Need advice about running buddy
samkelly89
Posts: 198 Member
So back in November, My friend and I started training for a marathon together. We are following the same training schedule but we don't actually run together because we live far away from one another and our schedules are very different. Back when we started, we both were begginers. (ran about 3 miles at a time never more) But the schedule that we were following started the long runs out as 3 miles so it was perfect.
No that we are getting close to the marathon (may 19th) Our long runs are really long! EXCITING! I have been training hard and deligently and I never stop running during the long runs. I just ran 12 miles last sunday in 130min. But my buddy has barely been running at all. I think the longest she can run is still 3 miles.
I am frustrated because I really wanted to do this with her. (we are best friends since high school and never get to see each other anymore) Also, she is getting married at the end of May and I am her MOH. But now, I'm thinking it would be wrong for her to do the marathon. I don't want her to hurt herself trying to sqweeze so much training into a month and a half. And I don't want to end up walking the entire time if I know that I can RUN a marathon.
I don't know what to do or what to say to her. I've tried to bring it up a couple times but I feel like a huge A-hole. I would appreciate any advice!
No that we are getting close to the marathon (may 19th) Our long runs are really long! EXCITING! I have been training hard and deligently and I never stop running during the long runs. I just ran 12 miles last sunday in 130min. But my buddy has barely been running at all. I think the longest she can run is still 3 miles.
I am frustrated because I really wanted to do this with her. (we are best friends since high school and never get to see each other anymore) Also, she is getting married at the end of May and I am her MOH. But now, I'm thinking it would be wrong for her to do the marathon. I don't want her to hurt herself trying to sqweeze so much training into a month and a half. And I don't want to end up walking the entire time if I know that I can RUN a marathon.
I don't know what to do or what to say to her. I've tried to bring it up a couple times but I feel like a huge A-hole. I would appreciate any advice!
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So back in November, My friend and I started training for a marathon together. We are following the same training schedule but we don't actually run together because we live far away from one another and our schedules are very different. Back when we started, we both were begginers. (ran about 3 miles at a time never more) But the schedule that we were following started the long runs out as 3 miles so it was perfect.
No that we are getting close to the marathon (may 19th) Our long runs are really long! EXCITING! I have been training hard and deligently and I never stop running during the long runs. I just ran 12 miles last sunday in 130min. But my buddy has barely been running at all. I think the longest she can run is still 3 miles.
I am frustrated because I really wanted to do this with her. (we are best friends since high school and never get to see each other anymore) Also, she is getting married at the end of May and I am her MOH. But now, I'm thinking it would be wrong for her to do the marathon. I don't want her to hurt herself trying to sqweeze so much training into a month and a half. And I don't want to end up walking the entire time if I know that I can RUN a marathon.
I don't know what to do or what to say to her. I've tried to bring it up a couple times but I feel like a huge A-hole. I would appreciate any advice!
I think you can ask her whether she has been doing the training, and, perhaps, suggest she is not up to doing the marathon if she hasn't been training. (Trust me, if she hasn't been training at distances over 10 miles, she is not!)
If she isn't training, she may be looking for a graceful way out.
But, beyond that, she is a grown woman. It may be that you both start the marathon together and, after 6 miles, she has to drop out. I doubt that she is going to hurt herself. She just won't be able to do it, and you will have to leave her somewhere on the course.0 -
If she is driving distance away, perhaps you could go out on a weekend to have a long training run together, and that would bring the issue to a head.0
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First of all, Kudos to you to sticking to your training plan!
Let her make her own decision, if she hasn't been training then she won't be ready, the day will come when she will freak out and suggest to you that she can't do it. In that case don't give her the "well I really wish you could!" pep talk, just be supportive and tell her she can try again next year. It will probably be followed up with "But I don't want you to do it alone!" in which case tell her that since you've been doing your long runs by yourself that you will be fine. Whatever you do, don't let her convince you to drop out.0 -
OK, so I can't help but notice the marathon and her wedding are the same month(??) - maybe she was going to use it as motivation for the big day? If it was me, I'd suggest she scratch the marathon and focus on the wedding. Tell her you'd never forgive yourself if she ran it anyway and got injured (due to lack of training) and was limping down the aisle on her big day.0
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If she is driving distance away, perhaps you could go out on a weekend to have a long training run together, and that would bring the issue to a head.
I think I will try this weekend to do this. We are supposed to do 14miles which I am not nervous for and maybe when she sees how different we are at our training she will drop out on her own.0 -
First of all, Kudos to you to sticking to your training plan!
Let her make her own decision, if she hasn't been training then she won't be ready, the day will come when she will freak out and suggest to you that she can't do it. In that case don't give her the "well I really wish you could!" pep talk, just be supportive and tell her she can try again next year. It will probably be followed up with "But I don't want you to do it alone!" in which case tell her that since you've been doing your long runs by yourself that you will be fine. Whatever you do, don't let her convince you to drop out.
I agree with you. And thanks
I think that I already screwed myself over a bit because back in January she told me she didn't think she could do it and I told her, "No I really want to do this with you even if I need to slow down a bit with you" Which is true, I really want to do it together. But I don't want to slow down SOOOOO much for the entire thing. 0 -
OK, so I can't help but notice the marathon and her wedding are the same month(??) - maybe she was going to use it as motivation for the big day? If it was me, I'd suggest she scratch the marathon and focus on the wedding. Tell her you'd never forgive yourself if she ran it anyway and got injured (due to lack of training) and was limping down the aisle on her big day.
That is a really good point that I will bring up with her. I guess I feel silly talking to her about dropping out because I was the one who had to do all the convincing to make her do it with me. And now I want to convince her that it isn't a great idea.. But with the wedding especially, I don't want her to get injured.0 -
I have done a number of races where I found a buddy committed to a race, and trained with that person. In every case we ran separately at our own pace. I don't think that there is anything at all wrong with that. Perhaps you could hang back with her to pace yourself until she starts lagging. I would agree ahead of time that you intend to run your own race.
The last 5 miles of a marathon is not a good time to be around someone you are frustrated with. You will be tired and grouchy and liable to say things you regret
It is still very much a shared experience even if you don't run together. You can still be there at the finish line with her.
The only runs where I have waited and stuck around for slower friends were mud runs I was doing just for fun.0 -
If she finishes you can go back after you finish and cheer her on.0
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Well I just spoke with her and she decided to not do the marathon. I am bummed that I will be doing it alone, but I am also relieved and a bit excited. I have gone through all the training alone anyway and I'm excited to see what I can accomplish on my own May 19th baby!!! 0
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Well I just spoke with her and she decided to not do the marathon. I am bummed that I will be doing it alone, but I am also relieved and a bit excited. I have gone through all the training alone anyway and I'm excited to see what I can accomplish on my own May 19th baby!!!
Good luck, you will always know that you did it, she will always wonder what if.......................0 -
I had a similar situation for my first marathon. I ended up run/walking the second half of it to stay with my friend... I wish I hadn't done that. If you guys are best friends she will understand. Tell her you are concerned but understand with the wedding coming up that her training has been put on the back burner. You can discuss the options with her... 1) you start running together but when she needs to walk you are going to do your own thing because you want to put your training to the test; 2) you meet her at the finish line (I NEVER run races with people anymore); or 3) you tell her it wouldn't hurt your feelings if she decided NOT to run it since the wedding is so close.
If she is true friend she'd want you to do the best you can
GOOD LUCK! Sounds like your training is going really well!
--Looks like I should have read the rest of the thread 0
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