If a guy hardly EVER starts a conversation with you...

veggiehottie
veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
... But always seems happy to talk, and will talk for a long time when you initiate...

And it has been going on for MONTHS...

Is it time to walk away and leave him alone? Is he just being polite?

I have tried to keep my distance a few times, telling myself to wait for him to initiate, and we went two weeks without talking. lol

(This is a guy I see in person every day at my very small personal gym. But the initiation also includes a FB message and a few emails. He used to initiate the in-person but then I kinda "took over" and now he never does. Is he just waiting for me to do it?)
«1

Replies

  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    I have friends like that as well.
    There is nothing to worry about.

    (I know I'm too funny!)
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Quit playing games with the I'll wait for him to call me stuff. If you are unhappy with a situation, talk to the him. It will give you a pretty good idea of where you stand.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I would think if he liked you and knew that you liked him, he would not hesitate to initiate contact with you. I think the only reasons a guy would always wait for you to do the initiating would be 1) he is really insecure, isn't sure if you're into him, and doesn't want to make an *kitten* of himself, or 2) he likes talking to you, but he's not romantically interested and doesn't want to give you the impression that he is.
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    Quit playing games with the I'll wait for him to call me stuff. If you are unhappy with a situation, talk to the him. It will give you a pretty good idea of where you stand.

    No, I think you have me wrong. Not playing games at all. Just wondering if I should give up talking to him. He is just a guy I like, nothing romantic has happened AT ALL. There would be nothing to "talk to him" about.
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    I have friends like that as well.
    There is nothing to worry about.

    (I know I'm too funny!)

    ha ha got it
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    I would think if he liked you and knew that you liked him, he would not hesitate to initiate contact with you. I think the only reasons a guy would always wait for you to do the initiating would be 1) he is really insecure, isn't sure if you're into him, and doesn't want to make an *kitten* of himself, or 2) he likes talking to you, but he's not romantically interested and doesn't want to give you the impression that he is.

    Thanks! This is kind of my thinking, too.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Quit playing games with the I'll wait for him to call me stuff. If you are unhappy with a situation, talk to the him. It will give you a pretty good idea of where you stand.

    No, I think you have me wrong. Not playing games at all. Just wondering if I should give up talking to him. He is just a guy I like, nothing romantic has happened AT ALL. There would be nothing to "talk to him" about.

    Why give up talking to him at all. Why can't you just be friends. Obviously this has been going on for a while so I assume you like his personality on some level.
  • fp64
    fp64 Posts: 128 Member
    Speaking as a Clueless Guy, a lot of us guys are clueless.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Quit playing games with the I'll wait for him to call me stuff. If you are unhappy with a situation, talk to the him. It will give you a pretty good idea of where you stand.

    TALK TO THE HIM

    talk-to-the-hand.jpg
  • grum84
    grum84 Posts: 428 Member
    I would say to just talk to him about it and ask him why he doesn't initiate.

    I was that quiet guy in a relationship. The girl I was dating had a really busy schedule, and I was always afraid I would bother her, so I would wait for her to contact me. Then we would talk for hours (of course, this was before i texted, when calling could actually be a bother).
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I would think if he liked you and knew that you liked him, he would not hesitate to initiate contact with you. I think the only reasons a guy would always wait for you to do the initiating would be 1) he is really insecure, isn't sure if you're into him, and doesn't want to make an *kitten* of himself, or 2) he likes talking to you, but he's not romantically interested and doesn't want to give you the impression that he is.

    this
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    (Basing this on what I would do)

    Either he is not interested.

    or he's unsure what to do.

    or he feels more comfortable with you starting conversation.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    (Basing this on what I would do)

    Either he is not interested.

    or he's unsure what to do.

    or he feels more comfortable with you starting conversation.

    I agree with this, which means it is a hard one to answer.
    From my experience you can initiate with a man and even if he ISNT interested some will still talk to you - this is a fact, been there.
    With my last relationship of 9 months, I had to initiate atleast 90% of things, and it really started to cause alot of resentment. I would suggest talking to him and then see what happens. Sometimes it could be just his way, could be a misunderstanding, or he really could not be interested in you. You would think if he was interested, he wouldn't initiate something.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I agree with JQ.

    But you could always say something like, "Next time you do ___, shoot me a text and let me know" or "let me know how ___ goes." If he doesn't ever say anything, there's your answer. If he does, he might just be one of those people that is scared to initiate without a reason or scared they might be bothering you.

    (I'm sort of like that, scared to initiate, so if I do, I usually start with something like "hey, I just heard that song ___ that we loved listening to in your dorm room" or "I was just laughing to myself because I thought of the time when so-and-so got mad at us for eating the last piece of cake LOL." It's a low-stress way to start a conversation...the person technically doesn't have to respond...but if they want to, they can.)
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    From my experience you can initiate with a man and even if he ISNT interested some will still talk to you - this is a fact, been there
    These "men" you are talking about... They seem like strange little animals!
    Scary, even.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    From my experience you can initiate with a man and even if he ISNT interested some will still talk to you - this is a fact, been there
    These "men" you are talking about... They seem like strange little animals!
    Scary, even.

    I could write a book about my online dating experiences, it would be a freaking best seller! watch out Oprah!

    ETA: Personally, they probably had hidden agendas.. I know one did..
  • FallingInLoveWithMe
    FallingInLoveWithMe Posts: 92 Member
    if he never starts the convo it means hes not into u
  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
    I'd assume he's not interested in more than friendship. I have a friend like this. He probably initiates 90% of the time. He's just never on my mind unless I haven't heard from him in a month or so. I like him, and we have a lot to talk about when we get together, but I'm not interested in more. (He knows this though- I'm not into being a mixed message user)
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    I'm with Kits, I have no idea why people initiate chats or not. I can go a whole year without talking to my Dad.......lol........ I'd just say talk to him if you feel like it.

    If you're trying to find out if he likes you or not, why not ask him? :flowerforyou:
  • azhcanedition
    azhcanedition Posts: 29 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    This makes sense. The same reason I have been afraid to completely show interest... I would not want to wreck the gym experience for either one of us.

    And I do like him as a friend, he totally rocks and has offered me a lot of help with my lifting. I just don't want to annoy the poor guy. Lol
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    Okay, I'm sorry for saying this and sounding like a d-bag but that is a poor excuse for both sexes.

    It is not like dating at the office...you don't have to workout with each other, you just happen to work out at the same building. I see people at the gym all the time that I know from high school and want to avoid. It's easy. So easy. Gyms are big enough that if you see a woman you like and you ask her out and she says no that you can avoid her the rest of your days there. Seriously. Wear your headphones if it's awkward, look down. It's not a problem.

    I would gander that the majority of women are not approached at the gym and would appreciate being approached.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    Okay, I'm sorry for saying this and sounding like a d-bag but that is a poor excuse for both sexes.

    It is not like dating at the office...you don't have to workout with each other, you just happen to work out at the same building. I see people at the gym all the time that I know from high school and want to avoid. It's easy. So easy. Gyms are big enough that if you see a woman you like and you ask her out and she says no that you can avoid her the rest of your days there. Seriously. Wear your headphones if it's awkward, look down. It's not a problem.

    I would gander that the majority of women are not approached at the gym and would appreciate being approached.

    Having read plenty of threads on MFP, it's the opposite. Majority of women at the gym do not want to be approached. I know there's always exceptions to the rule. On the lines of this, I think a singles gym would be a great business to start. Kind of how they have ones catered for certain clientele like women only gyms.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    Okay, I'm sorry for saying this and sounding like a d-bag but that is a poor excuse for both sexes.

    It is not like dating at the office...you don't have to workout with each other, you just happen to work out at the same building. I see people at the gym all the time that I know from high school and want to avoid. It's easy. So easy. Gyms are big enough that if you see a woman you like and you ask her out and she says no that you can avoid her the rest of your days there. Seriously. Wear your headphones if it's awkward, look down. It's not a problem.

    I would gander that the majority of women are not approached at the gym and would appreciate being approached.

    Having read plenty of threads on MFP, it's the opposite. Majority of women at the gym do not want to be approached. I know there's always exceptions to the rule. On the lines of this, I think a singles gym would be a great business to start. Kind of how they have ones catered for certain clientele like women only gyms.

    I bet that kind of gym would offer very interesting classes jackdirt.gif
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    Okay, I'm sorry for saying this and sounding like a d-bag but that is a poor excuse for both sexes.

    It is not like dating at the office...you don't have to workout with each other, you just happen to work out at the same building. I see people at the gym all the time that I know from high school and want to avoid. It's easy. So easy. Gyms are big enough that if you see a woman you like and you ask her out and she says no that you can avoid her the rest of your days there. Seriously. Wear your headphones if it's awkward, look down. It's not a problem.

    I would gander that the majority of women are not approached at the gym and would appreciate being approached.

    Having read plenty of threads on MFP, it's the opposite. Majority of women at the gym do not want to be approached. I know there's always exceptions to the rule. On the lines of this, I think a singles gym would be a great business to start. Kind of how they have ones catered for certain clientele like women only gyms.

    I bet that kind of gym would offer very interesting classes jackdirt.gif

    I would totally be ok with being approached at the gym..you both know you have wanting to stay healthy in common thats a great start :) And I agree its easy enough to avoid someone if it doesn't work out.

    As for the OP..I think he's just friendly..and giving a friend vibe, if its been going on for months well he's had plenty of time in person and in conversation to make a move or flirt enough to get you to make one and that doesn't see to be happening. I would guess he just thinks you're a cool gal he knows from his gym and that's about it.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Being in a gym, I'm even more cautious about engaging a conversation with a woman. I don't want a woman to feel like it's meat market territory, and will keep the conversation like it's a professional office environment. I might "friendly" flirt at most, but nothing over the top. He may just have this perspective...

    Maybe he doesn't want to end up "dating at the office" sort of speak...

    Okay, I'm sorry for saying this and sounding like a d-bag but that is a poor excuse for both sexes.

    It is not like dating at the office...you don't have to workout with each other, you just happen to work out at the same building. I see people at the gym all the time that I know from high school and want to avoid. It's easy. So easy. Gyms are big enough that if you see a woman you like and you ask her out and she says no that you can avoid her the rest of your days there. Seriously. Wear your headphones if it's awkward, look down. It's not a problem.

    I would gander that the majority of women are not approached at the gym and would appreciate being approached.

    Having read plenty of threads on MFP, it's the opposite. Majority of women at the gym do not want to be approached. I know there's always exceptions to the rule. On the lines of this, I think a singles gym would be a great business to start. Kind of how they have ones catered for certain clientele like women only gyms.

    I bet that kind of gym would offer very interesting classes jackdirt.gif

    I would totally be ok with being approached at the gym..you both know you have wanting to stay healthy in common thats a great start :) And I agree its easy enough to avoid someone if it doesn't work out.

    As for the OP..I think he's just friendly..and giving a friend vibe, if its been going on for months well he's had plenty of time in person and in conversation to make a move or flirt enough to get you to make one and that doesn't see to be happening. I would guess he just thinks you're a cool gal he knows from his gym and that's about it.

    It is all in the way you approach someone at the gym and timing. If a girl is in mid-squat or working the ad-abductor it might be a little awkward for a guy to come up and talks to a girl but if a girl is entering or exiting the gym or if they are doing cardio where they would be able to talk would be acceptable. Also do not do the creepy stare thing. Some eye contact is good but then it gets creepy.

    For the OP all my relationship not just guy/girl ones have give and take. Usually both people are starting conversations not just one of them.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    Why think, when it's easier just to ask him.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Why think, when it's easier just to ask him.

    I'm beginning to think this is the only way to go if you like a guy a lot and aren't sure if he likes you back. Just grow a pair, say what you need to say, and let the chips fall. I would go so far as to say if you aren't willing to do that, you probably don't like him enough.

    I still believe, in general, that relationships develop more naturally when the man is the one "leading" and the woman, if she's interested, mirrors his actions (if he calls, you respond; if he asks you out, you go unless you have a very good reason not to ... no games, no playing hard to get). But as I get older, I realize the dynamic changes a bit. I'm 30, and I'll just say it ... I'm an attractive, successful woman. Random men do not know (and most would not assume) that I am single or interested, so why have I been expecting them to walk up to me and ask me out like they can read my mind? It's stupid. I know that now.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Why think, when it's easier just to ask him.

    That's my tactic. I don't do subtle.
    "Hey, I like you. We should talk and see if sex might be in our future."
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Why think, when it's easier just to ask him.

    That's my tactic. I don't do subtle.
    "Hey, I like you. We should talk and see if sex might be in our future."

    The reason I think this is funny is because I don't know any single men who wouldn't go for that. In fact, after you've said those two sentences, probably the only words they heard were "you," "we," and "sex."