I agree with the posts above.

I'm a single mom with 100% custody of my two kids (mine are a little older). Their dad is 12 hours away and rarely sees them. I also don't have any family in the area to help watch them. This definitely keeps some men away, however that just affirms to me that they weren't right anyway. Just a couple of things that I didn't see posted above...

Making time - Now that mine are older, my son babysits. This makes is so much easier to get out for short dates, however when they were younger I was only able to get out about once a week. I would get creative, though and do lunch or a quick coffee before picking them up from daycare. Anything possible to maximize the time. After I knew the man, he was welcome to come over after they were in bed. This was often the case and worked out great. Once I introduced the kids it made life so much easier. We could alternate evenings at each other's houses, go to the park, bowling, children's museum, etc.

Meeting the kids - Since you already know each other through church, it's much easier to get to know the kids safely. But, it has a potential for being heartbreaking as well... The kids already know you as a friendly face through church. If you start to get closer and see each other outside of church, you're not only forming a relationship with her, but also them. Keep it at the "friend" level for as long as possible until you know it's more serious (no PDA in front of the kids). If things go south in the relationship, kids get hurt as well. That part is bad enough, then you add in seeing each other every week.

Thanks so much for this thread. I have two great boys and recently seperated. I haven't step out into the dating world yet, but wondering how this all would work. It was nice to hear a man's POV as well. I like that there were some who said they wouldn't date someone with kids. Prefer honesty. Makes me think how I will try to work these things out once I decide to step out there.

I have my son 100% of the time. This can present a challenge in dating, but OTOH there are no ex/baby-daddy-drama issues so that really makes it easier for any man in my life. In addition to the below, I've got some tips for you:

- shoot for dates that don't require her to be away from the kids too much extra (things like early dinner while the kids are still at school/day care, coffee during a work break, stuff during the kid's other activities, etc)

- For example: a lot of church events have free childcare so that's an avenue for more time spent together. I used to take my son to Awanas at a church that did not have an adult activity then (no Bible study or anything) so I would drop him off at Awanas and then go out on a quick date. I also did quick dates during his practices (though I never missed a game to go on a date, my son often practiced a LOT better if I was absent).

- Another example: his aftercare will keep him til 6pm, so I did a lot of early dinner dates skipping lunch and leaving work a little early. Some guys don't like early dinner or otherwise "short" dates but it kept me from having my son at daycare all day and then dropping him off with a sitter for even MORE time (not healthy for the kid). Plus there was no extra babysitting cost.

- Also, since you met at church singles group, activities there are a great way to hang out in a group, let the kids get to know you without it being a "mommy and her new man" thing. When I was dating the guy before BB, my son only saw him at my friends house for football parties. A year later, I felt comfortable going on weekend trips with him because my son had already gotten to know him for a year and they got along well.

If you offer to do thing like going to the park were you can talk while the children play ect you will get more time. But be understanding children get sick babysitters cancel ect. Also if you know someone whose a good babysitter (sister ect) and offer her as a sacrafice it goes a long way lol

This absolutely!!! Park dates are awesome if the kids are old enough to play on their own. To the kids it looks like mommy is just talking with another parent.

Babysitters cancel and sometimes it's hard to find people you trust with your kids. Also, good sitters are expensive...$10 an hour where I live is the usual rate, more if you really wanna guarantee a sitter won't bail on you...which feeds into this:

Im sure I could help cover the cost of a sitter if she lets me. And I really like the idea of the movie after kids go to bed.

Both of these are awesome!!! My friend's husband paid for her sitters each date from day 1 and it totally blew her mind. I've not had a guy do that but I was happy for her. This is one of those reasons I get upset when men insist I'm not "contributing" when I go out on a date. A normal date is $40-$50 in babysitting, and often for a 1st or 2nd date I'm spending more in sitting than he is on our meal.


Edit to add: I just noticed that Run already said everything I just did. Lol!

My daugter is my #1 priority; I know that I am not willing or able to give an SO the time and attention that they deserve. Thats why I have an FWB not an SO.

Go slow; earn her trust. Dont stress over the kids until she is ready to introduce you.