Hello My Dear Friends,

As we are progressing through these "Wilderness Mentalities," I have been asking God to give me a balanced view. Meaning, the grace to see where I am doing well, as well as the grace to see where I need to change. Here is what I see:

This week's study is all about recognizing walking in Truth and walking in excuses. What is my fault?

Everything I chose to do my own way. Excuses are the fleshly way of handling things. It is my attempt to take my responsibility and place it on someone else. When I was a young mother and very impatient(yes, totally rooted in pride), I would blame my impatience on my children. I remember thinking and saying things like, " If my children would just...... ." I would be disciplining my children and out of my mouth would come, "Mommy shouldn't have yelled at you, but you wouldn't listen." It was the blaming and shaming game. I would admit I was wrong but instead of repenting I would make excuses. This type of parenting sent a message that said, "Shame on you and you are responsible for Mommy's behavior." Talk about a confusing foundation. I was not taking my responsibility how could I expect my children to take theirs?

When I saw my children begin to treat each other with that same behavior, the Lord began to convict my heart. He showed me, that I could never teach my children past the stage I was. I was parenting from Jenni's idea of His fruits. My ideas were skewed through dysfunction and abuse. I had to acknowledge it. I remember crying out to the Lord over my failure and taking responsibility for my wrong thinking. I repented and asked the Lord to teach me how to take responsibility His way. I acknowledged it was my fault. He gave me these scriptures to focus on:

John 14:6 Jesus said to him, I am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except by (through) Me.

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.

John 16:13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].

God and I began to work on this. I found many areas of half truths and partial lies in my life. I would remind my self that God's desire was for me to know Him. That Jesus was the Lord of my life and my heart and mind, attitudes and emotions were coming in line with this reality. It was and still is a process. He was and is and always will, guide me into all truth. I am trusting Him for this and it has blessed me so much. It really changed my parenting style and my children reaped the benefits. No more fruits of shame and guilt but true Godly character began to emerge in my life and in my children's too. I grow they grow. It is a win/win situation.

Then eight years later God gave me two more beautiful children. Two more opportunities to walk in Godly responsibility according to His Truth. He had helped me grow and change. He had healed my heart. So now I parented from the gifts of the Holy Spirit and not my idea of them. No more guilt and shame parenting because I no longer felt guilt and shame. I allowed His truth to permeate my being. He helped me to see myself truthfully and that allowed me to clearly see others. In fact, the more I allowed God's truth about me to reign in my thinking the more loving I become. The more my parenting improved.

What has happened is I feel so loved by the Lord that His truths become a delight to me, even the ones that convict my heart and send me to my knees in repentance. It used to be correction was a negative thing, filled with shame, disgust and anger. Now, every correction moment has become a moment of focus on His love, for me according to Proverbs 3:12 For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. The Lord delights in me so much that I am often corrected. I am so grateful and so glad. This translated into loving correction for my children. Not from blame, or impatience but from delight. I delight to train them and teach them in the way they should go. As I write this I just had to discipline my 12 year old daughter. What a hard moment but through God's grace and truth, has turned into a moment of connection and love. No losing my temper, blaming, or caving in and wavering, only God's truth and His love. A moment of victory.....to celebrate God's grace.

I rejoice for as I am still in process and growing, I know that I can trust God with all my faults. He is all powerful! The impatience, blaming and tendency to make excuses in my life must bow to Him. Yes, there are moments of those still in my life but they are becoming less and less. There is much Truth in my life now, thanks to Jesus being big in me. As I continue to seek Him, He finds me. Excuses are no longer my way of life, in most areas. I choose Jesus, who is the absolute Truth. I am a woman of Truth, who operates truthfully with herself and with others. He helps me know what to take responsibility for and I do. God is faithfully growing me.

Father,

I thank you for your faithfulness to us. For helping each of us to receive Your Truth and to walk in it. Every time we are making an excuse, Lord, I ask you to convict our hearts. Help us to hear and respond to your Spirit. Let Your Truth be something we know and understand with all our being and not just acknowledge. Help us to come into Your light. Let us be Your women of Truth and love. Help us to learn what You want us to take responsibility for and how. Help us to depend on your power, your strength and your wisdom for all that we are. Help us to trust you with our failures, fears and doubts. Help us not to hide any part of ourselves from you. In Jesus Name, Amen