Need advice
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chocl8girl
Posts: 1,968 Member
I'm not really sure if this is the right place to even be asking, but I figured it can't hurt. There may be triggers in here for people, so please keep that in mind.
So here is the problem. My life feels COMPLETELY out of control right now, and there's not too much I can do about it except wait for it to calm down. The problem is, when things get like that, I tend to start doing very unhealthy things to maintain a sense of control in my own mind.
In the past, I have cut, because I can control the amount and what kind of pain I deal with. I have eaten myself into food comas, because I can control what I put into my body. I also do slightly less damaging things like biting my nails and withdrawing from ALL interaction and refusing to reach out, because I can control my thoughts better (in my mind) if I don't share them, because once I share them they skitter out of control and push me back into the darkness.
OK, so basically, I have been going through a BAD patch. I started cutting again for the first time in over 15 years. Ended up inpatient, not once but twice, now pretty much have a handle on that, getting help. I started biting my nails again, so I put fake nails on to prevent myself (this worked like a charm before, is working now).
I've been thinking I was doing OK, a little less anxiety, a little less racing thoughts. But I've started noticing that I am having disordered thoughts around controlling my food intake. meaning that I refuse to eat, and in my head tell myself that I don't deserve to eat, or think obsessively about the calories that are in something. It's not all the time, but I have noticed it gradually increasing over the past few weeks. I do NOT want to think this way!
Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do to help me feel more in control that are NOT harmful to myself? I have tried so many things, but so far nothing has seemed to work, so I thought MAYBE other people might have things that I could try?
Sorry if this is the wrong place, or TMI, or upsetting to anyone. I really don't have anyone to talk to.
So here is the problem. My life feels COMPLETELY out of control right now, and there's not too much I can do about it except wait for it to calm down. The problem is, when things get like that, I tend to start doing very unhealthy things to maintain a sense of control in my own mind.
In the past, I have cut, because I can control the amount and what kind of pain I deal with. I have eaten myself into food comas, because I can control what I put into my body. I also do slightly less damaging things like biting my nails and withdrawing from ALL interaction and refusing to reach out, because I can control my thoughts better (in my mind) if I don't share them, because once I share them they skitter out of control and push me back into the darkness.
OK, so basically, I have been going through a BAD patch. I started cutting again for the first time in over 15 years. Ended up inpatient, not once but twice, now pretty much have a handle on that, getting help. I started biting my nails again, so I put fake nails on to prevent myself (this worked like a charm before, is working now).
I've been thinking I was doing OK, a little less anxiety, a little less racing thoughts. But I've started noticing that I am having disordered thoughts around controlling my food intake. meaning that I refuse to eat, and in my head tell myself that I don't deserve to eat, or think obsessively about the calories that are in something. It's not all the time, but I have noticed it gradually increasing over the past few weeks. I do NOT want to think this way!
Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do to help me feel more in control that are NOT harmful to myself? I have tried so many things, but so far nothing has seemed to work, so I thought MAYBE other people might have things that I could try?
Sorry if this is the wrong place, or TMI, or upsetting to anyone. I really don't have anyone to talk to.
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Hey there, I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rough place right now. I haven't cut before but I've done my fair share of self-sabotaging in other ways and struggled (slash struggle somewhat still) with a lot of self-hatred in the past. I've done a lot of unhealthy things in the name of comfort, coping, and control. One of the major turning points for me was making a decision to think positively about myself. Which was really, really hard at the time. I used a technique I learned in a psychology class that ultimately worked really well. Anytime I thought something negative about myself or about my life (which was almost 100% of the time back then), I consciously stopped and forced myself to think something positive instead. And it had to be something I genuinely believed. Initially, they were really small things (i.e. my eyes are pretty, my friends wouldn't spend time with me if there wasn't something good about me) because I didn't like much about myself or my life but as time went on, my positives became bigger and deeper and my thoughts started to be more positive than negative without any effort. This is something that's in your control. I started there and it led to so much more. I'm still healing, still growing. I still use a lot unhealthy tactics to cope and avoid but I've come very far from where I was and now have the confidence to know that I will continue to go very far. I hope this is something that could help you. I'm very glad to see that you reached out for help. That's a HUGE step in and of itself, it really shows that you're on the right track. Don't give up
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Hi, just by coming here and posting your struggles means you are in control. There is this awesome book called feeling good by dr burns I believe is who wrote it but, it is about getting control back. If you can make it through to about 50 pages you should start to get a better sense of where to begin taking back what is rightfully yours. Add me as a friend and I would love to share in supporting each other!0
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Also I am so glad you decided to reach out and post! I know how it feels to not have anyone to talk to.0
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Have you ever tried an over eaters anonymous group? You can typically find free meetups online in your area. These are great for support and meeting new people who understand the emotional toll. Also, working out! This has helped me the most, although I HATED it for the first two weeks and then it became a release for all of my frustration and anxiety (typically an everyday thing). Walking with music works just as well... I find it important to get outside.0
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We've all done some form of self-sabotage, hence the reason we are all here. Staying busy and active avoids the self-focus.
Add me as a friend and I'll try to make you laugh at least once a day.
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