Every time I hear this in a meeting, I cringe. Maybe because it's an uncomfortable place to be. I know that I need to go through the process of feeling and dealing instead of reaching for that forbidden food. I broke abstinence last night, so today I'm grateful to be listening in to a meeting, and accepting that I am not like a normal eater, that I cannot have a cheat day, although planned, and that I cannot use this program as a revolving door. The alternative for me is death, and i'm not yet ready to go!

I'm sorry that you broke our abstinence last night, but today is a new day. A brand new start where your only goals are for today. Just one day at a time. EXACTLY like if you hadn't slipped last night!

As for cheat days, though, it depends on how you define (a) your abstinence and (b) cheating.

For me, I don't have any real binge foods (I can binge on ANYTHING, even celery!) So my abstinence, for now, is strictly calorie based. As I get to handling that, I'll start incorporating the other goals my nutritionist has given me as part of my abstinence as well. So for me, I can "cheat" by making a choice I wouldn't normally/all the time (lunch at Olive Garden yesterday, for example) and accomodate it by limiting what else I eat that day to still meet my goal.

If you abstinence includes "Never eating X again", then yes, "cheating" by having even a normal serving of X would be a slip. And if it lead to a binge, a relapse. But I've found these last 4 weeks on here that I, personally, can eat most anything as long as I'm careful about the amount and work the rest of my day to balance it out.

YMMV

My food has been questionable. Not bad except for the chocolate. Not sure how to log it, but will do my best.

If you eat it, drink it, or do it (exercise)..... LOG IT. I've logged single bites of cheese before by weighing a couple after I caught myself and averaging out what I'd eaten.

Together we can do what we could never do alone! :happy:

I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:

"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"

It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.

I really like that!

I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:

"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"

It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.

I really like that!

So do I, thanks for sharing! Hunger hasn't been the problem for me in a long time.

Me either, I've turned every feeling I have into a reason to eat and I am a very emotional person. Now I'm unlearning that, slowly.

I don't really know what the feelings are. Pissed off. Sad. Allergies. Food changes (eating 85% vegetarian, so trying to figure out the protein thang). Tired. Not really crappy but certainly not perky.

My daughter's long-time therapist lost her year-long battle with colon cancer in early June and the Memorial is next Saturday, the 20th. It's also supposed to be the date of my oldest daughter's Baby Shower -- but now that she thinks she's having a boy instead of a girl (all depending on the way the ring swings on the thread, ya know), and my youngest daughter has started a job at the new Mall and we haven't even had time to connect in the last three days.

I don't know what's going on ... keep asking myself "why am I angry?" and some of it is that I cannot control my youngest. Haha. Like that works for a COE!!

All I know is that I DO NOT want to make FOOD the choice of Figuring It Out. Cause it figures out what I'm feeling about as much as a barrel of gasoline puts out a raging forest fire. Not the option.

So I'm writing in my journal, making a call, working the Steps (I have a Step Sponsor now!), and checking in her, vigilant that I log my food and stay on top of whatever is creating the craziness. One Day At A Time, One Bite At A Time, One Feeling At A Time.
:flowerforyou:

Hi,
I can understand and relate to some of your feelings. Feelings pass. I know when you are in them they feel like they won't, and sometimes those feelings seem to swallow up your heart as it breaks into millions of pieces. A few years back my husband of 34 years asked for a divorce, just out of the blue, and it devastated me. And a few weeks ago my dearest and best friend died of cancer. So, anyways - I thought I'd share this "just for today" that someone shared with me:

Just for today Carry Me

"We believe that our Higher Power will take care of us"

Basic Text, p. 55 We all have times when it seems as though our lives are falling apart. There are days, or even weeks, when it seems that everything that can go wrong is going wrong. Whether it's the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship, we doubt that we'll survive the changes taking place in our lives.

It's during the times when the world is crashing down around our ears that we find our greatest faith in a loving Higher Power. No human being could relieve our suffering; we know that only God's care can provide the comfort we seek. We feel broken but we go on, knowing that our lives will be repaired.

As we progress in our recovery and our faith in our Higher Power grows, we are sure to greet the difficult times with a sense of hope, despite the pain we may be in. We need not despair, for we know that our Higher Power's care will carry us through when we can't walk on our own.

Just for today: I will rely on God's care through the painful times, knowing that my Higher Power will always be there.

Patti

Just totally totally sad today. Feeling angry too -- and anger and sadness do not normally go well with a COE. Made 3 outreach calls and received 1 text message from fellow MFP'er -- beautiful day here in Sonoma County, so everyone is out playing. Saturday is our therapist's memorial. God must have really needed her upstairs more than we needed her here. That's what I keep rationalizing. It makes no sense when good people -- people that are centered in service to their community with those most challenged -- are faced with bigger challenges than I can even imagine. I know it's God's will -- but it still pisses me off. And I MISS her SO much. Keep wanting to send her a text ... tell her how good my daughter is doing ... wondering what her questions meant about apricots and favorite colors.

Also talked to my now "baby" 50 year old brother yesterday, which was an interesting conversation. Won't take his inventory, but kept hearing Program coming through loud and clear as I spoke my truth, not worrying about how he would react. About 2/3rds thru the conversation I gleaned that he might be drinking cause he started to "chain" the conversation we'd had already. Can't save the world. Can only 12th step people and let them make their own choices.

The miracle is that -- although my food really wants to go off the rails -- I'm ok. Keep checking in -- here, phone and God -- and all will work out perfectly.
:flowerforyou:

Good for you for making three outreach calls and attending the funeral. Letting go can feel difficult. I find when I become attached is when it's hardest to let go of someone or something. But does that mean I hold myself back from attachment because I don't want to get hurt? No. Life is full of different experiences that evoke different emotions. For me, the most important thing, is to love, to keep my heart open always, and to know and be myself. And...to rely on my HP to carry me through when it feels nearly impossible. Keep using your tools, you and your daughter are going to be just fine. Sending a hug.

Patti

oops. Reply was all mixed in with the quote feature. Oh well. Learning the ins and outs of MFP. No instructions. What's a silly gal to do?

I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:

"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"

It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.

I really like that!

+1 - (I'm making that my mantra for today!)

Our therapist's Celebration was moving, beautiful and very "her". Many of her family and friends spoke, and I asked my daughter if she was ok if I shared; she agreed. I was the only person who shared how she changed our lives and created a family. At the end, her daughter released butterflies; at one point, we had a white butterfly dancing in front of my daughter and I, and I know it was her. God speed, my friend. Thank you for your love, your endurance, your continuing belief in me and my ability to come through the other side. We did. You are so loved.

The spread of food was beyond belief -- it literally covered four or five tables. I paid attention to my choices, including choosing some meat, and allowed myself dessert. But it was so different from what it would have been in the past where I would have spent the entire time grazing from one end to the other, refilling my plate at least once. I am full, and I know a big part of that is the meat; my body does not process it well (why I am 85% vegetarian) as the majority of the choices were extremely healthy. The brown rice pilaf with marinated chick peas and veggies was well received (always important for a COE!). Tomorrow will be a bit challenging as my husband and I are taking a drive south to look at the area for our move next year, and I'm not sure exactly how the food will play into the trip. I am comfortable, though, in letting HP guide my choices.
:flowerforyou:

Yesterday I "went off the rails". It's been building for 3 days, making allowances, justifying, not asking for help. Yesterday when I went out at 5 to buy dog food, the thought crept in: I want to go out to dinner. But I didn't want to go OUT, I wanted to eat in. Pick up the food and go home. The first thought was Burger. Since I've been eating as much on the vegetarian side as possible (and since I've been slipping meat in here and there), it didn't "sit well". Then that moved to a local joint that has the best fried calamari in town. So, I called. Was put on hold. Heard the tap tap tap of HP and hung up. Next thought: Local market that has to go food where I could make healthy choices (and the picture in my brain of the sugar they have), which I ignored. I got lots of veggies -- and meat. And chocolate. And a cupcake. And was eating the chocolate before I even got out of the parking lot. Of course, there was the thought of sharing with my family. Yeah. Right. I did get one item that I managed to give to my husband because I was so uncomfortable I couldn't move. I didn't eat anything after I binged, and did consume all my water.

Where did it start? Looking at it from the prospective of my Steps, it started about 3 days ago as we neared a very important anniversary date: Birthday, actually, of my nephews/godsons and 9th anniversary of meeting my daughter for the first time (she was 8 then). My sister and I have been emotionally moving away from each other for several months, after being extremely close for several years. We both brought kids into our lives at the same time, and it bonded us deeply. We shared a business together, and then she chose to move out of that into another business. And so the sense of loss began. It's a good thing for her (and for me) -- I am happy she's happy -- but for me it triggered more loss and grief. Loosing the my sister (feeling she "chose" to include someone else but not me because of MY boundaries), the death of our therapist, working not one but now TWO businesses concurrently and learning how to do that, challenges with being a parent of a teen, looking at a big move, money, trying "so hard" to Let Go, Let God, working my program and promising to start my 1st Step ... and so on and so on and so on. All of it cumulatively led to REALLY making the choice to hide the pain and eat.

There is a place in me that just wants to climb under the grass and hide, like pulling nature over me like a silent blanket.

There is also a place of Knowing that making choices like I did yesterday doesn't change a damn thing. Duh. This morning ALL the feelings are still there about everything -- and on top of it is the sadness that I chose to eat instead of using The Nine Tools of Recovery: ( http://www.oa.org/newcomers/tools-of-recovery/ )

A Plan of Eating
Sponsorship
Meetings
Telephone
Writing
Literature
Action Plan
Anonymity
Service

I'd listened to an OA CD on Abstinence... I did make a couple of calls and texts -- after. I did think of calling my Sponsor -- but I'd met with her yesterday and I didn't want to additionally "bother her". The call I made was busy and will call me today (we ARE allowed to have our own lives and say "I can't at this moment". The text I sent was not returned. I could have made another call. I could have picked up a book. I could have turned the car around and I could have gone to bed. And First and Foremost -- I COULD HAVE ASKED GOD FOR HELP. I could have done ANYTHING except eat. But I didn't.

In this moment, today, I have a choice. I can continue down the path of self destruction OR I can use my Program to heal. I took a 30 minute walk today with an OA friend and even took my crazy dog, who was pretty good on the walk and took the "edge" off her too. I also made a commitment to my Step Sponsor yesterday that I would complete the question she sent me nearly a month ago to start working the 1st Step. And, after today, that IS a priority. The weight loss scares me -- puts me out there for all to see and it's also a part of my business, so I'm "showcasing" the weight loss as well. Double Out There. I've already started reading and writing for the day and will pick both of those tools up again this afternoon as a building block to abstinence.

Hope lies within this fellowship. Within all of you. Because NOWHERE is there ANYWHERE where people "live" and understand HOW (Honest Openminded Willingness) this program and this dis-ease works.
:flowerforyou:

Thanks so much for posting PtownMama your "3 day binge". Your post is comforting as i could have written it. Its good to know I am not alone.

Your "going off the rails" is exactly the same phrase that ive been using over many years. I have today joined this forum, as I am on holiday and had time to reflect on my life, health and eating. My over eating has created in me an angry person towards my husband, hating myself for being this way and angry that I keep forgetting that I have this problem.

I used to be slim and very attractive in my 20s but have systematically destroyed that by ongoing over-eating. I live in London and I am 47 years old and now weigh nearly 14 stones and in the "obese category". I should have a PHD with all the diet books that I have read and studied, but realistically the past 15 or so years i have failed to control my eating and my weight.

I use excuses "too busy to cook/too busy to shop" so eat out frequently and then comfort eat chocolate variations (cakes/ice cream) then feel horrible.

Another weakness is not knowing when to stop eating.

I am on holiday now and other people are preparing my meals so I can't control anything. My abstinance for today is to only eat what I need and no more. No extras. No "ice cream" or "biscuits" and "cakes" being constantly offered, ive been eating everything ive been given so far. My average calorie intake of 2,700 ish daily. Leading me into bad sleep, unhappiness, anger and frustration. I want today to be my "hope" and "happiness" a "release" from this "grip".