Have you tried OKCupid?
I'm on OKCupid and EH and having a great response on both.
Maybe try revamping your profile?

Do you want to post the contents of your profile "About Me" section in specific? Maybe we can help (not insinuating anything is wrong with it but maybe a stranger's perspective might help shine some light on things?)

I have found that dating in your 30's really sucks. I have given up on all internet dating/match sites intirely. Had the same results as you. I found it was the single parent issue that turned away a lot of the ladies I was communicating with. I am very attractive, a gentleman, honest and a hard worker with solid career, but that just didn't seem to be enough. I have found some great friends here on MFP that I regularly communicate with. Distance now being with that. Really hope you have some better luck in these next six months. I'll be right there with you.

Try looking at your profile as well as your pictures...

Make sure you've got flattering pics up, face pics as well as full length. Some that show a little personality as well.

Keep your profile as brief as possible while still giving a glimpse of yourself. Also, keep the tone positive and try to make your profile stick out by focusing on some of your unique qualities or hobbies. Stay away from cliches and the same old stories. If you have kids and want to mention them outside of the standard "do you have kids" question, mention them only briefly. That's a conversation to be had when you're actually talking and comfortable together. Anyway....just some thoughts.

Have you tried meetup.com at all? The Charlotte area has a lot of them for many different things. You don't have to go to the singles things but find something you enjoy and look it up.

Careful of how you sound in your profile. If you come across as very negative a lot of people will gravitate away from that. A lot of online dating has little do to with appearance since everyone portrays themselves as better looking than they are and get an inflated sense of where on the "ladder" they are. Many people get preoccupied with appearances. Online dating can be a fun convenient tool but make sure to try out real life things too. After work stop as a casual bar for a happy hour drink and talk to someone. Just one drink on your way home or something. On the weekend go to a park for a run and chat with someone when you stop to tie your shoe. Stuff like that. Making friends and increasing your social circle with increase your chances for finding a real match.

It was pretty frustrating for a while, but I eventually put my mind to it and started experimenting with different profiles to see what worked best. For me it turned out to be more of a minimalistic approach, while still being a little clever and funny. You can do the same with pictures too. Every couple weeks change your main picture or add some new ones to see if you get any more responses.

this. do the minimalistic approach. keep your profile short sweet and to the point. be fun and upbeat, not nagging or desperate. (eg. i'm tired of men, why doesn't anyone want me, this is my 10th time on match,lol u get the idea).

minimum pics. only need 3 -5 max. try do show different sides of yourself eg. 1 pic casual, 1 pic done up, 1 group pic where ur having fun with your friends, etc.

also, since match has the option of "see who's viewed me", I never sent emails or winks, because if a guy saw that I viewed their profile more than once they would get the hint if they were interested and contacted me.

and if a guy winked at me and I was interested I would wink back to give him to go ahead to email me. but I would not initiate the email.


I know a lot of people are going to criticize this for playing hard to get, but unfortunately it kind of is a game at first.

Check out this book:

The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

They have pretty good advice.

It's got to be that I'm a single parent, too heavy or just not pretty enough.

Well, you're definitely pretty enough!! :flowerforyou:

I think some guys will date single mothers, and others won't. We've had a few forum discussions about it. Same goes for weight. Very subjective and you can't please all the people all the time.

But yeah, look at your profile content and your pics. Get a friend to critique it. Or post it here.

You also have to be active on the site to show up first in searches. And definitely try the free sites too :flowerforyou:

But mostly, do NOT get down on yourself because online dating sucks!! Seriously!!

I think online dating is hard.. I don't think anyone thing makes you get more response than others, or any one site.

I am in Canada, and I had no response on Match from decent men... in 3 months I got 1 date and only gross men emailing me. I was on POF and only had one date, and the response was mainly sexual. I have been on EH for 6 months, have went on MULTIPLE dates, but noone seems to pan out.

So yay EH gives me more dates, but nothing quality there yet.

I was on heavy, I was on average, I have close ups, full body shots, activity shots. I show humor, I say more, I say less.. nothing changes. I think online dating is what it is... Moe says it well - feast or famine.

Gotta just go in with an open mind, try to have fun, and ride it out. Trust me, I get the frustration though - poor moonshadows got an earful tonight similiar to what you have said here yourself. It's frustrating becuase we know we are worth it.

I think I am about to lean more to meetup.com to meet people doing activities I enjoy, etc. Give this online dating thing a rest for awhile. I don't know.

So w hile I don't know the answers, I symphatize (sp?) with you!

Re: online dating... I wish they wouldn't show me just how many people have viewed my profile. I'd rather not know that 'x' guys visited my profile and none even said hello.

If you see a guy has viewed, but not emailed, do you send a message? If not, why not try? I don't initiate the emails often, but if there's someone I really think I'd have a good connection with, why not reach out and say something?

I do like to see who's viewed me. It helps to see if my profile is attracting the men I'm looking for. If not, I'll change the profile picture, tweak my profile and move on. Don't dwell on it.

Re: online dating... I wish they wouldn't show me just how many people have viewed my profile. I'd rather not know that 'x' guys visited my profile and none even said hello.

If you see a guy has viewed, but not emailed, do you send a message? If not, why not try? I don't initiate the emails often, but if there's someone I really think I'd have a good connection with, why not reach out and say something?

I do like to see who's viewed me. It helps to see if my profile is attracting the men I'm looking for. If not, I'll change the profile picture, tweak my profile and move on. Don't dwell on it.

If you use the feature that picks your best matches, it might count as a page view when in fact the guy just came across you in his matches to say "yes" or "no" and chose no.

Re: online dating... I wish they wouldn't show me just how many people have viewed my profile. I'd rather not know that 'x' guys visited my profile and none even said hello.

If you see a guy has viewed, but not emailed, do you send a message? If not, why not try? I don't initiate the emails often, but if there's someone I really think I'd have a good connection with, why not reach out and say something?

I do like to see who's viewed me. It helps to see if my profile is attracting the men I'm looking for. If not, I'll change the profile picture, tweak my profile and move on. Don't dwell on it.

About half the time I'll say something... and only a fraction of those respond. I'm not afraid of making a 'first' move, but I am tired of being the only one making moves.

Before anyone lectures that you "have to be yourself," remember you also have to play the game.

If you put on there you wanna get married, most (not all but most) guys will assume you are gonna rush them into marriage whether or not you are compatible and no one really wants that over their head right now. No guy wants to be the "random man you check the marriage block" with, just like no woman wants to be the random woman he gets off with that night. A guy who is looking for marriage often won't even write "marriage" in his profile. He'll write that he's looking for a relationship or put he's "not in a rush." Those are relationship codewords.

And with the PhD thing, if you're totally academic and that's what you are looking for, fine (but a lot of those guys aren't necessarily looking for an academic girl either). But "get my PhD" instantly communicates "she's no fun" so you have to think about things like that. How is your good trait, the one you're proud of, coming across to these guys (or gals). Does your long page on why your cat is amazing communicate your passion for animals (a good thing) or does it tell him you are going to be too much for him to handle (not true but that’s what he sees) so he moves on to find a woman who will be less needy.

Last example, one I made with my first profile: If you put on there “no sex before marriage” even guys who believe that won’t approach you (or, at least, they didn’t approach ME) because they figure you’re that aggressive up front without even getting to know them you’re already laying down the law. They don’t want that- they already have a mother and a boss. They’re looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. I was just trying to save him time if he wasn’t cool with waiting for sex. Hint hint: saying you won’t rush into anything is also codeword for no sex on the first date.

Before anyone lectures that you "have to be yourself," remember you also have to play the game.

If you put on there you wanna get married, most (not all but most) guys will assume you are gonna rush them into marriage whether or not you are compatible and no one really wants that over their head right now. No guy wants to be the "random man you check the marriage block" with, just like no woman wants to be the random woman he gets off with that night. A guy who is looking for marriage often won't even write "marriage" in his profile. He'll write that he's looking for a relationship or put he's "not in a rush." Those are relationship codewords.

And with the PhD thing, if you're totally academic and that's what you are looking for, fine (but a lot of those guys aren't necessarily looking for an academic girl either). But "get my PhD" instantly communicates "she's no fun" so you have to think about things like that. How is your good trait, the one you're proud of, coming across to these guys (or gals). Does your long page on why your cat is amazing communicate your passion for animals (a good thing) or does it tell him you are going to be too much for him to handle (not true but that’s what he sees) so he moves on to find a woman who will be less needy.

Last example, one I made with my first profile: If you put on there “no sex before marriage” even guys who believe that won’t approach you (or, at least, they didn’t approach ME) because they figure you’re that aggressive up front without even getting to know them you’re already laying down the law. They don’t want that- they already have a mother and a boss. They’re looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. I was just trying to save him time if he wasn’t cool with waiting for sex. Hint hint: saying you won’t rush into anything is also codeword for no sex on the first date.

I think this is all pretty good advice. I think you should always be yourself above all else but I don't see this advice as games. The profile is a snapshot of you, not your deepest darkest secrets or whatever, so leaving some stuff for later conversation is perfectly ok.

Agreed, everyone has different styles in how to write, how to date and basically how to live.

I won't "code" my profile, but I don't see what Janie wrote as code either. I may tone down some of the things. One day I'd like to get married again, but that's not a conversation for early in the dating stages, so I leave it out of my profile. I will leave out anything work or school related and try to let my personality come out. I don't want to blend in with the others. I'll put in a little joke sometimes, mention activities I enjoy, favorite local spots, etc. This gives him an idea of who I am, as well as opportunities for opening an email.

I've had good results when I've emailed a man, good results when he's emailed. And, if not, oh well....it's dating. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but better to try than sit back and wait.