I definitely have been learning that the scale isn't everything, and that it's okay to mess up here and there. I still beat myself up to some extent, but I'm learning, instead of whining about the consequences of my bad food/exercise decisions, to embrace those consequences as lessons for the next time I'm tempted to do (or not do!) something similar.

Over the past few weeks, perhaps the biggest thing I finally realized is that non-scale victories are so much more gratifying than scale victories. I'll take them both, of course! But losing a pound, as awesome as it is, pales in comparison to being able to run four miles in forty minutes when, just three months ago, running for longer than three minutes was a challenge!

I'm beginning to understand, also, that comparing our bodies to others' is a foolish and wasteful practice. God gave us our bodies for a purpose, and while we are called to take care of them, we aren't called to look like Barbie! No matter how hard we work, how healthy and toned we become, we'll never feel satisfied with ourselves if we keep comparing our bodies to the unattainable; what looks good on one person doesn't look good on another. A combination of exercise, eating right, and self-confidence (which I think is the greatest of the three) make a person beautiful on the outside, and ultimately it's not about what we look like on the outside but on the inside (I know, an oft-referenced maxim, but important nonetheless!).

I'm still seeking my authenticity, my center, the crux of who I am, but I know the truths that God has revealed to me, the love of my family and friends (I'm very blessed to have each and every one of them in my life), and the promise of my potential! As you said, Fredda, we are people in the making until the day we die. Who we are is not defined by what we look like, how much we exercise, what we eat, but rather our inner identities, the parts of us that make us distinctly ourselves. And that is beautiful.

I saved my response until today because I did take the day off of work and plan to relax and spend a little quality time with myself!

I have been reminded of many important ideas as well as learned a few new ideas about how to treat myself. Just focusing on the scale isn't enough. I am more that just a number on that scale! I need to spend the time discovering my authentic self and nourish myself intellectually and spiritually. In looking back at the previous posts, two really stand out for me.

First - the post about finding a picture of yourself before you started worrying about what everyone else thought and reconnect with that little girl. She is your authentic self. That was a powerful experience for me. Even though I believe in myself and think I am self confident, when I look at her, I see that there is still progress to be made.

Second - the six threads of abundant living: gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty, joy. These six little words remind me of all of what I strive for every day: count your blessings, live in the present moment, let go of struggle, accept what is, believe in yourself, treat yourself gently.

To apply these concepts (what I knew and what I have learned) to my weight loss journey as been extremely helpful. I don't know if I will reach the goal weight I set for myself at the beginning of this journey, but that is okay. I am learning!

As many of you know I am a nurse.
The last weeks due to many sickness in our unit it has been very stressful and last week during my nightshifts I think I snapped somehow.
While I think it is normal that you are short answered when under a lot of pressure, apparently one of my patients did not think so and filed a complain on which I got an official talk with my head of unit, which put on paper and then send to the head of nurses.

To be really honest I felt like I was backstabbed by my head of unit with this. She knew under how much pressure we are latley and during the year I now work in this department a lot of patients have been complaining to me about her and another college.
Now I never felt like turning someone in and instead I tried to smoth it over a little, so no one gets in trouble!
Somehow I was expecting this kind of courtesy too...

Well, Fredda send me a mail about my whereabouts and I have to say it did me a lot of good and it reminded me, that I have learned a lot here in the past.
Most and for all: I am strong enough to go my own way and take life in my hands!

I wrote her a mail back and I want to share a quote with you, that ever since the night of that "talk" I had was playing in my mind:

"Just because you are afraid, does not mean you cannot do it!"

For a long time I am thinking about a change of jobs and going back to school and this week finally set things in motion and I ordered the infos I need!
Maybe some of you think, that it was set in motion because of anger or hurt, but it is the new and more "me" that is going to take the next steps that are needed, to get more control of my life!

So what I learned here is: I have already all the tools I needed to succeed, I just need to remember them and use them (again)!
And also: No one else can do it for me! Someone can show me the path, but I have to make the steps to walk on it!

Thanks Fredda again for this beautiful place you created here!