Whaddya give a MAN for Valentines Day (long distance)?
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I've always received a kiss or special treatment during V-day. I don't think V-Day is as big a deal for guys as it is for ladies. I think a little card with an "I-O-U" special massage coupon inside would suffice. It doesn't need to be sexual, it can be an I-O-U anything coupon.
What would you do for your lady? I don't particularly want anything from him. I'd like it to be romantic. I.E. I LOVE the ocean so maybe going for a late night stroll on the beach? A walk on the pier?
I don't even need the fancy dinner. Is this something I need to be direct with him about since you say guys don't think of it as such a big deal?
Something out of the ordinary...if you're married, and you hardly ever cook or clean, then get up off your *kitten* and cook and clean and light a candle or two. I you're single, what is that you know she loves and you've not done it in a while?
I love buying flowers for my lady and showing up at her work with flowers and Starbucks. So naturally, I'm not going to show up with Starbucks and flowers on V-day because that's something I already do. I prefer something simple and thoughful. A card, a walk at the park. I'm not one to go all out and go to an expensive resteraunt, I'd rather cook the meal myself and she can by my dessert.
Oh, SVCAT... Good answer...
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Speaking as a guy, we are pretty easy. Get him anything that lets him know you are thinking of him and took the time and made the effort to let him know. I dont know your guy, but for me, if there is something I need or want I just buy it, and as for cheesy V day specific things like flowers or candy...no go. Any little thing that lets him know he is on your mind!
But what about me? I'm such a romantic. If we were dating, would I have to be direct with you as to what I'd like to do that night? Or wait for your to surprise me? I've already mentioned that I'm looking forward to v-day.
EDIT- I don't want "something", I want romance.
See Poncho's post below....V Day is a made up day....and guys tend to balk at the "you must be romantic on this day because Hallmark says so vibe"
If you want romance, demand it everyday, in some small fashion. If you want romance on V day because it is V Day, then tell him exactly that or prepare to be disappointed....That is if we were dating...I cant speak for your bf
I'm pretty sure all days are "made up" days.
Agreed, but V Day is especially bogus. What historical significance is there and when did it become about buying all sorts of crap. At least Xmas, at my house anyhow, is a celebration of the birth of Christ...with a lot of presents for my kids (yeah I fall prey to the commercialism of Xmas).
Maybe im just grumpy gus but I think VDay is garbage0 -
for some reason just the thought of flowers where everyone can see someone loves me gets me going.
This is really it, isnt it ladies??? Flowers at work so all the other ladies can see you are loved etc...Ill send flowers to work, on random occassions but on V Day I say NO FLOWERS for you!! Possibly pettty and immature but I honest to god see no point in V Day, other then to stimulate the economy.
Yep. I'm shallow…I guess someone as awesome as me has to have at least one fault.
If I got flowers any other time, or if my partner was romantic enough in other ways, maybe I wouldn't care about not getting them when everyone else does. It’s just another reminder of the lack of love at home. The first time I got flowers at work in my entire life was when my friend bought me some for my birthday last year. When I was married, I bought my own flowers for around the house, but it's just not the same.
And I understand it's so cool to rebel against commercialism... but I’ve seen too many guys who get that stuff willingly for their ladies that I call bull on men who refuse.0 -
Im not rebelling against the commercialism per se. The commercialism is garbage, yes, but it is in your face and I can choose to partake or not partake. I am (on my soapbox) rebelling at the men and women who think because we are told today is V Day we need to do something special. If you love someone why not do something special because its Tuesday. Or why not do something special just because she deserves it for putting up with your **** and making you happy.
So I rebel because so much of society says oh its V Day you must do something special for someone because we have been trained to believe this blah blah blah.
Oh and a word of advice to the ladies....V Day (well known amongst single men) is the perfect night to go find and seduce a female...Go out anywhere on V Day and notice there are plenty of women out with no bf's all contemplating why dont I have a bf etc etc etc....and this leads to bad decisions on their part which often ends up with them waking in some strange mans bed.
There is my word of caution for all of you!0 -
Oh and a word of advice to the ladies....V Day (well known amongst single men) is the perfect night to go find and seduce a female...Go out anywhere on V Day and notice there are plenty of women out with no bf's all contemplating why dont I have a bf etc etc etc....and this leads to bad decisions on their part which often ends up with them waking in some strange mans bed.
There is my word of caution for all of you!
Is this code for: Hey fellas, V day is a great time to hit the bars?0 -
Im not rebelling against the commercialism per se. The commercialism is garbage, yes, but it is in your face and I can choose to partake or not partake. I am (on my soapbox) rebelling at the men and women who think because we are told today is V Day we need to do something special. If you love someone why not do something special because its Tuesday. Or why not do something special just because she deserves it for putting up with your **** and making you happy.
So I rebel because so much of society says oh its V Day you must do something special for someone because we have been trained to believe this blah blah blah.
Oh and a word of advice to the ladies....V Day (well known amongst single men) is the perfect night to go find and seduce a female...Go out anywhere on V Day and notice there are plenty of women out with no bf's all contemplating why dont I have a bf etc etc etc....and this leads to bad decisions on their part which often ends up with them waking in some strange mans bed.
There is my word of caution for all of you!
If you are Barney from HIMYM the day before V Day is the best day to pick up a woman.0 -
Here's a funny twist to my situation. BB and I had a bit of a blow-up the other week (my fault, admittedly) and when we didn't speak for a couple days (after two months of hour-long nightly phone calls plus daily texts and emails) I thought we were done. We're "back on" so it's all good, but I'd heard that holidays like V-day are a good time to dump someone so you aren't obligated to buy anything, and I was worried he was playing that game.0
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Seeing as have never managed to time a relationship to hit valentines day then can't answer what have done or ex has done.
But for me, I would try to do something out of the ordinary like SVCat said.
maybe go with the flowers, chocolates as well, but took my ex to a london stage show for her birthday, so would possibly do something similar and or a nice meal/trip away. A lot of it is about judging the person and what would make them feel more special.
So that would be my answer as to what to get/do for your man, choose something that will resonate specifically with him, which isn't generic and overdone, but chosen specifically to match his personality etc.
As for Valentines Day being a commercial day only, yeah in many ways it is, but doesn't mean you have to make it that way or refuse to do anything. Make it something special anyway. For my family where none of us are very religious (more spiritual), Christmas is more about spending time with family and friends than celebrating anything religious and enjoying the result of the commercial aspect by seeing peoples and particularly childrens appreciation of presents. No reason you can't enjoy the appreciation of your other half.
So do something that will mean something specifically to him or between you, will hold much more meaning and memory.0 -
Regarding the guys who said "Be direct" I know a lot of ladies don't wanna do that (we often feel “If I have to tell him, it doesn’t count or it’s not special enough”) but nothing frustrates a man like spending a lot of extra effort on something you’re not happy with. It’s just easier and you’re more likely to get what you want when you just tell him.
So, for example, I told BB that I’m not into the V-day dinner bc (imho) it’s overpriced, restaurants are crowded, and the food quality usually goes down. I would rather (if I were in town) have him cook me a special dinner. I just saved him time and effort. At the same time, I REALLY would like flowers for V-day at least once a decade (lol) and I let him know, in a joking way, that even though he can’t do that for me this year, it’s on the “makes her happy and in the mood” list for next year.0 -
Here's a funny twist to my situation. BB and I had a bit of a blow-up the other week (my fault, admittedly) and when we didn't speak for a couple days (after two months of hour-long nightly phone calls plus daily texts and emails) I thought we were done. We're "back on" so it's all good, but I'd heard that holidays like V-day are a good time to dump someone so you aren't obligated to buy anything, and I was worried he was playing that game.
When the break up between my ex and I occurred the week after Thanksgiving, I had several guy friends suggest that that was exactly the reason-so that he did not have to worry about exchanging Christmas gifts...........I don't think that was it, but it was interesting that the guy friends came up with a reason...............0 -
I don't think I ever did anything on v-day except one year I broke up with the guy I was dating like a week before v-day and it was somehow decided that he would take me out to dinner to my favorite restaurant. I'm pretty sure it was his idea. So we dressed up and he took me to dinner even though we weren't together. Odd, but it was nice. Other than that I kind of gloss over v-day because flowers or any other nice gesture from a significant other is always welcome throughout the year. I feel the same way about giving to the man I'm with. I'll think of something I don't often do and surprise him whenever. I agree with others...being direct about what you want.0
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Here's a funny twist to my situation. BB and I had a bit of a blow-up the other week (my fault, admittedly) and when we didn't speak for a couple days (after two months of hour-long nightly phone calls plus daily texts and emails) I thought we were done. We're "back on" so it's all good, but I'd heard that holidays like V-day are a good time to dump someone so you aren't obligated to buy anything, and I was worried he was playing that game.
When the break up between my ex and I occurred the week after Thanksgiving, I had several guy friends suggest that that was exactly the reason-so that he did not have to worry about exchanging Christmas gifts...........I don't think that was it, but it was interesting that the guy friends came up with a reason...............
It's actually not all that uncommon. I've heard the same thing from various guys about Valentine's Day, Christmas & birthdays. I'll admit that I think the same thoughts if I'm in a serious relationship with someone around those days.
But, Janie... I wouldn't worry about it. 0 -
Im not rebelling against the commercialism per se. The commercialism is garbage, yes, but it is in your face and I can choose to partake or not partake. I am (on my soapbox) rebelling at the men and women who think because we are told today is V Day we need to do something special. If you love someone why not do something special because its Tuesday. Or why not do something special just because she deserves it for putting up with your **** and making you happy.
So I rebel because so much of society says oh its V Day you must do something special for someone because we have been trained to believe this blah blah blah.
Oh and a word of advice to the ladies....V Day (well known amongst single men) is the perfect night to go find and seduce a female...Go out anywhere on V Day and notice there are plenty of women out with no bf's all contemplating why dont I have a bf etc etc etc....and this leads to bad decisions on their part which often ends up with them waking in some strange mans bed.
There is my word of caution for all of you!
It's a school night, I'll be tucked up in bed with my urangatang!!! :laugh:
Actually, I agree it's all nonsense! I think we are made to participate though, just because all couples do, unless they agree not to.
I remember when I was with my LTex I spent the day driving back from an away match (football) at Liverpool (about 4 hour drive away) with my best friend John! My ex had cooked dinner, flowers etc, but I didnt get home till about 11pm!! He was NOT happy!!
I apologised tho, with a striptease or something........:bigsmile:0 -
I was going to say that V Day is crappy and commercial and all, as Will said...
But then on the other hand, when you're bad at finding small gifts for your partner and expressing your feelings regularly then V Day is probably a good occasion of doing so. As JJ is saying, it's nice to have something sometimes. So... It's for people like me! :ohwell:
And yes, like a lot of guys I find V Day is annoying.0 -
I tell anyone I'm dating that they are simply not allowed to buy me flowers or chocolate or anything traditional (commercial) on Valentine's day. It feels forced and obligatory. I do however, request that it be the one time in a year where a mushy card complete with original thoughts and declaration of feelings is given.
I love romance..I even like flowers..I just don't want it on that day, just because everyone else is doing it.
Based on Will's advice..perhaps this year I'll hit a bar.
Sigh.0 -
I'm so glad you asked this question because I've been struggling with the same thing! (Although, he might just get S&BJ.) If I bought some new lingerie for the occasion, would that be considered a gift for him or me? LOL.hehe...after over a decade of getting nothing I sooooooo want the flowers and balloons at work!
Word to this. I don't care how stupid and shallow I sound, it's been such a long time since I've gotten flowers at work on V-Day that I am actually looking forward to it this year. It gets old being practically the only woman in the entire office without a dozen roses on her desk on V-Day. I think boyfriend is stoked to send them, though. He's already made dinner reservations also. So, obviously I have to come up with something for him.
P.S. I confess that I actually dislike Valentine's Day. It's such a Hallmark holiday...although it will be nice to not be alone on it for once.0 -
Based on Will's advice..perhaps this year I'll hit a bar.
One of our local bars is having a Single's Valentines Night on Feb 28th...interesting idea, but I don't like exclusively singles events. I don't like to feel like I'm being sized up the whole night.
http://www.richmond.com/arts-entertainment/article_7a9a3886-61a5-11e2-a9f9-001a4bcf6878.html0 -
One of our local bars is having a Single's Valentines Night on Feb 28th...interesting idea, but I don't like exclusively singles events. I don't like to feel like I'm being sized up the whole night.
http://www.richmond.com/arts-entertainment/article_7a9a3886-61a5-11e2-a9f9-001a4bcf6878.html
I like the concept of exclusively singles night because it makes things a lot easier. It is good to know that who you are approaching is single. However, in reality, these singles nights or exclusively singles functions do not play out as well as one would think based on how they are conceptualized. Any one else feel that way? If so, why does it play out like that?0 -
I tell anyone I'm dating that they are simply not allowed to buy me flowers or chocolate or anything traditional (commercial) on Valentine's day. It feels forced and obligatory. I do however, request that it be the one time in a year where a mushy card complete with original thoughts and declaration of feelings is given.
I love romance..I even like flowers..I just don't want it on that day, just because everyone else is doing it.
Based on Will's advice..perhaps this year I'll hit a bar.
Sigh.
The chocolate and flowers seemed forced... yet you force the mushy card with original thoughts and feelings??
ladys lady ladys :noway:0 -
I think this topic has strayed from JJ's original post...
However, I have to say that I believe V-day is one of those times men, in a relationship, need to suck it up and be romantic. If you think flowers are overdone, send balloons. If you think restaurants are overly busy and twice as expensive, make a candle lit dinner. It may be true that it is a forced holiday but suck it up and make it one that she remembers.0
