how to convince 18yo
fragilegift
Posts: 347 Member
I know the answer is 'she has to learn herself' and 'lead by example' - but you know, the effort I have to put in when she is staying for the weekend is draining.
18yo wants to get into the Navy like her big brother. She gave up a perfectly good place, where she exercised most days, taking her dog for a walk/run every day, to move back in with her dad. Dad is (and always has been) over weight. Step mum is also over weight, and 8yo brother is 47 kilos. There is never 'any food' (I take that with a grain of salt, coz she said the same about my cupboards this weekend, and I most certainly have stuff) and what food there is at dads is high calorie, low nutrition stuff.
How do I feed her properly without resorting to eating junk 'just this once' coz 'it won't hurt'? Logically I know I just cook as I normally would, but the moaning that it generates is difficult to live with, even if it is for a weekend. Saturday she wanted to know what was for tea. Ok..I suggested Thai green curry. She was all for that until I mentioned the chicken still had bones. She doesn't like bones. It was either listen to the moaning or think of something else.
Getting her out for a trumped up excuse to hide 'walking' is also a problem. Wandering about looking for Christmas presents it was all "moan moan, my leg is sore, moan, moan, ouch ouch ouch." I get that she might actually have had a sore leg (shin splints from running too hard, too fast and bad footwear) but man..she is 18 years old, not 18 months. I can't carry her if she has a sore leg.
Breakfast was another issue. Every other times she has come up, she has been fine to choose a breakfast to have while here. This time she tells me she doesn't eat cereal. She wont eat anything else coz she doesn't identify it as 'breakfast.' When I suggested she find something for herself, she tells me she doesn't go through 'peoples stuff.' I asked her what she has at her dads - toast. I have bread. But making it herself was too hard. Bacon was a suitable breakfast, but only if I cooked it. Eggs make her feel sick (this week anyway - in October she was quite fine to eat them)
Yep, I know most of this is a 'tell her to suck it up and deal with it' post, but if anyone has any strategies to help me deal with it all, that would be great. She doesn't stay very often, but she has stayed the last two weekends, so its an issue for me now.
18yo wants to get into the Navy like her big brother. She gave up a perfectly good place, where she exercised most days, taking her dog for a walk/run every day, to move back in with her dad. Dad is (and always has been) over weight. Step mum is also over weight, and 8yo brother is 47 kilos. There is never 'any food' (I take that with a grain of salt, coz she said the same about my cupboards this weekend, and I most certainly have stuff) and what food there is at dads is high calorie, low nutrition stuff.
How do I feed her properly without resorting to eating junk 'just this once' coz 'it won't hurt'? Logically I know I just cook as I normally would, but the moaning that it generates is difficult to live with, even if it is for a weekend. Saturday she wanted to know what was for tea. Ok..I suggested Thai green curry. She was all for that until I mentioned the chicken still had bones. She doesn't like bones. It was either listen to the moaning or think of something else.
Getting her out for a trumped up excuse to hide 'walking' is also a problem. Wandering about looking for Christmas presents it was all "moan moan, my leg is sore, moan, moan, ouch ouch ouch." I get that she might actually have had a sore leg (shin splints from running too hard, too fast and bad footwear) but man..she is 18 years old, not 18 months. I can't carry her if she has a sore leg.
Breakfast was another issue. Every other times she has come up, she has been fine to choose a breakfast to have while here. This time she tells me she doesn't eat cereal. She wont eat anything else coz she doesn't identify it as 'breakfast.' When I suggested she find something for herself, she tells me she doesn't go through 'peoples stuff.' I asked her what she has at her dads - toast. I have bread. But making it herself was too hard. Bacon was a suitable breakfast, but only if I cooked it. Eggs make her feel sick (this week anyway - in October she was quite fine to eat them)
Yep, I know most of this is a 'tell her to suck it up and deal with it' post, but if anyone has any strategies to help me deal with it all, that would be great. She doesn't stay very often, but she has stayed the last two weekends, so its an issue for me now.
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Replies
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Cook the food, make sure you have no crap in the house....she wont have a choice unless she gets some exercise & gets her own stuff.
You can't force the exercise, but don be easy on her. Tell her in YOUR house you eat healthy & you exercise..... part of the rules.
Oh also tell her that she's old enough to use cooking appliances & if she wants to eat...she can cook it.
She's not joining the forces with an attitude like that at all. Hell even I'd be ;pushed to join & I'm a fit freak who works out while having food poisoning.0 -
Round my place you eat what I cook, or you get something else. I won't 'guess' what food you want to eat, you have to tell me. If you don't tell me, I get what I usually get, cook what I want to cook and you can suit yourself. Moaning is not tolerated (and I'm not shy about shutting the moaning down either), because as far as I'm concerned I gave them the CHOICE, what they chose to do is not my problem. I told them I will accomodate them if they tell me what it is they want.
I find that if I just go ahead and cook what I was going to and leave the leftovers in the fridge...the leftovers mysteriously disappear. ;o) Sometimes for dinner...sometimes it's lunch.
It seems if you can make it easy for them, they will usually cave and go for it if they are hungry enough. A plate of food, that can easily be zapped in the microwave...they'll eat it, or pick over it...whatever is easier.
Mid to late teens is tough. They want to be adults, but they don't want any responsibility and they still want to hang on to those elements of childhood that entail us being at their beck and call....because, we are like...their parents...and they are like The KIDS...and kids don't have to do anything, that's what parents are for.
(pfffffffff......not in this house)0 -
The hardest part is finding a way for her to self motivate. She may be feeling inside it is a lost cause and there is no point.
I know I put on weight for a few years at that age and my Mum tried to help me, some times it all feels too much and someone else trying to help you only reminds that you are failing.
Maybe focus on some other appearance things when she is with you, new haircut one weekend, new colour, nails done, etc. Do it together and enjoy the time. New found interest in her appearance may be the booster she needs to kick start some motivation, Good luck.0 -
This is only a problem because you let it be. Don't give her a choice, it's not a democracy after all. If nothing else it'll get her used to working for someone who's not going to listen to a whiny baby, complaining that things aren't to her liking.0
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OMG! Stop all effort! Tell her if she doesn't like it, she can make her own and leave her to it.
As suggested above, I bet your left overs will disappear from the fridge.
She is behaving like a spoiled brat. The armed forces will chew her up and spit her out. She needs to learn to swim on her own. Take the hard line.
Best of luck. It ain't easy... I know, cause I was one! and the more people pandered to me, the more I expected it.0 -
Get her big brother to tell her. If Navy is what she wants get him to tell her what's required of her and that she should start doing it now.0
