Hi, am posting here after Sarah suggested starting a topic would be the best place... Basically I am veering off track and think i need to use this time to consider where I want the track to actually be. I ramble a lot so apologies for the length of post but would really value any thoughts/input because I want to get back to the feeling that I am progressing!

Me: I'm 5'2", 30, female, and weigh somewhere around 107-109lbs but the past few days/weeks have been all over the place after I got a bad bout of norovirus (went down to 106, bobbed up, down again, up again). Yesterday I was 108, today 109, 2-3 days ago I was 106.7. Not a clue. I'm calling it 108 as far as MFP is concerned atm. I got to my original goal of 110 sometime around September or October (can't remember exactly) but also have bobbed up and down between 108-112 since then (my guess is this is normal for maintenance but I still have to work on myself not to get upset over 110). Rationally, I know weight is just a number, and am working on remembering this! What I actually want is to be strong, fit, and be able to eat loads and enjoy it.

I started off being about 117 in May when I came back to trying to sort my fitness out. I was really flabby and fed up with how I looked and something finally snapped and I went swimming. A lot. Then started doing DVDs, and then got some free gym trials and eventually got the money together for a gym membership from September. I started running in late July... fell in love with running and did my first 10km race in November. I started having pt sessions to learn how to do "proper" weight lifting from about October (though not every week as £££) so had been doing back and front squats, deadlifts, and attempting to do OHPs and push presses (I'm awful at OHPs!) until I hurt my knee... On a normal week I'd be inth e gym 3 times but not necessarily doing the "proper" weights if any of the following got in the way: busy-ness of weights area; intimidating arses in the weights area (working on this); me being pushed for time. In the case of those, I'd do a workout using the weights machines my PT hates the least, trying to do as heavy as I can for sets of 5 reps (usually 3-5 sets, again time dependent). I've been working on the idea that something is always better than nothing.

Running-wise, I'm training for a half marathon on 3rd March but got waylaid for about 3 weeks from injury/norovirus). Now back into 4 runs a week: one long (tomorrow will be 8 miles - I hope!), one tempo/speed session (about 30-40 mins), and a couple of "easy runs" (this week it was one at 5ish, one at 4ish miles).

I am probably also ok to start back on the "proper" weights now but my heart sinks a little at the thought I reckon I've become a weed in the intervening time. I was using gym machines to work out my abs and upper body while recovering from the knee thing, but in the last couple of weeks I've also been signed off with stress which means I'm not in my workplace, which is where the gym is, so have only been able to go in a couple of times. So I haven't done as much exercise in the past few weeks, and where I haven't always managed to get to the gym I've either done a little more running/walking or an exercise DVD (a Davina McCall one) which has loads of bodyweight squats and lunges and some dumbbell work (but I only have one set of 4kg dumbbells so this is not exactly "heavy" - though again, better than nothing was my reasoning!).

There are several things I don't know how to address:

1) How much do I actually want to weigh -- OR -- is that even my goal?!? It is easier to get a weight reading than a decent bf% reading, which is why I think I come back to the weight number (more trackable)... I do take measurements but I expand and contract in the waist department pretty much a million times per day... I want to keep track of *something* but bf% is also a fickle measurement given my lack of a personal bodpod :-S.

2) How to balance running, weight training, and other training - I think 4 runs a week and 3 weights sessions would be ideal, but I'd have to do maybe an upper body day on the same day as an easier run to allow myself a rest day. On a good week this is do-able, and enjoyable, but there are bad weeks. Could do with ideas for ways to manage difficulty exercising as planned when on the go (eg travelling for work etc). I often manage to find a way but get stressed about it, which is the opposite of my intentions! I have another 1/2 mara lined up in Oct, so will have a short break from Half training in between, where I'm thinking of focusing on 10km races and improving my speed and hill work and dealing with strengthening my legs.

3) What bl**dy approach to take to weight training. I've been messing about with it really. To begin with I think it's fine to have focused on technique (eg my PT is pretty happy with my squat technique, though my OHPs are pathetic and not aided by a recurring rotator cuff issue) but now I need at least a basic programme to follow. I downloaded 5x5 and got stuck immediately because I haven't been shown how to do bench presses properly because my PT "disagrees" with them. I rate him generally but don't get this aversion... Also, I don't like how the dude is all about "get women with musclez" and how inflexible it is. I may not always be able to do 3 sessions a week - one or more might be a "make do" session and I need strategies for that whatever the regime I end up following.

4) How much to eat - boring, perennial question I know. I've been eating loads, and one of the big changes I have made is to focus on getting "more protein". Focusing on getting "less" anything is a difficult thing for me as it reminds me of an ED time from late teens/early 20s and I just find it unhelpful. I always do better on focusing on doing positive things if that makes sense. I have played around with the spreadsheet Heybales made for the IPOARM group, but I can't seem to identify an accurate bf% which seems needed for accuracy (estimates from calculators say 18%, am skinny but not that skinny judging by pics of women in the various ranges that seem to get posted on MFP/FB; scales and handheld things say between 20-26%, and a calipers measurement I had done about 6 weeks ago said 23% but she didn't seem confident in how to do it). I also have the issue that my routine keeps getting upset by injury or illness or stress (or all three), so decided it was easier to use an MFP base level and eat back calories. I'd started using sedentary and eating back to leave a deficit then after getting to goal even eating back all exercise led to weight loss. So I bumped MFP to lightly active and eating back. I do eat over, and under sometimes, and it's harder for me to stick to anything when stressed but doing my best and again, at least trying to get a decent level of protein and calcium as positive efforts.

So, again, sorry for the long post. But I'm fed up with feeling like I'm just "patching" together a routine all the time. I could do with input on a weights regime that won't irritate me and is flexible-ish, and also I probably need to recognise the worry in myself that I will magically give up all exercise if I have a bad week. I have been sticking to doing *something* even through injury etc so am trying to give myself credit for that where it's due... And maybe I need to make room for some "fun" classes etc?! And wtf to do about how much to eat. I have got a lot of benefits from logging but sometimes can't help thinking it makes me rebel too, of I'm low.