Any advice for my daughter who is 13 and 5' 9". I am 5'11"

mom22nteaching
mom22nteaching Posts: 32 Member
edited October 25 in Social Groups
I have a beautiful 5'9" 13 year old daughter. I am 5'11" and thought my height would prepare me for supporting a tall daughter. My mother is 5'4" and I was never really thought she understood me.
Now my daughter has hit her growing stride and says things. like " I can't believe you made me this tall"
8th grade is a tough grade to be tall when most boys are still 5th grade height.

Did anyone's mom say the perfect thing when you were growing up tall?

Luckily my daughter is one of those naturally skinny girls and doesn't have the weight problems I have.

Replies

  • J_Miller2007
    J_Miller2007 Posts: 11 Member
    Tell her that they will catch up to her soon! I was always taller than the boys until high school rolled around and they started growing out of control! And one of my bus drivers told me when I was young that some day I could be a model and that helped me a little.
  • amflautist
    amflautist Posts: 899 Member
    Help her find a sport in which her height will help her excel.

    My daughter was 6' tall at age 14. Through sheer luck, someone introduced her to rowing. She loved that sport and excelled in it. She has always said that her sport helped her survive high school - where she was taller than almost everyone else and where she didn't have a single date. (She grew to 6'4" in high school and became a national champion in rowing).

    Rowing, basketball, volleyball -- all tall girl's sports. Swimming too. Not soccer!!!
  • mom22nteaching
    mom22nteaching Posts: 32 Member
    Yes, I have been stessing the model thing. Even thought of actually taking her but I know how cruel that profession can be. Thanks for the feedback!
  • mom22nteaching
    mom22nteaching Posts: 32 Member
    great idea. She is interested in volleyball. Doesn't like basketball. I never would have thought that height helps in rowing. Thanks!
  • amflautist
    amflautist Posts: 899 Member
    great idea. She is interested in volleyball. Doesn't like basketball. I never would have thought that height helps in rowing. Thanks!

    Height is essential in rowing. The US women's team that just won Olympic gold in London has 8 tall women (5'10" - 6'4") plus 1 short cox.

    220px-Caryn_Davies_after_winning_Gold_in_the_Beijing_Olympics.jpg

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTeRdSijvDTxx5Cm-Ri0IrTbAtzMkP2wcm7rXIu6qewxWj4s-TLsw
  • I am 6'2" and have been that tall since I was 13. I now have three daughters, the oldest is only 11 and not feeling too tall compared to her friends at this point, but this is a concern that I have thought a great deal about. I was lucky enough to have a tall mom at 5'10" who always made me feel special and beautiful at my height. My mom always told me to stand tall, shoulders back, boobs out and let everone else enjoy the view. Her words were very kind and supportive, but it was not until I had confidence in myself that they really hit home. Like a couple other posts advised - sports helped me and I have encouraged my girls to play sports as well. I excelled at Basketball and Volleyball and my girls have participated in everything from soccer to volleyball to basketball to their latest - gymnastics. I do not think that they have much of a future in gymnastics , but hey it is fun and a good workout :). My advise for dealing with piers who think there is such a thing as too tall is to just have fun with it and think about all of the awesome things that you can do when you are tall (your daughter can remind her piers of this - in a fun way of course) - There tons of cool clothes that tall girls can wear that just do not look good on short people, you always stand out in a croud and people remember you - this is especially helpful in the business world, if the need arises - you can intimidate people, the list goes on and on!!!! Good luck to you and your daughter. If you find anything that works particularly well - let me know as i will need it in a couple years.
  • slynnalex
    slynnalex Posts: 38 Member
    I'm 5'9" and was that height when I was 13...then I stopped growing and the boys started growing! For about 2 years I was 'very tall' and there were a bunch of us in this boat. I'm 49 now and see many more tall girls than when I was growing up. Thirteen was the hardest age for me. I'm the shortest one in my family, but that didn't help me either. My mom also taught all of us to stand tall, just like kmwest55. Tall is good. Finding sports that your daughter likes is a great idea. I like clothes and it's true that tall women have lots of nice choices. I'm interested in hearing what you all tell your daughters - my little girl is tall for her age and I expect this will be a conversation I'll have w/ her too!
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    I'm 5'11'' and though I didn't hit my full height until about 16, but 12 I was already 5'10''. my mom is a good three inches shorter than me and lamented all the time that I hated sports because she could have used my height in her youth. I used to get stressed out and worried about being taller than my friends and all the boys. She told me one day that it didn't matter how tall I was, and if people couldn't get over that then ef them. I know that's easier said than done but honestly it's the only thing she could have said. Now I'm dating a short man (he's lucky to hit 5'4'') and get a lot of stares but what does it matter, really?

    Being a young teen is hard. Height is just another thing. So one person is too tall, someone else has bad skin, someone else is anxious, it goes on and on.
  • gallerygirl21
    gallerygirl21 Posts: 36 Member
    I was an unathletic 5'11'' at 13 years old. My mom was shorter and so was my older sister.

    Encourage her and don't necessarily push sports. Leave it up to her. Thankfully now there are a lot of tall clothing stores and she can hopefully feel good in her clothing. I also used to get very annoyed when people would push modeling or say that to me. I was not very confident and comments like that embarrassed me.

    I guess my advice it to just listen to her, be there and encourage her based on the person she is and not just because of her height. It doesn't define her and every time someone asked me (or asks me) if I play basketball it would make me cringe.

    Someday she will be more comfortable in her own skin, it may just take a while. It is a tough age no matter what.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    I have been 5'11 since the 7th grade. I felt awkward about it too, but now I love it. It is a HUGE asset, professionally - I was just telling someone yesterday that as a brand new attorney at 25, I had a tough climb getting people to respect me professionally, but the fact that I stood taller than a lot of my adversaries really helped. It is harder to treat a woman like a little girl when she is a head taller than you. (And yes, I always wore heels to court!) I am really thankful to be tall. (Though I think people should stop treating grown women like little girls, but that's for another thread)
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Tell her that men LOVE tall women! :wink:

    At 5'9", I had height issues when I was a teen. I used to be able to eat everything and it would just fall right off, but I thought I was fat. I saw a cartoon recently that said "I wish I still had the body I had when I THOUGHT I was fat." :laugh:

    Then, I discovered that when I got angry with my 5'4" mother, I could put her favorite pots and pans (she loved cooking) on the top shelf of the cabinets.

    I had a bully I hadn't seen for about a year (before my growth spurt) come up to me and tell me she was going to kick my *kitten*. I stood up to my full frame and told her I'd like to see her try. She was only about 5'3". Yeah, she backed off. It was one of the highlights of my teen years. :bigsmile:

    Also, when tall women walk into a room, they have presence. Tell your girl to be proud. :happy:
  • My husband and I are both 6'1" and our three-year-old is already tall for her age. I was never into sports but had a coach hound me incessantly in high school to play basketball. I didn't want to and my parents did not encourage me at all--they wanted me to focus on academics.

    Our little girl is tall. The women in my husband's family are average to short, so I don't think she'll be quite as tall as me. My husband encourages her in athletics (he regularly throws a ball with her) and I'm OK with that as long as she likes it. I also plan to teach her how to sew as my mom did so that she can make her own well-fitting clothes

    My mom is 5'11" and always encouraged me to stand up straight and not slouch. Even now I still have good posture.
  • Watersapphire
    Watersapphire Posts: 7 Member
    My Mum also told me to be proud of my height - posture being the key...
    "Shoulders back, boobs out!" was her mantra - and it worked for me.
    Swimming is also great if you are taller. I was always the tallest in class (of the girls) at School until I went to work in a city and suddenly being tall was more normal for the girls and boys! And it's great at a concert, you can see above everyone!
    And if she's money oriented - there are serveral studies saying that tall people earn more money than their shorter counterparts and get more respect. Here is one article http://www.livescience.com/5552-taller-people-earn-money.html Good luck!
  • Watersapphire
    Watersapphire Posts: 7 Member
    I was an unathletic 5'11'' at 13 years old. My mom was shorter and so was my older sister.

    Encourage her and don't necessarily push sports. Leave it up to her. Thankfully now there are a lot of tall clothing stores and she can hopefully feel good in her clothing. I also used to get very annoyed when people would push modeling or say that to me. I was not very confident and comments like that embarrassed me.

    I guess my advice it to just listen to her, be there and encourage her based on the person she is and not just because of her height. It doesn't define her and every time someone asked me (or asks me) if I play basketball it would make me cringe.

    Someday she will be more comfortable in her own skin, it may just take a while. It is a tough age no matter what.

    This is a great bit of advice! :-)
  • MoiraCunningham
    MoiraCunningham Posts: 11 Member
    Coming from someone who is 6'0" and for most of my life was the tall, fat girl...

    Tell your daughter to wear her height proudly and always carry herself with confidence! She may feel like she's Gulliver caught in the land of Lilliput until she reaches high school, but she needs to know that it's OK. One day all the other girls will be wishing they were tall, beautiful "Amazon women" and will be sooo jealous!

    While my mom isn't short (5'9"), I credit my dad with most of my height (6'5"), who always jokingly told me before going to school each day, "remember...don't play with the short kids, they're genetically inferior." As twisted as that is, it always helped me keep my height in perspective and allowed me to feel good about being so different, especially at that age. Plus it didn't keep me from befriending my BFF, who is only 5'2".

    And she shouldn't give up on cute clothing or shoes as she gets taller...free shipping and returns from Zappos.com, and great clothing options from Long Elegant Legs. :-)
  • shellygressett
    shellygressett Posts: 80 Member
    My mom and dad always told us that tall people were lucky...we can weigh more and look skinny...reach things, see over other people, and look confident. They both wore their height with pride which helped me.
  • terijoestoes
    terijoestoes Posts: 205 Member
    I am 6'2" and have been that tall since I was 13. I now have three daughters, the oldest is only 11 and not feeling too tall compared to her friends at this point, but this is a concern that I have thought a great deal about. I was lucky enough to have a tall mom at 5'10" who always made me feel special and beautiful at my height. My mom always told me to stand tall, shoulders back, boobs out and let everone else enjoy the view. Her words were very kind and supportive, but it was not until I had confidence in myself that they really hit home. Like a couple other posts advised - sports helped me and I have encouraged my girls to play sports as well. I excelled at Basketball and Volleyball and my girls have participated in everything from soccer to volleyball to basketball to their latest - gymnastics. I do not think that they have much of a future in gymnastics , but hey it is fun and a good workout :). My advise for dealing with piers who think there is such a thing as too tall is to just have fun with it and think about all of the awesome things that you can do when you are tall (your daughter can remind her piers of this - in a fun way of course) - There tons of cool clothes that tall girls can wear that just do not look good on short people, you always stand out in a croud and people remember you - this is especially helpful in the business world, if the need arises - you can intimidate people, the list goes on and on!!!! Good luck to you and your daughter. If you find anything that works particularly well - let me know as i will need it in a couple years.

    Piers are what you tie your boats to. Peers are your classmates. I love your comments about the clothes. That is so true us tall girls can wear almost everything. Encoutage her to be a trendsetter. Find something she excels at even if it is not sports. I.e. journalism or photography
  • I grew up in a super small Texas town. The boys all liked the tiny petite cheerleaders. It was depressing. I excelled at volleyball (was all State even!) but I was still totally left out of the dating scene. I will always remember the first time I walked across a college campus and someone whistled at my long legs. I was shocked!! Some men LIKE long legs...a whole new world!

    If she is 13 and hasn't ever played volleyball, life will be rough. Girls start playing high dollar club volleyball at a very very early age at least in this state. It would be doubtful she could catch up unless she is uber competitive, athletic and you are willing to put in the $$ for private lessons and clinics.

    As for how to encourage her, help her find brands that fit her body good. Some of the stores for teenagers around here are made for teeny tiny girls and it's just depressing to be tall and not able to fit into those clothes. Help her find the longer shirts and then the jean and short styles that emphasize her leanness and her legs...it will go a long way towards helping her self-confidence.
  • Concedo
    Concedo Posts: 9
    My 13 year old is in 7th grade. She is a 1/2" shy of 6'0" feet and weighs only 118 lbs. Tall and very thin. She is a competitive swimmer and is in the pool 5-6 days a week for 60-90 minutes each day. I honestly think that swimming has given her more confidence than anything. She stands tall, and is used to walking around in a racing/training suit all the time - which doesn't cover a lot - so is comfortable with her body.
    School... that is another thing. She towers over the other kids. Not a day goes by that someone doesn't say "Wow you're tall," " do you play basketball?" "What do you eat?" "What do they feed you?" It bothers her, but she handles it well.

    I don't feel that I had that self confidence or enough positive reinforcement growing up. Low self-esteem and poor posture. I do my best to show my daughter all of the benefits of being tall etc. Hopefully I haven't messed her up too much in life. We'll see one day when she is an adult.:smile:

    Oh, wanted to add, make sure you always keep her in well fitting clothes. That will do wonders. I always hated when my pants were too short growing up and people would ask me if I was waiting for a flood.
  • joyjay4fun
    joyjay4fun Posts: 160
    My daughter is 5'8 or so at 14. Im 5'10 so thinking she will pass me. I have always embraced my height no matter what shape. I wear heels and sometimes I hit 6'+. I encourage her to be confident in her height as well. Properly fitting clothes as someone said. I don't push her towards sports though, I was pushed into basketball and track by coaches and teachers and I enjoyed them but they weren't my passion and I resented being forced just because I was taller. I let her pick the activities she likes and just try to instill some pride in her and her size. :-) boys are always asking her how old she is or for her phone number but so far so good, she is more interested in music and modeling so we haven't had any trouble but I know its coming lol
  • jkmiller82
    jkmiller82 Posts: 214 Member
    I've been 6' since I was 13 years old. It stinks when you're that age. Just remind her that it will be an asset when she's older. Remind her that if she is teased about it, it's only because other girls are jealous. Sports really helped me as well, even though I was way too skinny to ever be that great at basketball. If she doesn't like basketball, then she can use my favorite insult. When someone would say to me, "You're so tall! You must play basketball." she can say, "Do you play miniature golf?" Always shuts them up (even though I did play basketball).
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
    Yes, I have been stessing the model thing. Even thought of actually taking her but I know how cruel that profession can be. Thanks for the feedback!

    As a former runway model . . . I can honestly say that if I had a daughter, the runway is the last place I would want her to be! I never did print work, so perhaps that is different.

    I was 5'9" tall by grade six, and another inch had crept on by grade 8. Grade 8 was miserable. I did start runway work in grade 8, but that certainly didn't make it any easier on me. In addition to the constant teasing from my peers about my height, and about being a "clothes hanger" (my runway work wasn't appreciated by my peers, but was belittled), I was being pressured by my agent to get my weight down to unhealthy levels.
  • samcat2000
    samcat2000 Posts: 106 Member
    I'm 5'10" and almost 40. Like many of the women who have already posted, I love love love being taller...NOW :happy: (for many of the same reasons already mentioned...and it is so fun to look down on people who are being *****y AND I don't hesitate to wear heels either). I wouldn't change a thing...NOW. Back in my middle school years though, it was brutal. What saved me was playing a lot of sports in high school and college and my teammates were my best friends...I rarely ventured outside of that bubble. I still play volleyball and one of my favorite things about it is being one of the shortest on the court. I love being in a huddle and actually having to look up to my teammates :bigsmile: . Kids are about the here and now. I hope you can convince your daughter that she will love being taller down the road.

    I still remember being forced to dance with the shortest boy at a dance one time. It was soooo humiliating. I seriously gave up on dances forever after that. Encourage your daughter to talk about things that make her uncomfortable (related to her height among other things). I didn't really have anyone to talk to about how embarrassed I felt being taller than people around me. I would slouch to try to fit in even though I was always told not to slouch. I've done Pilates reformer classes for about 5 years now with a very dedicated instructor, and I can't tell you how much that has helped me with my posture, flexibility, and overall movement. It would have been so awesome if I had been put in Pilates reformer when I was your daughter's age (that's assuming she doesn't do yoga, swim, or dance because those really require great posture).
  • eddynigma
    eddynigma Posts: 18 Member
    Tell her to stand tall, at 5'9 at 12/13 I slouched a lot to look closer to my friends heights, and now I am struggling to remember to stop slouching. One thing I hated at that height and age (with a mom who is less than 5'5) all my pants were far too short because my mom didn't know where to get me longer pants. Nothing makes you feel even more awkwardly tall than walking around in flood pants. I agree with a lot of the people here, sports were great! Most of my height is leg so I loved soccer.
  • I am a proud mother of two boys that are in fourth and sixth grade now, but I have three adopted kids. My youngest girl is nine years old and has scoliosis due to slouching, she is already 5'3, she takes it after her father who is 6'7.I always put a book on her head to keep her back straight, I run my finger up her back and it immediately alarms her to straighten up, but she's not the only one, my 13 year old boy is already 6'0. I'm so proud of his posture, he is the happiest boy on the earth and never let's his big size get in the way.My biological son Logan, is relatively small, he's in the sixth grade, my friends usually think Logan is in third grade, he takes the Height after me, I am 37 years old and I am only 4'7. My other son in the fourth grade is relatively tall, he towers above me and Logan at 5'3, he inherits his fathers height, mark, their father and my husband is 6'4, so our family is a mixture of short and tall. My mother was pretty tall, around 5'5, but my father was 4'11.Marks mother wasn't all that tall maybe 4'10, but his father was 5'6,he kind of grew out of nowhere or his ancient heritage,or earlier past gave him a boost, but my children are all healthy happy and are mentally well, and exercise and eat healthy.

  • lalepepper
    lalepepper Posts: 447 Member
    I definitely agree with helping her find something she excels at, especially if its something that utilizes her height. For me that was playing the trombone. I'm 6' and my mum is 5'4", so she didn't have much to offer as far as advice goes. I've come to find that while I saw my height as a drawback around her age (I was bullied a lot) and people still can be rude, being a tall woman also commands a certain sense of respect that many shorter women don't receive. I don't think it's right, but it's a definite benefit I am afforded with my height - when we're tall, it's almost as if people assume we're the leader. Height plays such a big role in how others perceive us, and often taller folks seem to be expected to step up, even if they don't want to. As long as she realizes this, she can control how she reacts to it.

    As far as socializing goes, I found my niche in late middle school with the metalheads and haven't looked back. If she finds an activity she loves and can connect with her peers there, all the better. I would be careful about pushing the modelling thing too much. I've been heavy since before I was 10, yet people would always comment that I could be a model. Although people meant it as a compliment, I always felt self-conscious when hearing it because I wasn't built like models (or basketball players, or anything people tend to associate with being a tall woman) and I didn't want my height to be the focus of conversation about my future. I'd be careful about how you boost her confidence/address any of her insecurities. I was told a lot about how "lots of guys like tall women", etc., and I really didn't like having my insecurities boiled down to whether guys would find me attractive! Middle school was the worst, and the only time the bullying stopped for me is when I stepped up for myself and told my bullies to shove it.

    Lastly, I'd recommend you help her continue healthy eating habits. Being "naturally skinny" is due based on her current eating and activity levels - she's lucky to be maintaining a good balance without having to try. I know first-hand how easy it is to let height hide weight gain, and she is likely to hit a point where her eating/activity levels change and she needs to re-evaluate her habits. I guess what I'm saying is to not assume she's "safe" from having difficulty with her weight in the future simply because of how she is now. She's so lucky to have a mum who is thinking about how to best guide her through this difficult time!
  • steponebyone
    steponebyone Posts: 123 Member
    I have a beautiful 5'9" 13 year old daughter. I am 5'11" and thought my height would prepare me for supporting a tall daughter. My mother is 5'4" and I was never really thought she understood me.
    Now my daughter has hit her growing stride and says things. like " I can't believe you made me this tall"
    8th grade is a tough grade to be tall when most boys are still 5th grade height.

    Did anyone's mom say the perfect thing when you were growing up tall?

    Luckily my daughter is one of those naturally skinny girls and doesn't have the weight problems I have.

    Just keep reassuring her that's she's beautiful the way she is and it's an amazing thing to stand out. Also, the boys will pass her eventually, just takes a little. My mom always reassured me and that always helped. I felt I embraced my height, 5'9, at a young age and learned to love it early on because of it.
  • rialucia82
    rialucia82 Posts: 21 Member
    Hear, hear to the well fitting clothes part!! I reached my present height of 5'10" by the end of middle school, and I always felt a bit awkward looking at pics of me and my 5'2"-5'6" friends because I stuck out so much. But worse than that for me *was* the clothes thing. Pants that came in petite/average/tall lengths didn't start to become widely available until I was in late high school/early college. Sleeve lengths are still a struggle.

    My mom is around 5'6"ish, and is unfortunately of a rather poor self body image, so I couldn't really follow her example on appreciating my body. My stepmom, however, is very petite and has always complimented my Amazon statuesque-ness. Be her example. Celebrate your tallness and never disparage your appearance, even if you're not feeling your best. She's looking to you for that more than she'll ever say.
  • dcraven16
    dcraven16 Posts: 19 Member
    I was 6'0 by the time I started high school, and honestly it wasn't until I came to college (I am now a senior in college) that I started to really own my height. Well-fitting clothes changed my life, and they're worth the investment - and teaching your daughter what looks best on her (I was raised by a single dad, so I stumbled upon it much later). Also, as cheesy as it sounds, as a young teen I remember learning that Taylor Swift and Blake Lively were 5'10 and feeling so good about my height, as I had always considered them to be role model types. Find out who your daughter emulates and if there's someone that's tall, maybe point that out - knowing other tall women are also considered beautiful can help her!

    Also watch her posture! Mine is terrible and compounding some other back problems that I have, and I'm still struggling to correct it!
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