Re: online dating... I wish they wouldn't show me just how many people have viewed my profile. I'd rather not know that 'x' guys visited my profile and none even said hello.

If you see a guy has viewed, but not emailed, do you send a message? If not, why not try? I don't initiate the emails often, but if there's someone I really think I'd have a good connection with, why not reach out and say something?

I do like to see who's viewed me. It helps to see if my profile is attracting the men I'm looking for. If not, I'll change the profile picture, tweak my profile and move on. Don't dwell on it.

If you use the feature that picks your best matches, it might count as a page view when in fact the guy just came across you in his matches to say "yes" or "no" and chose no.

Re: online dating... I wish they wouldn't show me just how many people have viewed my profile. I'd rather not know that 'x' guys visited my profile and none even said hello.

If you see a guy has viewed, but not emailed, do you send a message? If not, why not try? I don't initiate the emails often, but if there's someone I really think I'd have a good connection with, why not reach out and say something?

I do like to see who's viewed me. It helps to see if my profile is attracting the men I'm looking for. If not, I'll change the profile picture, tweak my profile and move on. Don't dwell on it.

About half the time I'll say something... and only a fraction of those respond. I'm not afraid of making a 'first' move, but I am tired of being the only one making moves.

Before anyone lectures that you "have to be yourself," remember you also have to play the game.

If you put on there you wanna get married, most (not all but most) guys will assume you are gonna rush them into marriage whether or not you are compatible and no one really wants that over their head right now. No guy wants to be the "random man you check the marriage block" with, just like no woman wants to be the random woman he gets off with that night. A guy who is looking for marriage often won't even write "marriage" in his profile. He'll write that he's looking for a relationship or put he's "not in a rush." Those are relationship codewords.

And with the PhD thing, if you're totally academic and that's what you are looking for, fine (but a lot of those guys aren't necessarily looking for an academic girl either). But "get my PhD" instantly communicates "she's no fun" so you have to think about things like that. How is your good trait, the one you're proud of, coming across to these guys (or gals). Does your long page on why your cat is amazing communicate your passion for animals (a good thing) or does it tell him you are going to be too much for him to handle (not true but that’s what he sees) so he moves on to find a woman who will be less needy.

Last example, one I made with my first profile: If you put on there “no sex before marriage” even guys who believe that won’t approach you (or, at least, they didn’t approach ME) because they figure you’re that aggressive up front without even getting to know them you’re already laying down the law. They don’t want that- they already have a mother and a boss. They’re looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. I was just trying to save him time if he wasn’t cool with waiting for sex. Hint hint: saying you won’t rush into anything is also codeword for no sex on the first date.

Before anyone lectures that you "have to be yourself," remember you also have to play the game.

If you put on there you wanna get married, most (not all but most) guys will assume you are gonna rush them into marriage whether or not you are compatible and no one really wants that over their head right now. No guy wants to be the "random man you check the marriage block" with, just like no woman wants to be the random woman he gets off with that night. A guy who is looking for marriage often won't even write "marriage" in his profile. He'll write that he's looking for a relationship or put he's "not in a rush." Those are relationship codewords.

And with the PhD thing, if you're totally academic and that's what you are looking for, fine (but a lot of those guys aren't necessarily looking for an academic girl either). But "get my PhD" instantly communicates "she's no fun" so you have to think about things like that. How is your good trait, the one you're proud of, coming across to these guys (or gals). Does your long page on why your cat is amazing communicate your passion for animals (a good thing) or does it tell him you are going to be too much for him to handle (not true but that’s what he sees) so he moves on to find a woman who will be less needy.

Last example, one I made with my first profile: If you put on there “no sex before marriage” even guys who believe that won’t approach you (or, at least, they didn’t approach ME) because they figure you’re that aggressive up front without even getting to know them you’re already laying down the law. They don’t want that- they already have a mother and a boss. They’re looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. I was just trying to save him time if he wasn’t cool with waiting for sex. Hint hint: saying you won’t rush into anything is also codeword for no sex on the first date.

I think this is all pretty good advice. I think you should always be yourself above all else but I don't see this advice as games. The profile is a snapshot of you, not your deepest darkest secrets or whatever, so leaving some stuff for later conversation is perfectly ok.

Agreed, everyone has different styles in how to write, how to date and basically how to live.

I won't "code" my profile, but I don't see what Janie wrote as code either. I may tone down some of the things. One day I'd like to get married again, but that's not a conversation for early in the dating stages, so I leave it out of my profile. I will leave out anything work or school related and try to let my personality come out. I don't want to blend in with the others. I'll put in a little joke sometimes, mention activities I enjoy, favorite local spots, etc. This gives him an idea of who I am, as well as opportunities for opening an email.

I've had good results when I've emailed a man, good results when he's emailed. And, if not, oh well....it's dating. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but better to try than sit back and wait.

Just to clarify, as it has been pointed out to me that I sometimes come across negatively, I say all this with full respect for Janie and I think she's an incredible lady who has found success following her own advice I just wanted to further elaborate that there are other methods with which to find a match if you don't want to do games and rules and whatnot.

Thanks for that... but to be honest... my cool profile had nothing to do with why BB initially asked me out. He only asked me out because he thought I was hot. He kept coming back, however, because he found me intriguing and amazing. But that had nothing to do with why he initially emailed my Match profile. It was all about looks. Which is funny because after years of being told I'm fat and ugly by my dad and ex husband this is my #1 insecurity.

Now what tweaking my profile DID do is get me more dates- many more dates - which increased my confidence and I believe made me a generally more happier person to be around so that by time BB did ask me out I had dealt with a lot of the old baggage and stopped taking myself so seriously (well, ok, I got better about not taking myself so seriously, lol!)

Just to clarify, as it has been pointed out to me that I sometimes come across negatively, I say all this with full respect for Janie and I think she's an incredible lady who has found success following her own advice I just wanted to further elaborate that there are other methods with which to find a match if you don't want to do games and rules and whatnot.

Thanks for that... but to be honest... my cool profile had nothing to do with why BB initially asked me out. He only asked me out because he thought I was hot. He kept coming back, however, because he found me intriguing and amazing. But that had nothing to do with why he initially emailed my Match profile. It was all about looks. Which is funny because after years of being told I'm fat and ugly by my dad and ex husband this is my #1 insecurity.

Now what tweaking my profile DID do is get me more dates- many more dates - which increased my confidence and I believe made me a generally more happier person to be around so that by time BB did ask me out I had dealt with a lot of the old baggage and stopped taking myself so seriously (well, ok, I got better about not taking myself so seriously, lol!)

Guurrrrrrl that's cause you are FINE.

I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.

I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.

When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"

When I see nothing in "about me" I pass immediately. If people don't have two seconds to describe anything interesting about themselves then all I think is ...................snooze fest.....

I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.

When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"

When I see nothing in "about me" I pass immediately. If people don't have two seconds to describe anything interesting about themselves then all I think is ...................snooze fest.....

I agree! If you can't put any effort into this then I get the impression that you aren't serious about a relationship, or you have no self awareness or are boring. Either way, next!

See there is a medium ground between nothing and long. If I bring the profile up on my phone and the about me section is so long I have to scroll I will pass it by.