Need support and encouragement

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Hi Everybody, I just posted this as a status and thought I'd put it here: (reposting from the 2013 group)

"Ok I just had a wake up call. I looked at an old journal and saw that I actually lost all the 2nd baby weight (and 2 lbs more) by 6 months post partum (that was Dec 24, 2010) The bad news is that this means as of today I have gained 30 pounds. 15 since last April. About 2 dress sizes. I am trying to wrap my head around this. I might post in the forum. I'm thinking that maybe I lost all the weight by undereating (relative to the nursing I was doing) and slowed my metabolism down. I was very inconsistent with my eating and under a lot of stress during that time. Then when I did eat normal amounts a couple times a week my body stored it as fat. That's my theory anyway. It makes me feel very out of control."

Some stats: Age 41, 2 kids, moderately active, 185 lbs. Doing a reset for the past 8 weeks, increasing cals from 1800/2000 to 2500. More recently I've been able to get to the 2500 but not so much in the beginning. 2500 is still a cut from my calculated TDEE of about 3168 (in part because I just can't believe that could be true). I used to maintain my weight in the 150's and felt comfortable there. I am sure I have more muscle mass than then, so I might now maintain slightly higher for the same look. I gained 1 lb since last week, and I gained 2lbs in the 2 weeks before that.

I need support. sad
I'm going to make my diary open for the next couple of hours and then switch back to friends only.

Replies

  • amanda_gent
    amanda_gent Posts: 174 Member
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    Posted reply on the EM2WL2013 board but will include it here for non-members:

    Hi Amanda,
    First, big hug, from one Amanda to another. ((AMANDA))

    I'm sorry you're feeling sad about this but look, it's nothing you've done *wrong* on purpose! You've been doing your level best, albeit with incorrect information (like most of us). Without looking at your diary and knowing all your past numbers I do believe it is possible your metabolism has slowed but you know what? It can AND WILL rev back up! You are not "broken" and all you need to do is try to be patient and trust in this process. There's a great thread from kim55555 about increasing her RMR over a period of a few months after she had (unwittingly) under-eaten for a while. She is 40 - so there's a lot of hope here for all of us over a certain age. :)

    If you were severely under-eating, unbeknownst to you, you are correcting that, right? You have two small children, you must be very active even without trying very hard. How long have you been committed to EM2WL? The weight will come off eventually if you stick to plan. Just focus on maintaining the muscle you have, and once you've finished your reset you can lose the fat slowly with a small deficit.

    Hang in there - you've done the best you can, now stop beating up on yourself! *another hug*

    EDIT - Okay, I see that you've been doing the reset for the past 8 weeks. Great! Has your weight gained leveled off yet so you have a grasp on your true TDEE? If you're still nursing you really need to get it up to that 3000 number you quoted to account for the extra calories in energy you're providing baby. Don't shortchange yourself!
  • amandacepstein
    amandacepstein Posts: 93 Member
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    Thanks Amanda. I will try to get the cals up. There is certainly no way my TDEE should be less than 2500, so if I am gaining at that, I am still healing.
  • Noor13
    Noor13 Posts: 964 Member
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    If your weight gain stopped, you should be good to go to cut.
    As pp said tough, be sure to eat enough for nursing. If you are full nursing that are about 500 cals additionally.
  • AmyzNewGroove
    AmyzNewGroove Posts: 144 Member
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    Thanks Amanda. I will try to get the cals up. There is certainly no way my TDEE should be less than 2500, so if I am gaining at that, I am still healing.

    I believe this to be true. Quick story: Before EM2WL, I yo-yo dieted for 8 years...in the middle of that our son was born (3.5 years ago) and I had to go on a super restrictive diet (he had food intollerances and I was exclusively pumping for him) and was probably only eating 600-700 cals a day for 9mo (so, so, so unhealthy). But, I lost 8lbs in those 9mo so I was happy about that... Silly me, I didn't realize all that weight was MUSCLE. I was skinny fat!! :grumble: When I stopped pumping and started eating "normally" (aka 1500 cals a day) I gained 10lbs in a matter of months (adding back cheese and ice cream will do that do a person, lol). My metabolism was wrecked...wrecked! When I started on MFP, I would gain weight if I ate more than 1500 cals a day. Thankfully, I found EM2WL last March, started small (increased to 1800), didn't see any scale drop (scale went up actually)...decided to "do the reset" and based off a "moderate" activity level (per Scooby calc), started eating TDEE. At this point, I was still doing 95% cardio, 5% weights (light w/high reps on machines). Months passed, my scale weight kept fluctuating, but my clothes were fitting better so I thought, hey, this seems ok. But then stalled. And I was fatigued. And HUNGRY. And frustrated. Bought a BodyMedia Fit...the numbers were shocking; according to my BMF, my TDEE was 2800, on REST DAYS. My highest burn days were 3300 cals. CRAZINESS (considering I'm 5'5", 144lbs, and have a desk job). But, I workout a considerable amount and spend a lot of time being active at home (up and down stairs, carrying a 40lb kiddo, playing Power Rangers, etc.) During that time I also starting lifting heavy, and I gained 5 lbs in 2 mo. :noway: YIKES! But get this, my BF% during that time decreased. By 3%! So...I gradually started realizing, my metabolism was still healing. So, I decided to do a "mini bulk" and see what happens if I eat 2800 cals a day...and guess what, I can't seem to gain weight now. LOL So long story even longer, depending on your history and all the variables, you may need to continue upping calories until you can find the point in which your metabolism levels out and your weigth stalls. It's a huge commitment and comes with lots of ups and downs, but I can tell you, it is worth it!!

    ETA: P.S. That was not as quick a story as I had hoped. LOL :)
  • amandacepstein
    amandacepstein Posts: 93 Member
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    Amyz,

    Thank you so much for replying, and for writing the LONG version! Your story hits a lot of the "I identify" notes for me. I've really never heard anyone else talking about this and with the kind of numbers we are discussing. Even a lot of the EM2WL people eat about 2200, rarely more from what I've seen. So the TDEE of over 3100 was shocking. And though it's easier to eat 2500 now, I still have to track closely and be conscious of adding food at every meal to get there. And that is such a huge change from the past which was always more of, I'm not hungry anymore so I should stop eating, or, "Wait it's 3pm and I haven't had lunch yet."

    I've been lifting heavier since September, on a once a week basis, and I can feel a difference, but this week I feel like the pound is just mush all over the place. From Sept up until now (because I did not measure yet this week) the 15lbs has not translated into any increase in measurements - in other words, though heavier I am not larger. I've seen that as a good sign but somehow the reality of the 30 pound change freaked me out.

    I think I'll focus on the 2500 for a couple more days and try to increase again. Seriously, I can't imagine eating more, but it seems like I should try. Thanks again.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
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    what's your height?
  • amandacepstein
    amandacepstein Posts: 93 Member
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    I'm 5'5"
  • holleysings
    holleysings Posts: 664 Member
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    Hi Everybody, I just posted this as a status and thought I'd put it here: (reposting from the 2013 group)

    "Ok I just had a wake up call. I looked at an old journal and saw that I actually lost all the 2nd baby weight (and 2 lbs more) by 6 months post partum (that was Dec 24, 2010) The bad news is that this means as of today I have gained 30 pounds. 15 since last April. About 2 dress sizes. I am trying to wrap my head around this. I might post in the forum. I'm thinking that maybe I lost all the weight by undereating (relative to the nursing I was doing) and slowed my metabolism down. I was very inconsistent with my eating and under a lot of stress during that time. Then when I did eat normal amounts a couple times a week my body stored it as fat. That's my theory anyway. It makes me feel very out of control."

    Some stats: Age 41, 2 kids, moderately active, 185 lbs. Doing a reset for the past 8 weeks, increasing cals from 1800/2000 to 2500. More recently I've been able to get to the 2500 but not so much in the beginning. 2500 is still a cut from my calculated TDEE of about 3168 (in part because I just can't believe that could be true). I used to maintain my weight in the 150's and felt comfortable there. I am sure I have more muscle mass than then, so I might now maintain slightly higher for the same look. I gained 1 lb since last week, and I gained 2lbs in the 2 weeks before that.

    I need support. sad
    I'm going to make my diary open for the next couple of hours and then switch back to friends only.

    Ummmm...where did you calculate the 3168 as your TDEE? Do you have a BodyMedia, fitbit, or was that from a calculator? I'm 210lbs, 5'5", moderately active, 26 years old and my TDEE is not that high.
  • amandacepstein
    amandacepstein Posts: 93 Member
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    Holleysings - I used an online calculator with dials to account for different kinds of activity. I tracked a couple of typical days, hour by hour and entered my ht, wt, age, sex, and then hours spent in each category. It's supposed to be extremely accurate. I think it might do a better job of accounting for time spent standing while cooking, etc than some of the other calculators.

    It would not reflect any metabolic damage I have sustained, so in that sense, it might be giving me a higher # - what I could burn if undamaged. Since my goal is to heal my metabolism, I would like to reach whatever number is my potential (though I am pretty happy eating 2500 and it would be fine to stay here if it led to a positive outcome for me)

    The bulk of my weight gain has occurred eating at a lower calorie level than 2500 - probably 1800 or 2000.
  • AmyzNewGroove
    AmyzNewGroove Posts: 144 Member
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    It would not reflect any metabolic damage I have sustained, so in that sense, it might be giving me a higher # - what I could burn if undamaged. Since my goal is to heal my metabolism, I would like to reach whatever number is my potential (though I am pretty happy eating 2500 and it would be fine to stay here if it led to a positive outcome for me)

    This would match my experience. My BMF gave me, what I thought, was a wicked high reading (TDEE 2800). I ate that, well, slightly less than that (2600) for awhile, gained weight, and decided the BMF was wrong. Dropped down to 2300, thought I was maintaining so that must be TDEE, right? Wrong. Here I am eating 2800 and maintaining again. So, I'm lead to believe my metabolism is still healing...

    I think it's important to realize that every single body is different; chemistry, hormones, body type, lifestyle, food choices, etc...all these things can change the game slightly...what I'm trying to say, is that even the most accurate calculators can't possibly take into account every single variable that a person my throw into the equation. We are all a work in progress, we are all an experiment in progress...we all have frustrating periods, and we all have times being on cloud 9... Just keep doing what you are doing, in my humble opinion, you've got your head on straight! It's ok to freak out once in awhile (believe me, I've had my fair share of those days, er, weeks)...just vent and then start again. :)

    Edited to fix typo...but there's probably more in there...it's time for bed:)
  • holleysings
    holleysings Posts: 664 Member
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    Holleysings - I used an online calculator with dials to account for different kinds of activity. I tracked a couple of typical days, hour by hour and entered my ht, wt, age, sex, and then hours spent in each category. It's supposed to be extremely accurate. I think it might do a better job of accounting for time spent standing while cooking, etc than some of the other calculators.

    It would not reflect any metabolic damage I have sustained, so in that sense, it might be giving me a higher # - what I could burn if undamaged. Since my goal is to heal my metabolism, I would like to reach whatever number is my potential (though I am pretty happy eating 2500 and it would be fine to stay here if it led to a positive outcome for me)

    The bulk of my weight gain has occurred eating at a lower calorie level than 2500 - probably 1800 or 2000.

    I think I know the calculator you used! I got a similarly high burn on it but my BML gives me 200 less. I too have sustained metabolic damage. Trying to repair it takes a long time! I burn 2400-3000 a day. :smile: I'll FR you so we can keep each other motivated to eat!