How Are You today?
MommaSquirell
Posts: 30 Member
Hey Guys!!! No one has been posting in here lately and I just thought I would take the time to simply ask something! lol How are you today? 
Don't forget to ask yourself that ! 
:flowerforyou:
Don't forget to ask yourself that ! :flowerforyou: 0
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Right now I am in my own head, which is never a good thing, trying to dissect another failed relationship. This one is a friendship - one sided friendship with an addict. I would really like to know how to have a non-codependent relationship with someone... I am tired of killing myself for other people for them to then discard me because I am not what they want any more or because they take me for granted until they need something from me. But I don't know how to stop turning myself inside out for someone or t always feel the need to please or do things for people so that they accept me and like me...so if anyone knows how to stop, please let me know because I am really open to suggestions right now.. And I don't have any answers right now. And yes, I know its my own stupid fault and no one else is to blame. I just don't know how to break these cycles. I don't want to be on this merry-go-round any more. So today is not a good day...it's a day of heart ache and tears and anger (mostly at myself for allowing myself to be in this position yet again).0
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Let me first say sorry I did not get to this post sooner . Now Saying my own fault I think is so harsh , Your mind is trying to protect itself from pain . When you are hurt at a young age your mind trains itself to protect you from being hurt or feeling that trauma . It comes out in so many ways . I am still working on this myself even though I feel ready my mind is not uite trained away from old habits YET . The other thing you spoke of with the relationships , You have to measure your own self worth before you can enter into a relationship . I know I am inlove with a selfish *kitten* , but I have finally come to a point where he knows I am worth more to me then to let him abuse me anymore . It speaks to people , how you treat yourself . Also Humans have a tendancy to try and cling onto ANYTHING they are used to , we are adaptable creatures but STILL so such simple creatures we cling to what we are comfortable with even if it hurts ! But it is safer that way for our mind . It is easier to process things we already know about rather then things we are not used to , dysfunction breeds dysfunction . Unfortunately I have the knowledge of this process but I myself am still working through Breaking out !!! I Do not have many friend IRL because all the friends I make are addicts and I refuse to have that around my children , but I do not know how to be around non addicts . I do not know how to make non User friends . I have reached out to the homeschooling moms for friends but then ran away . I am focused on my children making friends now fearing that I will affect them with my lack of socializing . The best advice I can give you is learn about the ways you mind may be trying to protect you and maybe just try to find new ways. It sux! Do not be mad at yourself , because even though you allow people to be around you no one should hurt anyone else or abuse the love you give ! you are worth more . My sister sent me a necklace that has 3 different pieces , (1) I Am (2) Enough (3) Big pink pearl . I wear it all the time . and I am still yo yo-ing . I Fight a guilt monster , and the guilt monster calls his friend up (depression) and after depression shows up I fight back with my friend Comfort . Comfort runs everyone else away so nothing can hurt me , but me . in fact guilt and depression run allot of good things away so I do not have to deal with disappointment , betrayal and lonesomeness. Sending good wishes and I am here for you to talk to when you need it . If you ever need to talk and I do not respond right away just msg me . I will do what I can and we can go through our heads together 0
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I am Thinking of Buying this
. http://www.amazon.com/CHILDREN-ALCOHOLICS-DYSFUNCTIONAL-FAMILIES-ebook/dp/B008YH705E/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1371609163&sr=1-1&keywords=acoa+workbook
It is an ACOA Workbook And pretty much what I just said is in there plus ALLOT more .0 -
Thanks for posting that link. I just picked up the book. I am in Al-Anon and attend ACA meetings of Al-Anon. I love my group, because I find strength and hope there. I have found acceptance and love there. When I don't go, they miss me - genuinely miss me. I have never felt that type of love before. It surprised, shocked and scared me at first. When I came back after missing two meetings, and they said that they missed me, I thought I had done something wrong, that I had forgotten something, that I must be in trouble. I doubted their good intentions because I didn't understand it. And then it hit me. They cared about me and just cared that I was there. That was enough for me to show up. I didn't have to do anything, and I wasn't in trouble for missing. They wanted me there though. I didn't have to talk. I just had to show up.
And I am in a better place than before with my friend who is an addict. I have started to detach with love, because I am not getting my needs met in that relationship. I get hurt, and I can't allow that any more. So I am trying to find other relationships. I, too, run away from "normal" people. The people I bond with are just as messed up as me. And if someone reaches out to me that's normal, I run as fast possible in the opposite direction. How do you have a relationship without chaos and dysfunction? I've never had one before. I know that if I keep working on it, that I will achieve that.0
