Family/Friends at delivery and after birth

Hey Everyone,

What are you plans for having people around during labor and after labor. My mom and sister have already bought tickets to fly out and, assuming she is born while they are here, will be around for the labor. I plan to kick everyone out when it comes time to push but I'm really starting to feel like I don't want many people around after the baby is born and DEFINITELY not more than those two, my bestie, hubs and birth coach during labor. Typing it out I'm not even sure I want that many.

My sister is planning on staying with us from her due date until two weeks after her due date. Am I being overly independent to think that I'd really prefer her stay at the hotel with my mom after the baby is born and just come for a few hours a day? I know they want to help but hubs only gets a week off after she is born and I'd like to use that week to get used to life with the three of us.

Then there is the question of his family. They are only a couple hours away so they plan to come down. I absolutely don't want them at the hospital and don't think I want them to visit until a few weeks after she is born. His sis said "you gotta call as soon as you go into labor so I can come down." From past experience "I'll come" means me and the rest of the family and I really don't feel like I can say ONLY you and dad can come because she has 4 kids and hubs has two other siblings but when they are all together they are loud and over powering and I don't want people trying to wisk my baby away and hold her in the first few weeks. Like I said, I really just want to get used to life as the 3 of us.

So what are all of your plans and how do you deal with family that assumes they are invited to things. I also feel like this could cause problems between me and my husband because he gets upset that I refer to my family as "my family" and his family as "your family." Yes they are all family now and I love them all but I have a different relationship with his family than I do with my own and that means I have different comfort levels with them being around during a big change in our life.

Sigh....hopefully I'm not alone in these thoughts/feelings

Replies

aprilkida

This is your birth and you need to make your decisions known. You have the right to have you alone time with your family of 3. It's definitely a big transition and it's not easy. Hopefully they'll understand if you tell them to wait a few weeks so you can get to know you little one and get comfortable.

With my first, I thought I didn't want many people around for labor and delivery but I ended up being more relaxed about it than I thought I would be. I even had student nurses just sitting in there watching while I was pushing and I was totally okay with it. That kind of surprised me. I think I'll be similar with this one. Although it'll be a very different situation, first was a hospital birth with epidural, this one with be natural at a birthing center, I still think I'd be okay with family (yes, hubby's fam too) and close friends there. I find that I like the moral support during labor and delivery even though naturally I tend to push people away when I need help/comfort.

You may just surprise yourself. Maybe tell them that you'll probably need a few weeks to settle in before company comes but that you'll let them know for sure when you are ready. Hopefully they are respectful enough to follow your wishes.

ehg87

Sensitive subject for sure....I had always said when I had children that I only wanted me and SO in the room. I held that opinion all the way up until I went into labor with my first and then I was in so much pain I didn't even care who was in there anymore. I did know one thing for sure, my mom and my sister weren't leaving me, lol. Quite funny since I had always been so sure that there was no way they would be in there with me. As soon as I went into labor the alarm was sounded (not by me) and there were approx 10-15 folks from both sides of fam in the waiting room thru my whole labor process (they were all there ALL day) It was so obnoxious!!! It stressed me knowing all those people were there waiting to hold my baby as soon as she was born. Plus I didn't feel like visiting with anyone afterwards!
My second child. I learned a few things. I still wanted my mom and sis in there. I even let my aunt stay thru part of labor (I'd had an epidural.) BUT the SO and I discussed and decided we would let his parents know (they're within driving distance)and a few family members but that it be known that no one come to hospital & we would let everyone know about baby's arrival when we were ready. SOOO much better!!!!!! No one waiting in waiting room except aunt. No one showed up until that afternoon after I had time to rest & my son was thru all those initial tests and cleaned up.
This time I plan on doing things much the same way. I know I want my mom and sis and hubby in room during L&D. But I don't want anyone else there until after we've been moved to regular room & I've had chance to be with baby with just me and hubs.

After birth with my first child I would have liked the help...but didn't get too much. After second child MIL tried to be helpful and spend the 2nd night home with us so that we could sleep....very frustrating. There were good intentions behind it I know, but she really irritated me. In her opinion I wasn't eating enough for breast milk to come in...I was holding my son too much, etc etc etc. ARGHHHH!! Not happening this time.

Ok that's my story! Now my advice to you, stick to your guns. This is your birth experience & your first child. You'll never be able to get that time back, do what you need to for your new family of 3 and don't worry about everyone else. They'll either understand or get over it if they get offended.

kellykneppergrundy

This is such a great topic, and one I'm sure everyone can relate to. With my first, only my in-laws knew I was in labour (and only because we had to cancel an event we were going to with them). In the delivery room it was just me and hubby and the midwife, although she left for a minute and I had the baby while she was out of the room. At our hospital you can only have 2 people with you at delivery and there are only visitors during visitors hours from 2-4 . Even hubby got kicked out at midnight, about 3 hours after she was born. My in-laws came for about an hour the next day but no one else. My family is all in the US, 5,000 miles away so while I would have loved to have them there the next day it wasn't going to happen. I went home about 24 hours after having her. We kept quiet for a few days and then it was christmas so his whole family got to see her then. My mom came for 2 weeks when she was 3 weeks old. I didn't want her to come any sooner because I wanted to have that time off with hubby as a family of three. Once she came, he was back to work and the help was much appreciated.

This time I'm having a homebirth and it will be me, hubby, 4 year old daughter (if she is okay with it), the midwife and hopefully a photographer. Even that feels a lot! At least I'll be at home this time and can dictate when I'm ready to see the in-laws. My mom is coming about a month after the baby arrives.

I felt sorry for my sister when she had my neice as she was induced and she had mine and my brother-in-laws whole family in the waiting room. She ended up having a c-section under general anasthetic, and everyone saw the baby and held it before she was even awake. I would not be okay with that. But I'm very private and to each there own!

Don't be afraid to tell everyone you need a bit of time alone with the 3 of you. You never get those first few days back.

StefieLou

bumping
for later.

Want to come back to this!

mdelynn01

Omg with my first everyone was around and it was so stressful. This time I didn't tell anyone except my dad and boss and my two friends who attended birth. My husband has hospital phobia:-). It was so much better for me this time. But that's me:-). Good luck

Amandajp79

I'm planning on just my husband and I being there. I will call my dad and MIL and let them know whats going on but tell them not to come to the hospital until I'm ready. I am going to be bonding with my baby and don't need people all up in my face.

vim_n_vigor

We kept the news that I was in the hospital to very few people until my sons were born. My husband was the only one that I would even see until after they were born. No one else was allowed in my room. My only rule for visitors after the birth was that I would not cover up or do anything to make anyone but my son comfortable - if you don't want to see me breastfeed, don't bother coming in. If you or your kids get on my nerves in any way, I will ask you to leave, and if I am tired, not feeling well, I will ask you to leave. I did really like having my mom stay with me the first week. She did laundry, made meals, cleaned up, and helped at night so I could get back to sleep faster. When my husband was around, she mainly did things to keep herself busy so he could spend time with the baby. It really made it easy for me to get some time to recover and sleep that I wouldn't have had without her at my house.

ETA: I sent my husband home at night and for times during the day too just because there was too much going on and I didn't want to feel like I needed to talk to him either. I wanted him rested for when we did go home.

schelly81

It's a tough subject for sure. It was only my husband and I for our first. Our daughter was born at 5 pm and we called our families around 8pm to announce the news and they visited the next day. I wouldn't be able to relax and concentrate on the birth with everyone around. I do not want to be stressed during my labour, nor do I want to feel that I need to perform. When we brought baby home on day 5 we had our friends and family make plans to visit so we weren't overwhelmed with company and a house full of people all trying to hold the baby at once. Personally I wouldn't allow anyone to stay at our house with a newborn. I want to bond with my baby and hubby and daughter, I don't want someone in my space 24/7. But to be fair my family annoys me to no end, I could see it being different if I was close with them.

Jennloella

this is my third baby and I'm older, wiser, and meaner this time. My husband and sister will be there for the birth, everyone else will be invited to meet baby once we've been home for 48 hours.

_ylime_

I am SO glad this topic was posted! I still have a long way to go before delivery, but I already feel stressed about it (not becuase of the labor, birth etc) but becuase his family (in particular) is already being so pushy - how we should do x,y, and z... when we should do this and that... etc. I know they have the best of intentions... but I am a very private person and I need them to respect my space...

This is the first child (of our generation) on either side... so first time grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc... so I understand it is very exciting for everyone... but I think I want labor, birth, and the first 12-24 hours to just be my little family of 3... Once we get home I would welcome visitors but not for days, and weeks at a time. They even suggested we move in with them for a month or two... Again I know it is becuase they want to help but I want to take the limited time I have off work to bond with the little one and get into a good routine. I feel selfish but I want time for the three of us to bond and rest... I don;t want my house to become a motel and I don't want to be traveling all around the state to introduce baby to everyone... immediate family on both sides can come say hello, but the rest fo the extended family should be able to wait a month or so... right? I hope so...

I guess I am just worried as soon as we tell them I am in labor we will have 20+ people in the waiting room wanting to get in the room as soon as the baby arrives... and that is WAY too much stress / pressure for me. I guess I should talk to hubs and let him know how I feel and when we get a bit closer we can let the family know what we plan to do... (although I am sure I will get a ton of push back)... Oh well... our family, our baby... our life. Those who don;t respect our choice will just have to get over it...

phewww I feel better now :laugh:

dawnemjh

this is my third baby and I'm older, wiser, and meaner this time. My husband and sister will be there for the birth, everyone else will be invited to meet baby once we've been home for 48 hours.

hah! this is me. At my first, my husband, mother and MIL where all there. This time MIL is def. not invited. The hospital has a 2 person restriction, although they dont really enforce it too much. I am still not sure if my 7 yr old will be there or not. I dont want to scare her, but if she wants to be there, I will let her.....

Jennloella

this is my third baby and I'm older, wiser, and meaner this time. My husband and sister will be there for the birth, everyone else will be invited to meet baby once we've been home for 48 hours.

hah! this is me. At my first, my husband, mother and MIL where all there. This time MIL is def. not invited. The hospital has a 2 person restriction, although they dont really enforce it too much. I am still not sure if my 7 yr old will be there or not. I dont want to scare her, but if she wants to be there, I will let her.....

yes my boys, 10 and 7, have not decided but if they want to stay I will let them. it is the "strangers" that stressed me out with my first children. The family/friends that I was not used to seeing me in a nightgown with bloody socks. I freaked out at all the people passing my child around (they were hard to make) and I just wanted to sleep, not smile and nod and pose for pictures. Totally doing it my way this time, and I know people will be mad especially husband's family but he supports me and it is what it is.

Jennloella

I guess I am just worried as soon as we tell them I am in labor we will have 20+ people in the waiting room wanting to get in the room as soon as the baby arrives... and that is WAY too much stress / pressure for me. I guess I should talk to hubs and let him know how I feel and when we get a bit closer we can let the family know what we plan to do... (although I am sure I will get a ton of push back)... Oh well... our family, our baby... our life. Those who don;t respect our choice will just have to get over it...

phewww I feel better now :laugh:

try not to feel "selfish" or "mean". I talked it out with my husband early on, as soon as his sister said she wanted to "help deliver the baby" wtf? um. no. Our plan is to call a select few we can depend on when we are in labor, and the rest will get the news after the birth.

_ylime_

I guess I am just worried as soon as we tell them I am in labor we will have 20+ people in the waiting room wanting to get in the room as soon as the baby arrives... and that is WAY too much stress / pressure for me. I guess I should talk to hubs and let him know how I feel and when we get a bit closer we can let the family know what we plan to do... (although I am sure I will get a ton of push back)... Oh well... our family, our baby... our life. Those who don;t respect our choice will just have to get over it...

phewww I feel better now :laugh:

try not to feel "selfish" or "mean". I talked it out with my husband early on, as soon as his sister said she wanted to "help deliver the baby" wtf? um. no. Our plan is to call a select few we can depend on when we are in labor, and the rest will get the news after the birth.

Thank you! Reading all of this has really helped... I am going to do what is best for me and our little family... and I am not going to feel bad about it :happy:

Jennloella

don't feel bad, because you do not get to back and redo it so make sure the memories are happy and relaxing for you!!

RBXChas

With my son, no one who wasn't at the hospital with me knew I was in labor (not counting my OB). First of all, I went into labor late at night and went to the hospital at 1AM, so I wasn't about to start texting or Facebooking or anything (not that I'd be Facebooking while in labor, but to each her own, I guess). I was also sure that they'd send me home, and then I'd feel like an idiot. We announced once he was born. Thus we didn't have anyone bothering me or waiting on us at the hospital prior to birth, and since it was a weekday and our announcement went out in late morning, everyone was at work. We had quite a few hours just the three of us. My husband was the only one I wanted with me during L&D (and by my head - which he also agreed with).

My family who lives locally (my sister/family and one of my brothers/family) came to see us briefly at the hospital, no big deal. If I needed to nurse, I needed to nurse, and with the exception of my sister (and not her kids or husband), I'm not about to whip out a boob in front of anyone aside from my husband, so everyone's visit was understandably quite brief.

None of my in-laws live close by but are a few hours' drive away, so they all waited a few weeks before coming out. Maybe my husbands' parents came after two weeks or so, but I was working really hard at nursing and thus couldn't see them in long stretches. So they came to see us, took my husband out to lunch (and brought me food), came back and hung out for another hour or so, then went home. His brothers/families came to see us but planned to do other stuff in town so as to make good use of the trip. They're always bouncing about looking for things to do, so they were happy to get the chance to come out. It was a lot less stressful feeling like seeing us was one thing they did during an otherwise busy trip.

My parents live far away, so they flew in for a weekend when my son was two or three weeks old, but they stayed with my sister and of course spent time seeing their other grandchildren. My parents get a bit more leeway in staying time than my MIL and FIL because they don't stress me out too much and because my dad is a pediatrician, so I had a million and one questions for him, plus for some reason my dad's arms were the only place my son would sleep for more than a half an hour at a time! I still didn't nurse in front of them, though, so they didn't stay for too long. My other brother lives far away, too, so he and his family saw him when they came to town at some point later.

My family who lives nearby, regardless of whether or not they were able to come to the hospital, always texted me if they wanted to come by so that I could tell them it was/wasn't a good time or what was a good time, etc. They were really awesome about bringing meals, too, which was incredibly helpful. My SIL listened to me cry over breastfeeding guilt, and my sister showed me how to use the pump.

This time I plan on doing things the way we did last time: just me and my husband in the delivery room, no one knows we're there until we announce the birth (except my sister who will be watching my son - and she will be sworn to secrecy) short visits at the hospital, and VERY brief visits at home for the first few weeks. I would prefer a day or two not to have visitors at home, but I won't be a jerk about it if people keep it really brief and don't piss me off. If you're sick, stay away. If you can be legitimately helpful, great. (When my sister had her second, I remember coming by on the night of the day they were discharged, and I brought pizza and occupied her older son with games and stuff so that she could focus on the new baby, plus my sister didn't mind nursing in front of me, nor did I.) Otherwise, please give us 2-3 weeks to settle in and realize that, when you do come, you need to be easygoing with how we do things and not overstay your welcome. We will not have overnight visitors staying at our house, either, since an extra bedroom and bathroom to clean is the last thing I'll need to add to my list of responsibilities, and I refuse to sequester myself every time I need to nurse or pump but don't want you seeing my boobs, thank you very much.

I just think everyone has their own level of comfort with what they're willing to do in front of others/have others see and who those others are. People get offended easily over this topic, but it's silly to do that because it is such an individual thing, just like you might be totally ok with having an epidural while the lady in the next room finds that to be a horrible thing. Just like my MIL would respect my decision to have/not have an epidural or which breast pump I use, she should respect whether or not I'd want her in the delivery room or to be waiting for me at my house when we get home from the hospital.

Oh, also, I sent my husband home at night. Not only do we have dogs who needed to be let out/fed regularly, but we are self-employed, so he needed to do some things in the office during the two days I was in the hospital. I need him rested for work and for home, especially now that we have a son, and there's no point in his sleeping in an uncomfortable chair at the hospital for the sake of being nearby. Even after we got home I slept on the couch downstairs for two weeks with our son in a bassinet so that my husband could get some semi-normal sleep. It was really hard, but when he is the only one bringing in income, and income is dependent on his actually working, I need to handle the baby stuff as much as possible.

iampanda

This is your birth and you need to make your decisions known. You have the right to have you alone time with your family of 3. It's definitely a big transition and it's not easy. Hopefully they'll understand if you tell them to wait a few weeks so you can get to know you little one and get comfortable.

I agree with this. This is your birth, and its going to be a hard enough transition as it is, without the added stress of having people constantly everywhere. Make your wishes known, in no uncertain terms, but be polite. Explain that you will need rest, time to bond, time to get the hang of things, etc. They should understand.

For my first two births, other than nurses and the doctor, my MIL and my husband were there for the pushing. My FIL was there from time to time during labor, and that was annoying. He seemed uncomfortable, and that made me uncomfortable. I was fine with people visiting after a couple hours- when I had time to breath, relax, nurse, and clean up.

This time, since we are having a home birth, it will be slightly different. For the first part of the labor, it will be me, hopefully my Mom (if she the baby arrives when my Mom plans on visiting), my husband, and my kids will probably be around. I would also like my MIL to be there, but I am not sure she will be since she had a stroke a while back and birth could potentially overwhelm her. Once I am closer to transition, my midwife will be here with one or two assistants. She has made it clear that she can be as hands-off as I desire. After the birth, I definitely want time to rest and nurse and clean up. I probably won't have visitors until I am comfortable and the midwife has left.

People have to understand that while this is a family event, its not Christmas or Thanksgiving. There is no reason everyone and their followers need to be there. And there is nothing wrong with that. Do what makes YOU comfortable, not what pleases them. You might need the space. And if you find that you don't, no big deal. Just invite them over when you are ready.

kori333

I've never had anyone in the delivery room except my husband, nurse, and midwife/doctor. No one in our families even asks to hang out in the hospital during labor since it takes hours. I have a sister in her 40's who knows she'll never have kids and there's been a time or two I've thought about having her attend a birth so that she could experience it (this is #4 for us), but frankly I LOVE having that time of just me and my husband with the baby right afterwards. I wouldn't even want my mom there. It's a time for hubby, baby, and I to bond and celebrate with no one else around. My family (who lives about an hour away) will come and visit the baby much later in the day when I've had time to rest, but they don't push it. They know they'll get to see the baby very soon so no one's over anxious about it. My husband's family lives 3 hours away and sadly they've never even asked to come see any of our babies in the hospital. They visit a couple months later.

My husband takes about a week off work when we have a baby, but after that my mom comes to help out for a couple days. It's always nice to having some extra hands to do household stuff when you're trying to recover and get some sleep. I say use your mom and sister to help out, but if you don't want them to stay with you then just let them know. Like everyone else has said, this is YOUR birth experience and you just need to let people know what you want. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it, either! They'll get over it and you'll have the memories you want.

Side note: my older sister is pregnant with #3, and with her previous 2 she didn't even tell anyone she was at the hospital until AFTER the baby was born. Apparently her in-laws are the "we have to be present for the birth" type and she didn't want that. So she just didn't call them.

Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!

Nataliaho

I look at it like this. The goal of your birth is to have the best and safest experience you can in order to bring your baby into the world. The only people that should be present are those that can help you achieve that goal. For some that might be just hubbie, for others it would also include sisters, friends, your doula, mum etc. In my opinion there is no place in the birthing room for people just to spectate and have their 'experience'. In particular you don't want anyone in there who is going to make you feel uncomfortable. For my birth (any minute now I hope) I just want my husband and the midwife. I know my mum would love to be in there, but I just don't see her place in it and I can't stand the idea of her (or anyone) just sitting there watching like its discovery channel or something.

I watched an episode of One Born Every Minute the other day and there was this young couple who had both their mothers and one of their fathers and a sister in the room. The lady giving birth was adamant that she could do it naturally and wouldn't need an epidural. However she had both mothers basically mocking her, saying she would need it, she had no idea of the pain etc etc. Even the bl00dy midwife rolled her eyes at the idea of her going drug free. The two mothers carried on like idiots the whole time, the room was packed full of people and the girl didn't move from the bed. Of course she ended up with an epidural, you could see it coming a mile away. It made me so mad, I really don't think she ever had a chance to do it naturally in an environment like that. I really wonder when birth got like that. A generation ago there would have been maybe one person in there and husbands weren't even allowed, now it seems the pendulum has swung so far the other way that every man and his dog feels entitled to be in the room.

TLDR - if they're not in there to help you, they shouldn't be in there!!

katem78

hello ladies, same problems all around the world i think!
i'm having my twin girls end of July beginning of August! Mil lives in the same building with us (typical greek family)...mom and dad live 5 mins from home!

So, after some "worries" of mom how will i manage with 2 babies alone( my husband will be at home for 3 weeks with us)... and after some "instructions' of how to do things..i told to my husband : if any of them comes without calling they will stay outside on the door mat! i don't need any help, any suggestions, any guidance (if i eat, if i have milk, if the baby is hungry, dirty etc). they will come as visitors(after calling) to take a coffee and then they will live!

i was clear and straight to him: i want to find my routine, to see how my babies are, to feed them , to clean them and to rest whenever possible . it will be good when you will be here but as soon as you go back to work i don't want your mother to come every 10 minutes or my mother! I have to find my balance and both our mothers have something different to say and to suggest! he was looking at me like an allien!!! and he said, I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THESE THINGS BUT YOU ARE RIGHT!!! WE WILL TALK TO THEM BEFORE THE BABIES COME AND ARRANGE THINGS!

SO, talk to your husbands and let them know! Everyone can come but not whenever they want! they should call!
if you want noone at home after labor, tell them so!!!
explain to your husbands how you feel and what you want!
that's the best thing to do!

good luck!!!!

TheLaser

I'm expecting my first, so I don't have personal experience to go by, BUT I attended a La Leche League meeting last night where this subject was discussed. I learned that if you are planning on breastfeeding, it can be difficult to learn the baby's cues during those crucial early weeks when you have a lot of distractions and visitors. They would have all agreed with the previous poster.

I only want my husband, midwife, and doula during labor and at the birth. My family lives far away, so it's only in-laws here. They are very thoughtful and practical people, so I'm pretty sure they will drop by (bearing yummy home-cooked Italian food) for short periods of time whenever my husband gives them the go-ahead, and then offer to help for longer periods when we feel we need it.

lshea0414

This will be our first baby, but I plan on having my husband and my mother in the room. His mother is also invited but I just want my mom and hubby up close and personal. My best friend in the world is also flying out and shes seen much worse in our time as friends together so I would love her support. My mom and I are just too close to not have her be a part of it and also my husband is extremely bad in situations like this and may either pass out/throw up so I need that back up support.

Both my husband and I have only one brother so I'm sure we will tell them when we go into labor and I know they will rush to the hospital along with my dad. If they don't mind waiting, I don't mind them being there. Although there is a good chance that when the time comes, I won't care whose in the room or the total opposite!

We'll see how it goes

Pepper2185

I was very firm - nobody except my husband allowed in the hospital.

I wanted uninterrupted bonding time with our new baby. I also didn't want the pressure of knowing people were waiting outside to see the baby. I spent 9 months growing a healthy baby and I was entitled to alone time with him. Plus I wanted to figure out breastfeeding and get a bit of rest and a shower in before people bombarded me and took my picture.

We invited our parents/siblings to come to the hospital the following day.

The important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with, and don't worry about pleasing others.

RBXChas

Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!

That is SO wrong! I would have screamed, "GET THE *kitten* OUT!" Are you kidding me? Some people are so selfish and rude.

Our hospital limits you to two people with you so that you can presumably have the father and another support person (doula, mom, sister, etc.) besides the requisite medical professionals. If people want to visit you while you're in labor, they have to "tag in." The doctors and nurses need space not only to do their job but to be able to discuss with you what is going on, etc. It's hard to discuss stuff that you may want to keep confidential if there are 8 people in the room. Jeez, I wouldn't even tell the nurse my weight within earshot of my husband.

They also do not allow video or pictures to be taken until after birth has occurred.

Pepper2185

Side note: my older sister is pregnant with #3, and with her previous 2 she didn't even tell anyone she was at the hospital until AFTER the baby was born. Apparently her in-laws are the "we have to be present for the birth" type and she didn't want that. So she just didn't call them. Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!

That is horrible! I would have flipped out. That is so incredibly rude!

I was induced, and the only person besides my husband who knew the date was my mom. I didn't want any interference from anyone.

sallydurkin

I'm a very easy going person, generally it has been only me and hubby there at the hospita, my FIL came and sat at the hospital during the first one..... i think he was bored as he has not done that again. My mom drove up and made it in time for the 4th and that is all that have been there for delivery.... I like me and hubby, but not bothered by others being there for delivery.... oh 3rd I did have a friend drop by as they were concerned about kids (as my mom called someone from church because induction was taking much longer than anticipated and our 16 yr old was home with 3 and 5 yr old and worried we might be all night). But by the time of delivery I didn't care who was there, I think I had a student present for at least one????
This is my 5th delivery so no one is really aching to be there, as for family seeing after I have no problem there is lots of time for routine after (in my opinion for me) I love to show off my newest baby.
But really that is me, I know I am laid back. After leaving the hospital after each baby we have gone out directly to a store shopping or even for lunch, I remember going directly from the hospital and out to Swiss Chalet for lunch with a baby less then 12 hours old. Same with shopping at Wal-mart--- oh and the 2nd we needed a new car seat (we were barrowing) But decided to buy imediatly, so we went to toys r us, baby sam and then we dedided to buy a new vacume from costco, all with baby less than 24hour old... Yup a little crazy to.... I do remember being tired that night!

Artemis726

We are expecting our 5th, and definitely learned after the first one with what we were comfortable with.

With our first, EVERYONE was at the hospital- my grandparents, DH's grandmother and parents, my aunt and uncle, my mother, and DH of course. Everyone poked in to say hello and give well wishes, but I ended that after my grandfather said "oh stop- it doesn't hurt that much!".

I originally just wanted my mother and DH there. I'm private, and the thought of anyone else seeing me in a compromising position, in pain, or exposed was just NOT happening. It is my body, first and foremost, and while everyone was excited, they respected that. I ended up kicking my mother out, too, because she was just being over-dramatic and annoying about what was happening to me.

After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:

Every other birth has been only DH and I, and I love it that way. Family can visit after in short visits, but once we are home I like to take about 48 hours to just be us, introduce the kids to their new sibling, and just enjoy those precious first moments.

mnmomto4

This is my 3rd. With my first I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom there or not. I told her I wanted her at the hospital just in case I needed her but I may not let her in the room. I ended up being in labor for 60 hours and kicked my mom out of the hospital after about 12. Her sympathy looks made me mad and then cry. In the end I ended up with a c-section. 2nd I had a scheduled c-section. My in laws had plans to drive a 7 hour drive to take care of my oldest while I was in the hospital and my mom was at the hospital. Not allowed in the room. 3rd is a scheduled c-section. May have my older two go to the inlaws for a week while I am in the hospital. haven't decided yet. Do what you are comfortable with for the delivery room. As I told my mom, she wanted to be there, I have the right to kick you out if I want to, and I did. I only wanted my husband there and I even kicked him out after about 48 hours and sent him to work. My opinion on having people visit the weeks after. You obviously don't have to take it. But, not letting his family come see the baby for 2 or 3 weeks when your family is there doesn't seem right to me personally. This is his baby too. What does he want? You said they are a few hour drive away. Can't they come and see the baby for two hours or so after you are home? Get some presents maybe some home cooked meals. That is always nice right after having a new baby. Cooking is such a chore. I am sure he wants to show off his baby to his family too. My sister lives 2.5 hours from me. When she had her 2nd I went up there about a week after she had the baby for 2 hours or so. Just enough time to give my nephew a present, hold him, make her a meal, and allow her to shower. Showering is hard to do with a new baby. LOL.

mamamc03

Here's my 2 cents...

I had my DD in 2006...many many moons ago...LOL!! (6weeks in for #2)
My hubby was by my head. My mom had my right foot, my aunt had my left foot and my sister was in view of the business end. It was soooo awesome to have my TEAM there to help me!! To be able to see that smile on my mom's face as I was delivering...that is a memory I will cherish forever!! My sister provided comic relief, my aunt was a huge cheerleader, my husband was my rock and bearer of the puke bowl. I wouldn't have changed ANYTHING!!

For my next...I'm inviting my MIL in the room. WE have a good relationship. To make it a bit easier...she is legally blind (20/400)...so she wont see my bajinga.

RBXChas

After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:

Say whaaaat?

They knew that wasn't free food, right? That it's part of your overall hospital bill, which you get to pay (or at least pay a hefty chunk of).

The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.