Hi! This is my first ever post, yikes. I joined MFP in January as part of Step One. After years with BED and countless failures at recovery (anti-depressants, therapy, support groups, etc.), I think I finally hit my breaking point and decided to try again with something different: attempting to take control of my urges, and accepting that the only way I had a chance to recover for good was to acknowledge it was MY responsibility. I was guilty of putting the onus onto whomever or whatever was assisting me, so if I failed, it wasn't my fault, because "I have a mental disorder, it's not my fault my brain does this!" For me (personal reflection, in no way do I think everyone else automatically has this problem, just to be clear), it was my "poor me" attitude that caused repeat relapse. I have no idea if that is part of my eating disorder or if I have other issues that led to me believing, whole heartedly, that relapse was something that happened to me because other people/medicine didn't do their job.

There were several things that led to me taking this on (including finally getting my thyroid medication right, which helped my anxiety tremendously, which was always a major trigger for me), I was ready. I am making progress. MFP keeps me on track, it shows me that I have control and that food is not my enemy. I am incredibly happy to say I have been binge-free for just over 90 days. I'm not deluded thinking I am healed. There are still situations and foods I don't trust myself with, but for the first time that doesn't make me feel like I am destined to fail.

90 days is an amazing accomplishment. Congratulations!

I have anxiety as well, I don't take meds for it but I'm really thinking I should. It's one of my major triggers and I think it's part of the reason I am failing at controlling my BED.

Does it ever get better? Do you have days where you don't think about your eating disorder?

Thank you! 90 days (now 93) the longest I've gone without a binge in a few years.

I'm willing to bet that getting your anxiety under control, whether with medication or without, would be a huge benefit. By taking away one of my big triggers, the little ones are easier to manage. Also, without the anxiety, it all seems like less terrifying to try to get better. I seriously would think "what the heck will I do??" because it was so much a part of my life that I was afraid to be without it. I'm crazy, I know.

There are good days and there are bad days. But there are way more good ones. I do have days where I don't think about my ED. And now I go most days without wanting to binge, or thinking about past binges. I do have days, though, where I think, "omg, I could really go for a cake right now!" and I know I'm not exaggerating, so that's how I know I'm not totally "cured" but I can avoid doing it, so I know I'm getting there. Another thing, now that I'm 3 months in, I can't remember the last time I went into what I call "panic mode", where I would have this real feeling of "I have to eat everything I can right effing now or I will die!".

Honestly, I also have days that I feel like I have so very far to go, and those days I wonder if I'll ever be able to be "normal" with food. Sometimes it almost feels like I miss it. I really try to focus on all the progress I've made and the weight I've lost by not binging and exercising when I feel stressed instead.

I'm not a professional, and I'm not totally well, but if you ever have any questions or anything, and hearing an answer from a non-professional whose working on getting it together will work for you, please don't hesitate to ask!

90 days is an amazing accomplishment. Congratulations!

I have anxiety as well, I don't take meds for it but I'm really thinking I should. It's one of my major triggers and I think it's part of the reason I am failing at controlling my BED.

Does it ever get better? Do you have days where you don't think about your eating disorder?

Thank you! 90 days (now 93) the longest I've gone without a binge in a few years.

I'm willing to bet that getting your anxiety under control, whether with medication or without, would be a huge benefit. By taking away one of my big triggers, the little ones are easier to manage. Also, without the anxiety, it all seems like less terrifying to try to get better. I seriously would think "what the heck will I do??" because it was so much a part of my life that I was afraid to be without it. I'm crazy, I know.

There are good days and there are bad days. But there are way more good ones. I do have days where I don't think about my ED. And now I go most days without wanting to binge, or thinking about past binges. I do have days, though, where I think, "omg, I could really go for a cake right now!" and I know I'm not exaggerating, so that's how I know I'm not totally "cured" but I can avoid doing it, so I know I'm getting there. Another thing, now that I'm 3 months in, I can't remember the last time I went into what I call "panic mode", where I would have this real feeling of "I have to eat everything I can right effing now or I will die!".

Honestly, I also have days that I feel like I have so very far to go, and those days I wonder if I'll ever be able to be "normal" with food. Sometimes it almost feels like I miss it. I really try to focus on all the progress I've made and the weight I've lost by not binging and exercising when I feel stressed instead.

I'm not a professional, and I'm not totally well, but if you ever have any questions or anything, and hearing an answer from a non-professional whose working on getting it together will work for you, please don't hesitate to ask!

93 Days! Wow I hope I can do that. I always thought of going off my plan as cheating, but now I realize when I go off, I binge, so looking at it as days without a binge seems way more encouraging and applicable to me. I have accepted long ago that I compulsively overeat, but learning about BED is making a lot of sense out of my behaviours. Thanks for being here everyone! I need you guys.