Self-esteem and gaining weight?
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I almost dread being pg because I "don't want to ruin" my hard work...
I had this after having my first. It took me a year to lose 82 lbs after starting MFP at two months postpartum. I honestly considered stopping at one child not only because I thought it would be easier but because I'd worked so hard on my body and didn't want to "ruin" it by getting pregnant again. It feels really selfish, and maybe it is, but it's normal. My husband's thinking was that I wouldn't be ruining anything - that I'd gain weight because duh, I'd be pregnant, and then I'd lose it later. He is very supportive of my nutrition and fitness goals and promised to do anything he needed to do to help me attain them. (When I eat healthier, he does, too, and we tend to do more activities together --> healthier husband, even though he's never had a weight problem.) It took a lot of hard thinking on my part, plus I think I was still too close to having had my son, but when he was about 18 months old I felt like I was ready to start TTC again. It happened on the second cycle, just like the first time, which leads me to believe that I need a "test run" cycle to wrap my brain around the concept and not freak out, ie, "ohmygoodnessyoucouldhavejustimpregnatedme."
Anyway, it's a totally reasonable thought to have. Best wishes!0 -
This is exactly how I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. I had lost close to 50lbs before getting pregnant with my 2nd and watching the scale go up was very nerve racking for me. Now that I'm almost 27 weeks pregnant and have gained 26lbs I have tried to embrace the weight gain. It hasn't been easy, but I am not going to be one of those people that cut calories during pregnancy to try and maintain or even lose weight. I have unfriended people for that very reason. Our babies need nourishment and as long as you are not stuffing your face with junk food then try and enjoy this time. We are strong women and can lose the weight after our babies are here. I look back at pictures of when I was at my lowest and use them as inspiration. I did it once...I can do it again and even better this time around.0
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I felt the same exact way you do and thought I was crazy for feeling like so. I've always had self image issues and struggled to stay at a descent weight so when I started to gain and my clothes started to get tighter I wasn't feeling pregnant, I felt FAT. I had to keep telling myself that it's normal and when friends & family started to comment on how beautiful I was it made me feel better about my belly. I know I'm going to gain weight (more then I should) and the only thing keeping me sain is telling myself, "I lost the weight once, I can lose it again. What's important now is my baby's health" ...you can too. Just know it's normal to feel how you are feeling.0
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I'm feeling a weird embarrassment b/c my former "fat" pants are fitting quite well at 6 mo pregnant. I was never technically overweight, just severely out of shape, but it is still embarrassing to have my old clothes fit me now. I choose to think of it as motivation though- I will NOT be wearing these pants ever again when I'm not pregnant!0
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It took me a year to lose the baby weight and I told myself i would lose it by 4 months...yeah right. Anyway, I finally got down to my goal weight only to enjoy it for a couple months. I got pregnant again and SWORE up and down that I would not gain a ton of weight like I did with my first pregnancy which was 60lbs. Considering I was only supposed to gain 25-30 I felt 60 was a ton. Anyway, I'm at 16 weeks and I have no idea what my weight it. I know it's high so I got back on MFP today and am getting back on track. I'm going to start counting my calories and make sure I stay within a healthy range. I can't lose the extra pounds I've already gained because it's not healthy to diet while pregnant however I'm going to do my best not to pack on the pounds.
It sucks and has really taken a toll on my self esteem. I hate that I'm going to have to start all over. I'm already exhausted with one kid, now in the heck am I going to have to energy to exercise with 2???0 -
Few people I speak to understand my issue. I thought maybe someone here would get it.
I spent 9 months last year losing 40+ lbs and getting myself down to 135 before getting pregnant in September. I was feeling really good about myself for the first time in my life! This is baby #4 for me and the first time I've started in a healthy BMI range. I'm almost 23 weeks now and despite knowing that gaining is healthy, it is still so hard to watch that number on the scale tick back up. It doesn't help that none of my old maternity clothes fit from previous pregnancies (I was way bigger for those) so I have only a couple new maternity items that fit. The rest of the time I wear the few items of "fat clothes" I kept after losing the weight last year. I would love to buy some more maternity items but money's a little tight for that, and it's hard to spend it when it's only for a few months.
When I look in the mirror it's hard not to see the old "fat" me even though I know it's all baby in front. My husband points out that my face hasn't changed so I don't look fat, just pregnant, but I don't see what he sees obviously. I've gained right in the average amount of weight according to my midwife and she's pleased with where I'm at. Maybe it's a mix of the fat clothes and numbers ticking up on the scale that are messing with me. It all feels like a mind game and I'm just having a hard time with it. It just makes me feel rotten about myself.
Anyone else lose a bunch of weight before getting pregnant and having a hard time watching your shape and weight change now? I can't be the only one, right? My husband reminds me I've lost it all before and I'll do it again, but for NOW it's just hard on the self-esteem. :frown: It sounds so vain and selfish to even care about this when I know I'm so blessed to be having this baby.
I feel like this too. I feel like I can't control the weight gain and it's so depressing. I am counting calories and going to the gym but I feel like my clothes just get tighter. I know that I am pregnant and weight gain happens but I still can't help but hate myself for it.
Last time I gained 40kg's when I was pregnant and I am determined to not let myself go like that again.
I have cried many times over this.0 -
Right here with you. 4th pregnancy, started out smallest I've been since being married, just a few pounds to my pre-marriage weight. Now I'm 30 weeks and already up 35lbs. Looks like I'll have another 45+lbs pregnancy again. This time I'm mad because I worked so hard to reach my goal weight and then started overeating again as soon as I realized I was pregnant, so most of my weight is from cake and cookies and slacking off on working out.0
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what frustates me the most is that I am eating at maintenance, not even adding additional calories, and eating pretty healthy and still I have gained 26 lbs and I am only 22 weeks.
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So I did end up going out and buying a few new maternity items that fit and make me feel better than my "fat clothes." They do help my self-esteem for sure, but it's still hard not to see the number on the scale and just want to cry. I guess I should be happy though that at 26 weeks pregnant I weigh about the same as when I conceived my last baby. Progress, right? It's still really hard though not to look in the mirror and feel like I see my former fat self coming back. I never wanted to see her again. I know I can take the weight off when this is over, but it doesn't change that it's hard on the self-esteem now. My weight gain in the last 2 months has taken off dramatically and it just hurts to see it climb so quickly when I'm trying so hard to keep it reasonable.I'm feeling a weird embarrassment b/c my former "fat" pants are fitting quite well at 6 mo pregnant. I was never technically overweight, just severely out of shape, but it is still embarrassing to have my old clothes fit me now. I choose to think of it as motivation though- I will NOT be wearing these pants ever again when I'm not pregnant!
LOVE THIS!! That's what I'm going to tell myself from now on whenever I look in the mirror and am wearing one of my "fat shirts." Thanks!what frustates me the most is that I am eating at maintenance, not even adding additional calories, and eating pretty healthy and still I have gained 26 lbs and I am only 22 weeks.
I hear you!! I was eating at a 1/2 lb gain each week and cut it back to maintenance because I was gaining 2-3 lbs a week since 20 weeks. Even cutting back I'm STILL gaining at that rate! UGH! I was talking to a friend about it and saying how frustrating it was to weigh less than previous pregnancies and be gaining MORE when I'm being healthier. She said maybe my maternal fat stores were just lower now so my body was trying to make up for it. I'll tell myself that I guess. I'm just so skinny this time that my body needs lots of extra fat this time around.
This time I'm mad because I worked so hard to reach my goal weight and then started overeating again as soon as I realized I was pregnant, so most of my weight is from cake and cookies and slacking off on working out.
That's my fear, too. I'm worried all this weight gain (22 lbs in 26 weeks) is from giving into my sugar cravings so much. If I could tell myself "It's just the baby" then maybe I could handle the number, but I know some of it is me and my sweets. :frown:
Sorry you've shed tears over this as well.I have cried many times over this.0 -
I'm glad to hear you are feeling at least somewhat better about this. I have a college friend who's confided to me (privately) on Facebook about her gains. She's due in June, so she's 26 weeks, and she's gained 40 lbs and has developed gestational diabetes (this is her second pregnancy, and she had GD the first time - she also got down below her pre-pregnancy weight after her son was born). She's a tiny thing (5' on a good day), so I can't imagine how much that 40 lbs shows on her (she's in California, and I'm on the east coast, so I haven't seen her). I know she's really upset about it.
She confided in me because she knows that I am in the same boat as far as gaining a lot (minus the GD), and we brought in another mutual friend who is due in August and can't seem to control her gains, either. The other friend (the one we brought in to the discussion) asked us why we were being so masochistic about the weight gain guidelines, and honestly neither one of us had a good answer for her! This is her second pregnancy, too, and she restated what I said earlier in this thread, that sometimes our bodies just want to do what they want to do even if we're eating well. She added what you just said, too, that perhaps because both she and I weighed so much less before getting pregnant this time, our bodies are trying to add to our fat stores.
I'm not sure if all that is true or not, but it does make me feel better.
I also had a similar thought that you just shared, that even though I've gained more than I'd hoped to gain, I am still doing way better than I was the first time. I went to the doctor today, and although I abhor the number I saw on the scale, last time I saw that number, I was not pregnant, nor had I just been.
I know it's hard because I live it, too. But we just need to try to breathe and realize that while we might not be as small as we like after that initial postpartum weight drop, we will be on top of it when the time comes!0 -
I went to the doctor 2 days ago and had a horrible experience. At my doctor's office there are 4 doctors. You see all of them so that when you go into labor you already know the dr that is on call and will be delivering your baby. I had not seen this one yet. Before I went into my appointment I weighed myself at home. When I got to the office 15 minutes later their scale was 5 lb heavier than mine at home (always is). I like to do this because I'm keeping track of my weight gain based on my scale. The first thing the doctor said to me when she came in the room was that I was gaining too much weight too fast. Now, I think that I am right on target (maybe a couple pounds over what I'd like). She didn't even know anything about me. She just looked at a number on a computer screen and totally judged me. She didn't ask what I eat, how I eat, if I exercise, how often, what kind of lifestyle I live. I told her I workout 5 days a week, eat healtier than I ever had in my life and I think I'm doing pretty well. She got into an arguement with me saying that I need to watch my portion sizes and not "eat for 2". I admit that I have given into more cravings than I normally would, but am by no means eating for 2. She didn't even listen to what I was telling her as far as what my diet is and how I try to stay healthy. She just had to be right.
The second I walked out of the office I started crying. As if I don't feel bad enough about my body to begin with, she just made me feel 10X worse. Now I am having an internal struggle with cutting down my calories and working out more or just doing what I fell is best and keeping myself and baby healthy. I'm miserable. I do not want to have that conversation again and it gives me anxiety thinking about going to the doctor. I really don't think that I've gained too much weight, but having someone tell you you have is really hard.0 -
lk27, YOU know your body better than anyone else and you need to do what feels right. I'm so sorry your doctor treated you like that. I think they are so used to seeing unhealthy people that they assume everyone is unhealthy without really thinking about it. Listen to your body first and doctor second.0
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I am so sorry you had to go through that! I had a similar experience when I had gained 12 lbs at 24 weeks! A nurse told me I was ahead of where I should be and that I only should've gained 5 lbs in the first 20 weeks. I honestly thought that experience would set the tone for what the entire practice thought, but it didn't. The doctor I had a week later didn't even mention my weight, and the doctors I had at my next visits told me I was right on track. I think they should check your overall health and how your pregnancy is going instead of focusing in on weight first. A lot of factors are completely out of our control.... If I were you, I would request to not have a doctor that made me feel that bad. At the practice where I go, they can tell you who they are scheduling you with at your next appointment so it is possible to request a different slot (with a different doctor).
Has anyone had problems with water retention, specifically in the third trimester? Yesterday was crazy for me. I'm 31 weeks and had an appointment two days ago, was up 16 lbs. I weighed myself the next morning and was the same...but then that night I felt like I was suddenly retaining a ton of water (up until now I haven't had much swelling)...my rings were tighter, I just felt kind of swollen, so I weighed myself to check and I had gained 4.5 pounds since the morning? I instantly felt like crap and started to think, oh no what if I start gaining this much every day? (that was like a whole month's worth of gain!)? What will I be at for my next appointment or by the time I deliver? It was a big blow on my self-esteem. I drank a ton of water last night and after waking up several times to use the restroom last night, by morning the swelling was better, and I was only up about a pound...so I will need to make a conscious effort to drink a ton of water and for my sanity NOT weigh myself at night. It is crazy to have this feeling of your body doing whatever it wants and not being able to control it.0 -
Am I the only one that doesn't have crazy/rude doctors that focus so much on weight gain? I've gained about 27 lbs at 29 weeks and none of the Dr's I see say anything about my weight gain. Of course, I feel like it's a lot, but I gained almost 40 with my first and I'm right on track to do the same with this one. I see so many women on here cutting back their calories and upping their exercise because their Dr's make them feel bad. This is supposed to be a stress free time where we can sit back and enjoy all of the changes going on with our bodies. Our bodies will gain what it needs to to for the baby no matter what we try to do as long as we don't go crazy and double our calorie intake.0
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Well said prplrose!!! I almost posted something very similar yesterday, but you said it much better (and nicer) than anything I could come up with. If you were at a healthy weight prior to pregnancy there is no reason to think that you won't be able to achieve that after birth. I go to a fairly large practice with 4 nurse midwives & 6 OB GYNs, they make sure that you cycle thru all of them so that you will at least know each face if that is who winds up being on call when you deliver. This being my second birth with this practice I've seen all of them and haven't had a single one gripe me out about weight gain either time. With my son I gained 60lbs and they didn't say a word.!!!! This time I'm @29 weeks and have gained about 22lbs and still nothing from any of them. At my last appt when I was at a 20lb gain the Dr actually commented that he was quite pleased with my weight gain. To all you worrying about your weight, DON'T! Unless you have GD, high blood pressure, or have some other medical problem there is no reason why most people can't gain anywhere from 25-40lbs during pregnancy and lose it with no problem post partum. Like previously said our bodies are going to gain what they need to, and the last thing you need to be stressed about during pregnancy is calorie intakes.0
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Am I the only one that doesn't have crazy/rude doctors that focus so much on weight gain? I've gained about 27 lbs at 29 weeks and none of the Dr's I see say anything about my weight gain. Of course, I feel like it's a lot, but I gained almost 40 with my first and I'm right on track to do the same with this one. I see so many women on here cutting back their calories and upping their exercise because their Dr's make them feel bad. This is supposed to be a stress free time where we can sit back and enjoy all of the changes going on with our bodies. Our bodies will gain what it needs to to for the baby no matter what we try to do as long as we don't go crazy and double our calorie intake.
My OB seems to focus more on the rate of gain rather than the total amount gained, but I think part of the reason she's been quiet is because she knows I worked my butt off (quite literally) losing all that weight between my two pregnancies - so I can most certainly do it again!
All of my stress about weight gain during this pregnancy has been self-induced, but I've gotten over it. It was hard to read how some people are upset about having gained 10 lbs at 25 weeks or 15 lbs at 30 weeks and not start making comparisons. However I'm not about to start cutting calories or going to extremes with exercise to stop the gains. I'd rather work harder, later when I know it's safe to do so.
With some of the comments I see being made, I'd find a new doctor, stat.0 -
I put on 70 lbs while eating healthy and exercising with #1, it took me over a year to to drop 50 of it off, and the month I get it to it's lowest weight since before birth...we find out about #2. haha.
I gained nothing in first trimester, second trimester hit and the weight has piled on too easily. Quite literally, the past 3 weeks I put on 10 more lbs.
I'm not afraid of it though, it was hard to drop the past weight but I miss counting down the pounds and such. I have the rest of my life to get it off, am not too worried. :-) It'll all work out somehow !0 -
I have decided to not listen to that doctor, but listen to my body instead. I will still make healthy choices 90% of the time and give in to some cravings. After all, isn't that the fun part of being pregnant! Is not having to worry so much about every single thing you eat! I want to enjoy being pregnant, not hate it. I know I will work hard after the baby is born to get my weight back down and I have no problem with that. In fact, I can't wait to get back to my intense workouts! I do believe that your body will gain what it needs no matter how hard you try to control it.
I do see this particular doctor again at my next visit, but in the future appointments I'm going to try to avoid her. There is one dr that was truly wonderful and I'm going to try to book the majority of my upcoming appointments with her. It makes me feel so much better listening to everyone and the kind comments. I know now that it was not just me who thought that this situation was totally uncalled for.0 -
I am so glad I found this thread! I just joined MFP for this exact reason. Like many of you, I worked really hard to loose weight before being pregnant and although I am only at 30 weeks, I have already gained more weight than the recommended weight gain range. I'm hoping this site will help me focus on being healthy - taking in enough nutrients and exercising. I don't want to diet and potentially affect my baby or my ability to bf.
A few people mentioned their weight fluctuating widely in short periods of time. Mine would do the same thing - big jumps up and down. The big jumps up would really make me feel bad/scared. So, I stopped weighing myself at home and have just been tracking calories with a projected weight gain - trying to eat as healthy as possible (with a few indulgences now and again) and getting some exercise. Trying to shift the focus to healthy habits and not a number on the scale, which is a little easier said than done for me.
I don't know if any of you may be experiencing this as well, so I'll throw it out there. I had a horrible time emotionally in my 2nd trimester - I struggled with feeling very down in general during this time. It made my self-esteem issues related to my changing body seem like a horrible problem that I had trouble handling. From several things I've read and talking to other pregnant ladies, a lot of this is related to hormones and for me, it has been a little better since I moved into my 3rd trimester. Also any type of regular exercise helped me just feel less depressed. Not that this issue has disappeared for me, but it's just easier to handle.
lk27 - sorry to hear your Dr was not at all supportive and didn't listen to anything about you. You sound like you have a very healthy lifestyle, so know that you are doing well and keep it up! Hopefully you can avoid that Dr in the future0 -
I am so glad I found this thread! I just joined MFP for this exact reason. Like many of you, I worked really hard to loose weight before being pregnant and although I am only at 30 weeks, I have already gained more weight than the recommended weight gain range. I'm hoping this site will help me focus on being healthy - taking in enough nutrients and exercising. I don't want to diet and potentially affect my baby or my ability to bf.
A few people mentioned their weight fluctuating widely in short periods of time. Mine would do the same thing - big jumps up and down. The big jumps up would really make me feel bad/scared. So, I stopped weighing myself at home and have just been tracking calories with a projected weight gain - trying to eat as healthy as possible (with a few indulgences now and again) and getting some exercise. Trying to shift the focus to healthy habits and not a number on the scale, which is a little easier said than done for me.
I don't know if any of you may be experiencing this as well, so I'll throw it out there. I had a horrible time emotionally in my 2nd trimester - I struggled with feeling very down in general during this time. It made my self-esteem issues related to my changing body seem like a horrible problem that I had trouble handling. From several things I've read and talking to other pregnant ladies, a lot of this is related to hormones and for me, it has been a little better since I moved into my 3rd trimester. Also any type of regular exercise helped me just feel less depressed. Not that this issue has disappeared for me, but it's just easier to handle.
lk27 - sorry to hear your Dr was not at all supportive and didn't listen to anything about you. You sound like you have a very healthy lifestyle, so know that you are doing well and keep it up! Hopefully you can avoid that Dr in the future
MtMcConnel - you're not alone! I'm 30 weeks, too, and have struggled and know I will struggle postpartum as well. Someone else is having similar issues and posted, so I wrote a novel in response, but it might help to jump in over there as well. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/932613-anyone-lose-a-large-amount-of-weight-pre-prego?page=1#posts-141784730
