I binged and it wasn't the end of the world (FOOD MENTIONED)
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ellemusicrose
Posts: 13
It all started with a container of Keebler chocolate chip cookies on Monday. I got it to soothe myself because I had just locked my keys in the car and I was pissed.
Tuesday my car broke down while I was out of town and I had to stay overnight in a hotel. I consoled myself with 7-eleven chili dogs and cheetos. Not to mention a snack I had later from the vending machine of cheez-its and a bottle of Dr Pepper.
I was determined to get back to my healthy eating the next day.
But that's when I found out that to fix my car would cost $700. ****! There was a McDonald's mcdouble sandwich and medium fries for lunch...but it didn't end there...I had a snack of a huge cookie I bought from the store (I was actually eating it in line) and that night (after dinner) I went home and ate all the leftover beef brisket. Tasted so good.
I knew I had let things get out of control, so I called my sponsor. She told me it's time to start fresh, and that's exactly what I did. Yesterday I felt like I was back to normal. But I struggled with guilty feelings from the binge...that is, until I went to the gym that night.
After my workout I weighed myself and discovered that I had LOST A POUND!! That was just the encouragement I needed to get motivated again. Losing that pound reminded me that I may have messed up with my eating for a couple of days, but that doesn't totally negate all the hard work I've been doing up to this point - physically and spiritually.
I'm committed to my recovery and I won't let this little setback stop me!!!!
Today I'm reflecting on this incident and seeing some things I could have done that may have prevented the binge: 1) I could have called my sponsor or an OA fellow when I was having the food cravings. 2) I had not been using the tools for almost a week; hadn't been to any meetings, hadn't done any writing, etc. 3) I could have prayed and meditated when all these chaotic things were happening instead of allowing myself to get caught up into anxiety.
I'm disappointed that I broke my abstinence (I had just made 30 days) but, I'm choosing to see this as a learning opportunity. I need the program and my fellows. I can't do this alone.
Thanks for letting me share this!
Tuesday my car broke down while I was out of town and I had to stay overnight in a hotel. I consoled myself with 7-eleven chili dogs and cheetos. Not to mention a snack I had later from the vending machine of cheez-its and a bottle of Dr Pepper.
I was determined to get back to my healthy eating the next day.
But that's when I found out that to fix my car would cost $700. ****! There was a McDonald's mcdouble sandwich and medium fries for lunch...but it didn't end there...I had a snack of a huge cookie I bought from the store (I was actually eating it in line) and that night (after dinner) I went home and ate all the leftover beef brisket. Tasted so good.
I knew I had let things get out of control, so I called my sponsor. She told me it's time to start fresh, and that's exactly what I did. Yesterday I felt like I was back to normal. But I struggled with guilty feelings from the binge...that is, until I went to the gym that night.
After my workout I weighed myself and discovered that I had LOST A POUND!! That was just the encouragement I needed to get motivated again. Losing that pound reminded me that I may have messed up with my eating for a couple of days, but that doesn't totally negate all the hard work I've been doing up to this point - physically and spiritually.
I'm committed to my recovery and I won't let this little setback stop me!!!!
Today I'm reflecting on this incident and seeing some things I could have done that may have prevented the binge: 1) I could have called my sponsor or an OA fellow when I was having the food cravings. 2) I had not been using the tools for almost a week; hadn't been to any meetings, hadn't done any writing, etc. 3) I could have prayed and meditated when all these chaotic things were happening instead of allowing myself to get caught up into anxiety.
I'm disappointed that I broke my abstinence (I had just made 30 days) but, I'm choosing to see this as a learning opportunity. I need the program and my fellows. I can't do this alone.
Thanks for letting me share this!
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Replies
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:flowerforyou: Thank you so much for sharing this. It was very honest and inspirational!! :flowerforyou:0
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Thanks for the shae! I have just started and will remember the the things to do when tempted.0
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Thanks Elle -- I've just experienced a similar 3 days. Thursday was my birthday, and our Fair is in town. Most every COE knows what a trigger a Fair can be, and this was no exception! I "made allowances", even though I have now been eating about 90% vegetarian for a couple of months ... Wednesday was the craved corndog and beer; Thursday was Calamari, French Fries -- and beer. Friday was a women's group that included 3 types of desserts, and more meat and dairy. No beer.
Meat and dairy do not work with either my body nor my ethics any more.
I've come to a place in my life where I love celebrating my birthday -- and it isn't about the physical "gifts" any more. It's about the people that I get to share it with. And I am so amazingly blessed with the people in my life -- from my beloved family, to dear friends, to dear acquaintances, I was showered with so much good stuff! But here's the BUT ... somehow ingrained is the deep seated belief that Birthdays = Food. And today? Well, today I have a Baby Shower (food). And tomorrow I am at a vendor event all day for my business (imbalance of food). :ohwell: Life does life on life's terms. MY choice is how I handle Life Doing Life.
I have two choices: Continue down the path of least resistance, eating my way to oblivion and pack on the pounds. Or, do the hard thing -- which really, in the long run, is the Easy Thing: Maintain my love for ME and eat the foods that are safe, healthy and feed my soul and my body. My daughter's been having trouble with girls in school this last year (she's now a Senior in High School). I've been talking with her a lot about her choices: High Road -- "I don't want to do this with you any more." Low Road -- "Stuff it, let's duke it out."
I have the same two choices: Abstinence or Death. By God's Grace, I choose Abstinence.
:flowerforyou: 
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Thanks for your honest sharing. It's the hardest thing for me, being truly honest about my food. Sometimes, it's just great to see that we're all human.0
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I know exactly what you mean about fair/amusement park eating! Last year I went to the fair and I was so stuffed after (this was before OA.) I remember continuing to eat long after I wasn't hungry just because I wanted to taste all the different foods. I felt like crap after. Ah...yes, I know the fair well.
I appreciate your share, because it's the celebrations and events that get me into trouble as well. I was at a conference last week, and although I didn't break my abstinence - THANK GOD - my meals were a little heavier, so I'm sure I didn't lose any weight. Then the day after the conference I went to my best friend's engagement party. It was at a restaurant. I know I should've ordered a salad, but I didn't. Again, what I ate wasn't enough to be considered a binge, but I know I was over my calorie goal for the day.
It's these outings, and parties, and picnics and such that really take me off guard, and before I know it, I'm eating. Even though I plan to only eat a little - let's face it - a bar b que rib and a cup of salad have way different caloric contents. Potatoe salad? I shudder. And although I'm eating a proper serving size; just the high caloric nature of these foods alone has me feeling guilty.
BUT, the other side of the coin is that I am no longer eating until I'm stuffed and then eating twice as much. Although these "celebration" foods are not on my everyday food list, I have been able to only eat a serving (or a serving and a half sometimes...honestly.) That is major progress. I have the program to thank. There used to be a time where a serving of desert wouldn't do. I would eat 3 and 4 helpings. I would feel so guilty afterward.
I am so happy that this program is changing me - one day at a time!!!0 -
Keep working it to the best of your ability, Elle ... one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time. Make a call; stuff some literature in your purse; if you have a smartphone, sent a text or make a note on your MFP app and say you're struggling. Sometimes it's those tiny victories that can make the difference for me between a binge and a slip. :flowerforyou:0
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Keeping literature around is a great idea!0
