SHyness
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
Someone sent me this and asked what I thought. I think it's great.
Let’s make a very important distinction. Being shy is not the same as being an introvert. Introverts are people who do not need to draw energy from others to have a good time. Do not confuse the two: being an introvert is fine; being shy is debilitating.
Shyness is a lack of trust on other people more than it is lack of self-confidence. Most shy people can be talkative when they are among their closest friends. That’s because they trusts them.
No one is born shy. Shyness is the result of some experience in your life that caused the lack of trust in other people. But no matter what caused the shyness, anyone can overcome shyness!
Do not feel the need to become the life of the party to succeed. There will always be someone funnier, smarter, or louder than you. That’s fine. What you’re after is not feeling debilitated among them.
Tomorrow is the day to change your life. Do something very small. For example: Let’s say there’s a schoolmate, a teacher, a school bus driver, a street cross guard, anyone really, that you have never said Hi to because of shyness. Tomorrow, walk up to them, and say Hi. They will reply. Then just walk away. Believe it or not, it may be that simple.
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I am an introvert with anxiety - yet I do not consider myself shy.0
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I consider myself shy, but people close to me would never believe that... so that would correspond to what your post has said.
When I was chubby AND overweight I would go to the grocery store at night to avoid people seeing me, I hated crossing the street at a red light, I hated buying female products (lol), I hated to speak up, etc. etc. etc. but over the years and with having kids I have started to come out of my shell some. I think my job plays a role, as a nurse I HAVE to stand up for my patients and have my voice heard, also for my children. Also with my weight loss has come the confidence which helped with some of the above issues. I don't know?!?!0 -
I stopped reading here:
"There will always be someone funnier, smarter, or louder than you."
Louder? Sure. Funnier and smarter? I think not.
On a side note, I don't mind buying feminine products (would say female products, but it's too close to sounding like I'm buying hookers). Of course being that I'm single, it is a bit odd for me to do it, but practice makes perfect and you never know when you'll be called into duty. Actually, I have two girls so you never know.
It is a good post though. In the end, be happy with YOU. Love YOU. Get that self worth up and you'll be A-ok. And yes, you don't need to be the life of the party. Let someone else make a foolish display.
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I stopped reading here:
"There will always be someone funnier, smarter, or louder than you."
Louder? Sure. Funnier and smarter? I think not.
On a side note, I don't mind buying feminine products (would say female products, but it's too close to sounding like I'm buying hookers). Of course being that I'm single, it is a bit odd for me to do it, but practice makes perfect and you never know when you'll be called into duty. Actually, I have two girls so you never know.
It is a good post though. In the end, be happy with YOU. Love YOU. Get that self worth up and you'll be A-ok. And yes, you don't need to be the life of the party. Let someone else make a foolish display.
Well said!
I am usually the life of the party, add alcohol and we are all in trouble 0 -
I am very shy with strangers but around friends I'm extremely outgoing. I love talking to people once I know them, but until I know you or at least familiar with you I am very apprehensive. I am just not the kind of person to walk up to a stranger and say "hi, I'm Christine!"0
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I consider myself shy, but people close to me would never believe that... so that would correspond to what your post has said.
This. No one at work believes that I am shy. (I work with all men.) In fact, they find me to be a bit too assertive at times. But I think that is because I know my **** and and am confident when it comes to my job. In every other facet of my life...not so much.
Oh and BTW, keep saying "feminine" products. Humans are the only "females" that use them. (I learned that on a TOM thread ) 0 -
I'm an extroverted introvert....
Definitely exhibit the key introvert characteristics, however those who see me at work or on a ball field would never believe it. I learned at a young age that if I wanted to get what I wanted, I needed to not be the wallflower (although certainly not the life of the party). But, those who know me best, definitely label me as an introvert. 0 -
I'm shy but for some reason I thrive in retail. Like, my co-workers have no idea I'm shy because I talk and talk, and have no issues whatsoever talking with customers.
But, when I'm not at work I struggle. It'll take me minutes to get up the nerve to talk to someone unless they approach me first. Even then, I'm typically stuttering, blushing, and wanting to cower in a corner. Hell, on here, I'll usually stare at someone's profile for 5-10 minutes hovering over the "add as friend" button before I can get up the nerve to press it! Sometimes I've even typed out a message to someone to add as a friend and not hit send, haha.
I try to put myself in situations where I have to talk to people, and I try to say hi to at least one stranger every day. It's true - I don't trust people. I know the root of it, I'm working really hard on it, and I'm getting better, but it's still there.
ETA: Being active on the forums helps me a bit, too, but sometimes - even on this thread - it also takes a bit for me to get up the nerve to respond, hehe. Baby steps!0 -
It takes me a while to open up. I am much more outgoing online than in person, if that makes sense? lol Unless alcohol is involved. Being around friends helps me open up to strangers. I tend to be more shy around the opposite sex as well. People are surprised some times by some of the things they later learn about me.0
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Extrovert! Haha, I'm always chattin it up with everybody, my friends even more so... the poor souls :P0
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Extrovert! Haha, I'm always chattin it up with everybody, my friends even more so... the poor souls :P
Me too. Line ups are for making friends and job interviews are my fave! Love people and conversation with friends and strangers alike.0 -
Extrovert! Haha, I'm always chattin it up with everybody, my friends even more so... the poor souls :P
Me too. Line ups are for making friends and job interviews are my fave! Love people and conversation with friends and strangers alike.
I think what makes me an introvert is that until I'm given a reason, I don't really care about other people.0 -
I am an extorvert but shy. I prefer to be out and about with people than staying home but unless I am with someone I know I am not usually going to talk to people I don't know. If you get me in a large group of people I know I am a huge social butterfly.0
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If I am around friends, I am very talkative. If I am in a crowd, I usually keep to myself or talk to my group of friends. I don't think it's shyness that causes this though. It's certainly not that I feel threatened or insecure around strangers. I think it's because I have taken the time to get to know my friends and I have judged them to be worth my time and effort. I worked as a restaurant manager for many years and found most of the customers to be petty, boring, stupid, unreasonable, and completely uninteresting. I taught college and I found most (certainly not all) of the students to be the same. I am comfortable being by myself and having a small group of friends and am generally happier now than I was when I was younger and worried about impressing others and being more popular. I am sure I miss out on some quality people but from a statistical standpoint a random stranger is more likely to be uninteresting than interesting so I keep to myself. Some exceptions are the gym, my running club or places/events that have some sort of theme to them. I am more outgoing with people I meet in places like this because we share common interests and are more likely to share similar lifestyles, experiences, etc.0
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Im an extremely socially gifted introvert. But I cant always put myself out there because extroverts are friggin vampires and they do NOT replenish what they take from you. Like ever. Greedy, i swear.0
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I am an extorvert but shy. I prefer to be out and about with people than staying home but unless I am with someone I know I am not usually going to talk to people I don't know. If you get me in a large group of people I know I am a huge social butterfly.
I can agree to this for myself.0 -
I'm definitely an introvert, but sometimes I can't tell if I'm shy or if I just don't like talking to most people.0
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I am an extorvert but shy. I prefer to be out and about with people than staying home but unless I am with someone I know I am not usually going to talk to people I don't know. If you get me in a large group of people I know I am a huge social butterfly.
I can agree to this for myself.
This is me a bit too - I wouldn't say "shy" per se, and I will talk to people I don't know if I'm feeling good/confident that day, or I've had a drink lol. Otherwise I'm not necessarily initiating conversation with people I don't know unless its like a networking event or something. But yeah, in a group of people I know (which is usually the case - the people I know roll in large packs lol) I'm all out there.
Always 100% Extrovert on Myers briggs tests!0 -
I like it too! and I agree.0
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I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!0 -
I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!
Erm, I don't. Or, well, I haven't been given the opportunity to see how I handle dating...
As a side note, I'm going out tomorrow night for the first time in years with a group of people I've never met (from meetup). I'm terrified, but forcing myself to go. Oh man I'm so scared I could cry!!0 -
As a side note, I'm going out tomorrow night for the first time in years with a group of people I've never met (from meetup). I'm terrified, but forcing myself to go. Oh man I'm so scared I could cry!!
I have recently (this past year or so) forced myself to get involved with various Meetup groups. I was DEATHLY afraid the first couple of times, and even cancelled on a few before I got the nerve to start going.
Don't worry! There are going to be other people there just like you. People generally try to make everyone feel at ease. It will be ok, I promise!0 -
Me thinks I am half introvert, half extrovert. lol
I like to go out and have fun with my friends, and even meet new people. But I also really need my quiet/recharge time. There are many times when I will choose staying at home alone in my jammies over going out.
As for shyness, I was definitely hit with that lovely trait. :grumble: When I was younger it was really bad, but as I get older, lose weight, and generally become more comfortable with the person I am, it is slowly going away. 0 -
Honestly before puperty I wazs a very shy person.. I am the oldest of 4 (now 6) and my family is VERY loud.... I was the nerd of the group so I would just go off and read to escape.... However during middle school I developed my own personality and decided I didnt want to edit my thoughts to the world....... So now I'm me lol... I'm funny,waky,opinionated,super friendly and a huge flirt..... I also still require my quiet reading time ..it soothes my overwhelmed soul I think lol0
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I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!
This is a good question. I find myself being on guard on dates and therefore it doesn't go well because I tend to come off as not interested in the guy when sometimes that is totally not the case.
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Total introvert here. I can turn the shyness on/off. At work I'm not shy, but in my personal life I definitely can be.0
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Extrovert! Haha, I'm always chattin it up with everybody, my friends even more so... the poor souls :P
Me too. Line ups are for making friends and job interviews are my fave! Love people and conversation with friends and strangers alike.
I think what makes me an introvert is that until I'm given a reason, I don't really care about other people.
Ha! Same here.
Actually, it's not that I don't care about other people, it's just that I am so independent and self-sufficient that I can't understand why other people aren't the same way. And since most people aren't, I don't like most people. I love my family and close friends and would do anything for them, but I find most people to be too emotionally needy, and it's so draining that I can't be around them for very long.
It also helps that I really, really like myself and have a great time doing things on my own. Other people slow me down or expect me to tolerate things I find silly and boring, and I have not yet found a reason to try to be friends with people who are amused by such vastly different things.
Strangely, I actually do really enjoy getting to know people by asking them deep, probative questions about who they are and what makes them tick. I just find that a lot of people would prefer to discuss their favorite color, and I just can't.0 -
I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!
At least you're a woman and don't have the burden slapped on you of having to approach someone to get a date like men do. It's real fun hearing basically, "I don't want to get to know you more because my first impression of your looks isn't great." That's basically what it's like for every guy that's not Mr. Perfect.0 -
I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!
This is a good question. I find myself being on guard on dates and therefore it doesn't go well because I tend to come off as not interested in the guy when sometimes that is totally not the case.
I get very shy on dates when I really like a guy. I hate this because its not intentional and I find that I can't be my normal loud self haha.0 -
I am shy, but not introverted. I love being around people, and do not want to be alone.
But those of you who are shy, how do you handle dating? My ex-husband left me in September, and I have gone on two dates since. The dates went fine, but I was so anxious it was hard to handle. Hopefully it gets easier!
At least you're a woman and don't have the burden slapped on you of having to approach someone to get a date like men do. It's real fun hearing basically, "I don't want to get to know you more because my first impression of your looks isn't great." That's basically what it's like for every guy that's not Mr. Perfect.
Is that what life looks like to someone that paints everyone with such broad brush strokes?0
