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Infertility is bumming me out, anyone want to commiserate?

aquapup
aquapup Posts: 81 Member
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Hi ladies, I'm going on two years trying to get pregnant. I miscarried last year and after that I didn't get a period, got diagnosed with PCOS and have been struggling with the infertility problem ever since. It's really confusing since I got pregnant pretty soon after we started trying and then after miscarrying suddenly my body isn't working. Why? Yeah, PCOS is about the only answer I can get. I did progesterone to get the period going again; now I've been on Clomid for 5 months and this month I didn't even ovulate. My doc wants me to skip the meds next month then we are going to either up the dose or do shots with a fertility specialist. My husband is bummed too so it's hard to keep a cheery house right now.

Anyone else? I'm trying to stay positive, but sometimes I just need to be upset about it. This is one of the upset times. It's hard too, because not all my friends know about it (I find it awkward to talk about) and so some of them bring up kids, or joke that it must be nice that I don't have a lot of stress in my life. None of my friends can really relate to this problem and I realize that I could tell them about it, but let's face it, this isn't a great party topic and it's hard for me to talk about. I thought I might feel better to talk with some others in this situation. Any takers?
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Replies

  • WifeofPJ
    WifeofPJ Posts: 312
    I'm sorry you'r feeling bumbed. I know what you mean about needing o be upset I feel like that sometimes as well. Even if you do tell people you have PCOs and fertility issues they don't understand you're feelings about it, they think it should be easy to have hope that you'll have a baby. I have times where I m upset too and just want to be upset because the thing I want most is so difficult for me to get but not for people who aren't ready.
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    I'm sorry you are having a tough time also, but thanks for venting with me. And thanks for not trying to cheer me up (just knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better than anything else at this point). People try to say encouraging things if I do talk about it, but that often just makes me more upset. I often hear "it will probably happen" "I know someone who tried for X years and then they had twins!" or "you can always adopt". I don't find any of these comforting because it might not happen, someone else's story doesn't relate to me in any real way, and adoption is a) not the same, and not something we are ready to resort to yet and b) not like you can just go to the store and pick up a kid. Everyone who brings up adoption with me is someone who knows nothing about it. I'd be happy to hear from someone who actually adopted, but it is often given as a flippant response. Anyway, thanks for your input, you aren't alone and I can relate to the emotional turmoil!
  • WifeofPJ
    WifeofPJ Posts: 312
    Thanks! I understood what you needed as I have those days too. It's good to know that you're not,alone in your feelings. You can vent to me any time.
  • WifeofPJ
    WifeofPJ Posts: 312
    And I know what you mean about how when people try to cheer you up it ends up making you feel worse.
  • ftapp
    ftapp Posts: 2
    I was reading your topic and... I really feel the same.
    The difference is I learned about it a few years ago, but at the time I was not married or thinking to have babies. I read to control the problem, the 1st thing is to control the weight, but it is not as easy as it sounds.
    My hubby and I are trying to lose weight. He is losing so much you can see the difference on his cheeks.
    For me... Well... Let is say I drink green tea every time I think of chocolate.
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    It's rough. MFP is helping me stay in a healthy routine. For me I'm actually at a healthy BMI but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be enough. It does make me want to drown my feeling in ice cream but obviously that won't help beyond some very temporary relief... and then I'll have to work it off. I'm glad I can come here for support though. It's great that you guys are getting into a good routine, you are doing everything you can and that is something to be proud of.
  • powellfam2006
    powellfam2006 Posts: 391 Member
    Ask about femera! My first was a clomid baby, 3 cycles. This time clomid dind't work for me and now I am on femera. Still not pregnant, but It made me ovulate when clomid didn't. I don't know if now we have double trouble, hubby might be having issues too. I feel your pain its been super hard for me, everyone around me is pregnant, and it just makes me want to cry. Your turn will come soon!!
  • jbirkett7
    jbirkett7 Posts: 36 Member
    Sorry your bummed. I've been there too. I let myself get into a depression cycle because getting pregnant was just not happening for me. I hated that my first reaction to friends who had babies was jealousy, but didn't want to talk about it to anyone, for many of the same reasons you've mentioned. What I realize now is that there are more of us out there then you would think and sometimes it is wonderful to find people who've been where you are.

    Luckily for me, I'm on the other side of the story now. Thanks to the help of one cycle of the shots, we will be joyously celebrating my son's 1st birthday in a little over a week.

    I've always wanted more than one, so we've been trying again for a few months, but after a few semi-cycles after I weaned from bfing, I'm back to being irregular. I'm now trying to get my weight down and eat a little more healthily in hopes that it happens on its own, but if not I'll go back to get the fertility support. I guess I'm a bit like the people irl you are talking about who tell you stories of their friends having luck, but really it can happen.
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    Thanks for the support and advice ladies, it does mean a lot and it helps just to feel understood. Good luck to you as well!
  • cindyinnc
    cindyinnc Posts: 7 Member
    I can completely relate to you, having been exactly where you are. I am on the other side as well now but we never did conceive-we adopted. Adoption is a great thing and I am so glad our path went that way because our munchkin was definitely meant to be with us. Having said that, adoption is HARD! It is just as emotionally taxing if not more than dealing with infertility. We had two failed adoptions before this one actually happened. Not to mention expensive!

    We were TTC from the time we married in 2004 until 2010. We tried Clomid and Femara. Clomid did not make me ovulate but Femara did so maybe try that. Our next step was injectable meds and we could not afford it since crappy insurance companies in our state do not cover any fertility treatments. That is a whole other thing that pisses me off so I won't go there. Are you on the forum called SoulCysters? It is great because you can get all sorts of advice from people who have been in your shoes.

    I ended up just getting downright rude with people, unfortunately. I didn't mean to but I think I went in a defensive mode and had had enough. I am typically nice but the ignorant things people say to you can be too much when you are already dealing with such a loss. It hurts greatly to not be able to do the one thing you thought you were guaranteed and defines you as a woman. It is okay to feel that way.

    I can tell you that now I am completely content. I can remember feeling like I would never make it though all the trials emotionally but now that we have a little family I am just fine.

    If you have any questions I could answer feel free to ask. Good luck to you!
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    Thank you so much Cindy. If we end up deciding to start looking into adoption I might message you for tips if you don't mind sharing.
  • cindyinnc
    cindyinnc Posts: 7 Member
    You are very welcome! Absolutely, I am an open book ;)
  • kristafb
    kristafb Posts: 770 Member
    Infertility has changed my life in so many ways. I totally understand how you're feeling. I tried for years to get pregnant, did the fertility drugs for about 3 years and couldn't afford IVF. It was so hard on me & so emotional I lashed out at everyone around me, eventually losing the relationship i was in at the time. I'm now 46 and have given up on having a child. I can't afford to adopt so thats not an option. I don't even want to be around kids anymore. I've lost friends because once they become pregnant I distance myself from them because its too painful. PCOS has changed my life in many ways, none of which have been positive. I hope someone out there is looking for a cure for this condition, although its not as serious as cancer its still a life changer and a painful disease to deal wtih.
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    Awe, Krista I am sorry for your situation. I know what you mean about pregnant friends, it is hard. I have been trying to go the other way a bit, I started volunteering at a kids museum, I love the kids, and just trying to look at the positives of my situation mainly that I get to play with them and try to help them learn something and I can devote all my attention to them while I am there. This infertility situation is SO frustrating, but for me this has been a help.

    BUT sometimes I still need to vent and be a grouch! So thank you for sharing your story, you aren't alone dealing with this.

    Also facebook drives me crazy! I unsubscribe from news feeds as soon as I see pregnant photos and cute wrinkly little babies, but when your friends comment or whatever the pictures still show up! I'm not willing to give it up though, I use it often for regular correspondence so I'll just grumble about it instead.
  • WifeofPJ
    WifeofPJ Posts: 312
    Awe, Krista I am sorry for your situation. I know what you mean about pregnant friends, it is hard. I have been trying to go the other way a bit, I started volunteering at a kids museum, I love the kids, and just trying to look at the positives of my situation mainly that I get to play with them and try to help them learn something and I can devote all my attention to them while I am there. This infertility situation is SO frustrating, but for me this has been a help.

    BUT sometimes I still need to vent and be a grouch! So thank you for sharing your story, you aren't alone dealing with this.

    Also facebook drives me crazy! I unsubscribe from news feeds as soon as I see pregnant photos and cute wrinkly little babies, but when your friends comment or whatever the pictures still show up! I'm not willing to give it up though, I use it often for regular correspondence so I'll just grumble about it instead.

    I also have many pregnant friends blocked and try not to talk about pregnancy. I am going to try hard to remember my feelings about,it ao if I get pregnant I don't talk all about it on Facebook.
  • dsm0001
    dsm0001 Posts: 26 Member
    I went through it myself many years. 4 years for my first child, and then 7 1/2 years later for my second child. Clomid never worked for me and went to infertility specialist both times successfully(although it was a full year of treatments on the first child). With my second child, it only took a prescription of Metformin (a medication usually treated for diabetes). I got pregnant the first month! Talk to your physicians about it! And research it! Good luck!
  • aquapup
    aquapup Posts: 81 Member
    I talked about metformin with my doctor a while ago, but I'm not overweight, diabetic, or insulin resistant (I tested insulin resistant once right after I misscarried - I was doing some unhealthy emotional eating at that time, but they tested again and it was normal). I've got an appointment set up with a fertility specialist so I'll ask him about it when I go. Thanks for the input
  • bllecroy
    bllecroy Posts: 31
    I am also struggling with PCOS and infertility. It is incredibly overwhelming. I would love a few buddies who understand what I'm going through. Feel free to add me!
  • Qfrump
    Qfrump Posts: 64 Member
    It's the "gift" that just keeps giving. I came off the pill, eager to start a family. Then came the resurgence of acne and hair loss (from high testosterone). I was diagnosed with PCOS, and got pregnant on the first round of clomid. Unfortunately, the baby didn't make it. At 9 weeks there was no heartbeat. I'm still bleeding and my hcg levels are still high, so I have no idea if and when my period will come again. I also don't know if the clomid will work again, when, and on what dosage. it is incredibly frustrating. In addition to the grief of the loss of our child, I also feel extreme guilt from the PCOS. Without it, I feel like we could already have a healthy baby to hold. There is no reason to believe the PCOS was the cause of the miscarriage, but the doctors did mention taking progesterone supplements if I am able to conceive a second time.

    I am also a healthy weight and do not have insulin resistance.
  • kenzietate
    kenzietate Posts: 399 Member
    I haven't started trying to conceive yet but I just got married and I want to start sometime soon. I don't want to even sound like I know what is going through your head but I do know how hard it is to be told that you might never conceive naturally. But I did want to weigh in on the fact that you are at a healthy weight and you are not insulin resistant. From all the research I have done, when you are TTC with PCOS even if you are at a healthy weight, losing 10% of your current body weight will help. Cutting out processed carbs and bumping up the protein should also help. I hope this helps a bit!
  • JPParsons
    JPParsons Posts: 4 Member
    I would also encourage you to ask about Femara - I did 7 clomid cycles with metformin (slowly increasing the dosage) and though I ovulated we didn't get pregnant. Clomid made me crazy emotional, but on Femara I was fine, and actually got significantly more follicles.

    For all of you who have experienced losses, I am so, so sorry :( We experienced our own loss earlier this year, and it has been and continues to be devastating.

    We are moving on to adoption and I'm so incredibly excited and hopeful about it. It's not a choice for everyone, and I know it will be a long road, but I think it is by far the best way for me and my husband to become parents.
  • Tamicejl
    Tamicejl Posts: 65 Member
    WOW.... We PCOSers are real soilders... my husband keeps telling me .... I am the strongest woman he knows. He says " no ohther woman would go to these heights for another baby". I feel better to knowing my strength is not just mine ... it is out there being pulled when needed by all. I have been fighting this fight for 10 years.. and when to the fertility docs 3 failed cycles. I couldn't have clomid cause I developed a blood clot ... in my lung in 2005, so no meds that has a clotting risk. I feel for you and keep your chin up.... keep dropping weight cause believe it or not that is the key....

    Keep smiling and keep going....
  • mylifemadelite
    mylifemadelite Posts: 15
    We tried for 5 years and didn't use protection most of the time we have been together (just the good ol' POM) for over 10 years. I had a miscarriage in 2010 after our first IUI. It was my first time on Clomid and he gave me a really high dose to increase our chances because we also had male factor infertility as well as my PCOS. My sister gave birth two weeks before I miscarried. I saw the heartbeat one week and by the next all my symptoms had disappeared. It was soooooo hard. I never talked about it with anyone except one or two friends and never the ones with kids. One friend in particular would say - oh, we are busy doing family things - when we would invite them over or friends who just had kids would say - you're next! I would just smile as my heart was breaking.

    We decided to stop trying while I tried to lose some weight and if we weren't pregnant by January 2012 we would do a few more IUIs and then be at peace...move on with our lives. I had even started looking into adoption. I had been tracking my ovulation while losing weight so I knew that 4 months into eating low/moderate carb I started ovulating on my own! Anyways, long story short(er) I got pregnant our first month trying on our own.

    That same month three other women from my infertility forum got pregnant.

    My son is 10 months old. I had other hormone related issues like low progesterone and possible fibroid. I also developed hypertension.

    Stay strong!

    Have you both been tested or just you?

    I am only sharing this with you because I want you to know it can really happen when you least expect it.
  • nabzilla_uk
    nabzilla_uk Posts: 45 Member
    awww im so sorry to hear you havent been successful. Sometimes you just need to vent right? please feel free to add me and/ or message if you just want a bit of a moan xxx
  • nkb617
    nkb617 Posts: 10 Member
    I am in a similar boat as you! TTC for 2 years and now on 2000mg Met and doing the Provera/Clomid thing. I saw the doctor yesterday and she was telling me that PCO is genetic and not much can be done about it, and I was SO discouraged. My husband was trying to be sweet but I just didn't even want to talk about it. I am trying to stay positive, but it tough and I just want to be alone! Hang in there, my friend, I feel you!!!
  • ladypinktulip
    ladypinktulip Posts: 75 Member
    I am 45 years old with PCOS. I hear your heart. It is very very hard to travel through infertility. I promise it gets better whether you have a baby or not. I did not get the baby. I found life to be very enriching in other ways and now I am a step mother to one daughter after remarriage. It took YEARS for me to accept childlessness. When friends had babies, I cried and cried. I didn't go to baby showers. Find other infertile women to fellowship with and share your heart. God bless you and thinking of you. -Kelly
  • Tamicejl
    Tamicejl Posts: 65 Member
    Ladies stay strong.... I was just told yesterday .... I not only have PCOS but I also possibly have some form of endometriosis... in my uterian muscle. I was told yesterday... that my final option is to get a hystorectomy. I have been on all meds possible to stop my bleeding and nothing has worked so said the doctor. I sat in the doctors office yesterday and had to listen to her tell me ..... basically our hands are tied... due to your wishes to have another child. I held it together... but I was pissed. :angry: I'v e been fighting a good fight for 11 years or so.... trying to get this under control and all the doctors want to do is cut .... it out. I want you all to show strength and walk out on faith and belief that is your path. Me ... I'm gonna wait for my blood transfusion and hope I can get my DNC soon.

    Be strong and keep going. ...... :wink:
  • shamilton1984
    shamilton1984 Posts: 21
    I'm 28 so my clock is ticking! We have been TTC for 7 years now (minus 2 deployments and training things) and my stupidity prevented me from going to the doctor sooner and really working hard to lose the weight. I figured I'd just let things happen and now here I am, facing an endometrial biopsy next week to see if I have uterine cancer. If I do, the first step is a hysterectomy! :( I've been on a roller coaster with PCOS. Every time I find out someone is pregnant, I weep and then get angry. Even my sister's pregnancy made me bawl like a baby. I feel bad that I can't get happy for these people but at the same time, I feel totally screwed and ripped off. People having kids that REALLY shouldn't be having them and there's my husband and me, who have stability and the ability to care for children, can't have them. Everyone keeps saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to" and yadda yadda but it doesn't help. Sorry for my little tirade but basically, I commiserate and then some lol. Know that you are not alone and hopefully one day, it will get better :)
  • Tamicejl
    Tamicejl Posts: 65 Member
    Hey there... welcome to the group....

    I can say I understand.... I've been TTC for 10yrs now. So .... I've been through three sisters pregnacies.... multiple times.... I have cried silent tears ..... of sorrow for my deep down want. I understand.... there are things we can't change and PCOS is one of them we can only tip the scales in our favor. Get the biopsy done..... I'm up for a DNC.... my fourth for the kidda sorta the same reason.... get it over with and move on from there. You have to plan for the next step but don't get so lost you lose focus. Take your time .... and I hate to say it ..... it is an emotional rollercoaster.... so hold on tight. Do whatever in your best interest for your health.

    I have to look at alternative options also..... fertility treatments and adoption. I am open...... blessing come in all shapes and sizes .... so open your possibilities and you never know .....

    You can add me .... for support....

    lata
  • ladypinktulip
    ladypinktulip Posts: 75 Member
    I'm 28 so my clock is ticking! We have been TTC for 7 years now (minus 2 deployments and training things) and my stupidity prevented me from going to the doctor sooner and really working hard to lose the weight. I figured I'd just let things happen and now here I am, facing an endometrial biopsy next week to see if I have uterine cancer. If I do, the first step is a hysterectomy! :( I've been on a roller coaster with PCOS. Every time I find out someone is pregnant, I weep and then get angry. Even my sister's pregnancy made me bawl like a baby. I feel bad that I can't get happy for these people but at the same time, I feel totally screwed and ripped off. People having kids that REALLY shouldn't be having them and there's my husband and me, who have stability and the ability to care for children, can't have them. Everyone keeps saying "it'll happen when it's supposed to" and yadda yadda but it doesn't help. Sorry for my little tirade but basically, I commiserate and then some lol. Know that you are not alone and hopefully one day, it will get better :)

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