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Is Being Lesbian/Gay...A Lifestyle?

EDesq
EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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What do you think?

I have been a lesbian all of My Life, but have practiced it for over 20 years. I always accepted being homosexual as My orientation, just as a woman who is sexually attracted to men is heterosexual. I never even ever considered that being homosexual as a "Lifestyle"; I do not dedicate My Life to all or most things Lesbian/Gay. Having a same sexed partner for Me is as Natural as drinking water, frankly, it is almost an after thought in the grander scheme of things. I am also African-American, which for Me has a greater bearing on My Life than being a Lesbian...while at the same time I do not say or consider being African-American a "lifestyle" either. I just LIVE My life as well and fit and ethical as I can. I consider My Lifestyle to be "WELLNESS". I often tell people that: My Faith is in GOD; and My religion is Total Wellness. So if anyone i meet is not headed in that direction I don't even look at them as "partner material" anymore. Being a Lesbian/who I am sexually/psychologically and emotionally attracted to is a part of My life but for sure My sexual orientation is not My Life or the focus of My Life.

So, what is your opinion, what's your Lifestyle.
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Replies

  • andyisandy
    andyisandy Posts: 433 Member
    It took me a long time to come out, two failed marriages and through much strength I finally did it in January this year. As for the life style it was pretty the same as before I came out. I'm still who I am. The only that changed is finally able to admit to my self and others that I'm only sexually attracted to men.
  • peckish_pomegranate
    peckish_pomegranate Posts: 242 Member
    I think being transgender makes me more open minded to unconventional lifestyle choices, but isn't in itself a lifestyle.
  • brandiuntz
    brandiuntz Posts: 2,717 Member
    It's not a lifestyle; it's an orientation. Like gender identity, religion, ethnicity, it's an essential ingrained identity of the self. Some people are aware of that aspect of themselves early on (I was), while others don't realize it until later in life. Whether one acts on their feelings or not, their orientation is still there.
  • ThriftyChica12
    ThriftyChica12 Posts: 373 Member
    i agree that it is who you are, not a "lifestyle".

    i am generally a heterosexual woman, but several years back, i had some intimate experiences with a close female friend whom i had loving feelings for.

    to me, that was not a lifestyle, nor did it make me "gay" or "straight"...i think all humans are capable of feeling a range of emotions toward others, and the best thing is to listen to your heart, treat others with respect and love :)
  • LJSmith1989
    LJSmith1989 Posts: 650
    I think its made out to be by not gay people
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    Hey LJ:

    I agree, it is not a Lifestyle and made to "look" so by the Non-Gay "Community", BUT what about the homosexual people who ALSO repeat that ...talking about or saying "Their Gay Lifestyle". Is it that they are at a loss of words to explain themselves or is it that they do not really know/"get it".
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    "Lifestyle" implies that we are all the same...that all gay men or lesbians think the same, make the same choices, view the world the same way. Obviously...not true! There's a great song with the line "That's Not My Lifestyle, That's my Life". I don't have a lifestyle...I have a life. And a pretty darn good one.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    @Megsmom: Gotcha! Makes sense to Me.

    I raised this subject because I see more and more Gay/Lesbians falling into the "word" trap of labeling our orientation a "Lifestyle".
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    the sadly-cancelled sitcom "Partners" said it brilliantly. gay lead Luis told his best friend's fiancee that his shoe addiction, constant need to go to the gap and mocha latte dependancy were his lifestyle. that his accountant had a problem with his "lifestyle", what his brother had a problem with was who he was as a person.

    i can't find the direct quote, but hearing it made an impact on me.
  • MightyMe01
    MightyMe01 Posts: 29 Member
    Having a certain lifestyle consists of the choices you make about how you want to live your life. How you eat and treat your body is a lifestyle. I'm a smoker, that's a lifestyle (albeit not one to be proud of, but it IS a choice to smoke). Spending loads of money on lavish vacations or gourmet food is a lifestyle. Choosing to be a parent is a lifestyle. Being a Christian and living your life according to the Bible is a lifestyle.

    Your orientation is not something you choose. It may AFFECT your lifestyle, but being gay in and of itself is not a lifestyle.
  • iBreatheMusic88
    iBreatheMusic88 Posts: 115
    A lifestyle is something you choose to live.... I dont think any one of us chose this...
  • Eshathediva
    Eshathediva Posts: 49
    It took me a long time to come out, two failed marriages and through much strength I finally did it in January this year. As for the life style it was pretty the same as before I came out. I'm still who I am. The only that changed is finally able to admit to my self and others that I'm only sexually attracted to men.

    Wow congrats on coming out and being able to be you!
  • rosiesmama
    rosiesmama Posts: 69 Member
    the other day, I was out in my lesbian backyard, pruning my lesbian apple tree and watching my lesbian-parented kid and her lesbian-parented friend play in the lesbian-built play structure. Later, I went into my lesbian-owned house and washed a bunch of lesbian laundry (well, to be fair, a bunch of it was the lesbian-parented kid's and we won't know is she's gay for a few years yet).
    How's that for a lifestyle?
  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
    we dont choose to be what we are we are born this way. let me tell you a story, i was born over 65 years ago, the person that delivered me must have said .... WOW ITS A BOY, ooops ok its not and not exactly a girl either. my parents with the doctors decided i would be made into a sort of female. yes i had kids 4 of them but if left alone just think i could have fathered my own . did i choose my life the way i am, no ..... in my head im still both, a bit like a gay fem man, and a camp gay man who is straight sort off . so there you go, im intersexed , the shame of my birth i still carry, even members of my family think im a friek whould i choose this NEVER but it is what makes me ME.
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
    we dont choose to be what we are we are born this way. let me tell you a story, i was born over 65 years ago, the person that delivered me must have said .... WOW ITS A BOY, ooops ok its not and not exactly a girl either. my parents with the doctors decided i would be made into a sort of female. yes i had kids 4 of them but if left alone just think i could have fathered my own . did i choose my life the way i am, no ..... in my head im still both, a bit like a gay fem man, and a camp gay man who is straight sort off . so there you go, im intersexed , the shame of my birth i still carry, even members of my family think im a friek whould i choose this NEVER but it is what makes me ME.

    Thank you for sharing this! Intersexed people are often made invisible, from themselves and others, and letting people glimpse your experience is really helpful. You are not shameful, and I'm sorry that so much of your life you have been given reason to feel ashamed. Cheers to you for surviving and thriving!
  • libertygirlfla
    libertygirlfla Posts: 184 Member
    It took me a long time to come out, two failed marriages and through much strength I finally did it in January this year. As for the life style it was pretty the same as before I came out. I'm still who I am. The only that changed is finally able to admit to my self and others that I'm only sexually attracted to men.

    Congratulations and best wishes!
  • TattedInStilettos
    TattedInStilettos Posts: 332 Member
    Not at all...
  • Mwrarr
    Mwrarr Posts: 27 Member
    I guess I never really thought about it before, but everyone else already kinda said it...

    ...it's just life. Not a lifestyle. My sexual orientation doesn't determine what details of my daily life will show up that day. There isn't a "queer grocery" or "queer furniture store". I think it's probably just heteros that say that... the lifestyle thing, I mean, not the "queer grocery". LOL
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    Part of the problem is that the LGBTQ community has been recognized and marginalized for so long. Being shunned from society created a need for a counter culture to be developed. Aspects of that counter culture, which is extremely diverse in its own right, was thought for many years as being the same as a "gay lifestyle."

    The second part of the problem is that many people see homosexuality as merely behavior, rather than identity.
  • RecoveringToHealthy
    RecoveringToHealthy Posts: 51 Member
    It's not a lifestyle to me, but people seem to think it is, even when they support me, which confuse both me and them. I'm bisexual, female and in love with the best man in the world. So when I tell people that I'm bisexual, some just stare at me because "it's not obvious". No, of course not! The only thing that differs me from straight people is that I COULD have fallen in love with a girl but my partner happen to be a man and I don't give a **** about it.
  • TheTrym
    TheTrym Posts: 33 Member
    I'm not sure what I'd call my lifestyle, but gay is not it. Heck, hardly anyone know I'm gay since I'm long-term single.
  • UsernameStillLoading
    UsernameStillLoading Posts: 299 Member
    the other day, I was out in my lesbian backyard, pruning my lesbian apple tree and watching my lesbian-parented kid and her lesbian-parented friend play in the lesbian-built play structure. Later, I went into my lesbian-owned house and washed a bunch of lesbian laundry (well, to be fair, a bunch of it was the lesbian-parented kid's and we won't know is she's gay for a few years yet).
    How's that for a lifestyle?

    Sounds magical.
  • Saratini76
    Saratini76 Posts: 115 Member
    Great thread! Of course it isn't a lifestyle! That's just ridiculous. I am pansexual, which hardly any heterosexual people understand and few homosexual people do. It's not HOW I live my life, but simply a part. I am attracted to the human being, not by gender identity or by the parts a person has. I am in a beautiful relationship with my girlfriend and we, together, are raising my teenager. We are just a family (albeit strange due to other people who live with us) who does laundry, buys groceries, watches television, goes on vacation. Living in the bible belt isn't easy on us, and we do get odd looks from many people, but it's love. It's family. Not some freaking lifestyle!!

    Sara

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • nygr8guy
    nygr8guy Posts: 77 Member
    Is being straight a lifestyle? I think not, just as being gay isn't. Lifestyle is a choice, being straight, gay we are all born with.
  • Nauz
    Nauz Posts: 3 Member
    It's not a lifestyle for me, I think it is a part of your total identity.
  • mikejsky
    mikejsky Posts: 4
    There is far too much evidence from studies surrounding birth order and twins to support saying that being gay is a lifestyle. I think that many people confuse "being gay" with "gay culture". The former is an orientation not a lifestyle, while the latter is a community that has grown up around a civil rights movement and could be considered a lifestyle as much as being part of any culture is.
  • MartialPanda
    MartialPanda Posts: 919 Member
    I think as you start to become more comfortable with who you and who you want to be there's gay element to your life. However, i believe you are (insert name) first and gay 2nd, 3rd, 4th.....whatever you classify it to be. Once you're comfortable more of your friends will most likely be gay and you'll have a more "gay" lifestyle. This could just simply mean you go to gay safe spaces. Aka clubbing on gay night, gay/lesbian bars, LGBTQ events.

    The only time it has the potential to become your entire life is if you're a human rights campaign for marriage equality for example and other similar professions.
  • Jarice12
    Jarice12 Posts: 135 Member
    I'm sooooo glad Edesq started this thread. It irks me so bad when people say "the gay lifestyle", "lesbian lifestyle", or their living in "the lifestyle", etc. Being gay, in itself, for most is not a lifestyle. That implies a choice made based on values, beliefs, habits, and environment. I, myself, tend to avoid labels altogether. I just live my life with the person I love, who happens to be a female. I have also been married and have three kids who live "regular" kid lives. Nehaghosh also made a good point. If you're active in gay rights or committed to only patronizing gay establishments or attending gay events then that may constitute a gay lifestyle, because you've consciously chosen to do these things based on your beliefs. Sexuality is a part of who you are as a person, whether you acknowledge it at a younger or more mature age. I don't feel that because I was with men for most of my life, that now I've adopted a gay lifestyle. I just have the courage now to accept who I am and love who I love regardless of gender.
  • lillith1991
    lillith1991 Posts: 70
    Nope. Not a life style. I've always know who I'm attracted to. And as much as I love my gf I wouldn't choose to be something that is used as an excuse for ignorant people to hate me. I'm mixed, I'm a lesbian, im a book worm / writter, like healthy food, and love scifi/ fantasy stuff. Its just one facet of my life. It isn't the end all and be all.
  • leebesstoad
    leebesstoad Posts: 1,186 Member
    Is being gay a lifestyle? That question requires a long and complex answer.

    No.

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