Do you ever get worried?
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lydian8
Posts: 39 Member
Hi all,
I was working with my kids tonight and a new "guest teacher" came in to meet everyone and get a feel for where the kids are musically. It's kind of funny. I always feel behind the curve because rock is not my education or forte. So these guest teachers are guys that have worked the rock industry and have settled into the area after their party days. They don't want to be on the road touring anymore, so they teach and play local gigs. Every time I meet a new guy, I become very self conscious. I mean what do I say? "Hi, I'm a classically trained singer whose trying to just help these kids out. I don't know a thing about performing rock, but at 43 and 322 pounds, I hope to get a handle on it and get some local gigs." That sounds insane in my head.
I'm really afraid that my best days are behind me and I'm no longer marketable. I'm never going to be some sexy little thing. Even if I lose all my weight, I'm still built like a line backer with a small chest. I'm tall and broad shouldered, which is part of why I have the sound that I have. I have a powerful voice that takes people by surprise, but I don't know anything about hiring a band, and I'd have to cover other people because I can't write music to save my life. I just miss performing so much, not the applause but connecting with people. I miss singing my heart and feeling the emotion come back to me 100 fold. That's why I don't want to do classical anymore. It's not that it's bad or passe'. My experience with classical has been people's desire for technical brilliance in languages they don't understand. It's a disconnect. They are looking to be impressed not be a part of the music. I sang christian contemporary for years as well (much to the chagrin of my teachers) because I need that emotional connection. Well, my belief system at 43 is not so easy as it used to be, so I figured in rock and r&b and soul I can still find that emotional connection. But boy, am I unsure of how this will go.
I'm getting quite a collection of local artist friends. I watch them and think that I can do that too, but none of them are starting from scratch and none of them are over 300 pounds. I don't know. The weight will come off. I just hope somewhere down the line, I can find a place to do my thing and be fulfilled and enough people will hear it and like it and keep me busy.
I hope this was okay to post here. I'm a little touchy-feely. IF it's uncomfortable for anyone, I can always pull back if someone tells me.
Lenore
I was working with my kids tonight and a new "guest teacher" came in to meet everyone and get a feel for where the kids are musically. It's kind of funny. I always feel behind the curve because rock is not my education or forte. So these guest teachers are guys that have worked the rock industry and have settled into the area after their party days. They don't want to be on the road touring anymore, so they teach and play local gigs. Every time I meet a new guy, I become very self conscious. I mean what do I say? "Hi, I'm a classically trained singer whose trying to just help these kids out. I don't know a thing about performing rock, but at 43 and 322 pounds, I hope to get a handle on it and get some local gigs." That sounds insane in my head.
I'm really afraid that my best days are behind me and I'm no longer marketable. I'm never going to be some sexy little thing. Even if I lose all my weight, I'm still built like a line backer with a small chest. I'm tall and broad shouldered, which is part of why I have the sound that I have. I have a powerful voice that takes people by surprise, but I don't know anything about hiring a band, and I'd have to cover other people because I can't write music to save my life. I just miss performing so much, not the applause but connecting with people. I miss singing my heart and feeling the emotion come back to me 100 fold. That's why I don't want to do classical anymore. It's not that it's bad or passe'. My experience with classical has been people's desire for technical brilliance in languages they don't understand. It's a disconnect. They are looking to be impressed not be a part of the music. I sang christian contemporary for years as well (much to the chagrin of my teachers) because I need that emotional connection. Well, my belief system at 43 is not so easy as it used to be, so I figured in rock and r&b and soul I can still find that emotional connection. But boy, am I unsure of how this will go.
I'm getting quite a collection of local artist friends. I watch them and think that I can do that too, but none of them are starting from scratch and none of them are over 300 pounds. I don't know. The weight will come off. I just hope somewhere down the line, I can find a place to do my thing and be fulfilled and enough people will hear it and like it and keep me busy.
I hope this was okay to post here. I'm a little touchy-feely. IF it's uncomfortable for anyone, I can always pull back if someone tells me.
Lenore
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Replies
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Bowling for soup has a guitar player that is probably just as fat as anyone you are going to meet on MFP but when he plays the guitar nobody is thinking about his weight because they are thinking about the song.
Susan Boyle is not even remotely attractive in the classical sense but when she first started singing her voice took that whole audience by surprise and she ended up becoming a household name.
The spin doctors were a mishmash of musical artists. No two members of the group preferred the same musical style and they had a gig scheduled before they even have a group fully formed. The found they last member the day of the gig so they had next to zero time to prepare.
It might seem a little crazy to want to transition from classical to rock but the question should be "What is wrong with that?" crazy ideas run rampant through the world of performance and art.
I enjoy the connection with the audience but I also enjoy the applause and if you don't I would hope that you find an appreciation for that as well. Nobody get in to performance with the hope that one day they can perform their talent in a basement where nobody can see.
For some reason or another we are the types of people that actually enjoy getting out there in front of a group of people and pouring ourselves in to a performance with the goal of bring a bit of joy in to their lives even if one for a little while. Thanks to the world of performance art people can forget about their credit report and their work deadline for just a short window of time and that is worthy of applause.
I hope you put in the work and continue to develop your skill. I hope you pitch your idea because it sounds crazy. People want to see something new. They want to see something they haven't seen before. So I say go ahead and try. You just might be the thing that people actually want or need to see and they just don't know it yet.0 -
Lenore, your post was so honest and heartfelt. Don't worry about posting things like this because that's what we're here for...to share, to support and encourage, and to work towards our individual goals, whatever they may be. The benefit of being in a "group" as opposed to just throwing posts up on the main forums is that we've identified something that we've all got in common and can relate to. That makes the support offered by other members more appropriate and relevant.
Regarding your post, I'm reminded of the story about the 50 year old guy who wanted to be a doctor. When asked what was stopping him he replied, "It'll take me 10 years! By the time I get to actually BE a doctor, I'll be 60 years old!" It was then pointed out to him that in 10 years he was going to be 60 anyway...might as well be a 60 year old doctor.
And I say, you might as well be a 43 year old rock star, lady. ;-)
If you haven't read this success story yet, you must. It's the most inspiring, well written piece I've read yet on MFP. It's on the main boards under Success Stories and I think you'll find this lady's perspective very useful in your journey:
TOPIC: 2 yrs of MFP - 130+ lost, 9 months maintaining (with pics)
Soldier: Have you considered going into counseling? As in, BEING a counselor, not the receiving end. ;-) Or maybe a motivational speaker? Who juggles? I hear there's a demand for that. ;-)
Excellent posts, both of you.0 -
I have been told I should be a motivational speaker by a lot of people. I think it is something I would enjoy but I am not sure how to get a thing like that off the ground and actually make money at it. Not to mention I have a career in IT and motivational speakers have to do a lot of traveling which might not be practical for me.
I still like to be told though so I appreciate you saying so. Thankyou0 -
Thanks for the support guys. Soldier4242 I do enjoy the applaus. I didn't mean to sound like I wish everyone would just set and emote at me. Thank you for that good list of unconventionals. It made me think. Really, I won't know what will happen until I do something. I'm a ways off from that, but I keep taking the next right step, and I don't want my current size to stop me from moving forward.
Tru2one, I need to stop letting my age intimidate me. I can't worry about if my voice was better, younger. It probably was because that's the way bodies go, but it's still a solid sound, and again, I won't know what people respond to until I put it out there.
Since I wrote that first entry, I've been to therapy. We figured out that some of this defeatist attitude stems from that rehearsal last night. There's the current "guest teacher" and he's a little squirly. It's like he gets why I'm there, but he won't let me do my job all the time. I don't think he's mean or malicious, he's just a bit territorial. I came into his time with the kids. I only started to work with them 4 weeks ago, so I get the territorial part. He just managed a few stunts that resembled some nasty mind games my family put me through when I was younger. I wasn't ready and missed them and they worked me over a bit. I can work with this guy, I just can't rely on his opinion about everything, including me.
Thanks for eveything.
Lenore0 -
Tru2one, I need to stop letting my age intimidate me. I can't worry about if my voice was better, younger. It probably was because that's the way bodies go, but it's still a solid sound, and again, I won't know what people respond to until I put it out there.
Absolutely!! One of the things that got me to finally start auditioning again when I was 36 -- despite my weight, which was at about 225 then, and my own head games of believing no one would want me -- was that I couldn't NOT audition anymore. I finally thought to myself, "What's the worst that can happen, and can I handle the worst?" And the answer is, YES, I can. The worst is I don't get the part? It's happened before, I didn't implode. The worst is they tell me I'm not talented? Everyone has their own opinion, and others have said I am talented. For me, the absolute worst was never being able to perform again, and that was the one thing I couldn't handle.
Since I took that step seven years ago -- I'm your age, 43 -- I've done 13 plays and musicals with five different theaters in two states. I've been part of a boogie-woogie trio, a guitar duo, and now I'm in a five-piece rock and blues band. (And no, I don't do any of this for a living...it's all community theater and local bar band stuff.) And guess what? I still weigh 209. Yes, I still like to hide behind my keyboard at the back of the stage...but hey, I'm up there.
You have a gift, and it sounds like you've worked hard to hone your skills -- for me, not using my talent and ignoring my passion was worse than what anyone else thought about me. Get out there! You're already working in the right direction...and Soldier's right...you may just be what everyone has been waiting for.0 -
MartySG,
You've given me something to chew on. I hate auditioning. I feel like they are judging me as a person rather than determining if I'm right for the part. I LOVE musical theater. I haven't auditioned in years for anything because it's so painful, but I've been hurting all this time because performance is my life blood, and I've become anorexic from lack of getting out there. There was a day when I wanted to pursue New York, but now I'd just love to do local artist work and community theater.
Thanks everyone. This was the support I needed. It kept a 1 defeatist day from turning into a month of self loathing and self pity which would have been a f**kit attitude to my new way of life, destroying all the hard work I've done so far. You guys are awesome.
Lenore0
