Dammit Cesar.

Now I want that stuff. I'm gonna have to go broke for this *kitten*.

Yep. I think I'm just going to select segments of the whole traditional matrimonial process and go from there. Do the engagement photos thing, and then maybe bring a 'wedding cake' to a pre-existing family dinner.

I couldn't give two sh*ts about photographs XD I figured a BBQ would be enough, I guess adding a cake to that would be cool.

I don't think it's silly to get married... but I do think the notion that it's suppose to be a commitment for life is.

Help me understand this... what's the point of getting married if it's not a life commitment? What other value does one get out of being married? I thought the "committed for life" thing was pretty much it, and event hat doesn't require marriage in the minds of most people today.

Not silly but people need to realize it isn't something it is disposable

This, to me, is the crux of the problem. People view marriage as disposable and unimportant. Thus, they aren't motivated to choose wisely (someone who is compatible**) or to nurture the relationship. They allow themselves to grow apart*** rather than consciously choose to grow together.

** Tips for choosing someone compatible: "Choosing the Right One to Marry" parts one and two: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html and http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html

*** According to several marriage websites I follow, one of the biggest risks of marriage is growing apart. The concept that we can CHOOSE to grow together rather than just letting life happen to cause us to grow apart. This link takes you to things you can do to prevent this: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5520_qa.html

I don't think it's silly to get married... but I do think the notion that it's suppose to be a commitment for life is.

Help me understand this... what's the point of getting married if it's not a life commitment? What other value does one get out of being married? I thought the "committed for life" thing was pretty much it, and event hat doesn't require marriage in the minds of most people today.

The commitment was the original point of getting married... I don't think it works with life/society today. For proof look at divorce rates.

So I guess the point of getting married now like many things is: It's just what people do.

I understand your concern!

And honestly, I'm struggling with it myself. I broke up with boyfriend who kept mentioning getting married for the longest time (together four years) and after a while, I got tired of hearing the 'idea' and not seeing any action and compromising my views.

There were so many issues that he felt like marriage would "fix"... AKA not feeling guilty about having sex before marriage and not living together before marriage. I don't see marriage as a solution to those types of problems, though. I just varied differently with his opinions of what's right and wrong and didn't feel as "old school" as him.

This made me realize I'm not ready for marriage, and I don't know how I feel about it anymore. My thoughts of it being a glamorous, romantic ordeal have changed to looking around at friend's weddings and wondering how they are so content with getting settled down so quick.

I want more for my life and am career-focused right now. Maybe it's selfish but whatever is supposed to happen will.

Turns out he picked out a ring two days before we broke up. Talk about timing!

There were so many issues that he felt like marriage would "fix"... AKA not feeling guilty about having sex before marriage and not living together before marriage. I don't see marriage as a solution to those types of problems, though.

I so agree.

There was this girl I went to college with, and she was very religious, and she got married at 19, probably just because she and her BF wanted to live together and have sex. I get waiting, that is fine, but don't rush into marriage just so you can get lucky you know? It's a bigger commitment than that. Either be comfortable with waiting, or don't wait, but don't feel uncomfortable with waiting.

This is funny because while I was teaching at Texas A&M, there were 5 or 6 times when 18 to 20-year-old women came up to me to make sure I changed their last name on my class roster due to their recent marriage. The only reason I could think that so many would marry so young was to have sex without the guilt.

There were so many issues that he felt like marriage would "fix"... AKA not feeling guilty about having sex before marriage and not living together before marriage. I don't see marriage as a solution to those types of problems, though.

I so agree.

There was this girl I went to college with, and she was very religious, and she got married at 19, probably just because she and her BF wanted to live together and have sex. I get waiting, that is fine, but don't rush into marriage just so you can get lucky you know? It's a bigger commitment than that. Either be comfortable with waiting, or don't wait, but don't feel uncomfortable with waiting.

This is funny because while I was teaching at Texas A&M, there were 5 or 6 times when 18 to 20-year-old women came up to me to make sure I changed their last name on my class roster due to their recent marriage. The only reason I could think that so many would marry so young was to have sex without the guilt.

You made me think of something, Dave... When dealing with young college students, keep in mind that one of the few ways one can get declared independent and therefore free of the financial burden of your parents income on federal aid is to get married. Two young married college students have a huge advantage when it comes to free and discounted aid to pay for their education. When I was working in the administration desk at the community college, I had more than one individual tell me they 'got hitched' so they could qualify for the pell grant.

I guess that could have been the motivation but Texas A&M was extremely conservative and religious. I had several students with email addresses like praise4jesus and whatnot when I was there. Also, I once gave students a writing assigment to choose one of five articles and summarize and detail the economic issues in it. One of the articles had to do with budget cuts from the federal government affecting subsidies for birth control on college campuses. I chose the article because it featured Texas A&M and had several quotes from the university's director student health services. On top of 2 or 3 complaints to the department about giving that article as a choice, I had several students who wrote about that article with opinions that the subsidies should be suspended because they created an incentive to have sex (in wedlock or out) for purposes other than procreation. .

I guess that could have been the motivation but Texas A&M was extremely conservative and religious. I had several students with email addresses like praise4jesus and whatnot when I was there. Also, I once gave students a writing assigment to choose one of five articles and summarize and detail the economic issues in it. One of the articles had to do with budget cuts from the federal government affecting subsidies for birth control on college campuses. I chose the article because it featured Texas A&M and had several quotes from the university's director student health services. On top of 2 or 3 complaints to the department about giving that article as a choice, I had several students who wrote about that article with opinions that the subsidies should be suspended because they created an incentive to have sex (in wedlock or out) for purposes other than procreation. .

Because zealots are never hypocrites.

Yes, marriage is silly. But so are a lot of other things people do. I won't participate in a lot of those things either, though.

Do I believe in two people spending their whole lives together? I do.
What I don’t believe in is having a huge wedding that you’ll be working your butt off to pay for years after the actual ceremony. Why do you need to get in debt to validate you relationship? If you need a bank loan for it, you can’t afford it.

A marriage certificate, as you can see, does not mean a whole lot anyways when the people are not meant to be together. Just like not having a marriage certificate doesn't mean anything when 2 people actually want to spend their lives together.