Going out with a guy who's on a swingers site....
MelodyinGa
Posts: 202 Member
Okay. So, I've started talking to this guy from POF. He profile seemed geniune. We've only texted at this point. He seems intelligent enough as well. He asked me to send him more pics. I told him I could email some, which I did. Just for the heck of it, I googled his email address and it pops up on a swing site. REALLY???? Damn it! Would date someone who is or has been active on a swing site?? Is there any normal...non-addicted ppl to date????
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For me its indicative of his value system in regards to relationships and monogamy. Unless you are into poly amorous relationships, I would NEXT him and keep it moving.0
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Okay. So, I've started talking to this guy from POF. He profile seemed geniune. We've only texted at this point. He seems intelligent enough as well. He asked me to send him more pics. I told him I could email some, which I did. Just for the heck of it, I googled his email address and it pops up on a swing site. REALLY???? Damn it! Would date someone who is or has been active on a swing site?? Is there any normal...non-addicted ppl to date????
There's no such thing as "normal", you just find someone who's weird in the same ways you are and then roll with it.0 -
a normal person is just someone you don't know that well.0
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a normal person is just someone you don't know that well.0
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a normal person is just someone you don't know that well.
Exactly this.0 -
I object to the use of the word normal........ No one is normal...Your correct wording is traditional TYVM,
How do you even know the last time he was on the swingers site, maybe he isnt into that anymore huh0 -
Jen makes a good point that it could also have been a joke or something an ex was into. Perhaps as the convo goes on you should teasingly ask him if he had any fetishes you should know about.
*edit bc i cant spell on my phone0 -
Well said about normal. I guess I have to try and discern his motives more so going forward.0
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Out of interest. why would you google an email address??0
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oh, and I'm not into swinging, so I doubt I'd be compatible with someone that is. That's always assuming he is! You'll never know if you dont ask the question.
:flowerforyou:0 -
How do you even know the last time he was on the swingers site, maybe he isnt into that anymore huh
My first thought was that I'd probably not waste my time because I'm just not down, but on second thought- swinging isn't some kind of permanent fixed lifestyle state.
If you're maybe bored and he's interesting, it might be just fun to ask some questions?0 -
So he likes to swing, but can he do this?
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The one thing you should do before dating a swinger is find out how hot his friends are. Get it, get it?0
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The one thing you should do before dating a swinger is find out how hot his friends are. Get it, get it?
Ha!
I suppose it depends on what it means to be a swinger. Wife swapping? Girlfriend swapping? Group sex with strangers? I suppose it's also relevant when this happened, and what his position is to it now. Perhaps he was just sexually frustrated after a difficult relationship, and wanted to let off some steam, experiment a bit. But he realized it wasn't for him, and now it's not his thing. Or maybe it's what he expects from any future relationship.
You won't know any of this until you ask him.
--P0 -
1- he might be on there, but doesn't mean he still does it, some guys do it while single but then stop, also, was he ever an active swinger to start with or just was on that website with the hopes of getting into something or out of curiosity.
2- if he's really interested in you, the swinger situation will come up (if he's still active) pretty quickly in a conversation to see if you're comfortable with it or interested in the lifestyle
3- if it makes you comfortable to know he's a swinger, then just let it go, but I wouldn't until I had a couple of conversations with him. Swingers are not evil and won't jump on your for sex at the first occasion, it's actually a lifestyle that's really really respectful, I find more respect from guys who are swingers than the regular ones in a bar.
my 0.02 cents:smokin:0 -
Out of interest. why would you google an email address??
?????0 -
I object to the use of the word normal........ No one is normal...Your correct wording is traditional TYVM,
How do you even know the last time he was on the swingers site, maybe he isnt into that anymore huh
WAIT!!!! I'm not normal?!?!0 -
Out of interest. why would you google an email address??
?????
if ts someone u met online why WOULDN'T you?0 -
Out of interest. why would you google an email address??
?????
if ts someone u met online why WOULDN'T you?
I never have, I never felt the need to. If someone seemed skeezy to me I just wouldn't go on a date with him, I wouldn't bother googling. If I liked him well enough to meet then the stuff of importance will come out in due time.
Then again, i'm pretty good at sniffing out bull****, am confrontational enough to address it and I don't get attached (to humans) very easily.0 -
The one thing you should do before dating a swinger is find out how hot his friends are. Get it, get it?
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
I'd be more insulted that he was dumb enough to use the same email address!! Everyone has their porn/secret/naughty email address... right/!?! :huh:0
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UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!0
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UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?0 -
UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?
I have to agree with previous poster. I am a full on swinger, i'm not ashamed to admit it, it's my choice. If I weren't and met someone who's into it, I would just leave it at that. There's no space in this society to judge people with different lifestyles. It's a choice and it's not like i'm going to force anyone into that if they are not interested. And like him, I would probably tell a date at the end of the first date so I wasn't judge without him meeting me and also, to not waste his time if he's not interested into the lifestyle.
We're not freaks or bad people, or raping people (like I heard on the radio SMH) just have different needs and a different lifestyle.0 -
UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?
^^^^ Absolutely agree with this. Obviously it's not for everyone, but it's something he likes. You don't. No reason to judge it. Just politely tell him you're not into that and move on.
This is also why I don't google people. As he told you, he was going to tell you at the end of the first date. Personally, I would wait a little while before sharing that information, but he had it on his radar as something that needed to be discussed. He knew it was a sensitive subject and he probably preferred feeling you out to see if you how you were before laying it on you. Not everything needs to be discovered before a first date....0 -
^^^^ This is one of the reasons why I wait for first date, why tell someone you're never going to meet or that you are not interested in after the first date, I kind of try to keep it under wrap with guys I don't know for the simple reasons that some of them turn into creeps after. Any swinger I know will tell the person that they are in the lifestyle, if they are interested in going on other dates, gives a chance to the other person to take an early decision without any bad surprises.0
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UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?
I have to agree with previous poster. I am a full on swinger, i'm not ashamed to admit it, it's my choice. If I weren't and met someone who's into it, I would just leave it at that. There's no space in this society to judge people with different lifestyles. It's a choice and it's not like i'm going to force anyone into that if they are not interested. And like him, I would probably tell a date at the end of the first date so I wasn't judge without him meeting me and also, to not waste his time if he's not interested into the lifestyle.
We're not freaks or bad people, or raping people (like I heard on the radio SMH) just have different needs and a different lifestyle.
If I had a dollar for every time someone equated alternative lifestyles to rape I wouldn't have to work ever again.0 -
UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?
I have to agree with previous poster. I am a full on swinger, i'm not ashamed to admit it, it's my choice. If I weren't and met someone who's into it, I would just leave it at that. There's no space in this society to judge people with different lifestyles. It's a choice and it's not like i'm going to force anyone into that if they are not interested. And like him, I would probably tell a date at the end of the first date so I wasn't judge without him meeting me and also, to not waste his time if he's not interested into the lifestyle.
We're not freaks or bad people, or raping people (like I heard on the radio SMH) just have different needs and a different lifestyle.
If I had a dollar for every time someone equated alternative lifestyles to rape I wouldn't have to work ever again.
I know :grumble: People think it's ok to judge without knowing what it is. We don't actually walk around naked just getting it on, it's much more complex than that.0 -
UPDATE: So, I asked him if he ever googled his email address. He said no, but then he did. I'm like are you bi? He's like NO, I LOVE WOMEN. Well, the site he is a member of is for swingers/cuckold (sp?). He wants to be with only one woman, but watch while she has sex with others guys! He said he was going to tell me he was a freak at the end of our first date! WTH? See ya!!!
Speaking as someone with outside the "norm" fetishes, there is a way to be polite about not being interested in the same things as someone else. It doesn't make him a bad person, he isn't hurting anyone, it just means the two of you aren't a match. I'm sure there are aspects about you that might make someone else have a similar disgusted reaction - how would that make you feel?
I have to agree with previous poster. I am a full on swinger, i'm not ashamed to admit it, it's my choice. If I weren't and met someone who's into it, I would just leave it at that. There's no space in this society to judge people with different lifestyles. It's a choice and it's not like i'm going to force anyone into that if they are not interested. And like him, I would probably tell a date at the end of the first date so I wasn't judge without him meeting me and also, to not waste his time if he's not interested into the lifestyle.
We're not freaks or bad people, or raping people (like I heard on the radio SMH) just have different needs and a different lifestyle.
If I had a dollar for every time someone equated alternative lifestyles to rape I wouldn't have to work ever again.
I know :grumble: People think it's ok to judge without knowing what it is. We don't actually walk around naked just getting it on, it's much more complex than that.
Hahaha, I love when people think nudists and swingers are the same thing :laugh:0 -
And like him, I would probably tell a date at the end of the first date so I wasn't judge without him meeting me and also, to not waste his time if he's not interested into the lifestyle.
I'd rather hang around places where I'm more likely to meet other "rapists".0