked to be put first, but at least make me feel like you WANT me in your life. Not that I was not put first, I felt as if I did NOT rank at all.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.0 -
Oh my gravy Jen, I'd give alot alot to have that option....alot alot. :noway:See I'm different. I mean my sister and roommate are my sitters if not my ex MIL. But once the kids are asleep I don't see what the issue is with going out. Its not like they ever even know I'm gone. Also since my sitters are family and they live with me its no biggie for me to ask my sister to watch them once they are asleep and go out for a few hours.
i don't have that option either. no family. i have friends, but they ALL have kids of their own. the only good thing is that most of my church friends have daughters that are old enough to baby sit. and a lot of those girls will babysit as service or for like 2.00/ hr. i try to use them infrequently. i don't want to take advantage of their hospitality. ya know?
jen, how old are your kids??0 -
I don't plaster all over my profile that my kids are my number one priority (call me horrible or whatever) but I've found that some, NOT ALL, moms that do that are insecure about thier parenting abilities in the first place, it's a given in my house, I'm a mom, I am not a soccer mom however, my kids don't do alot of sports and such because if they can't participate in at least 50% of the games etc, it's a waste of money/time. I sleep in on Saturday mornings, this is a rule, the kids know it, they get thier own snacks and turn the TV on until I get up around 8. It's fine, the house hasn't burned down yet.
Here's my kicker, I have zero family around, I have a few sitters now and then but my life persay has to be semi planned... I love doing things on a whim,but when it comes to kids and introducing them to a new guy, that's a no fly zone for me. I have to have someone to watch them, you aren't going to see them for a while. Now keep in mind, every other weekend, from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, take me away and do compeletely unedited horrible non mommy things to me. That is your dedicated absolute time to spend with me. If you waste that time. Your problem not mine.
The one thing I've found that super pisses me off...is guys with no kids that expects on a random Tuesday night for me to drop everything and go do XYZ, or catch a little nookie.
I tell them on the first date that this is not an option, and if it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker. Sorry, I don't have time to listen to you whine about how "I'm not putting you first and that if I'm not willing to do that then I'm not into you" If I hear that phrase again I may unfortunatley punch that manchild in the throat.
It's a matter of I am a good mother and I'm not going to have my kids believing that our house is a revolving door for strange guys. I know that it's like for them to ask "Where did Tom go?" "Did he not like us"
No man is worth that.
Ever.
Said this mom.
My two cents worth.
I agree with you, said this single mom of 2 kids who doesn't get every second weekend to myself 0 -
Oh my gravy Jen, I'd give alot alot to have that option....alot alot. :noway:See I'm different. I mean my sister and roommate are my sitters if not my ex MIL. But once the kids are asleep I don't see what the issue is with going out. Its not like they ever even know I'm gone. Also since my sitters are family and they live with me its no biggie for me to ask my sister to watch them once they are asleep and go out for a few hours.
i don't have that option either. no family. i have friends, but they ALL have kids of their own. the only good thing is that most of my church friends have daughters that are old enough to baby sit. and a lot of those girls will babysit as service or for like 2.00/ hr. i try to use them infrequently. i don't want to take advantage of their hospitality. ya know?
jen, how old are your kids??
My girl is 9 and my son is 60 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.0 -
I am a single Mom, I do mention that I have a 3 year old in my profile. I want to weed out anyone who doesn't want kids, or to be around anyone else's kids. I think it is just being open and upfront. I don't mention that he is my first priority because I think most people understand or expect that.
XH takes him every other weekend, so that is when I am free to go out on dates. I keep my son away from anyone I am dating because I think I need to get to know someone before my child does. So that limits the time I am available.
I am dating someone that has kids, and it has helped that we both understand the kids are first priority. I have been canceled on in favor of his kids, and I have had to turn down dates for the same reason. It doesn't happen often so I don't see it as an excuse.
I was fully prepared when I joined Match that I wouldn't get a lot of attention because I know having a 3 year old is a tough age to be dating, but I hoped that the men that were interested would be understanding because they knew what they were getting into.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.
8 months is too long to be dating someone and not meet their kids, let alone go to their house. I would have cut ties well before that for fear that he was hiding something or afraid of commitment. My comment about even being at the games.....Kids are observant. They notice when new people are at a game and if you had not been introduced that could do more harm to the father's relationship with the child than good. It's also hard, because there are ex's that will use against their children. I would go to my ex-bf's daughter's cheerleading events and his ex-wife would go crazy. She'd become ultra clingy with the daughter, more demanding and try to pick fights. It went away after a couple, but it was a sad thing to see. So, this may have been something he was trying to avoid as well. I don't know..... But, considering you were dating for so long, he should have given you more consideration.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.
Sounds like he was married and you were the other woman.0
