Sensitive subject for sure....I had always said when I had children that I only wanted me and SO in the room. I held that opinion all the way up until I went into labor with my first and then I was in so much pain I didn't even care who was in there anymore. I did know one thing for sure, my mom and my sister weren't leaving me, lol. Quite funny since I had always been so sure that there was no way they would be in there with me. As soon as I went into labor the alarm was sounded (not by me) and there were approx 10-15 folks from both sides of fam in the waiting room thru my whole labor process (they were all there ALL day) It was so obnoxious!!! It stressed me knowing all those people were there waiting to hold my baby as soon as she was born. Plus I didn't feel like visiting with anyone afterwards!
My second child. I learned a few things. I still wanted my mom and sis in there. I even let my aunt stay thru part of labor (I'd had an epidural.) BUT the SO and I discussed and decided we would let his parents know (they're within driving distance)and a few family members but that it be known that no one come to hospital & we would let everyone know about baby's arrival when we were ready. SOOO much better!!!!!! No one waiting in waiting room except aunt. No one showed up until that afternoon after I had time to rest & my son was thru all those initial tests and cleaned up.
This time I plan on doing things much the same way. I know I want my mom and sis and hubby in room during L&D. But I don't want anyone else there until after we've been moved to regular room & I've had chance to be with baby with just me and hubs.

After birth with my first child I would have liked the help...but didn't get too much. After second child MIL tried to be helpful and spend the 2nd night home with us so that we could sleep....very frustrating. There were good intentions behind it I know, but she really irritated me. In her opinion I wasn't eating enough for breast milk to come in...I was holding my son too much, etc etc etc. ARGHHHH!! Not happening this time.

Ok that's my story! Now my advice to you, stick to your guns. This is your birth experience & your first child. You'll never be able to get that time back, do what you need to for your new family of 3 and don't worry about everyone else. They'll either understand or get over it if they get offended.

bumping
for later.

Want to come back to this!

I'm planning on just my husband and I being there. I will call my dad and MIL and let them know whats going on but tell them not to come to the hospital until I'm ready. I am going to be bonding with my baby and don't need people all up in my face.

It's a tough subject for sure. It was only my husband and I for our first. Our daughter was born at 5 pm and we called our families around 8pm to announce the news and they visited the next day. I wouldn't be able to relax and concentrate on the birth with everyone around. I do not want to be stressed during my labour, nor do I want to feel that I need to perform. When we brought baby home on day 5 we had our friends and family make plans to visit so we weren't overwhelmed with company and a house full of people all trying to hold the baby at once. Personally I wouldn't allow anyone to stay at our house with a newborn. I want to bond with my baby and hubby and daughter, I don't want someone in my space 24/7. But to be fair my family annoys me to no end, I could see it being different if I was close with them.

I am SO glad this topic was posted! I still have a long way to go before delivery, but I already feel stressed about it (not becuase of the labor, birth etc) but becuase his family (in particular) is already being so pushy - how we should do x,y, and z... when we should do this and that... etc. I know they have the best of intentions... but I am a very private person and I need them to respect my space...

This is the first child (of our generation) on either side... so first time grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc... so I understand it is very exciting for everyone... but I think I want labor, birth, and the first 12-24 hours to just be my little family of 3... Once we get home I would welcome visitors but not for days, and weeks at a time. They even suggested we move in with them for a month or two... Again I know it is becuase they want to help but I want to take the limited time I have off work to bond with the little one and get into a good routine. I feel selfish but I want time for the three of us to bond and rest... I don;t want my house to become a motel and I don't want to be traveling all around the state to introduce baby to everyone... immediate family on both sides can come say hello, but the rest fo the extended family should be able to wait a month or so... right? I hope so...

I guess I am just worried as soon as we tell them I am in labor we will have 20+ people in the waiting room wanting to get in the room as soon as the baby arrives... and that is WAY too much stress / pressure for me. I guess I should talk to hubs and let him know how I feel and when we get a bit closer we can let the family know what we plan to do... (although I am sure I will get a ton of push back)... Oh well... our family, our baby... our life. Those who don;t respect our choice will just have to get over it...

phewww I feel better now :laugh:

this is my third baby and I'm older, wiser, and meaner this time. My husband and sister will be there for the birth, everyone else will be invited to meet baby once we've been home for 48 hours.

hah! this is me. At my first, my husband, mother and MIL where all there. This time MIL is def. not invited. The hospital has a 2 person restriction, although they dont really enforce it too much. I am still not sure if my 7 yr old will be there or not. I dont want to scare her, but if she wants to be there, I will let her.....

yes my boys, 10 and 7, have not decided but if they want to stay I will let them. it is the "strangers" that stressed me out with my first children. The family/friends that I was not used to seeing me in a nightgown with bloody socks. I freaked out at all the people passing my child around (they were hard to make) and I just wanted to sleep, not smile and nod and pose for pictures. Totally doing it my way this time, and I know people will be mad especially husband's family but he supports me and it is what it is.

I guess I am just worried as soon as we tell them I am in labor we will have 20+ people in the waiting room wanting to get in the room as soon as the baby arrives... and that is WAY too much stress / pressure for me. I guess I should talk to hubs and let him know how I feel and when we get a bit closer we can let the family know what we plan to do... (although I am sure I will get a ton of push back)... Oh well... our family, our baby... our life. Those who don;t respect our choice will just have to get over it...

phewww I feel better now :laugh:

try not to feel "selfish" or "mean". I talked it out with my husband early on, as soon as his sister said she wanted to "help deliver the baby" wtf? um. no. Our plan is to call a select few we can depend on when we are in labor, and the rest will get the news after the birth.

Thank you! Reading all of this has really helped... I am going to do what is best for me and our little family... and I am not going to feel bad about it :happy:

With my son, no one who wasn't at the hospital with me knew I was in labor (not counting my OB). First of all, I went into labor late at night and went to the hospital at 1AM, so I wasn't about to start texting or Facebooking or anything (not that I'd be Facebooking while in labor, but to each her own, I guess). I was also sure that they'd send me home, and then I'd feel like an idiot. We announced once he was born. Thus we didn't have anyone bothering me or waiting on us at the hospital prior to birth, and since it was a weekday and our announcement went out in late morning, everyone was at work. We had quite a few hours just the three of us. My husband was the only one I wanted with me during L&D (and by my head - which he also agreed with).

My family who lives locally (my sister/family and one of my brothers/family) came to see us briefly at the hospital, no big deal. If I needed to nurse, I needed to nurse, and with the exception of my sister (and not her kids or husband), I'm not about to whip out a boob in front of anyone aside from my husband, so everyone's visit was understandably quite brief.

None of my in-laws live close by but are a few hours' drive away, so they all waited a few weeks before coming out. Maybe my husbands' parents came after two weeks or so, but I was working really hard at nursing and thus couldn't see them in long stretches. So they came to see us, took my husband out to lunch (and brought me food), came back and hung out for another hour or so, then went home. His brothers/families came to see us but planned to do other stuff in town so as to make good use of the trip. They're always bouncing about looking for things to do, so they were happy to get the chance to come out. It was a lot less stressful feeling like seeing us was one thing they did during an otherwise busy trip.

My parents live far away, so they flew in for a weekend when my son was two or three weeks old, but they stayed with my sister and of course spent time seeing their other grandchildren. My parents get a bit more leeway in staying time than my MIL and FIL because they don't stress me out too much and because my dad is a pediatrician, so I had a million and one questions for him, plus for some reason my dad's arms were the only place my son would sleep for more than a half an hour at a time! I still didn't nurse in front of them, though, so they didn't stay for too long. My other brother lives far away, too, so he and his family saw him when they came to town at some point later.

My family who lives nearby, regardless of whether or not they were able to come to the hospital, always texted me if they wanted to come by so that I could tell them it was/wasn't a good time or what was a good time, etc. They were really awesome about bringing meals, too, which was incredibly helpful. My SIL listened to me cry over breastfeeding guilt, and my sister showed me how to use the pump.

This time I plan on doing things the way we did last time: just me and my husband in the delivery room, no one knows we're there until we announce the birth (except my sister who will be watching my son - and she will be sworn to secrecy) short visits at the hospital, and VERY brief visits at home for the first few weeks. I would prefer a day or two not to have visitors at home, but I won't be a jerk about it if people keep it really brief and don't piss me off. If you're sick, stay away. If you can be legitimately helpful, great. (When my sister had her second, I remember coming by on the night of the day they were discharged, and I brought pizza and occupied her older son with games and stuff so that she could focus on the new baby, plus my sister didn't mind nursing in front of me, nor did I.) Otherwise, please give us 2-3 weeks to settle in and realize that, when you do come, you need to be easygoing with how we do things and not overstay your welcome. We will not have overnight visitors staying at our house, either, since an extra bedroom and bathroom to clean is the last thing I'll need to add to my list of responsibilities, and I refuse to sequester myself every time I need to nurse or pump but don't want you seeing my boobs, thank you very much.

I just think everyone has their own level of comfort with what they're willing to do in front of others/have others see and who those others are. People get offended easily over this topic, but it's silly to do that because it is such an individual thing, just like you might be totally ok with having an epidural while the lady in the next room finds that to be a horrible thing. Just like my MIL would respect my decision to have/not have an epidural or which breast pump I use, she should respect whether or not I'd want her in the delivery room or to be waiting for me at my house when we get home from the hospital.

Oh, also, I sent my husband home at night. Not only do we have dogs who needed to be let out/fed regularly, but we are self-employed, so he needed to do some things in the office during the two days I was in the hospital. I need him rested for work and for home, especially now that we have a son, and there's no point in his sleeping in an uncomfortable chair at the hospital for the sake of being nearby. Even after we got home I slept on the couch downstairs for two weeks with our son in a bassinet so that my husband could get some semi-normal sleep. It was really hard, but when he is the only one bringing in income, and income is dependent on his actually working, I need to handle the baby stuff as much as possible.

I've never had anyone in the delivery room except my husband, nurse, and midwife/doctor. No one in our families even asks to hang out in the hospital during labor since it takes hours. I have a sister in her 40's who knows she'll never have kids and there's been a time or two I've thought about having her attend a birth so that she could experience it (this is #4 for us), but frankly I LOVE having that time of just me and my husband with the baby right afterwards. I wouldn't even want my mom there. It's a time for hubby, baby, and I to bond and celebrate with no one else around. My family (who lives about an hour away) will come and visit the baby much later in the day when I've had time to rest, but they don't push it. They know they'll get to see the baby very soon so no one's over anxious about it. My husband's family lives 3 hours away and sadly they've never even asked to come see any of our babies in the hospital. They visit a couple months later.

My husband takes about a week off work when we have a baby, but after that my mom comes to help out for a couple days. It's always nice to having some extra hands to do household stuff when you're trying to recover and get some sleep. I say use your mom and sister to help out, but if you don't want them to stay with you then just let them know. Like everyone else has said, this is YOUR birth experience and you just need to let people know what you want. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it, either! They'll get over it and you'll have the memories you want.


Side note: my older sister is pregnant with #3, and with her previous 2 she didn't even tell anyone she was at the hospital until AFTER the baby was born. Apparently her in-laws are the "we have to be present for the birth" type and she didn't want that. So she just didn't call them. Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!

hello ladies, same problems all around the world i think!
i'm having my twin girls end of July beginning of August! Mil lives in the same building with us (typical greek family)...mom and dad live 5 mins from home!

So, after some "worries" of mom how will i manage with 2 babies alone( my husband will be at home for 3 weeks with us)... and after some "instructions' of how to do things..i told to my husband : if any of them comes without calling they will stay outside on the door mat! i don't need any help, any suggestions, any guidance (if i eat, if i have milk, if the baby is hungry, dirty etc). they will come as visitors(after calling) to take a coffee and then they will live!

i was clear and straight to him: i want to find my routine, to see how my babies are, to feed them , to clean them and to rest whenever possible . it will be good when you will be here but as soon as you go back to work i don't want your mother to come every 10 minutes or my mother! I have to find my balance and both our mothers have something different to say and to suggest! he was looking at me like an allien!!! and he said, I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THESE THINGS BUT YOU ARE RIGHT!!! WE WILL TALK TO THEM BEFORE THE BABIES COME AND ARRANGE THINGS!

SO, talk to your husbands and let them know! Everyone can come but not whenever they want! they should call!
if you want noone at home after labor, tell them so!!!
explain to your husbands how you feel and what you want!
that's the best thing to do!

good luck!!!!

This will be our first baby, but I plan on having my husband and my mother in the room. His mother is also invited but I just want my mom and hubby up close and personal. My best friend in the world is also flying out and shes seen much worse in our time as friends together so I would love her support. My mom and I are just too close to not have her be a part of it and also my husband is extremely bad in situations like this and may either pass out/throw up so I need that back up support.

Both my husband and I have only one brother so I'm sure we will tell them when we go into labor and I know they will rush to the hospital along with my dad. If they don't mind waiting, I don't mind them being there. Although there is a good chance that when the time comes, I won't care whose in the room or the total opposite!

We'll see how it goes

Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!

That is SO wrong! I would have screamed, "GET THE *kitten* OUT!" Are you kidding me? Some people are so selfish and rude.

Our hospital limits you to two people with you so that you can presumably have the father and another support person (doula, mom, sister, etc.) besides the requisite medical professionals. If people want to visit you while you're in labor, they have to "tag in." The doctors and nurses need space not only to do their job but to be able to discuss with you what is going on, etc. It's hard to discuss stuff that you may want to keep confidential if there are 8 people in the room. Jeez, I wouldn't even tell the nurse my weight within earshot of my husband.

They also do not allow video or pictures to be taken until after birth has occurred.

I'm a very easy going person, generally it has been only me and hubby there at the hospita, my FIL came and sat at the hospital during the first one..... i think he was bored as he has not done that again. My mom drove up and made it in time for the 4th and that is all that have been there for delivery.... I like me and hubby, but not bothered by others being there for delivery.... oh 3rd I did have a friend drop by as they were concerned about kids (as my mom called someone from church because induction was taking much longer than anticipated and our 16 yr old was home with 3 and 5 yr old and worried we might be all night). But by the time of delivery I didn't care who was there, I think I had a student present for at least one????
This is my 5th delivery so no one is really aching to be there, as for family seeing after I have no problem there is lots of time for routine after (in my opinion for me) I love to show off my newest baby.
But really that is me, I know I am laid back. After leaving the hospital after each baby we have gone out directly to a store shopping or even for lunch, I remember going directly from the hospital and out to Swiss Chalet for lunch with a baby less then 12 hours old. Same with shopping at Wal-mart--- oh and the 2nd we needed a new car seat (we were barrowing) But decided to buy imediatly, so we went to toys r us, baby sam and then we dedided to buy a new vacume from costco, all with baby less than 24hour old... Yup a little crazy to.... I do remember being tired that night!

This is my 3rd. With my first I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom there or not. I told her I wanted her at the hospital just in case I needed her but I may not let her in the room. I ended up being in labor for 60 hours and kicked my mom out of the hospital after about 12. Her sympathy looks made me mad and then cry. In the end I ended up with a c-section. 2nd I had a scheduled c-section. My in laws had plans to drive a 7 hour drive to take care of my oldest while I was in the hospital and my mom was at the hospital. Not allowed in the room. 3rd is a scheduled c-section. May have my older two go to the inlaws for a week while I am in the hospital. haven't decided yet. Do what you are comfortable with for the delivery room. As I told my mom, she wanted to be there, I have the right to kick you out if I want to, and I did. I only wanted my husband there and I even kicked him out after about 48 hours and sent him to work. My opinion on having people visit the weeks after. You obviously don't have to take it. But, not letting his family come see the baby for 2 or 3 weeks when your family is there doesn't seem right to me personally. This is his baby too. What does he want? You said they are a few hour drive away. Can't they come and see the baby for two hours or so after you are home? Get some presents maybe some home cooked meals. That is always nice right after having a new baby. Cooking is such a chore. I am sure he wants to show off his baby to his family too. My sister lives 2.5 hours from me. When she had her 2nd I went up there about a week after she had the baby for 2 hours or so. Just enough time to give my nephew a present, hold him, make her a meal, and allow her to shower. Showering is hard to do with a new baby. LOL.

After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:

Say whaaaat?

They knew that wasn't free food, right? That it's part of your overall hospital bill, which you get to pay (or at least pay a hefty chunk of).

The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.