Why do I put myself through it?
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I have found on sites like POF for instance, if you are female, the less you type the better. We women are chatty creatures by nature and truth be told, the men really just look at the pictures. Men are visual.
I get more action on my POF page now that it's 6 sentences long than I ever did with my four witty and descriptive paragraphs about myself.....
^^^ And, this. You all know I talk. But, make the profile brief and to the point. Men are looking for a quick overview of who you are. There's plenty of time for him to learn more about you later.0 -
Just to clarify, as it has been pointed out to me that I sometimes come across negatively, I say all this with full respect for Janie and I think she's an incredible lady who has found success following her own advice
I just wanted to further elaborate that there are other methods with which to find a match if you don't want to do games and rules and whatnot.
Thanks for that... but to be honest... my cool profile had nothing to do with why BB initially asked me out. He only asked me out because he thought I was hot. He kept coming back, however, because he found me intriguing and amazing. But that had nothing to do with why he initially emailed my Match profile. It was all about looks. Which is funny because after years of being told I'm fat and ugly by my dad and ex husband this is my #1 insecurity.
Now what tweaking my profile DID do is get me more dates- many more dates - which increased my confidence and I believe made me a generally more happier person to be around so that by time BB did ask me out I had dealt with a lot of the old baggage and stopped taking myself so seriously (well, ok, I got better about not taking myself so seriously, lol!)0 -
I have found on sites like POF for instance, if you are female, the less you type the better. We women are chatty creatures by nature and truth be told, the men really just look at the pictures. Men are visual.
I get more action on my POF page now that it's 6 sentences long than I ever did with my four witty and descriptive paragraphs about myself.....
^^^ And, this. You all know I talk. But, make the profile brief and to the point. Men are looking for a quick overview of who you are. There's plenty of time for him to learn more about you later.
Dude, anyone that writes a novel is most likely going to get skimmed. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT!
It was one of the mistakes I made early on, then I realized when I saw a guys profile like that I would just... skip most of it. So I edited mine to be something that I would find interesting and it worked better.0 -
Just to clarify, as it has been pointed out to me that I sometimes come across negatively, I say all this with full respect for Janie and I think she's an incredible lady who has found success following her own advice I just wanted to further elaborate that there are other methods with which to find a match if you don't want to do games and rules and whatnot.
Thanks for that... but to be honest... my cool profile had nothing to do with why BB initially asked me out. He only asked me out because he thought I was hot. He kept coming back, however, because he found me intriguing and amazing. But that had nothing to do with why he initially emailed my Match profile. It was all about looks. Which is funny because after years of being told I'm fat and ugly by my dad and ex husband this is my #1 insecurity.
Now what tweaking my profile DID do is get me more dates- many more dates - which increased my confidence and I believe made me a generally more happier person to be around so that by time BB did ask me out I had dealt with a lot of the old baggage and stopped taking myself so seriously (well, ok, I got better about not taking myself so seriously, lol!)
Guurrrrrrl that's cause you are FINE.
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I have found on sites like POF for instance, if you are female, the less you type the better. We women are chatty creatures by nature and truth be told, the men really just look at the pictures. Men are visual.
I get more action on my POF page now that it's 6 sentences long than I ever did with my four witty and descriptive paragraphs about myself.....
^^^ And, this. You all know I talk. But, make the profile brief and to the point. Men are looking for a quick overview of who you are. There's plenty of time for him to learn more about you later.
Dude, anyone that writes a novel is most likely going to get skimmed. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT!
It was one of the mistakes I made early on, then I realized when I saw a guys profile like that I would just... skip most of it. So I edited mine to be something that I would find interesting and it worked better.
hahaha! Exactly.... 0 -
I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.0
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I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.
When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"0 -
I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.
When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"
When I see nothing in "about me" I pass immediately. If people don't have two seconds to describe anything interesting about themselves then all I think is ...................snooze fest.....0 -
I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.
When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"
When I see nothing in "about me" I pass immediately. If people don't have two seconds to describe anything interesting about themselves then all I think is ...................snooze fest.....
I agree! If you can't put any effort into this then I get the impression that you aren't serious about a relationship, or you have no self awareness or are boring. Either way, next!0 -
I write a novel...every time. I like to think I am pretty funny and interesting...lol. To their credit....a good percentage of men did read or at least skim what I wrote. It is a good filter for me...to see who is paying attention and puts in a little effort.
When I see a long "about me" I think "Ugh this person is needy. Next"
When I see nothing in "about me" I pass immediately. If people don't have two seconds to describe anything interesting about themselves then all I think is ...................snooze fest.....
I agree! If you can't put any effort into this then I get the impression that you aren't serious about a relationship, or you have no self awareness or are boring. Either way, next!
See there is a medium ground between nothing and long. If I bring the profile up on my phone and the about me section is so long I have to scroll I will pass it by.
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I'll read all of them. It may be a quick skim through the first time, but if I'm really interested in him, I'll take the time to go back for a second read when I have time. There are a lot of people out there that want to make sure a clear picture is painted. I guess that's why I prefer EH & OKC, because they have the actual questions instead of one big box to write a description in.0
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see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.0
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Yeah ladies if you are going to write a book, at least make it funny and interesting. Men don't like to listen to you ramble on for hours and hours. Also, don't say that you want to get married, it's assumed. And when you say that it makes me think that you're more concerned with getting married and less concerned with meeting the right person. Personally I couldn't care less if I ever got married as long as I got to spend my life with someone that makes me happy. I can still hear my ex girlfriend nagging about how she just wanted a ring on her finger.
And please stay away from cliches that we see on every profile. If you say you are down to earth and love to laugh I'll assume you are the most boring person ever.
Don't ever write "independant". Even if you are independent, if you are 30 years old and you think you deserve a pat on the back because you have a job and can do your own laundry then we have a problem. If you're 18, then okay.
Don't post duck face mirror pictures in slutty outfits (or any outfits for that matter). And don't post pics of yourself in slutty outfits and then complain that all guys want you for is sex.
Don't write how you are so tired of playing games. We don't care and it won't stop anybody from playing games. Try to post something funny or interesting about yourself and quit being so dramatic.0 -
Well now I'm curious :happy:see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
That's why you answer those questions, but make the responses private. Still get the match percentage, but the direct kinky details are hidden. 0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
LMAO....so you skip those questions. 0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
That's why you answer those questions, but make the responses private. Still get the match percentage, but the direct kinky details are hidden.
This is what I do! I want to know if we're sexually compatible but they don't need to know details just yet0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
I answer them. That is important.0 -
Yeah ladies if you are going to write a book, at least make it funny and interesting. Men don't like to listen to you ramble on for hours and hours. Also, don't say that you want to get married, it's assumed. And when you say that it makes me think that you're more concerned with getting married and less concerned with meeting the right person. Personally I couldn't care less if I ever got married as long as I got to spend my life with someone that makes me happy. I can still hear my ex girlfriend nagging about how she just wanted a ring on her finger.
And please stay away from cliches that we see on every profile. If you say you are down to earth and love to laugh I'll assume you are the most boring person ever.
Don't ever write "independant". Even if you are independent, if you are 30 years old and you think you deserve a pat on the back because you have a job and can do your own laundry then we have a problem. If you're 18, then okay.
Don't post duck face mirror pictures in slutty outfits (or any outfits for that matter). And don't post pics of yourself in slutty outfits and then complain that all guys want you for is sex.
Don't write how you are so tired of playing games. We don't care and it won't stop anybody from playing games. Try to post something funny or interesting about yourself and quit being so dramatic.
haha!! Well that's told us Roadie!! :laugh:
Was anybody else checking off the dont''s and thinking: "I dont write that, phew!" :bigsmile:0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
I answer them. That is important.
wait...I don't remember reading THAT question on OKC......0 -
see that is why I don't like OKC. No one needs to know if I like to be spanked and how hard.
I answer them. That is important.
wait...I don't remember reading THAT question on OKC......
Oh, they're definitely on there. You can do a keyword search to find certain kinds of questions :devil:0 -
Yeah ladies if you are going to write a book, at least make it funny and interesting. Men don't like to listen to you ramble on for hours and hours. Also, don't say that you want to get married, it's assumed. And when you say that it makes me think that you're more concerned with getting married and less concerned with meeting the right person. Personally I couldn't care less if I ever got married as long as I got to spend my life with someone that makes me happy. I can still hear my ex girlfriend nagging about how she just wanted a ring on her finger.
And please stay away from cliches that we see on every profile. If you say you are down to earth and love to laugh I'll assume you are the most boring person ever.
Don't ever write "independant". Even if you are independent, if you are 30 years old and you think you deserve a pat on the back because you have a job and can do your own laundry then we have a problem. If you're 18, then okay.
Don't post duck face mirror pictures in slutty outfits (or any outfits for that matter). And don't post pics of yourself in slutty outfits and then complain that all guys want you for is sex.
Don't write how you are so tired of playing games. We don't care and it won't stop anybody from playing games. Try to post something funny or interesting about yourself and quit being so dramatic.
haha!! Well that's told us Roadie!! :laugh:
Was anybody else checking off the dont''s and thinking: "I dont write that, phew!" :bigsmile:
I didn't read it, it was too long and negative. NEXT.
(this joke is dangerously subtle for me)0 -
I signed up for match (3 months) I dont' think I will renew. I wink and message often I got a few responses but I send a LOT more than I receive. My problem with the site is I truely believe they have "bots" sending out winks and likes. I get winks and likes from profiles that are blank and then disapper. Some are from other states, why would a lady in Idaho wink at me in Los Angeles. I believe they have these "bots" running becuase until you sign up and "pay" for the site you cannot see who has interacted with you. Now I understand they need to get memebers but I think this process is shady.
This will sound funny but I can't use the POF and OK Cupid sites because my ex-wife was using that site to "cheat" on me and I just cannot seem to go to those sites without still feelling hurt. I know it is not the sites fault but I am just better off avoiding it.0 -
To clarify:It's got to be that I'm a single parent
That is a factor to an extent, look at your age group. Realize that raising someone else's kid (assuming you are shooting for people who want a long term relationship) is a huge step.too heavy
I am sorry, but universally people regard others with lower BF% as more attractive. This is reality. The good news is, dropping weight is an easy fix for most people.or just not pretty enough
I really doubt this one, you would be surprised at how much BF% effects your physical attractiveness. If you cut down, I guarantee your messages or responses would skyrocket.
Cheers and goodluck!0 -
Wrong again Zach. People with those exact "issues" find mates all the time. Everyone has a dealbreaker for someone, and there's always going to be someone thats compatible. Janie limited her dating group by saying no sex until marriage, but she still found a great man. I limit mine by not dating guys with kids (I am not mature enough to be involved with kids on a regular basis, I live a very selfish life). Another friend of mine only dates other runners, her bf is perfect for her. Yes there is a standardized recognition of beauty but most people manage to not have classic cookie cutter appearances and still find love.
OP if you are unhappy with aspects of your life that carries into your attitude. I would say more than anything if you focus on being happy and healthy everything will fall into place for you. But there's a lot of immediate practical advice in here for primping your profile that you can use effectively and it isn't the one telling you that you aren't good enough.0 -
The good news is, dropping weight is an easy fix for most people.
I am not sure I agree.... I have dropped 85lbs, I sit in the 150's (so average) and I didn't get anymore response than when I was 245lbs! Maybe a little bit more, but honestly not really...
As I said in an earlier response on this thread, I don't know what the magic equation is 0 -
Yeah ladies if you are going to write a book, at least make it funny and interesting. Men don't like to listen to you ramble on for hours and hours. Also, don't say that you want to get married, it's assumed. And when you say that it makes me think that you're more concerned with getting married and less concerned with meeting the right person. Personally I couldn't care less if I ever got married as long as I got to spend my life with someone that makes me happy. I can still hear my ex girlfriend nagging about how she just wanted a ring on her finger.
And please stay away from cliches that we see on every profile. If you say you are down to earth and love to laugh I'll assume you are the most boring person ever.
Don't ever write "independant". Even if you are independent, if you are 30 years old and you think you deserve a pat on the back because you have a job and can do your own laundry then we have a problem. If you're 18, then okay.
Don't post duck face mirror pictures in slutty outfits (or any outfits for that matter). And don't post pics of yourself in slutty outfits and then complain that all guys want you for is sex.
Don't write how you are so tired of playing games. We don't care and it won't stop anybody from playing games. Try to post something funny or interesting about yourself and quit being so dramatic.haha!! Well that's told us Roadie!! :laugh:
Was anybody else checking off the dont''s and thinking: "I dont write that, phew!" :bigsmile:
haha Anna, I do say that I love to laugh in mine -- but that's a disclaimer with my humour. If you can't take a joke, or dish one.. you will be highly offended by my humour I am sarcastic with a quick wit to the extreme! 0 -
Wrong again Zach. People with those exact "issues" find mates all the time. Everyone has a dealbreaker for someone, and there's always going to be someone thats compatible. Janie limited her dating group by saying no sex until marriage, but she still found a great man. I limit mine by not dating guys with kids (I am not mature enough to be involved with kids on a regular basis, I live a very selfish life). Another friend of mine only dates other runners, her bf is perfect for her. Yes there is a standardized recognition of beauty but most people manage to not have classic cookie cutter appearances and still find love.
OP if you are unhappy with aspects of your life that carries into your attitude. I would say more than anything if you focus on being happy and healthy everything will fall into place for you. But there's a lot of immediate practical advice in here for primping your profile that you can use effectively and it isn't the one telling you that you aren't good enough.
Perfectly worded Kits!
It isn't about losing X amount of weight. I learned that the hard way. I thought, "oh, if I lose weight I'll get more attention." Wrong. Maybe I got a few more looks but nothing meaningful came of me losing weight. There are 500-pound obese people in love, perfectly average people in relationships, and there are 5'5 100 pound models that are single. It's not all about looks and weight.
That is the only thing that keeps me going, OP...knowing that if others who are imperfect have found love, that is entirely possible for me (and you).0 -
It isn't about losing X amount of weight. I learned that the hard way. I thought, "oh, if I lose weight I'll get more attention." Wrong. Maybe I got a few more looks but nothing meaningful came of me losing weight. There are 500-pound obese people in love, perfectly average people in relationships, and there are 5'5 100 pound models that are single. It's not all about looks and weight.
That is the only thing that keeps me going, OP...knowing that if others who are imperfect have found love, that is entirely possible for me (and you).
Well said, this is my thoughts and experience exactly... as I said a couple posts above.. I lost weight and thought that would be my 'shoe-in' and alas it wasn't... I did uncover alot of other baggage I have worked on though, so weight loss sure benefited me more than just for my exterior appearance.0 -
Wrong again Zach. People with those exact "issues" find mates all the time. Everyone has a dealbreaker for someone, and there's always going to be someone thats compatible. Janie limited her dating group by saying no sex until marriage, but she still found a great man. I limit mine by not dating guys with kids (I am not mature enough to be involved with kids on a regular basis, I live a very selfish life). Another friend of mine only dates other runners, her bf is perfect for her. Yes there is a standardized recognition of beauty but most people manage to not have classic cookie cutter appearances and still find love.
OP if you are unhappy with aspects of your life that carries into your attitude. I would say more than anything if you focus on being happy and healthy everything will fall into place for you. But there's a lot of immediate practical advice in here for primping your profile that you can use effectively and it isn't the one telling you that you aren't good enough.
Perfectly worded Kits!
It isn't about losing X amount of weight. I learned that the hard way. I thought, "oh, if I lose weight I'll get more attention." Wrong. Maybe I got a few more looks but nothing meaningful came of me losing weight. There are 500-pound obese people in love, perfectly average people in relationships, and there are 5'5 100 pound models that are single. It's not all about looks and weight.
That is the only thing that keeps me going, OP...knowing that if others who are imperfect have found love, that is entirely possible for me (and you).
Actually Kit, again this is why I have you on ignore.
You are using what is called a "straw man argument". You are assuming that my premise was "people with these issues will never find mates". That was not my position at all.
My position is that if she wants to improve and increase the pool of men she chooses from (aka increase her attractiveness) these are things that hinder her. Of course she cannot do anything about her child. She can however lose BF%. That would increase the amount of men that are attracted to her.
Please stop with fallacies. Google straw man if you need help. This again, is why I have you on ignore.0
