Why I hide...fat makes me an ugly person! *pics
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AshleyPaleo
Posts: 121
My weight has gone up, down, up, down, to the point for the last 4 years I have hid from people I know., I am through hiding, and letting peoples comments, thoughts or my own thoughts throw myself into another depression (that leads me to binge eating cycle) In 11 days I walk down the isle in my sisters wedding 50lbs heavier then the last time everyone saw me. I will do my hair, and makeup, maybe even have a makeup artist do my makeup, and wear a dress that looks horrible on me. I will try to smile and be happy for my sister, but on the inside I will be cringing from embarrassment, I will feel like the ugliest person in the world. Fat makes you ugly. This I know is not true for everyone, I know a lot of overweight people who are beautiful, I know skinny people who are ugly, but for me, fat makes me hideous, not just on the outside, but on the inside.
The last time I was skinny was 07, not that long ago, I starved myself, and I was happy.
Then I let myself get fat again 3 years later
today, inbetween.
The last time I was skinny was 07, not that long ago, I starved myself, and I was happy.
Then I let myself get fat again 3 years later
today, inbetween.
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Replies
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I know the feeling, during my pregnancy I let myself go and gained almost 100 pounds and I also started to "hide" myself from the world in a sense. The summer months were the worst and after the birth of my son I kept most of the weight on but I didn't give up on the dream of getting fit and neither should you. In your most recent picture you look beautiful and even tho you might not be happy at we're you are now ( no worries your not alone) the fact that your here and your trying makes you that much closer to getting to your goals! Goodluck and have fun at the wedding0
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I can so relate to the hiding. I dont like people to see what I have done to myself. but they hiding leads to eating more, and making it worse.
Honestly I looked at the pics first without reading the paragraph or captions, and assumed in the last pic you were at the same weight from the 2007 pic, you look great!0 -
I thought you looked like about the same weight from the first and last picture too -- and if your most recent photo is "hideous," you should see what I look like when I leave the gym or first thing when I wake up in the morning. I wouldn't sweat it--people are there to celebrate your sister's marriage, not pick on your dress or appearance.
It's really easy to be your own worst critic, or to look at how far you have to go instead of how far you've come. STOP it. Be confident and enjoy the party. You're seriously doing amazing--be proud of the fact that you're getting healthier--and 57 lbs down is a serious loss!0 -
You look alike like your first picture now! Be happy with how far youv'e come!
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I totally understand everything you've said. I don't even have pictures at my heaviest, I stopped looking in the mirror, wearing makeup, buying clothes. It wasn't attractive at all and it's a long road back. I think your most recent picture is beautiful, you might not be where you WANT to be but I promise you, you'll look so pretty in the pictures.0
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I was the same way for a year or so. I never wanted to leave the house. I had become someone I couldn't even relate to. All because I was fat, I mean really fat. I not only stopped taking care of my health but I also let all parts of me go. Makeup, clothes, nice hair...all of that I let go. Once I started losing weight and feeling better about myself all of that came back too. I still can not relate to that girl 70 some pounds ago. but i don't hate myself for it anymore. being that person and doing something about it has made me so strong and i have so much respect for what i have done. try to stay positive and respect who you are now and who you are becoming.0
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Sadly I known both sides of this, feeling great when you've lost so much weight (100lbs in a year) and feeling like a low down horrible person for letting my self gain in back over the course of 4 years. For a year now I've work out side mucking stalls and working with horses 2 - 7 days a week and I don't loose weight. I've been on and off again paleo and recently I've had to come to terms with my health is not like everyone else's. I can't wave a wand and make my ovaries start working again (I'm 24)and because of that imbalance my struggle will be inevitably worse than those around me. But the people around me don't know this and I hide from family and friends and sometimes it feels like life in general. Glad to see that I'm not all alone in this.0
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No pics of myself fat either.i have totally been there. I have a hard time dealing with the concept that health comes first then you get hot. I am proud of you for not hiding. It's so hard. I am finally losing again but still want to hide. I need to work on loving myself. I went back to the gym ( my former hobby) today for the first time in a couple of weeks because I just couldn't even face it. I hope you will be able to enjoy your sisters wedding. I think you look beautiful. I hope you can find peace for yourself. I know I need to do that too, and it sounds like maybe others are struggling with the same thing.0
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A heavy friend once said to me about herself 'I may look nice but I never look good'. Now that i am over 50 pounds overweight I totally understand it. I see pictures of myself where I took the time to look cute and want to cry at how I really look! Hold your head high and enjoy your sisters day! Be gentle with yourself and just keep plugging away! find something beautiful about yourself everyday! You did look absolutely gorgeous in your photos I thought!0
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First of all: you are beautiful! When you look in the mirror each day you should remind yourself that.
I know what you mean, though and can absolutely relate. There are pictures of my at my heaviest on display at my mother’s house that I am utterly ashamed of and try to steer my boyfriend away from ever even glimpsing in their direction. It is so hard sometimes (most times?) for us to see the beauty in ourselves that others see. We are our own worst enemy both from a psychological standpoint and enabling standpoint (who on here doesn’t binge when they are upset?).
Ultimately part of this journey is not only accepting who we are, but loving ourselves for where we were, where we are today, and where we are going. It’s easier said than done – but it can be done.
You are beautiful in ALL of your pictures. You will look amazing on your sister’s wedding day and every day thereafter. Have confidence in yourself and rock it, girl!0 -
Honestly, I believe it's 90% on the inside. I have a friend who is widowed, over 50 and quite heavy. However, she believes she is beautiful and acts like she is. She exudes a sense of confidence and "feeling good in her skin" which makes her extraordinarily attractive. When I'm with her I notice men noticing her in a good way.
You are lovely in both pictures!0 -
Gorgeous complexion and eyes and smile. And those cheekbones, I love them!
You've lost a lot of weight and I am envious of how much you've lost. I want to have lost that much. Have you seen that Dove commercial about our own self-perception?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk
We are always our own worst enemy when it comes to how we feel about ourselves.
You can do this and be gorgeous with who you are right now...as you journey to the who you will be in the future.
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Thank you guys sorry for the rant, I've been pretty emo. 0
