Quitter and quit quitter....

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devrinator
devrinator Posts: 79 Member
Alright, I grew up in a house that could smoke out an enemy infantry. My mother smoked like a chimney since I was in utero, my dad (step, really) passed away of lung cancer and my biological father died of lung-related problems. I'm a smoker, and it is obviously not a rational decision...

That said...My mom's got some weird tendencies that have been carved under my skin. She thinks healthy people are looney, and if you don't smoke or drink, you're a goody-two-shoes. I have no siblings, but am married, and only have one close friend since coming back from the Navy in 2006.

I started smoking regularly at 24 years old. I've quite smoking four times: 3 months, 6 months, 6 months and 1 year (respectively).

Almost always, I'm influenced by my mother's comments about life and how "unpleasant" I am when I diet or quit smoking, but she's the only person who says that, and I find the only time I'm "unpleasant" is when I'm defending myself from absurd criticisms by her.

That said, she's very lonely, and while I can't admit to her that I'm logging calories, because she'll start baking and cooking the fattiest of fatty foods for me to bring home without "depriving my family just because I'm too worried about weight," I have to visit her, and she'll notice that I'm not smoking---AND, her house is smokey, it's a total temptation in the early stages of quitting.

I tried to re-quit smoking about a month ago, and my mom wanted me to come over. I told her that I was trying to quit smoking and that I just want to avoid being around smoke until I could get into the hang of it again. She was utterly offended, and I never hear the end of how holier than thou I am for even suggesting that I needed to avoid smoke for a short while.

I know that the issue is really with her, because she's the kind of person who is offended when people say, "You can't smoke in my house" or "my car." She thinks it's crazy and rude for people to say that, and when people who suffer from allergies come to her house and want to sit outside for fresh air, she finds that rude and offensive too.

I have a terrible cough, and furthermore, I have PCOS symptoms which STARTED around the time I began smoking regularly. Every time I quit...my acne went away.

I LOVED being smoke free: wearing perfume and smelling pretty, being acne free, not coughing up phlegm, not spending money or cleaning yucky ash-trays, being able to sing a little better, being able to exercise longer.....YET, I have this awkward psychological yearning for my mom to see me as the "cool rebellious type."

So, I asked my husband to go on a vice strike with me. It's supposed to start tomorrow. We're chucking beer and cigarettes, and I'm putting out here, because I want some additional support. Yes, selfish...but this site is about fitness, and it's going to be difficult to achieve fitness if I'm puffing away a pack and a half of smokes every day.

Replies

  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
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    Yes, this is absolutely her issue. I felt lonely as one by one my friends quit and I was nearing the "last man standing" before I quit. I felt defensive of my smoking and smoking in general. Not to the extreme of your mom, but still.

    It is time to stand up for yourself. It is OK if your mom isn't behind you on this one. Your health is more important than her approval on every single choice you make in your life.
  • devrinator
    devrinator Posts: 79 Member
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    Thank you for that. It's so tough!!
  • nellyett
    nellyett Posts: 436 Member
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    Yes, this is absolutely her issue. I felt lonely as one by one my friends quit and I was nearing the "last man standing" before I quit. I felt defensive of my smoking and smoking in general. Not to the extreme of your mom, but still.

    It is time to stand up for yourself. It is OK if your mom isn't behind you on this one. Your health is more important than her approval on every single choice you make in your life.

    This was me too!! I was very defensive about smoking. no one could tell me what to do, and I name off tons of healthy people who smoke! lol

    I'm on day 18 and am only JUST starting to feel like a human being again ...it's been a difficult and strange road. your husband's support will help immensely, as well as support forums and websites. Smokers always want the company...we know this :)

    And I can relate to the identity thing too. it was always the 'cool' kids who smoked. now I feel like a 'square' and call myself an ex-smoker instead of a non-smoker. helps my twisted perception. but the thing we have to remember is that it's NOT the cool kids who smoke anymore....it's the outcasts, etc.

    You can do this! and perhaps you can inspire your mother to make some healthy changes of her own? stand your ground and whenever she criticizes, just answer with 'but I feel amazing and I want to keep moving in this direction....I'm HAPPY'. Hopefully it will spark something in her mind eventually to say good for you. if it doesn't, thatI okay too. you don't need to defend your choices. just keep doing what you're doing!! good luck!
  • devrinator
    devrinator Posts: 79 Member
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    Congratulations, Nelly on quitting!! And thank you for your words of encouragement!